The desolate feeling that had reached into his body and clutched at his very soul stayed with Hephaistion for more than three days. He saw no one in those days, except his page and only until he finally dismissed the boy. He ignored his duties; he ate only when his body spasmed with hunger; and he lay wasted, angry, and grief-stricken in his bed most of the time. He had let some of his pain and confusion flow out onto the scrolls residing on his desk, but even walking the few steps to commit his words to paper seemed far and tiring.
Cleitus had been by many times, the man not one to give up easily, but Hephaistion had not allowed him in. He'd ranted and raved a little, most likely scaring the poor page to death, but Hephaistion had not given in, and eventually the black-eyed general had given up. Ptolemy had visited as well, and a number of other men that the long-haired general considered friends, but he chose to see no one, especially after talk of the incident had made its way around the palace. Even the King had sat outside his locked door for several hours the day after he had emotionally crushed his lover, but Hephaistion had simply pulled the covers over his head like a stubborn child, and ignored Alexander's babblings. He was grateful that at least his beloved had not forced his way in, or ordered his guards to haul him from his room.
Listening to himself call Alexander "his beloved" in his thoughts confused Hephaistion even further. How could he still consider this man, who had so ruthlessly torn out his heart, his love? How could he still love the man so strongly, so completely, so painfully?
He couldn't bear to see anyone, let alone face the few friends he actually had. The decision that ran through his mind, the decision of which he was still not completely sure, made him want to crawl inside himself and disappear. A change was coming in his life, and he so wanted to look forward to that change; but until it finally happened, he couldn't even count on it making his pain lessen.
*****
"Cleitus!" Alexander called out, as he spotted the general sitting comfortably by himself, his back against a tree. "I've been looking for you."
"And why would that be, Alexander?" Cleitus smirked, taking a bite of the apple in his hand. "I've merely taken a small break from my duties to soothe my hunger pains."
"Yes, of course. I mean no ill will, Cleitus. Might I sit with you?"
Cleitus motioned his arm out and continued his chewing. "It is your kingdom, is it not? But I've not seen Hephaistion in a few days, if that's what you're wondering."
"I was not looking for Hephaistion ..."
"Aye, I'm positive you know where he is at all times, anyhow."
Alexander scowled as he continued. "But I was looking for you to ask you why he appears to be in such a mood lately."
Cleitus turned his head sharply and stared at the brown eyes looking back. "A mood? You believe him to be in a mood?" Alexander nodded. "And why might that be, Alexander? Because he is not sitting patiently at your feet for his next morsel of attention?"
"Cleitus. I am asking you a serious question. It worries me that he seems so ... unhappy as of late."
"And I was giving you a serious answer. Could it be that your boyhood love is simply not waiting for you any longer? That would make him appear unhappy to you perhaps, but is it not entirely possible that he is merely coming to his own conclusions about his status?"
"What status? He is of the highest rank, so why would that be on his mind at all? I swear by the gods, you are not making any sense, Cleitus."
"You resemble your father more and more as you get older, Alexander," Cleitus said softly, looking down at the half-eaten apple in his hands.
"I look nothing like Phillip ..."
"Aye, not your looks, but your soul. Your soul and your heart resemble him in ways I do not wish to disclose, for fear you will have me punished harshly for speaking my mind."
"I do not believe you have ever been fearful of speaking your mind before, Cleitus. And what do my heart and soul have to do with anything of which we were speaking?"
"You're becoming hard, my King. Hard in ways that perhaps all kings become, but hard nonetheless, and in ways that I thought you would never become. You believe Hephaistion to be unhappy, but is it not true that you, too, are unhappy within yourself, Alexander? Do you not yearn for something that is not being fulfilled, and are you not using other ways to stifle that yearning within yourself?"
"I know not of what you speak. I am a king and kings do what they must, they rule. There is no time for reflection in my life, Cleitus, and if you think you know what yearns inside of me, then you would be sadly mistaken. I have taken this army farther than my father ever dreamed of, and there are no similarities in our lives other than the role of king."
"Does a king not have feelings like any other man, Alexander? And 'tis a serious question to which I do not know the answer. Might you enlighten me to the thoughts and feelings of being a king?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Cleitus. Of course, I have the same feelings as any other man, but I am not allowed to indulge myself in my ifeelings/i as any other man may."
