Alice had been gone for quite some time now and Jasper was starting to feel anxious. Something wasn't right.

She had left around noon to go into town on a shopping trip.

"You're sure you don't want to come?" she had asked, her dark eyes pleading.

"I would just love to come to town with you and shop for hours on end. Unfortunately, its been a little longer than I'd like since I hunted, Alice. I don't think it'd be a good idea…" he had told her.

He was half relieved that he had a decent excuse. The last time they had gone shopping in the small village had been torturous for him. Not because of Alice's shopping habits--he had no problem helping to carry her bags and watching her face light up when she found something she liked, or scowl when it was something she didn't. But so much blood all in one area…his throat had itched just imagining it.

"I looked…you don't attack anyone…" she had told him, but there was some reluctance in her emotions. He had given her a questioning look, silently inquiring why.

She had answered with a smile, sad and sweet, "You would be uncomfortable…"

He had nodded and pecked her on the forehead, "Buy me something nice. I'll see you in a few hours."

She had smiled and with a tiny wave, danced out the front door.

He pulled out his pocket watch now and checked the time, even though it was only out of habit. He could have guessed to the minute.

"Seven thirty-seven. Alice, where are you?" he mumbled to himself, staring out the window, looking through the trees for any sign of her. He couldn't reject the feeling that something was wrong. She should be back by now…

He heard the hand of his watch tick to seven thirty-eight.

They had been staying in the abandoned hut for a few weeks now, biding their time until Alice had another vision hinting where they could find the Cullen family. He examined the intricate designs in the wood panel and listened to his watch tick again. Seven thirty-nine.

He shook his head. He had to find her. Ignoring the uneasy feeling that had come over him was no longer an option. He swiftly ran out of the door and onto the path through the woods that would lead into town. All thoughts of human blood were disregarded as he inhaled and caught her scent from earlier. He followed it for a quarter of a mile until suddenly he jerked to a stop.

Alice. Blood. Just a little way off of the path.

He dashed into the dark forest. He could feel her now. Her emotions were distraught and he could only guess what had happened. Please don't let it be true… he thought to himself as he sprinted, knowing full well it was.

When he found her, her arms were wrapped around her knees. She hugged herself tightly, trembling. She was so perfect. So heartbreaking. He could barely stand it.

"Alice!" he called sharply, rushing to her.

He knelt in front of her, just then noticing the body of a man lying a few feet away from her. The blood Jasper smelled was not from him…the man had been cold for some time now. Instead, he realized that there was a little bit on a branch of a nearby tree. He must have fallen and scraped himself.

Jasper shook his head and tried to ignore the tiny splash on the tree.

"Alice," he reached toward her protectively. He had never felt such feelings from her before. His heart broke as they rushed over him. She was in some type of shock--disappointment, anger, anguish, and fear dominated her emotions.

His fingers brushed her arm and she flinched away from him, "No," she whispered, her head bent over on her knees, eyes squeezed shut.

He withdrew his hand, worry etched into his scarred face, "Alice," he whispered, not wanting to move too fast around her. She was obviously shaken.

"I'm going to take you home," he told her slowly, understanding completely what had happened. She had lost control.

She shook her head as her body trembled with tearless sobs, "I'm sorry, Jasper--I'm so sorry--I couldn't--I--he--Jazz…"

He couldn't bear to see her like this. Moving quickly, he wrapped his arms around her and cradled her to him.

"No! No! Don't touch me! Don't!" she struggled against his grip for a moment before collapsing into his arms, her eyes still shut tight. Her love for him was undeniable and he made sure she could still feel his love for her. She needed him right now. She needed that love.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" she whispered. He didn't know if she meant it to him or to the man she had just killed, but he murmured sweet nothings into her ear, trying to soothe her without his power. They both knew him using it would only make her feel worse.

His hands stroked her disheveled black hair as she sobbed.

"Alice," he whispered, bring his face close to hers, "can you look at me, please?"

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut tighter.

"Please? I love you, Alice. It's nothing I haven't seen or done before," he assured her.

"I don't want you to see the red," her angelic voice whispered almost inaudibly.

