"I'm not STALKING her, for Christ's sake. It's just more convenient for me to work out there, is all." Raven argued for about the fifth time since they'd left the girl's home, en route to NU's gym, where Raven apparently held a membership.

"Of course, of course. That Anya is there, like, at least once a day has nothing at all to do with it." Clarke shot back with a grin, happy to tease the shit out of her friend while she could.

"Hey, it's like if you're a really big fan of ice cream, and the closest place has a really cool employee there. The ice cream is the reason to go there, the worker's just a bonus." The girl genius added, though it was more than clear by her eventual huff that Raven knew she was fighting a losing battle. "Okay, whatever, I like working out there, knowing she could be around. It's also super packed at BC's gym right now, while NU's is just starting to slow down this time in the evening."

"I'm sure that's exactly why you're wearing your sexier workout gear today instead of the stuff you wear when I see you in BC's gym, or when you go out for a run." Clarke noted with a laugh, thinking that she spotted the faintest hint of blushing on her friend's face. "But in all seriousness, I respect that. You're confident, you want to convince her you're hot shit. I hope you do."

That, at least, brought a smile back to Raven's face. "You just want me to give you an in on Lexa, but thanks anyway for the support. I can officially say you're the only one on the team who's cheering me on in this."

"Hey, she makes you smile. Call me a sap, but that's a good thing. Better than hearing about Maya's creepy long distance boyfriend all the time, or Tsing's psychopathic ex. I mean, sure, Anya can be severe, but she's good people." Clarke spoke, though she could admit it was as much to herself as to Raven in the end. It had been a little over a week since the party, and she really hadn't come in contact much with the rival captain. "Talk to her at all since the party?"

Raven offered a small, unsure-looking nod. "Well, I wouldn't say we've talked...but I've talked to her. At the gym, three times." Her friend said before gnawing a bit at her lip in hesitation. "Mostly just hello and shit, but...I've kind of hit her up with...pick-up lines?"

Had Clarke been drinking from her bottle of water, she would have done a spit-take, but instead, all she could do was gape at Raven. "You...what?"

"I don't know, I think she finds them amusing." Raven added quickly, which only added to Clarke's confusion. "Look, she sort of liked them when I told her some at the party, so one day, I thought maybe I'd just...try again."

Clarke let out a long exhale, ideas of violent consequences flashing through her mind. "Well, at least you're still breathing, and alive. That's a good thing."

"Yeah, she doesn't really laugh at them, or whatever. And when she rolls her eyes, she's definitely not really annoyed or angry. So I think she's just amused. That's a good thing...I think." Raven rambled idly, before turning her focus fully back to Clarke. "You haven't talked to her since the party, either, right?"

Clarke shook her head. "No, I can't give you any more intel there. Like I said, I told her you were interested, and that you weren't the type to rush her into anything." She answered, offering Raven a reassuring smile as they reached the doors of the Marino Center. "Hey, for what it's worth, she says what she thinks, and she doesn't waffle. It's a good thing that she hasn't turned you away. Just...keep doing your thing, keep your head up, I'm sure you'll get an answer eventually."

A little hope didn't hurt, and it had Raven grinning like a lovesick idiot as they went into the building and got signed in, Clarke handing over ID to prove she was Raven's guest for the day. Soon enough, they were entering the third floor, and Clarke couldn't help but side-eye Raven when she spotted that Anya, Lincoln, and Lexa were clearly working out. Seemingly finishing their workout, if them being in the cardio section was any indication.

Clarke watched with a smile as Raven wandered off towards Anya, the older woman seemingly in the zone as she worked away on a stationary bike. Honestly, she'd done what she came there to do, escort Raven into the gym, but now that she was there, she figured she may as well talk to Lincoln about things with Octavia. Her roommate had hardly spoken to her since the birthday party, and seemed t actively avoid being home when Clarke was, and it was all kind of exhausting to deal with.

She made her way across the gym towards the man, but the sight of two somewhat over-buff guys hovering over Lexa while she worked on a rowing machine was enough to detour her. The girl had her headphones on and was clearly trying to ignore them, though by how Lexa's jaw was clenching, it seemed like their attention was both unwanted and disrupting her focus.

"Hey, boys?" She called out cheerfully as she approached, drawing both of their attention away from Lexa momentarily. "I was wondering if you could take some time out of your day to help me? See, I'm trying to shift my bodyweight workouts to implement weights, and I'm a little scared of having the wrong form when I'm doing squats. You both seem like you know what you're doing, so I was wondering if you could give me some pointers?" She asked, gesturing towards the far end of the room where the weight room equipment was.