"And why is that? Does it enable you to be more powerful, more majestic perhaps, or is it merely an excuse to not have to deal with things that inormal/i men are forced to deal with, such as matters of love?"
"I've not heard you speak this way before, Cleitus. Do you perhaps have some ill will towards kings in general? I know of your relationship with my father. I have always guessed what your true feelings were, and though I know he never treated you as you deserved, you never left him."
"Aye, but Hephaistion is not me, nor would I ever wish him to go through what I have in my dealings with your father, Alexander. Phillip was not the most humane man, but I've always trusted that you would not treat Hephaistion that way."
"I do love him with all my heart, Cleitus, that's always been plain to see. But perhaps I do not know how to love him in the way he wants, the way he expects."
"I don't believe he expects any more than any other man, Alexander. He is truly a loving and caring human being, and he has given you everything you've ever wanted from him, has he not?"
"Yes, and I thought I had given him everything, too. But with his recent unrest, I wonder if I can give him what he needs anymore. Can I not simply love him to make him happy? Or must I change things about myself to keep him beside me? Things that may end up making me appear weak and as a less of a leader. Must I lose a part of myself in order to make Hephaistion happy?"
"If you lose him, you lose part of yourself anyhow, you realize that much, do you not? And if he does choose to leave you, will your mighty army fill that hole in your heart, Alexander? You cannot have it both ways, lad. As of late, you don't appear to be giving him anything of yourself at all, least of all your love. You've squashed your feelings for him and tossed him aside, making him feel insignificant and unwanted, but at the same time you can't stand the thought of losing him to someone else. Hephaistion is a vibrant and brilliant, and yes, beautiful man, with a great deal of love to give to the right person, if you can't be that person then you must let him find someone who can."
"Like you Cleitus."
Cleitus snorted at the single-mindedness of the younger man. "No. I do love the boy but 'tis not to be, and I do not wish to saddle him with an old man, anyhow. Look deep into your heart and think of others besides yourself Alexander, think of Hephaistion for a change."
*****
"Alexander?"
"Hephaistion?" Alexander said, turning and looking at the man who had been hidden away for days. "I've been worried about you, love." He stepped forward to take his lover in his arms, but was quickly sidestepped.
"I'm sorry I worried you. It was unfair of me to not send word that I was well." The general hung his head as a nervous fire burned in his gut, and it took everything he had to keep himself from faltering from the task at hand. "I'm glad you're here. I wish to speak to you if I might, my King."
"My King? Are you still angry with me, Phai? I do not remember a great deal of what transpired on our last night together, but I know I owe you an apology, and I hope you will accept it, because it surely comes straight from my heart."
"I appreciate that, Alexander," Hephaistion said, stepping further into the room and leaning himself against the wall, not trusting his legs to hold him upright. He looked down his body to see if his knees were physically shaking, but saw no evidence of the feeling he had inside. "Might we talk frankly?"
"Of course," Alexander replied. "Would you like to sit down?"
Hephaistion shook his head, his eyes making contact with Alexander's for the first time in days. "No. I'm fine, but please, sit yourself."
Alexander shuffled a chair closer to the general, then sat leaning forward, giving his full attention to his beloved. "I've not had a cup of wine since I last saw you, Phai," the King said proudly, his eyes searching Hephaistion's for some hint of what was on the man's mind. "Not that I expect you to accept my apology based on all the wine I had drunk but ..."
"I already accepted your apology. That's not what I need to speak to you about." Alexander nodded, but was finally quiet, so Hephaistion continued, "I love you, Alexander."
"Yes, and I, you, and I've missed you."
"I've missed you as well, but I refuse to accept the main responsibility for our estrangement. I have been with you since I was a boy, and I have never faltered in my love for you, in my devotion for you, in my loyalty to you."
Alexander smiled at the beautiful words, his heart soaring and his mind whirling with want and love and happiness. "And I, you."
Hephaistion pushed himself away from the wall, his head shaking, his hands flying up into the air. "How can you say that and still keep the love in your eyes? How can you lie to me, and still maintain that you love me, and are loyal only to me?"
"I'm sorry if you think my feelings are not true ..."
"Enough Alexander! Enough!" the general suddenly shouted. "I have had enough of your apologies, enough of your lies and enough of your deception towards me. I wish to be in peace and I implore you to give me that peace."
