Tommy was happy for the first time in months. He had taken Barbara to a small pub he frequented. It was tucked in the backstreets of Oxford away from the tourists and most of the students who preferred a rowdier night scene. He had first discovered it as an undergrad when he wanted to get away and think. It had no tables in those days and only sold the promise of inebriation. Now, like most pubs, it had changed to match modern tastes, but its food was traditional and he knew Barbara would love it.
Watching her eat was a strange joy that he had almost forgotten. He pretended not to notice when she stole chips from his plate. Over a few pints they had talked about everything except the thing they should discuss - why Tommy had taken his sabbatical. Neither of them had brought it up and he sensed although Barbara understood, she had not really forgiven him. He did not want to argue with her.
"Do you want to stroll by the river or take the short way home?"
"The river."
It was a mild night with clouds obscuring the stars. The river path was dimly lit, but Tommy knew it well. He draped his arm around her shoulder. If she objected, he was ready to say that he didn't want her to stumble in the dark. Barbara never complained and halfway home slipped her arm under his coat and around his waist. It felt right, as if this was how their lives should be spent. He wanted to stop and pull her into his arms and kiss her. The thought did not shock him. He knew his feelings for Barbara had been confused for a long time. Years probably. Leaving London had clarified them. He wanted to turn their friendship into something more. But knowing Barbara as he did, he needed to convince her too.
"I enjoyed tonight," he said as they arrived home.
"Yeah, me too. Thanks, Sir."
"Given we're housemates don't you think it's about time I became Tommy?"
Barbara grinned at him. "No. And we're not housemates yet."
"You'd rather live in a broom closet than here?" He swept his arm around the lounge room.
"Not necessarily but I haven't tried out your bed yet." Both of them blushed furiously. "I mean in my room. It might be too hard."
"Never too hard." Tommy emphasised the too, enjoying the innuendo. He needed to stop before his body betrayed his thoughts. "Want a drink before... bed?"
"Nah, better not."
"Allow me to escort you to your door." Tommy moved towards the stairs and Barbara followed.
She hesitated outside her door. "What do you have planned for us tomorrow?"
"A walk through town in the morning so you familiarise yourself with the basic layout. Then in the afternoon we can drive around the suburbs so you can see the broader Oxford area. Where is your dinner?"
"I don't know exactly. I'll have to ring DI Lewis about lunchtime."
"Right. We'll we have plenty of time. On Sunday before we go back to London I want to take you to a favourite spot of mine for brunch."
"Before we go back to London?"
"I assumed you'd need help to pack if you have to be back here by Wednesday. And my car holds quite a lot."
He was relieved to see her smile. For a minute he thought his presumption had overstepped the mark. "Yeah, thanks. That'd be good."
They stood awkwardly. "Well I should let you test out your bed. Good night."
"Good night... Tommy."
His name had been barely a whisper but he had heard it. His cheeks ached from his smile. Her face was red and Barbara was not able to look at him. It took all his willpower not to lift her chin and kiss her. Instead he leant down and gave her a soft peck on her cheek. "Thank you. I'll see you in the morning."
"Mmm. Night." Barbara slipped into her room and closed the door.
Tommy was not sure whether to be amused or scared at the speed Barbara devoured her breakfast. He had cooked a semi-full English and was proud of his efforts as a short order cook. She had rewarded him with a smile then did not stop eating until her plate was clean.
"Surely you weren't that hungry?" He had barely finished his first egg.
"I don't think I've had anyone other than my mother cook for me before."
"And that made you ravenous?"
"Yeah, sort of. I don't suppose my room and board comes with that every morning does it?"
"Unlikely, but I might do it on weekends if you behave yourself."
"Behave? Do you have a list of Tommy's house-rules for me?"
"No, I prefer to make them up as I go. Number one is all tenants must call the landlord by his first name."
"You're the tenant. I'm the sub-tenant."
"I bought the place. I didn't intend to buy but most of the rentals were hideous. My agent had this for sale and suggested I look. Something about it attracted me immediately, so I made an offer. I think it proved to be the right choice."