If there was one thing horny gym rat dudes loved, it was the prospect of being able to lightly fondle women while showing off their hard-earned expertise. Clarke wasn't surprised when they practically jumped at the opportunity, immediately leading her across the room as both men tried to one up each other's useless advice.

At the very least, it made for an amusing couple of minutes as both men went on to explain, in detail, what proper form was, and all the steps of the workout. Each time they had her attempt, she'd play dumb midway, and ask for them to just show her again. By the third time around, she spotted Lexa getting off her rower, sparing Clarke a brief glance before heading out of the gym. Without an excuse to stick around, Clarke went for another try at a squat and, given it was a regular part of her workout at BC's gym, completed one with perfect form.

"Good form, Clarke." She heard Lincoln remark from her left. Her head swiveled towards the man, not having noticed his approach at all, and flashed a bright smile.

"Lincoln! Finished your workout today?" She asked casually, placing the heavy bar down and angling her body to close off the two guys she'd lured away.

"Yeah, just finished cardio. Didn't think I'd see you around these parts, what brings you by?" He asked, gesturing with his head to the exit. Clarke had no business left there, so she followed him, sparing Raven a quick look as they neared the exit. As expected, the girl was practically fawning over Anya, who seemed to at least be aware of Raven's presence.

"Raven works out here some nights, and since I'd been over at her place this evening, I walked over here with her." Clarke answered with an easy laugh at how transparent her friend was with her affections. "She's ridiculously into your sister, if you haven't caught on."

Lincoln just laughed at that, his features contorting into an amused grimace that more or less expressed 'good luck with that', which was predictable enough from what Clarke knew of Anya. "Some days I think I accidentally started a weird tend of you Eagles falling for my family. Octavia with me, Raven with Anya, you with Lexa..."

"Okay, I've hardly fallen for Lexa. I'll admit O is head over heels for you, and Raven...seems to adore Anya, but Lexa's just...intriguing. I like her, and she's gorgeous, but...pardon the pun...I don't pine over people who aren't interested." Clarke explained, earning a deeply skeptical smirk from the man that was a tiny bit frustrating. She wasn't lying, she hadn't fallen for Lexa; she just found her intriguing, and admired her a bit, and thought she was maybe the most physically beautiful person she'd ever known. Love was another matter.

"And you know Lexa's not into you...how?" Lincoln merely asked, which Clarke was grateful for, since he could have asked much worse, more invasive ones. It seemed that unlike Octavia, he had tact; that was good.

"Between helping her after she vomited, and singing a song to her, I made how I felt pretty clear, Lincoln. I've heard nothing from her. I mean, hell, I'd be happy with a friendship, but apparently that's not in the cards, either." Clarke added, hoping to provide a little clarity to the situation. "I put myself out there, she passed on me. I'm not going to chase after someone who wants no part of me. Besides, I really don't have time to date, anyway, so it doesn't even matter."

"Whatever you say, Clarke. Just know Lexa's been different since Octavia's birthday." He shot back with a thoughtful glance in her direction. "Speaking of my girlfriend...how have you two been doing? I know she's been avoiding you, but..."

Clarke let his words trail off, expecting a little more, but apparently her roommate either hadn't vented at length to him about everything, or he knew and just wasn't sure where things were heading, and wanted her input.

"She's been distant for sure. Barely talks to me outside of grunts and monosyllabic words. I know she thinks I'm keeping all these secrets from her, but..." Clarke started, only to fail at finding the right words to describe her situation without giving anything important away. It wasn't like she didn't trust Lincoln in a general sense, but some things had to be kept close to her chest. "Well, it's a lot more complicated than she thinks."

"Octavia hates secrets, she's loyal, and she's your friend. I'm not sure how complicated it has to be." Lincoln spoke, hitting on a number of basic truths, but missing the big picture without the proper perspective.

"I know she hates being kept in the dark, so I get why she's angry at me, but...aren't people allowed to have some things to themselves? Some personal and private parts of their lives? I'm not hiding these massive life-altering things from her...sometimes things happen and we need time to ourselves to start getting through them, before we let other people in." Clarke clarified in a bit of a gamble, hoping to appeal to Lincoln's sense of empathy in hopes she could convince him to prod Octavia her way. Clarke wanted her roommate back. She wanted her friend back. "I still need time."

It wasn't just time that she needed, but that would be a start, for sure.

A strong hand patted at her shoulder as they reached the locker rooms. "I get it. I'll try to get her to listen, at least." He noted reassuringly, giving her a little hope that he might be able to get through to Octavia's stubborn self. "Hey, by the way, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? I hear you're from Virginia, too...are you heading back to see your family on Thursday, or leaving it for the weekend?"