"I don't understand, Phai. You want me to give you peace? Do you need some time off? Perhaps some time away for just the two of us? Surely you know you are the only one in my heart ..."
"Words, Alexander. Those are mere words and I am tired to death of hearing them, and believing them, and living for them. I have spent my entire life with only you in my heart, with only you in my soul, with only you in my bed. But you have turned all that love I have for you, and all that loyalty I've given you, and all that pride I once had, into something tawdry and inconsequential."
"I still don't understand. Is this because I allowed someone to take me, Phai? Because I am most regretful about that, and especially the way in which I informed you. I was much too far into my cups ..."
"When Alexander? When were you too far into your cups? When you let a mere slave boy breach you, more than once, or was it more than one boy? Or perhaps you speak of how drunk you were when you burst into my room and threw yourself at me?"
"Hephaistion ..."
"No. None of that matters now. That is not why I'm here. I'm here because I am utterly and devastatingly ashamed, Alexander. I am ashamed that I allowed myself to stoop to your level, to become as unsavory and uncaring of others as you have become." Hephaistion stopped his pacing and leaned back against the wall again. "I sank to a level to which I never imagined myself falling. I used a friend, a very good friend, in a very wrong way."
"Are you talking about Cleitus?"
"Yes, I am. He is my friend, and before you push the question at me again, we did spend a night together in each other's arms. One night of comfort with no claims of love or yearning, just simple coupling between two men who needed to feel something other than loneliness."
"But I'm sure enjoying the pleasures of your flesh was ample compensation. I do know that myself."
"You truly do not understand, do you? For an intelligent man, you are most obtuse, my King. We slept together ibefore/i I sullied myself in that ridiculous harem costume, and I assure we have not even seen each other since."
"I saw the way he was touching you, and looking at you, Hephaistion. That was not a man that was satisfied with only one night in your arms. He was doing everything but salivating on your cock."
"You infuriate me, Alexander! I have never met a man who could tie me up in knots like you can. There is no one I adore more, nor anyone who angers me more."
"Then you do still love me, Phai?"
"I already assured you of that. I will always love you. You have truly been the beat of my heart, the breath in my lungs, and the very reason I get up each day, despite everything you've made me suffer through, and the unbelievable hurt you have inflicted on my heart and my soul. You're everything I care for, but I must be selfish and let you go."
"Let me go?"
"Yes. I need to let you go and I must ask you to let me go, as well."
"Let you go?" Alexander repeated again. "I apologize again, but I honestly do not understand what you are asking of me. Is it truly what I have feared, that you do not wish to be my beloved anymore?"
"Wishes have nothing to do with it, Alexander. If they did, I would have long since stowed the two of us away from the rest of the world and been eternally happy to have you all to myself."
"But what would be the point of ... unloving me, Phai? Would we not both suffer then? Would we not feel an important part of us was missing?"
"I already feel that way."
"Is it the boys or the drink? Or perhaps, the fact that one day I will be expected to take a wife?"
"It is all that and none of that, Alexander. You are King, and a fine king at that, and I am proud every single day of how far you have come, and how fine a friend you are to me. But as your lover, I suffer because of your kingship. I suffer from loneliness and ridicule and a desire for you that will never be fulfilled. A desire so strong it pains me physically and torments my mind."
"I love you, Hephaistion. That's not changed, nor will it ever change."
"I know you do and I do not question that love, but it is not enough for me anymore. It is not enough to warm my bed, nor to occupy my thoughts. It is not enough to take the pain from my chest, nor the ache from my soul. I need you to let me go, Alexander. I need you to turn away from the selfish man you have become, and free me from yourself and from the army."
"From the army?" Alexander's eyes widened and he jumped from this chair. "Surely you don't mean ..."
"Yes, I do mean exactly what I've said. I cannot be your general anymore. I cannot be part of your cavalry. In order that I move on with my life and regain some aspects of myself, I must remove myself from you completely."
"The boys don't matter to me, Hephaistion. I can do away with the boys and I know I indulge in too much wine ..."
"It's not about any of that, my love. It's about me, and giving myself the consideration and respect that I deserve. You owe me that much, Alexander. You owe me the dignity to leave on my own."
"But this is your home. How can you leave everything you love? How can you leave everything behind?"