"It doesn't matter to me," he whispered back, gently kissing her closed eyelids.

She shook her head no again and hid her face in his shirt. She was so disappointed in herself--devastated.

"How long have you been out here?" he asked her, trying to get her mind off of it so she could calm down a little.

He felt her cool breath as she spoke into his shirt, "I don't know…I was coming back from town and…Jazz…I saw him. I saw it happening beforehand and I still couldn't stop…I couldn't stop…" she trailed off, anguish, anger, and fear taking over.

"Why are you afraid?" he asked her tenderly.

He sensed that she had opened her eyes then. She then moved her head to look up into his gold eyes. He met her red ones and his eyes widened.

"That's why," she said lightly after gauging his reaction, "the way you're looking at me now…I let you down…"

He shook his head violently, "No! No, Alice. You misunderstand… I'm…surprised."

"Surprised?" she was confused.

"Darlin, I think you're beautiful…you're perfect with gold or red eyes. Not a lot of people can pull that off…" he told her, trying to lighten her mood a bit. It worked ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry, Jasper…" she said softly again, "I messed up…I made his future disappear… I saw it happening, but it just made me want him more…."

He remembered a conversation they had had in one of the first days they had been together. She had wondered what human blood had tasted like and he had tried to answer her as best as he could.

"So what does human blood taste like?" he said, repeating what she had asked him that day.

Her broken face looked into his, "Like how it smells only better…" she answered honestly, "delicious, sweet, filling…I don't know how you ever gave it up after having it for so long, Jasper. I can understand why its so much harder for you than it is for me…to have tasted that everyday…for years upon years…" she trailed off, suddenly ashamed of herself again.

He brushed his fingers across her cheeks, "Nothing to be ashamed of, love. We all make mistakes."

She closed her eyes again, calmer than she had been before.

"I can't…I can't even remember how it happened. I was walking back from town and I saw him in the vision--" she squinted her eyes, remembering, "--and before I could really process it I could smell him and--" she shook her head, "--and then all of the sudden my arms were wrapped around him, drinking--" she swallowed at the thought, "--and then I had a flash of blackness and he was dead…"

He felt a slow realization building up in her emotions. A paralyzing fear took over her and her newly crimson eyes widened, "Jasper…Jazz, I killed him…"

He nodded, "Their lives are short to begin with… he might even be better this way…" he tried to reassure her.

"You think he's better dead?" she asked, trying to figure it out herself.

"All I can tell you is that it happens, Alice. It doesn't make you any less of a person. You are the strongest person I know and nothing, not even this, changes that. It was an accident…it'll be all right, now," he whispered into her hair soothingly.

"Does this feeling ever go away?" her high voice asked after a moment. She was referring to the mix of anger, fear, and sadness that she was feeling. One could probably add them together and call it regret.

"It fades…you'll learn from it and you'll feel like yourself again soon," he reassured her.

"And you'll be there to help me…you'll wait for my eyes to get light again… I don't want to ever feel like this again Jazz…" she said, her voice and emotions unsure of herself. He wondered if she was thinking that she might not be able to restrain herself again.

"Of course," he said, "we protect each other and we help each other. No matter what you need from me, Alice, you'll have it."

She nodded as he helped her stand again, "I won't let you slip again, Alice. I'll do everything in my power to stop you if something happens…I can't…it hurts too much to see you this way."

She stood on her toes to kiss the part of his jaw she could reach. She didn't need to say thank you. He could feel her gratitude and love coming off in waves.

"Ready?" he asked her.

"One more thing," she said. She dropped to her knees and began to dig. He realized what she was doing and helped her.

After a few minutes, they were covering the newly dug grave. She looked down at the dirt in her fingernails and then at the place where they had buried her only victim.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered once more before turning to Jasper. She nodded, "Let's go."

He grabbed the bags she had brought from shopping in his right hand and wrapped his left arm around her shoulders, supportively.

They both knew that they could always lean on each other. Someone would always be there to catch them when they fell.


thanks so much for the amazing reviews. you are all AMAZING. loving the ideas. keep'em coming! 3