The question honestly came out of nowhere, and Clarke couldn't help but fumble around for some sort of answer. Just the reminder of everything that had happened, and yet another consequence of the fallout, made it harder to focus. "I'm, uh, staying in Boston. You know...got a game that weekend."

Her explanation was pathetically and literally unbelievable, but Lincoln just nodded and offered a small, confused smile. "Well, I hope you can grab some turkey, anyway."

She just nodded and waved him off. "Thanks Linc, I'll catch you later." Clarke offered, before spinning on her heel and making her way to grab her coat and head back home.

There wouldn't be some overnight fix for sure, but Clarke hoped that her talk with Lincoln would get Octavia to come around enough to talk with her. Even if she got some strange questions about Thanksgiving, she could deal with that if O just talked to her again.


It hadn't taken Lexa long to appreciate the benefits of having a holiday shortened week. Being able to have two days to relax, gather with family, and indulge in her hobbies was more than a relief after a few weeks of being stuck in a routine consisting almost entirely of schoolwork, practices, games, eating, and sleeping. She'd spent all Thanksgiving day back in Virginia with her Aunt and Uncle along with the usual cast of Anya and Lincoln, and had spent much of Friday out and about in the city's nearby green areas, getting her last taste of fall before the first bits of wintery weather hit.

She'd only been back for about an hour, studying quietly as Anya worked diligently on one of her final papers, when Anya's phone buzzed. Lexa shared a confused glance with her cousin, knowing it was rare for someone to call in the early evening. Most happened in the morning, or at night, so Anya was understandably puzzled when she picked up her phone and checked the message.

And Lexa was confused even more when Anya simply rolled her eyes and marched out of the room without saying anything. For a minute or two, she wondered if it was Raven; the girl had clearly been hitting on Anya at the gym for the last week, and she was honestly waiting for her cousin to snap at the girl in annoyance.

Her body reacted before her brain when Anya walked back in with Clarke Griffin in tow, Lexa's face paling and stomach dropping at the sight of the girl who had serenaded her nearly two weeks ago. The girl who'd driven her home and took care of her drunken self with the same determination the blonde had shown her in the washrooms that night. The girl who came to her aid in the gym, and offered it without expectation of reward, even if the boys had only been slightly effective in throwing her off focus and annoying her.

Immediately, she schooled her deer-in-the-headlights expression and returned her focus to her studies, if just superficially while her brain caught up to reality. Improvising on ice was one thing, improvising in social situations with a girl she couldn't help but have feelings for was another. Especially when said girl was frantically searching through a backpack and making sounds of frustration.

"Look, if you're just going to make a mess of my dorm, Clarke, I'm going to have to rescind the already reluctant invitation I just gave you." Anya deadpanned, and Lexa could imagine her cousin standing at Clarke's side with her arms crossed, jaw jutting out ever so slightly in annoyance.

"Just gimme a...okay..." The blonde grit out, followed by the sound of a body sitting down hard on a bed.

"Yes, please, help yourself." Anya noted with her usual sarcasm, sighing when Clarke apparently didn't stand up from where she was seated. "Clarke, that notebook had better be a rare and expensive book for how you're..."

"I just need to talk to you two about Harvard, okay? And then I'm gone, I promise." Clarke interrupted, clear urgency in her voice, enough to draw Lexa's gaze up to gauge what was going on. As she looked the girl over, she saw none of the usual composure Griffin tended to have, and there was no grace in how the blonde held herself. There was anger in her posture, the girl's hands were shaking in some emotion likely linked to that rage, and the girl's jaw was clenched about as tightly as a bear trap.

But as her eyes took sight of Clarke's blues, she saw fear. Traces of anger in the faint lines around her eyes, but fear was broadcasting as clear as day, and one look at Anya's stiff posture let her know she wasn't the only one a little unsettled by that.

Anya gave a slow, thoughtful nod, holding eye contact with the blonde. "Your team faced them this afternoon." Her cousin noted, drawing out each syllable in question of the importance. As inconvenient as it had been, her cousin had tried to separate their hockey lives from their social lives, as many of the Eagles had managed, in order to foster relations between Lincoln and Octavia. It made little sense for Clarke to rush over to their dorm to discuss a hockey game.

Lexa had already accessed USCHO's website by the time her cousin had spoken, and saw an even more puzzling bit of data. "The Eagles won." She remarked hesitantly, unsure whether communicating would reel her deeply into whatever discussion the blonde seemed desperate to have.