"You are the only thing I love about this place, Alexander. You are the only thing in this whole army that I have ever truly loved and wanted. I became a part of all this because of you, because of my love for you, because I was willing to give you my whole life. But I cannot do it anymore. You have to try and understand. The uncertainty and loneliness and want of something that I will never have, is killing me. I need to rediscover who I am or who I could have been."
"Where do you mean to go?"
"Home. I shall go home. My parents are gone but their estate still remains intact with a caretaker in charge. It is the only place I have ever truly been happy without you, Alexander. And Aristotle has given me many tools, and much encouragement over the years. Perhaps I can be a teacher, as I used to dream. I always enjoyed the intricacies of learning and I believe I could be of good use in that way."
"Yes, I do agree. Will you then also marry?"
"You know there has never been anyone else in my heart besides you, let alone a woman. Perhaps one day I might seek a companion, but I don't believe that person has much chance of being a woman."
"I want to be that companion, Phai."
"That's very kind and very sweet and it warms my heart, Alexander, and perhaps in another time and another place it might have been possible, but we both know it is not possible now. You are fulfilling your destiny. You are King, Alexander, and one day you will rule over all that you see and I will be prouder still for that to happen. Your father looks down on you and smiles, he smiles at the man you've become, and the man you still shall become."
"I have become my father's true son, have I not? I've run off the only person that truly loves me for me, just as he did."
"Cleitus holds no ill feelings towards your father. He understood and accepted the fallacies of Philip far better than anyone else and even more so than I have accepted yours."
"And what if I was to choose you over being King? Would you take me back?"
Hephaistion laughed out loud for the first time in days. "You have no choice in that, my love. You are King. That is not a choice but rather a requirement and your birthright, and you would be happy with no other life."
"You make me sound as if I am a mere puppet with the title of King. Answer the question, Phai. Would you take me back if I were to toss my throne aside and choose you for my life instead?"
"I would welcome you with open arms, and allow you to remain in those arms until you could stand it no more and came running back to your throne."
"That does not show a lot of faith in me."
"Perhaps that is one of the things that has indeed faltered in our relationship; faith. The question is neither here nor there. I am not asking you to give up your throne, nor am I asking you to choose between your kingdom and me. You could say I am making that choice for you."
"And if I do not allow you to leave, either me or the army?"
"I will leave without your blessing then. My mind is made up, Alexander, and if you force me to disobey you, I shall."
"And if I bring you back?"
"I shall leave again and again and again. Please do not think I have made this decision without thought. I have toiled and worried and fretted for more time than I even realized over this. And if you have any respect for me, you'll not make my last decision in this army be one that is against you."
"Are you giving me time to consider, Hephaistion?"
"You may consider all you want, but I shall be leaving in a few days, and unfortunately, it will be with or without your approval."
*****
Alexander sat quietly in his room, ignoring the scrolls and maps cluttering his desk and the endless stream of requests for his time. He merely told everyone to leave him be and instructed that if they didn't, there would be dire consequences.
His heart was aching and his body with it. He had never felt such physical pain coming from an internal source before, and it both baffled and terrified him. Life without Hephaistion? How was that even a thought that he could plant in his mind, let alone an event that was surely going to happen? Had he really pushed the only person he had ever truly loved out of his life for good? In becoming what everyone else thought he should be, had he thrown away the only part of him that was good and true and honest?
A hand on his shoulder made him jump slightly. Cleitus stood over him, a grim look on his face as he sat in the chair beside the King. "I believe I announced myself but you were too deep within yourself to hear me."
"And my page?" the King asked angrily, looking up into the black eyes.
"I seem to have a way of ... convincing pages to allow me entrance to wherever I want to go," Cleitus chuckled softly.
Alexander lowered his head, all the anger draining from his body and becoming despairing sadness. "He means to leave me, Cleitus, and the army that has been his home for the better part of his life. I do not understand his quest. I do not understand how he can simply pack up his things and go."
"You've pushed him towards this, Alexander. You and your wine and your boys. How is a proud man to stay when he has become the brunt of all the jokes in camp, when the man he has trusted with his life, the man he gave up his life for, has turned his back on him and his needs and dreams?"
"Why do you know so much about Hephaistion's needs and dreams when I myself am so unclear?"
"All you have to do is listen to him to know how confused he is inside, and how much this decision of his is breaking his heart, almost as much as you did."
