We kept rowing tirelessly until we reached the ship. As the oars were pulled in, I looked up to see the name – Carpathia. Some men were sticking their heads over the side, and ladders were hung from the deck above us. One of the women started to sob uncontrollably.

"I can't go on another ship!" She wailed as she sat on the floor, huddling into a blanket.

We pulled up alongside the ladder, and started to climb up, one at a time. I didn't move, I just stared up at the ship which was waiting to rescue us. I had no intention of moving from my seat, until Molly gently pulled at my arm.

"Come on, Ada darling, your turn," she smiled encouragingly.

I nodded, then stood and took hold of the ladder. It didn't feel secure and I didn't want to trust myself to it. Then again, I considered, anything was preferable to remaining in the lifeboat with Quartermaster Hichens – without a shadow of doubt, the most negative man I had ever encountered. I pulled myself up, step by step, until I felt two pairs of strong arms pull me up on deck. They let go as I continued to walk, a nurse pulled a blanket over my shoulders but I kept walking. Surely someone who could answer my question would be on board?

"Ada!"

I turned to see Lights walking towards me. I was somewhat taken aback as he embraced me tightly. He looked so weary, his face was drawn and pale.

"Thank God you're alright, Ada!"

"Have you seen Will?"

There was an awful pause before he answered my question. "Not yet. But I don't think all the boats have been picked up yet."

"I think I shall just wait here then. Until Will is picked up."

"Don't you need to rest? A drink? Something to eat?" He suggested.

I shook my head. "No, I just want to wait until Will gets here. He promised me he would be here and I won't be able to rest or anything until he is."

He simply shook his head incredulously, pressed a warm mug into my hands and walked away. I watched as more boats were picked up, I watched as more survivors swarmed on deck. The Ismays walked past me after a while, with Bruce Junior meeting my glare. There were so few men here, so far at least, that I couldn't grasp how they had managed to turn up. My tired eyes were fixed on his, and I realised something...I didn't care about him. I didn't care what he had done. As long as Will was picked up soon, I could happily forget about everything and move on with my life.

God, it was so cold! I sat down on the deck huddled deeper into my blanket, stuffing my fists into the pockets of Will's greatcoat. I frowned when my hand brushed against something, which I immediately pulled out – the letter Will had given me the last time I saw him. What had he said again? Don't read it straight away. Well, surely this didn't qualify as 'straight away'? I unfolded it and began to read.

'My dearest Aid,

I know you have been through so much these past few days, and I know it was my fault. I tried to do the right thing, as ridiculous as it may sound now, and I felt that leaving you alone in Dalbeattie was not that. That, my dear Aid, is why I asked you to come with me on Titanic. I accept full responsibility for everything that has happened on this voyage.

I hope we can move forward from now on, however. No, I don't expect you to fall into my arms whenever I ask. That is not what I want from you. I want you to be the woman I met while travelling from England to Australia, the beautiful, confident woman with dreams and aspirations beyond marriage and the home. You told me once you wanted to be a teacher, and I fully agree. I would hate to think of you as one of those sailor's wives, one who sits alone at home while the husband is at sea, minding the house and children. I suppose that what I am trying to say is that I want you to live your dreams, whether that involves teaching or not. Even if that excludes me – my mother once told me that if you love someone, you will want what is best for them, whatever that may mean for you. I intend to live by that rule for the rest of my life.'

I felt my eyes fill with tears as I read this. The strange thing was that it was written in his normal, laboured handwriting. He had obviously written this before, but had chosen last night as an excuse to give it to me. I turned to the second page and wrinkled my forehead – this handwriting was different. It was still Will's hand, there was no denying that, but it was scrawled. As though he had written it in a hurry. I continued to read.

I don't know what one should right under these circumstances. I have caused a terrible accident and Mr. Andrews has said the ship can't survive. I can't quite put how I feel into words – I have caused the sinking of this wonderful ship. I know you were never too fond of her, my Aid, but she is the ship I've always dreamed of serving on. And now I have destroyed her.

I just want you to know that whatever happens tonight, I love you more than life itself. I know you didn't want me to call you 'lovvie', but I can't help it. That is who you are to me, the sweetest, most wonderful and beautiful woman I have ever encountered.

It is a bit ridiculous for me to be writing this. I know we'll end up meeting in the morning and we will laugh over this letter! I just thought it might be of some comfort to you before I show up. I also know this is a strange and perverse request, but if something does happen to me, can you make sure my mother gets the other letter?

With all my love, always and forever,

Your William

The tears were falling freely from my eyes now. Why had he written this? He promised he would meet me, now he had sowed the seeds of doubt in my mind. And what did he mean when he said he had 'caused a terrible accident'? What on earth had happened when he was on watch last night?

"Ada?"

I looked up to see Lights standing there, with Harry Lowe standing behind him. He put his hand out and pulled me to my feet.

"I think you ought to get some rest."

"No, I want to wait for Will!" I pulled away, but he he grabbed my arm tightly.

Then I realised – we were starting to move away. We weren't waiting for more boats! I turned to Lights, panicking.

"I'm so sorry, Ada. All the boats are back."

"But...I must have missed him..."

He shook his head slowly, the last thing I remember before I felt my legs gave way as my world went black.