She was wearing a nice combination of blue clothes today; she looked even more amazing that yesterday… Or maybe I was more stupid and excited than yesterday. What I liked the most about her is that she didn't use makeup. I don't like when girls wear tons of makeup and I don't like kissing girls with lipsticks, it feels so weird. 'So she's perfect once again' I thought. I mean, come on, you don't find many girls who don't wear makeup lately, it's the truth.
I picked her up and drove to Danny's house again. We usually spend a lot of time there and today was Saturday, the boys usually play football on Saturday whenever we didn't have to work, but I only watch and laugh when someone gets their ass kicked, I don't really like playing sports…
"That's because you suck" Emma said and laughed. Well, she could have been nicer, but she was actually right; I suck at sports.
"Are you going to play?" I asked her. I'd love to see Danny's face when Emma scored a goal; he's the kind of boys who think girls are not good players… Well, that's because he hasn't seen her playing, she was the queen of sports back in Corringham.
"No, I don't feel like playing today?"
I looked at her quickly and then focused on the road again; whenever Emma refused to play any kind of game, it had to be because she was sick.
"Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm a bit tired, really"
"Tired? The day has just started"
"I know, I just don't want to play, alright?" she seemed annoyed but changed her face quickly "You and I will get to spend some time talking while they play anyway, I like that"
Oh, yes, perfect, now I would have to deal with my feelings again. I'd been hoping I would be able to just stare at her while she kicked Danny's ass, not I would have to share time with her, great. 'Wait, that's not bad' I thought 'It's what I wanted' Yes, I wanted time with her. No, I didn't want to be on my own with her. It was… dangerous… When you are trying not to fall in love with the most perfect person for you, being on your own with that person wont help much. Damn. Damn, damn, damn!
So there I was one hour later; Tom was cooking hamburgers while the girls were talking about the latest gossips and the rest of the boys were playing football; Danny was such a fan that he had this big football field in this garden –which was huge. Everyone seemed to think I liked Emma, because no one was talking to us, we were sitting in the garden near the boys and we were watching the game. Danny's team was winning. Emma followed the ball with her eyes every single moment, it gave me the feeling she was dying to play.
"Are you sure you don't want to play?" I said.
"Yes, I'm sure. I rather be here with you anyway" she smiled at me and I felt a weird feeling in my stomach.
'No, don't do that, bad stomach, bad stomach!' I thought annoyed.
"How many girlfriend have you had?" she suddenly asked.
"Around 4… There was Hannah, then Keeley, then Louise and Frankie was the last one"
"And what happened? Why did you break-up?"
"I don't know, things just didn't work out I guess"
"Oh, come on, Dougie…"
"Well, Hannah liked to party too much, Keeley drank too much, Louise was too controlling and Frankie…" and Frankie did nothing wrong at all and that's when I ran away. I'm brilliant. Emma is the type of girl who would hate me for this explanation; I'd freaked out. Yes, I admit it; I'm not ready to commit to a relationship, I'm a coward, alright?
"What was wrong with her?" she said, she was kind of smiling.
"What do you mean by that?"
"You always focus in what's wrong with everybody. No wonder why you don't have a girlfriend" she knows me too well, it made me feel even more vulnerable "Why did you break-up with her?"
"I… Freaked out"
She raced an eyebrow, then looked away "Oh, so you are that type of guy…"
"Hey, what do you mean by that?" Have your best friend ever said something that really annoys you? Isn't that just… Well, annoying? You should have listened to the way she said that. Another weird feeling ran through my whole body, it was probably shame. I didn't want her to think I was a jerk… Though I probably was.
"That you are the type of guy who can't commit to anything."
"I'm in a band!"
"That doesn't count, you are all guys"
"I can commit… I'm just not looking for a girlfriend right now"
"Oh, yeah?" she turned to see me again. She moved closer and looked at me straight in the eyes. I thought my heart was going to explode, I wondered if a heart-attack felt like this "What if I wanted to be your girlfriend? Would you reject me too?"
"I… Well, I…" I must have looked like an idiot, mumbling over and over again 'I', while she smile at me in a very attractive way. She was an angel, my angel. But still, I didn't know if I could do it, it just wasn't me, I liked to fool around with girls all the time.
She came even closer and when I thought she was about to kiss me, she kissed the tip of my nose. She laughed as she watched Danny scoring a goal and screaming wildly.
I looked away too, I was aware my face must have been as red as a tomato. I still hadn't answered and my mind wasn't ready to react yet.
"Just so you know… I was only kidding"
'No, wait, why do I feel disappointed? Stupid heart, useless thing, you are such a traitor' I thought. This was getting nowhere and she was messing around with me, she probably knew she had control over me, she always did; she was a girl, I had to protect her, right? Well, that's the way my mind worked. So whatever she asked, I'd always do it, even when we were kids.
"What about you?" I asked "Why did you boyfriend break-up with you?"
She looked at me for a moment and then looked away again.
"Why do you want to know?"
"Why can't you ever just answer the damn question, Emma?"
"Because I wouldn't be able to see you annoyed and that wouldn't be fun" she smiled "He broke up with me because… He didn't want to wait for something really bad to happen"
I thought about it for some minutes then gave up "I don't get it"
"I knew you would say that" she laughed and rested her head on my shoulder; I didn't mind to have her close to me, I was really use to it, even after 6 years.
"Explain, please?"
"He broke up with me while things were ok, he didn't want to wait for a sad break-up"
"But that's just silly…" and yet it sounded so much like something I would do, how ironic, isn't it? I sometimes amaze myself.
"I don't blame him… I would broken up with him anyway before I came here"
"Did you ever hesitated when you received the letter? You know, about meeting me again"
"Just for a second… Then I realized I would probably never get the chance to see you again. You were and still are an asshole, but you are also my best-friend. Love means never have to say you're sorry"
I took her hand and smiled; I knew that line, it was from her favorite film, 'Love Story'. She'd made me watch it loads of times when were teenagers, she would always cry in my arms in the ending. I've got to admit it's a really sad film, it almost made me cry, but she would have made fun of me for the rest of my life if she ever saw me crying with that film. I think I know the whole script of that film.
"Will you promise me something, Dougie…?"
"Yes"
"Please, don't ever leave me again."
"I wont… No matter what... I promise. You are my best friend" and it was true, I could never leave her again, I was completely attached to her now; I wanted to be with her all the time, even if my feelings weren't clear, I just wanted to be with her. We were in silence but that didn't matter, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was peaceful and I was still holding her hand.
If only I'd known by then what was going to happen...