"But it seems so effortless on his part to just abandon me. You never did what Hephaistion is planning. You never abandoned Phillip for yourself."
"No, but there are many times I wish I would have. I envy Hephaistion for his strength, Alexander. I envy his conviction not to be your lap dog, not to moon after you for the rest of his days. He is by far the stronger man."
"But can I not just fix what is broken between us? If things are as bad as they appear for him, can I not just make them better since there seems no way I can make them worse?"
"You cannot make them worse unless you don't allow him to make this decision and carry it out."
"But he can't leave me. He can't just make me live without him, how will I bear that?"
"You are a king, Alexander. You, yourself, know there are sacrifices to be made, and it is time you made one of your own."
*****
"Well, to what do I owe this honor of having the mighty General Hephaistion visit me when he is rumored to be in seclusion?" Cleitus teased as he watched Hephaistion walk into his room.
Hephaistion grinned and seated himself across from Cleitus, his eyes warm but sad as he looked at his friend. "I've come to say my farewells, General."
"Aye, I figured as much," Cleitus replied, sitting back in his chair and bringing a cup of wine to his lips. "Drink?"
"No, thank you. I must apologize for not seeing you all the times you came bellowing at my door."
"You are lucky I didn't break the door down in my frustration. And, that Alexander did not, as well."
"He did not. That is a change isn't it?" Hephaistion said, his eyes squinting in thought but for only a moment. "I will miss you Cleitus. I've become quite accustomed to your company."
"You'll miss mounting me, will ya?"
Hephaistion burst into laughter, joined shortly thereafter by the older general. "No, 'tis your wit I believe I will miss, my friend, though mounting you is a very nice memory."
"General Hephaistion!" Cleitus hissed. "Such words from your mouth. I believe you have been spending too much time with the likes of me."
"You'll always be welcome at my door, Cleitus," Hephaistion said, his voice turning low and serious. "Should you ever need to leave the life you have chosen, I will always have room for you."
Cleitus smiled adoringly at the longhaired man, his heart beating frantically as it slowly began to break. "So you are leaving then?"
"Yes."
"Has he been to see you yet?"
"No, but that is his choice. He neither understands nor chooses to understand, Cleitus. I will miss him with all my heart, but I believe I have to do what's right for myself now."
"I agree, but I think he understands more than he lets on. In Alexander's mind, if he chooses to not accept the reality, then the reality will not be true."
"He has always seen things in his own way, has he not?"
"Aye, that he has. I appreciate the offer of being your kept man, Hephaistion," Cleitus teased. "But I've been an army man all my life, and I believe I will surely die with my boots on."
"I wish you well, Cleitus, and I wish you joy and happiness," Hephaistion whispered, rising from his chair as the black-eyed general did the same. "I hope you find someone to make you truly happy."
As the two men embraced, arms holding each other tight, bodies still and silent, Hephaistion's thoughts turned to Alexander. Could he say goodbye to his beloved as he was to Cleitus? Where would he find the strength to walk away from his life and his love?
"So your wish for me is to find someone to mount or perhaps to mount me?" Cleitus said, tearing Hephaistion from his thoughts. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to leave me with a gift before you go, Phai?"
Hephaistion clutched the man tighter to him. "You are a disgusting, dirty old man, Cleitus, and you'll have a special place in my heart for the rest of my days."
*****
"Hephaistion?" The general turned abruptly, dropping the brush he had been using on his hair. "I'm sorry, your page was not outside to announce me."
The general smiled warmly at Alexander. "I've dismissed him since I have no need of him any longer. Please reassign him well, he's been a wonderful help to me."
"I shall," Alexander agreed, stepping further into the room. "I've come to see if perhaps you've changed your mind about leaving."
"No. My intention is to go at daybreak." Hephaistion rose from his chair, trying to busy himself with the last few things that sat on his desk. "Is that the only reason you've come?"
The King licked his dry lips, the dryness seeping into his throat as he tried to speak. "I came to ... to say that ... even though I still do not fully understand your reasoning, I am setting you free, my love. I'm not sure I can give you my blessing but I assure you, you can go without any consequences."
Hephaistion stopped his puttering, his arms falling limply to his sides, heart suddenly pounding in his ears. He turned and looked at Alexander, thinking he had never seen his friend looking more uncomfortable than at that very moment. "Thank you, Alexander," he whispered, holding himself back from falling into his lover's arms. "Thank you."