"Oh!"
"So rule one applies thank you." Barbara snorted but her eyes were twinkling. "So I gather the bed was satisfactory?"
Barbara nodded vigorously. "Yes Tommy!" She laughed and he grinned at her. "It was divine actually. Soft on top and silky but very supportive." Tommy tried to hide his smirk. "What've I said now?"
"You just made your bed sound like a brassiere."
Barbara blushed heavily then laughed. "Is this what living with you would be like?"
Tommy finished the last of his breakfast. "I hope so. It's rather fun."
"You'll probably get sick of me pretty quickly and wish I wasn't here."
"Unlikely. This house can feel lonely when you live alone. With you here it feels..." He paused to search for the right word. "Balanced."
"Oh."
Barbara tucked part of her bottom lip under her front teeth. It was a look that made the desires of last night flood back. He needed a distraction. "Come on. We have a university town to explore."
They spent the morning wandering along the historic narrow streets and laneways of the old university. He had always considered he was removed from the vanity of Oxford, but as they meandered around he was surprised at how much he enjoyed showing her the places he had spent, or misspent, his youth. His tour route took them past most of the famous buildings and colleges with promises to return in the future to explore each of them in detail.
Barbara listened attentively to his spiels and asked thoughtful questions. She laughed about Great Tom, the bell in Tom Tower at the entrance to Christ Church but inside the quadrangle she stood and stared at the architecture. Through her reactions Tommy began to see his old university in a different light.
"What? How's that new?" she asked as they stood in front of New College.
Tommy put his arm around her shoulder and hugged her into his side. "Well it was new in 1379. Actually that's its nickname. Its real name is something about St Mary, and they already had another college of St Mary so this one was referred to as the new college."
"Why not just call it something else then? There were heaps of saints without re-using one."
Tommy laughed and was pleased that she joined in. "They weren't as practical as you."
"So, where's your college? Can I see inside a real academics room?"
"I'm at Exeter. It's where I read my undergraduate degree."
"And now for this one you are writing your degree?"
"I'm writing a book, not reading for a degree." Tommy was about to explain when he realised she was teasing him. "Come on, this way then I'll take you to lunch."
"Yes please. Oxford makes me hungry. At this rate I'll look like a hippo when I have to go back to London."
"Don't go back."
"What?"
"Stay here."
"Tommy, that makes no sense."
"Doesn't it?"
Barbara frowned but did not answer. They walked in silence back to his room in a quiet nook on the second floor of Exeter. She made him nervous the way she surveyed his room. It was neat and clean. He had brought down a few books but other than an antique desk, a small timber bookcase and the small bed the college provided, it was spartan and impersonal.
"You spend your days here?"
"Mostly. I don't want to work at home. That's my sanctuary. Here is my..."
"Prison." Barbara did not seem impressed.
"No, not really. I know it's a bit bare, but I'm mostly reading or writing." He tried not to sound defensive.
"Hiding," she declared.
"No."
"It wasn't your fault, Tommy. You don't have to lock yourself away here."
"My decision cost a woman her life. I have to live with that."
Barbara put her hand on his arm. "You had no way to know her husband had a gun."
"Didn't I? I should have known. He was ex-Army. It was a possibility that I should have considered. She wanted protective custody. I'm the one that said no because our budget was too thin."
"No, you said no because the experts' threat assessments said she was not at risk. Everyone supported you. No one, even Hillier, was critical of you. No one except you."
"It's what I think of myself that counts."
"So you're just going go hide in here for a year are you? What is it? Penance?"
"No. I just need some time away from everything."
"And everyone?"
"No. I missed you Barbara. Having you here will be... perfect."
"You abandoned me, Tommy. I felt bad about what happened too. I agreed with you remember. But you just shut me out - again. It was fine for you to wallow in self-pity, but now because it suits you, you're happy to see me. I'm not a toy you can just pick up and put down." She sounded injured and it made him feel worse.
"I'm sorry, Barbara. I don't have an excuse."
