Chapter 4: What it Means
The bus was right in my face. The lights were practically blinding me.
Then I wasn't right there. Something slimy was wrapped around my body.
"Nagisa! What kind of idiotic idea was that?!"
I was let go, and I saw who was yelling at me.
Korosensei. He had used his speed to move me to a street far away from the bus. He held an umbrella over me to keep me dry.
"Were you trying to kill yourself?" he demanded, his face literally red with anger.
I didn't reply. Korosensei's face became a deeper red.
"Why would you try to kill yourself?!"
"Today was absolutely horrible."
"Oh, do tell, Nagisa."
I felt that frustration return as Korosensei's sarcasm cut through that paper I had for a shield.
I explained everything to him, from Kayano to the quiz to the guys at school and the money I lost and that final blow. As I went on, Korosensei's face transformed from red to yellow slowly.
When I finished, he was completely yellow again. Though he was smiling, I sensed sorrow.
"Walk with me, Nagisa," he said softly.
I noticed that he wanted to walk, not just fly me home. He wanted to talk.
"What if you're seen?" I asked. His bizarre appearance was an issue.
"Look around, Nagisa," Korosensei said. "There is hardly anybody around, and if there is somebody around, they're just going to assume I'm just somebody wearing an outfit over a yellow raincoat. Now tell me, what is suicide?"
"Suicide?" I repeated bitterly. "It's a release."
"It's a release for the selfish."
This sparked my attention. I looked at Korosensei in confusion.
"Tell me, what would happen if you got run over?"
"I would have died?" I answered uncertainly.
"Yes, but think about this. On the bus, there was the driver, six senior citizens, eleven men and women struggling with their jobs, and four children. Now let's say you let yourself get run over."
He let it sink in. Maybe give the old people heart attacks, convince the middle-aged people to do the same, scar the children, and put something on the driver's conscience.
"How about Karma?" Korosensei continued. "You're his best friend, and he's smart enough to know that if you killed yourself he had something to do with it. That would be horrible on his conscience, wouldn't it? Sugino would be devastated about your death too, wouldn't he? And your father… he would blame himself for your death. For not being there."
I nodded. I could see what he meant.
"I'm sorry, Korosensei," was all I could say.
"Don't apologize to me," he said simply. "Apologize to yourself. It's better that way."
We said nothing more as we reached my apartment building. Korosensei opened the door to me and disregarded any of the people looking at him.
As we reached my apartment, I unlocked the door and opened it.
"Kayano?" I called.
"I thought there was a 'no pets' sign on the desk up front…" Korosensei muttered.
I saw Kayano's silhouette get up from the couch and run towards me. She stopped right in front of me and searched me. Her eyes were red from crying… for some reason.
"Nagisa, you're alright?" she asked meekly.
"See you on the next day of school, Nagisa," Korosensei whispered with a conspiratorial tone. He then left.
Kayano considered where he left and then turned back to me.
"I'm all right," I answered. I tried for a smile, but I gave up.
Kayano's eyes dropped to the ground.
"Was it because of me?" she asked. "Because I tried stealing from you?"
"N-no… not entirely."
"I felt so guilty after I did it… and when you tried to kill yourself, I just couldn't take it… I might as well have murdered you if you finished it off."
"Don't worry about it, Kayano. It's in the past."
I waved it off, but one thing was for sure.
It may have been in the past, but I couldn't trust her.
…
I woke up to the smell of bacon frying.
I know I didn't prepare any of the bacon I had. It was all frozen in the freezer. Yet… that was clearly bacon.
Still in my pajamas, I got out of bed and left my room.
I slept in because it was the weekend… and the whole ideal yesterday.
I got to the kitchen, and stretched with a yawn. It was almost comical.
"Good morning," Kayano greeted, her green hair in the usual pigtails and wearing a black shirt and ragged jeans.
Kayano was at the stove… frying bacon? She was holding a pan, so it was obvious she was making the bacon I smelled.
"You're making bacon?" I asked with a slight smile. It's been some time since anybody had cooked for me. "I can't wait."
"There's already eggs on the table," Kayano told me, then went back to the bacon.
I looked at the table after brushing my long hair a bit. There were two plates and one other where the eggs sat.
The eggs were black and burned. I hoped I didn't frown.
I was aware Kayano was waiting me to try, so I grabbed one of the eggs with a fork and placed it on my plate. I cut off a piece and bit it.
Yum. Burn flavor.
"I wasn't sure with all of the black parts," Kayano told me, her tone miserable.
"They give it flavor," I lied and gulped down the egg.
Kayano brought over the bacon, and I looked at them. The bacon was transformed to flint-sized pieces.
"I don't think those are okay…" Kayano told me.
"It's fine. I like different ways to cook food," I lied again and tried some bacon. I might as well have eaten my plate.
"Are you thirsty?" Kayano asked, a bit perked up.
The flavor of burnt food in my mouth, I only nodded.
Kayano grabbed a stainless steel pitcher my mom had bought along with a small glass.
"I made orange juice," she told me, and went to pour my glass.
Only a little bit came out, and I hear a small splat on the inside of the pitcher. Kayano shook the pitcher and looked at it, confused.
"You used my oranges, right?" I asked, confused.
"Yes," Kayano replied, frowning.
"Did you use the juicer?"
"Juicer?" Kayano repeated, her frown growing deeper.
"Yeah. You put an orange on it and it squeezes the juice out."
"No. I used a hammer thing."
This gave me a clue.
"Show me what you used."
Kayano went to one of the kitchen drawers and pulled out a meat tenderizer.
"And you just… hit the oranges with a meat tenderizer?" I asked, sweatdropping.
Kayano shook her head and said, "No…"
"I squeeze out the juice from the oranges with a juicer and put the juicer over the pitcher."
Kayano's eyes widened and she opened the pitcher.
Inside was a bunch of smashed oranges.
Right there, I just started laughing. It was just too funny, with the crushed oranges inside of the pitcher.
The moment I started, I wished I stopped. Kayano was staring at the pitcher sadly. She knew that she messed up, and I'm sure she guessed the rest had gone to hell as well. She wanted to make this breakfast to make up for her attempt at stealing… and to make me feel better after that horrible day I had.
"I messed up, didn't I?" she asked me.
"Yes, you did, I won't lie," I told her. "But you did do something else as well."
"What did I do?"
I grabbed her shoulders, feeling awkward but not at the same time.
"You made me forget about yesterday," I told her. "I already cheered up."
Check out my DeviantArt for the alternate ending. I'm under the same name there, so just check out my gallery and look up 'A New Life.'