Alexander cleared his throat and rubbed his nose a few times, his eyes looking everywhere but at the intense blue ones staring at him.
"Do you require anything before you go?" he asked softly.
"No. I have everything I need," Hephaistion returned sadly. He'd gotten what he had asked his King for, so why was he suddenly overcome with sadness and doubt? Why did he suddenly want to take it all back and just be with the man before him forever?
"I wish to ask a favor, Phai." Alexander finally looked up into his beloved's eyes, his heart bursting as he saw the love that was still there. "I would like to send a guard with you for your journey and to stay for a short while."
"Why? I'll not be part of the army any longer so I should not need protection." Hephaistion tilted his head, his eyes never leaving the brown ones attached to his. Could he really pull himself from their gaze ... forever?
Alexander sighed and inched forward, just a little, longing to take Hephaistion in his arms, but talking himself out of it at every turn. "But no one knows that, Phai. No one except us, and the army eventually. You are one of my highest generals and for that you are well-known, whether that fact appeals to you or now."
"I never said I was not proud to be your general, Alexander. I merely said I needed to find out if there was another man that I should have beome, that I might have become if I had not ..."
"Followed me and my dreams?"
Sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, the general nodded his head and turned away from Alexander. "I do understand what you are saying, though, and I'll agree to take a man with me, but only for a short while."
"Thank you." Alexander fell silent, his eyes that only moments before could not look at Hephaistion, now could not remove themselves from the man. Even though he knew his beloved was busying himself with unnecessary things in order to avoid his gaze, he just kept staring stupidly.
Hephaistion suddenly cleared his throat, making Alexander realize that he was now turned towards him and the King's intense gaze was obviously making him uncomfortable. "Was there something else you wished to say, Alexander?"
"Can I see you off in the morning?" the King asked softy, his head dipping to look at his clenched hands.
"I think it's best if we say goodbye tonight," Hephaistion whispered back, shuffling his feet and fearing his legs would collapse beneath him. Had he expected it to be easy to make his final farewells to the only person he had truly loved with all his heart; still loved with all his heart? His only goal for that moment was to be strong and not give in to the physical, mental and emotional urges that were rocking his body. He wanted one last night with his beloved, one last farewell to the love that once was, but he knew his will would falter and he would not have the strength to leave then.
Alexander nodded, his head saying yes but his heart clearly saying no. "Is this for good, Hephaistion?" he asked, lifting his head to the misty blue eyes before him. "If you don't feel it is the right place to be, will you come back to me ... to the army, I mean?"
The general smiled warmly, his eyes seeing Alexander in a way he had truly not seen him for quite some time. "I know I always have a place here should I choose to return, but I do not see that happening. I have it in my mind that change will turn me around for the better, Alexander, and I think it is time for that change to take me."
"May I hug you, Hephaistion?"
Hephaistion closed his eyes for a moment, his head spinning with confusion and unrest. "I think if you do, I won't be able to leave you."
"Alright, I understand. Please remember that I love you, Phai ... and I always will." Alexander smiled sadly then turned his back on Hephaistion and walked to the door. "Pleasant journeys, my love."
Hephaistion stood for exactly twenty seconds, watching his beloved walk out the door for the very last time. His thoughts still whirled and swam 'round his head, but his heart spoke louder than his mind and he gave in to what his body needed.
"Stay with me tonight, Alexander," he whispered, stopping the King dead in his tracks. "Stay with me and hold me but only as we did in our youth. I don't want the added burden of making love with you but I do need you to hold me on my last night here."
Turning slowly, Alexander swiped at the tears that had begun to spill from his eyes, his heart heavy but soaring at the same time. "I would truly like that."
Silently the two men undressed, eyes never leaving the other, then crawled between the silky sheets of the big bed. They each turned to their sides, eyes meeting but not touching until Hephaistion took Alexander's hand and entwined it with his. The King slid his body closer to his lover's, his free arm winding its way under the man's shoulders as Hephaistion moved his head to Alexander's broad chest and wrapped an arm around his belly.
They lay in silence, bodies pressed tightly together, hearts beating fiercely and as one. "I'm sorry, Hephaistion."
"I know," the tearful general whispered back. "I do love you, Alexander, and will for all my life."
"And I, you."