"Only four to three." Griffin grit out, fists clenching and gripping at Anya's mattress.

"A win is a win, Clarke. Just like any other...we finish a game and move onto the next." Anya shot back quickly, still washed free of emotion in clear confusion over what was up with the blonde.

"Yeah, normally, but I want you to crush Harvard tomorrow. Demoralize them at the very least." Clarke muttered with a shake of her head before taking a steadying breath or two.

Anya seemed to take something from that, moving from her standing position to sit beside the blonde. "I take it they got under your skin."

"They put my captain in the hospital. They were running her all night, the refs weren't calling anything, and they took her out in the third. Refs called it an accidental collision, but it severed Tsing's UCL, and she's out for the season." Clarke seethed, anger dripping from each word, but in a flash it was all gone as the blonde took another steadying, calming breath and met her gaze, then Anya's. "After each time, I could hear them taunting her. I was on the ice playing winger when she went down, and I heard them taunt her that the Beanpot's theirs this year."

Lexa digested the information and found herself nodding at the nearly implausible scenario of some Harvard players looking to weaken the ranks of their opponents in advance of the tournament. Still, there was no reason for Griffin to lie, and judging by how upset the blonde was, and the fact that the game had ended a mere forty minutes earlier, such urgency was difficult to perform.

"You think they're going to headhunt us." Anya spoke lowly, clearly angered at the idea even while her head cocked to the side in confusion. The unspoken question being 'You raced here to warn us?'

"No doubt in my mind. You singlehandedly humiliated them last year, Anya, and Lexa's the star prospect. If they took one of you out, they'd do well in making sure that if they faced you again this season, your team might be more emotional, less disciplined, and possibly have less firepower." Clarke explained before taking hold of her notebook and flipping through the pages to a certain marked-off section.

"Harvard's playbook..." Anya mumbled thoughtfully, both words enough to peak Lexa's curiosity, drawing her across the room to sit on Clarke's other side. Tactics outweighed the awkwardness she felt around the blonde; the team's needs would come before her own, as she'd decided last week.

"I have to make a few minor adjustments and updates, but I want you to be armed with this. If it can help at all to take those assholes down, then whatever. I know Indra's a great coach, she probably has most of this covered, but I've watched hours of video, I've played against them this year. I know how to exploit them." Clarke insisted with more than a little excitement, sharing brief glances with her and Anya.

"And yet you only won four to three." Lexa remarked, hoping that Griffin's research was good, but unsure if it was so trustworthy.

"My line scored three of those goals, thank you." Clarke shot back, some of that familiar confidence finally seeping back into the blonde's voice and posture. It was nice to see, even if her situation with Griffin was complicated.

From there, Clarke went page by page, pointing out Harvard's standard and positional tactics, formations, and which players certain Huskies would match up well against, which they wouldn't, and why. The more the blonde went on, the more Lexa respected the girl's mind for tactics and attention to detail, seeming to pull examples from the game they played against each other easily in order to better explain how to exploit and dismantle Harvard in all three zones. Tidbits like how Harvard's shifts tended to run long, and how NU's board-play and speed would be able to catch them tired and stretch their shifts dangerously long, were things Lexa knew their team would pick up on eventually mid-game, and would benefit them going in.

Before she knew it, it was pitch black outdoors, and Clarke was on the final page of Harvard's section, scribbling away in an empty area some numbers and names. "These four were headhunting all game. The rest weren't really doing much of anything dangerous, but those four...you need to be mindful of them. None got penalized of anything more than a trip today, so they're probably going to try again tomorrow. You need to be safe."

"Our players are strong." Anya insisted, if only to fly their team's flag a bit, something Anya honestly loved to do. Lexa was sure that they both understood the potential danger at play.

"Be that as it may, you and your teammates can still get concussed when you're boarded. Your knees can only take so much punishment on a knee on knee without significant damage. We may play in a low contact league, but there are ways." Clarke muttered in response, staring hard down at that final page. As if Clarke had known those four players, that maybe her captain wouldn't have been injured on her watch. As much as this was an info dump to help protect her and Anya, it was very clearly an expression of guilt over her failure to anticipate those Harvard players' motives.

And though Lexa often felt guilt was useless, she couldn't help but respect the responsibility Clarke took upon herself for her team. If the team's captain would be out for the year, the Eagles could do much worse than giving some degree of captaincy to Clarke to make up for the vacancy.

Clarke opened the metal rings in her notebook and pulled the Harvard papers out, placing them on Anya's lap. "Just...ruin them." Clarke urged quietly, the sad smile Lexa caught a glimpse of a clear enough message to stay safe and get out in one piece.

