Thanks for the reviews and adds, everyone! They make my heart happy. =)
Takes place about a year after meeting at the diner and a year before moving in with the Cullens.
Jasper and Alice had been traveling for about a year now. Sometimes they stayed in deserted motels, other times they stayed in the forest. Currently, they were living in a country cabin in the state of New York. They had plans to be there for a few weeks, posing as a honeymooning couple.
It was Autumn, and the colored leaves surrounded them. Alice loved the atmosphere that Autumn offered and played in piles of leaves every chance she got. Jasper couldn't help but play with her. She was so full of life and optimism, it was impossible for him to not join in the fun. He loved her more and more everyday.
They had been feeding mainly on small animals. One day a few squirrels, another they had been lucky with a herd of deer. Jasper noticed his eyes getting black quicker than usual, but Alice explained that it was because they were only eating small game.
On their eighth day at the cabin, they were walking alongside a river at twilight. They weren't talking, just enjoying each other's presence, when suddenly Jasper felt Alice stiffen next to him. He stopped and took her hand, waiting for her vision to cease.
Just then, about a half a mile away, a fisherman slipped on a rock in the river and fell, scraping his hand against the rough bark of a nearby tree.
He smelled the blood and took off reflexively.
A second after he ran, Alice broke out of her vision of Jasper killing the man.
"No! Jasper, hold your breath!" Alice panicked, jumping on him from behind, trying to pull him back.
The ex-soldier had mainly been attacked from the front in his past, but more than a few times he had fought non-newborn vampires who fought with slightly more strategic moves. He reacted automatically, flinging her from his back like it was nothing. He could smell the sweet scent of blood. Real human blood. Finally.
Alice's small body crashed into a nearby tree, causing it to split in half and fall almost instantaneously. She was on her feet as soon as the tree had touched the ground. She sprung over the newly upturned roots and sprinted as fast as she could in the direction Jasper had ran.
Jasper had found his prey. The man was heavier, wearing fishing gear and a blue flannel vest. Jasper wasted no time. The human had just started to curse under his breath over falling backwards into the water. He was making an attempt to climb up the muddy bank again when Jasper lunged from behind. He sunk his teeth into the fisherman's neck before the man even knew what happened.
It was bittersweet. The blood slid down his throat and immediately soothed the burning, causing him to sigh in relief. But at the same time, he was sharply reminded of why he hadn't killed a human for a year. The man's emotions were intense. He was terrified, in agony. Jasper finished him quickly, squinting his eyes closed as tightly as possible. He could hardly bear the intense anguish that the man felt as he died. He could still feel his pain.
"Jazz, no…" he heard a sweet voice whisper, defeated, from behind him. She kept her distance.
It hit him all at once then. They had been walking together along the riverside. She had started to have a vision, then suddenly he was flinging someone off of him. Alice. He had thrown her. Like she was nothing. But she was everything…
The pain that he felt now overwhelmed him. He was still feeling a lingering pain from the human he had killed, but now it was amplified even more than the man's had been at full strength. He noticed that it wasn't coming from Alice. This was all his own.
He wanted to turn to face her, but he couldn't bear to. He didn't want to let himself feel her disappointment, her pain on top of his. Mostly, he didn't think he could handle her fear of him. She had been the only vampire that he had ever come into contact with that hadn't flinched at his scars. The only one that hadn't been afraid. She was special. She made him feel like he was too. Now he had ruined that. In an instant, everything he had gained in the past year was gone. All because he was a monster who couldn't control himself.
He was so consumed in his own grief that he didn't hear her approach. Suddenly she was standing in front of him on the bank. He was on his knees, and would have to look up to see her, but he couldn't lift his head. The rejection would be too much for him right now.
Her small finger reached under his chin and guided his head up. He couldn't resist her touch. He let her, submissive to whatever she wanted to do to him. When Maria had been angry with him, she would punish him. He would gladly take any punishment Alice had to offer if it meant she would forgive him.
"Jasper."
He melted at the sound of her voice, but didn't respond, his face up, but his eyes closed.
"Jazz…open your eyes, please." Alice said softly.
He obeyed her and braced himself. He waited for her to recoil at their gleaming red color, to flinch away from him, finally be afraid.
Her gold eyes were calm, not angry. He found that once he started staring into them he couldn't look away. He could feel waves of calm radiating from her. Forgiveness. Sadness. Disappointment. Worry. But he couldn't feel any anger or fear from her, even when he searched. The deeper he went into her emotions, the stronger he could feel her love for him.
"Jasper, I'm so sorry. What are you feeling? Are you okay?" she asked anxiously. He couldn't help but notice a small dent on the bridge of her nose that appeared when she crinkled her eyebrows that way.
He spoke for the first time. "Am I…? If you never want to see me again…I understand, Alice. I hurt you. And I will never forgive myself."
Her emotions sparked in surprise. "Jasper, you didn't hurt me. I--" she stopped in mid sentence, her eyes going blank again. Then she blinked. "We have to move or someone will discover us. Let's bury him and go back to the cabin. We'll talk there."
Jasper followed her lead, not trusting himself or anything other than Alice. If she would've instructed him to stay there and get caught, he would have. She could have told him to set fire to himself and he wouldn't have objected.
They buried the man in a matter of minutes and then she held out her hand to him to help him up the bank of the river. He didn't physically need the help, but his emotions craved any touch from her. They ran back to their cabin together, hand in hand.
It was dark now, so she lit a fire in the fireplace and then asked him if he would sit next to it with her. They sat on the floor across from each other and she looked into his eyes again. He wondered how she could stand it, but he wouldn't look away.
"You think that you hurt me?" she picked up right where they had left off.
"I lost control. I threw you off of me. I couldn't think…I'm so sorry, Alice. There are no words to express how miserable I feel. I--"
She cut him off. "Stop. Listen to me, Jasper. I am not hurt. I do not blame you," she enunciated each word for effect.
"I shouldn't have jumped on you, you were just being defensive. I would have done the same if I was in your position."
He let her words sink in for a moment, and then sighed, "Even so, I killed a human today. For the first time in almost a year. I drank human blood again." His words were remorseful.
"How did it feel?" she asked tentatively.
"How did it feel? It was delicious. It was like an elixir…it's been so long…."
Even as he spoke, his throat burned at the memory of it. But then he felt the emotional pain again, and he winced slightly, "but I could feel him. And it was… overwhelming. I felt death again…it's not a good feeling. They're always afraid," he whispered.
Alice watched his facial expressions and frowned at his pain. She brushed her fingers through his hair to comfort him and he grabbed her hand, holding on tightly for reassurance.
"Do you…do you still want to try to abstain? I tried to see your answer, but there are too many thoughts going on in your head. You haven't made any solid decisions," she told him.
He thought about it, and then replied, "Let me ask you a question first, Alice. My answer depends on your answer." He still gripped her hand.
She nodded seriously, "Okay."
He looked into her beautiful, warm eyes. "Do you want me to abstain with you? Do you still want me to stay with you? What is it that you want?"
She smiled, "That's three questions."
His face said that he knew that, but he waited nervously for her to respond.
"I'll continue the pattern, then. Can you feel what I'm feeling right now?" she asked.
He concentrated more closely and almost had to catch his breath. The amount of pure adoration that flowed out of her warmed him to his core.
"In case that doesn't answer your question, the answer is of course, absolutely, and I want you, Jasper. Everyday. For the rest of forever. No matter what."
He didn't answer, just pulled her into him tightly, letting her feel his love for her. That was the only thing she needed from him.
