I spent the next few days feeling completely miserable. What had happened was slowly starting to sink in, despite my best efforts to prevent it. I removed all the jewellery I had taken with me from my pockets and laid it out on the bunk I had been offered. Why had I taken the jewellery and left Will behind? During my time wandering around the decks, I realised that so many women had stayed behind with their husbands, fiancés, sons and brothers. Why had I not done the same?
Instead of that I had jewellery which I could never use again. I didn't have anything to wear with them. I picked my locket out from the pile, and let it twirl itself around the chain. After a little while of just staring at it, I gently opened it. Inside was the little portrait of Will. Will.
Reality suddenly slammed into me. Will was gone. My Will was gone. I dropped the locket and burst into tears. Sobs were racking my body, I could hardly breathe. I stumbled to my feet, opened the door and ran outside. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing – I just couldn't go on without him. I needed him. I would never find anyone to replace Will in my life.
I hit the railing, the only thing which stopped me from throwing myself into the sea. Should I? No. I stepped back. I was a horrible, weak coward. I couldn't even summon the courage to end my own life – as much as I didn't want to carry on, I was terrified of what might come afterwards.
I stepped back for a moment to collect my thoughts, gasping for breath all the while. Surely there must be a way to get through this? I turned and walked back up the deck, feeling the tears drying on my cheeks.
A knock on my door brought me out of my daze. I had closed myself in, I hadn't eaten or spoken to anyone for what seemed like weeks.
"We're here, Ada," I heard Lights say from behind the door.
I slowly stood up, gathering all my possessions and placing them in my pockets. I didn't want to disembark in New York – not without Will. What was I to do in New York on my own anyway? I had no way back – I certainly no longer had enough money for a ticket to England. Unless I sold my jewellery, which seemed to be my only option. But that was my only connection to Will! Still, I had the rest of my life to worry about that. I opened the door and walked outside.
"Oh, Ada, you look a right mess!" Lights sighed when he saw me. I shrugged, and pulled Will's coat around me tighter.
"Now, I assume the first class passengers will be disembarking first -" he began, before I interrupted him.
"So this ridiculous system is going to continue? After everything that has happened, all anyone cares about is the class system?"
"I can't comment on that, Ada. All I was going to say was that if you go with them, I will send Harry with you so he can get you to the hotel we're staying in."
"Very well," I replied, fixing my gaze on the dock. It was raining, as if everything was not bad enough already.
Lights led me over to where the other passengers were waiting, all gathered together as we had been on that awful night. Not one of them could raise a smile, we were all in the same position now. I caught Molly Brown's eye, and she walked straight over.
"How are you, Ada?"
I shook my head, pulling Will's collar higher. Realisation dawned on her face.
"Oh my Lord, I am sorry darlin'. If you ever need anything..."
I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes again. She embraced me tightly, and when she stepped back I noticed Ruth DeWitt-Bukater and Mr Hockley standing nearby. Ruth looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, her face was grief-stricken and every part of her cold exterior seemed to have been melted away. My heart went out to her – she had lost her daughter, it seemed. If only the girl had gotten into our lifeboat instead of running off. Mr Hockley, similarly, looked like his soul had been sucked out of his body. He didn't even attempt to fake a smile, he just seemed empty. I knew exactly how they both felt.
Harry Lowe put his hand on my elbow, making me jump slightly. I turned to look at him.
"There will be a lot of reporters down there, Ada, so we will need to hurry to avoid them as much as possible."
I nodded in agreement. I didn't want to talk to anyone at all. I only wanted Will.
"Ma'am! Ma'am! How did you survive?"
"Did you see what happened?"
The questions were fired at us, as Harry led me through the bustling crowds to safety. As soon as we reached the other end of the dock, we were out of the crowd. Harry stopped to consider this.
"I have a confession to make. I have never been in New York before and so I'm not sure where this hotel is."
I sighed. It was the sort of thing Will would say – and then we would wander around the city until nightfall trying to find it. I felt tears well up in my eyes again. I felt so lonely now.
"Ada?" Harry looked concerned. "Oh, come here love, it's alright."
He embraced me as I sobbed into his shoulder. I felt the stares of all the eyes belonging to the people who passed us by, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be comforted, if only for a short while.
"Now, come on, Ada. If it's of any comfort to you at all, I think Lights will allow me to tell you the secret very soon."
I shook my head. It wasn't much comfort at all. I had so many questions still spinning in my mind, and it didn't matter what their secret was – it wouldn't answer any of my questions. Why did Will say he had caused the sinking? Why were people saying he had taken his own life? And why, oh why, had he been taken away from me?
A/N – I would just like to thank everyone who has reviewed again! I really appreciate all my reviews, and I am very glad that people are enjoying this. I apologise if I have not replied to some reviews, I have been a bit busy recently and I can never remember if I have or not!