She stared at him angrily before her eyes softened. "Forget it. I do understand. I just wish you'd talked to me before deciding to lock yourself away here."
"I don't trust my decisions any more. Here I can avoid them for a while."
"Why didn't you go back to Cornwall?"
"I wanted a break from my life. That includes Mother and the estate. I'll go down and do my duty, but I can't live there."
"It'd make more sense for your book."
"Not really, Barbara. Just because it's about Cornwall, that doesn't mean I need to be there. And I didn't want to be too far from London." Barbara looked puzzled. "I didn't want a break from everyone in my life."
They stood staring at each other. Tommy could see that she understood. He took a step closer. "So, how's the book going?" she asked as she stepped back.
Tommy let out a heavy sigh. He could not blame her for doubting him. "Quite well actually. I still don't have a title for it, but my research is progressing steadily and I have a structure for my argument. My main focus is on the influence that the depiction of Cornish lifestyles has had on Cornwall's economic development over the last three hundred years."
"Depictions? Like pirates and smugglers and tin miners."
"Yes, in literature, music, even more recently in television."
"So it's sort of what impact Poldark has had on how people see Cornwall and how that has affected business and tourism?"
Tommy raised his eyebrows. "Well, yes. Actually that's quite a good summary. Why did Winston Graham perceive Cornwall that way, and have his books altered the way people interact with Cornwall? Or course he's not the only author."
"Sounds a bit dull to me, but I can see why you'd enjoy it."
"Thanks. A bit of enthusiasm would be nice."
"No."
"No?"
"Because I believe you should be doing what your good at. You should be solving crimes."
Tommy grunted. "We should go. You have to ring Lewis."
Barbara took a deep breath before she dialed the number. They were sitting nursing a pint in the courtyard of another of his favourite pubs. Red umbrellas protected them from the early afternoon sun. He pretended to watch the men punting on the rivers as they tried to impress their girls, while Barbara called Lewis.
Tommy was concerned by the way their conversation had turned in his room. It was clear that she disapproved of what he was doing. It angered him that she did not understand. He had virtually told her he loved her and she had chosen to ignore it. He could not blame her, but he was at a loss as to how to progress.
"I'm staying with a friend," he heard Barbara tell Lewis. "I'll ask. Tommy, would you like to come to dinner tonight?"
"I don't want to get in the way." She frowned and shook her head then nodded. She wanted him there. "If I'm not imposing," he said loud enough for Lewis to hear.
Barbara listened then wrote down an address. "Yes, we'll see you at seven."
For the third time, Tommy tried to reassure Barbara that she was just as good a detective as anyone from Oxford. "We were the Met's best team. You have probably seen more than both of them."
"Now you're being a snob. And it was you that solved most of our cases."
Tommy groaned. "I am trying to make you see reason. We solved them. Your ideas contributed just as much as mine. Maybe more." He pulled into a parking space near the address. "No more nonsense please. You're a smart and capable detective."
"We were a good team. What if I can't do it without you?"
"You've managed admirably for the last few months. I held you back. You're street smart and intelligent. You'll fit in perfectly. Just be yourself and stop thinking you aren't enough. You are. You're everything anyone could ask for."
Her frown confirmed that she knew he was talking about more than policing. "Everything has changed so fast. I'm just worried that... I'm not ready for it."
They stayed in the car. A tall man with close-cropped blonde hair strolled past and stared in at them. Tommy watched him carefully, wondering if he was a thief. Tommy disliked the way he wore his jacket collar turned up. It was disrespectful to the tailor. The man paused when their eyes met, then took a drag of his cigarette and walked on. He turned back to Barbara. "The better question to ask is do you want it?"
Her faced flushed and she looked down. "Yes, I think so."
Tommy leant over and lifted her chin so she could look at him. "So do I." He smiled and saw her face relax. She was beautiful in her own unique way. Leaning forward, he gave her the softest kiss then moved away. If he kissed her properly they would never make it inside. "Come on Detective Inspector, let's meet your new colleagues."
