I just gaped in complete disbelief. This had to be some sort of dream! Before I could say anything, Lights clapped his hand over my mouth. Will walked towards me and sat down in the empty seat, looking into my eyes sheepishly. Lights sat down again, before gently removing his hand. I suddenly turned and glared at him.
"I'm sorry, Ada, but he doesn't want anyone to know."
It was understandable, but I didn't want to listen. I slapped Lights hard, before turning back to Will, still glaring. I raised my hand to slap him too, but Will grabbed it tightly. He squeezed my hand and leant forward to kiss my nose. I flinched and moved away.
"How could you do this...?" I whispered.
He looked ashamed, but replied in a low voice. "I am so sorry, lovvie. After all that has happened, I couldn't let them find out I survived..."
I just stared at him. So many questions were spinning in my mind, but I couldn't find my voice to ask them.
"I will explain all later, lovvie, but wait until we're alone."
The others all ordered their breakfast and ate, but I couldn't face it. I spent the entire meal just staring at Will as he ate. Something hadn't yet 'clicked' in my mind, I couldn't quite believe that he was there in front of me again. I couldn't believe that neither Lights nor Harry had even hinted that he wasn't dead – then again, I reflected, there were times that they said things which were now starting to slip into place. He isn't on this ship, Lights had said. I swear on my life that Will did not make it to this ship. That still puzzled me. If he had not been on board the Carpathia, where had he been? There weren't any other ships there! I frowned.
Once he finished, Will stood up and pushed his chair out. "If you will excuse us," he smiled at his friends, then pulled my chair out.
Although he offered me his arm, I didn't take it. I felt betrayed for the second time in such a short while – except, of course, this was worse than the time he and Lights had left me with Bruce Junior. Pretending to be dead was wrong. Sick and wrong.
I was silent all the way to my room. I didn't know what to say to someone who could put me through this. One thing was certain – if he didn't have a decent explanation, I would be returning to New Zealand alone, as I had planned on the previous day.
Once inside the room, I sat down on my bed and looked at him expectantly. He looked around awkwardly, then sat down beside me. I shifted away, but felt guilty almost immediately when I caught the hurt expression in his eyes.
"Aid, you have...no, I don't think anyone could know what made me do this. No one, unless they've been in my position before."
"Your position?" I demanded, finally finding my voice. "What about my position? I've had your 'death' eating me up inside since that awful night! It's been absolute hell for me – I almost threw myself off that rescue ship!"
He was silent for a moment, then continued, "I cannot apologise to you enough, Aid. I know that isn't good enough, but what else can I do?"
"You could start by telling me why you would do that to me. I can't think of any decent enough explanation, but you may surprise me."
"Very well. Firstly, did I ever tell you about the accidents we had on Olympic?" When I didn't respond, he continued. "We collided with another ship, while I was on the docking station. They thought I was responsible for the collision, which was a fair assumption I suppose. Regardless, on another occasion, we hit a wreck and threw a propeller blade. The incidents were stacking up beside my name – Lord knows how I got the position of chief on Titanic. That iceberg would have ended my career if I survived."
"I'm sorry, I don't quite follow you. You didn't want to lose your career so you pretended to be dead? How could that possibly work out?"
"If I had survived, I would be attending the inquest with the other officers. As I would be the most senior surviving officer, the odds are that I would be accused of causing the accident. With my previous record taken into account, I would never work with the White Star Line or any other companies, for that matter. On top of that, it is possible that they would have given me heavy fines for the damage. My reputation, career and all my savings would have been lost. It might sound ridiculous, Ada, but that is all I could think of as they surveyed the damage. As soon as Mr Andrews – God rest his soul – revealed that she would sink, I made a plan."
I shook my head. "I don't think this explanation is good enough."
"I haven't finished yet, just give me a couple more minutes!" He rubbed his palms on his knees. "I swore Lights to secrecy – that he would not tell a living soul that I survived. When the ship sank, I ended up on his upside down lifeboat. It was a truly miserable experience, but while I was on there, I had time to collect my thoughts. I would have to leave the identity of Will Murdoch behind me. I dropped any items of clothing which could identify me as an officer into the sea, and once we were pulled on board the Carpathia, I gave my name for the survivor list as William Muirhead – it was my mother's maiden name. Lights and I had a short meeting where we decided that no one could know the truth, although I believe Harry overheard the conversation. You see, as cruel as it sounds, if Lights had told you the truth you would not have been upset and people would start asking questions."
I considered this information carefully. "Very well, what did you intend on doing now?"
"I wanted you to bring my letter to my mother because I can't let my family know the truth. If they find out I survived, it's only a matter of time before the gossip spreads to Liverpool. Once that happens they'll be sure to find me and bring me to trial."
"This is ridiculous!" I snapped, throwing my hands into the air. "You want me to tell your mother you perished in the Atlantic Ocean when you are not guilty of anything anyway?"
"The White Star Line will want a scapegoat," he replied with a shrug. "They've lost Andrews, Smith and Wilde. That leaves myself and Ismay. Ismay can buy his way out, and I was on the bridge when it happened. They would latch onto me."
"And what if I agree to this?" I queried, narrowing my eyes slightly.
"Then we can go to New Zealand and start a new life there."
It sounded appealing, but could I trust him? I stared at the carpet on the floor for a moment, only looking up when I felt Will take my left hand gently. I looked into his eyes which were so pleading and sorrowful that I felt my heart go out to him. Of course I could trust him. He was still my Will.
"Very well. I will send the letter to your mother, but I can't lie to her face. Oh, Will...I've missed you so much!"
He kissed my nose, then my lips. "And I am so, so sorry for putting you through that ordeal. I love you so much, it was horrible to watch. But I swear now, I will never leave you again."
We sat there in eachothers arms for what felt like centuries. Eventually we lay down, and I fell asleep, my head resting on his chest. Everything was perfect once more.
A/N – I have to add a small disclaimer here – I do not know whether or not Will would have been in that position if he had survived in real life. It's just a bit of 'artistic license', and not necessarily factual! Anyway, as always thank you for all the lovely reviews!