Lexa could understand Clarke coming over to give them intel on their mutual enemy, wanting justice for what was done to her team that afternoon through the Huskies. She could understand the responsibility and guilt angle. It was Clarke's concern for her and Anya that she just couldn't fully wrap her head around. She understood the truce in place, she understood that Clarke's friend liked Anya, and that even Anya was warming to the blonde a little, but there wasn't much reason to show such concern. Such urgency.

"I know someone with a scanner, I'll be back in a few minutes." Anya spoke, having up and left the room before Lexa could think up a reason for her to do that grunt work instead of being left with Griffin.

Damn it...

There she was, sitting on Anya's bed, maybe an inch between her and Clarke. She could smell the jasmine and vanilla of Clarke's bodywash, hear the girl's slightly heavier rhythmic breathing, see how Clarke's hands were wringing on the girl's lap. Clearly, she wasn't the only one feeling the awkwardness. After all, it was the first time they'd been alone since the washroom, where Clarke had cared for her and praised her. The first time they'd been so close since the song, where Clarke's blue eyes shone with tears that she'd wanted to brush free, where the blonde's slightly shaking body could have been comforted with her arms, where they could have imagined going away together and all the joys such an adventure could entail.

It was all so dangerous to even consider such a fantasy. Lexa knew intimately just how fragile they were, how they never translated into real life. How waking from them and returning to the harsh truths of reality was a pain she never wanted to endure again. Allowing herself to burden Anya with her sorrow once again after all these years had been the final nail in the coffin, her cousin not deserving such trouble from her again.

"You are aware Anya has a Facebook account you could have sent all this to. You didn't need to visit personally." Lexa let out quietly, nearly wincing at how rude she'd sounded. Perhaps minimal rudeness was necessary, but not after such a show of concern.

"People tend to retain stuff better if they can get it in more than one form. Seeing the plans, and hearing me speak, and hearing ourselves speak...that's better than reading off a screen." Clarke explained simply, Lexa not entirely buying the sudden calm facade in its entirety. Clarke was nervous about something. Likely about her, still.

Not that I want to push her about that...

"Do you have a section on Northeastern?" She asked, deciding to fill their alone time with small talk, just hoping Anya would return soon. Now that she wasn't intently studying Clarke's notes on Harvard, the sweet, almost sensual aroma was starting to get to her. Why does she have to smell like that? Like...like a promise on the verge of fulfillment...if I just...

"A much larger section, yeah." Clarke's words broke Lexa from her thoughts, and had her realizing she'd started to lean closer to the blonde, nose a hair's width or two from Griffin's golden tresses. She straightened back up just as Clarke continued, the girl seemingly oblivious to what Lexa had nearly done. "Like I told you the other night, I gameplan. This is what I do. I put a lot of work into it, it's important to me."

Lexa could see Clarke's head begin to turn, had heard her voice trail into softness with that last statement, and desperately wanted to avoid hearing what else was important. Not when she was so close to Griffin, not with that damned aroma. As gracefully as she could, in order to mask her haste, she got up and returned to her own bed, leaving Clarke alone and across the room. So long as I don't make eye contact, I think I'll be fine...

"Oh, um, by the way, Raven's hosting some big party between the end of classes and the start of the exam period. It'd be good to see you and Anya outside of hockey and all." Clarke fumbled out almost endearingly; while confidence was always a turn-on for her, she found herself enjoying the moments that Griffin was clumsy and less than put together. It was yet another thing that made Clarke dangerous.

"I'll consider it." Lexa noted after a few long seconds, deciding to not give an outright rejection right away. Griffin was just trying to be kind, and while she thought it was a bad idea to accept it, she didn't have to be cruel or rude in response.

Thankfully, Anya returned before Clarke could say anything else, handing their guest the stack of papers. Griffin quickly returned them to their place in the notebook, and stuffed the tome in her bag. "I'll get out of your hair, then. I didn't mean to take up so much time." Clarke noted with a slight hint of nerves in her voice. The blonde gave a quick nod to Lexa, then awkwardly patted at Anya's shoulder. "Good luck tomorrow. I know you'll crush them."

Anya's eye rolled hard, Lexa knowing well that her cousin refused to chalk up any of their on-ice performances to luck. Still, Anya surprised her by pulling Clarke into a brief hug. "Bring coffee next time you annoy us, and maybe you can stay longer."

Lexa's eyes bulged at the words, knowing that if Clarke could read between the lines, that Anya was basically inviting her to hang out in the future. Sure, their dorm room could accommodate another person easily, but she couldn't help but wonder where the generosity was coming from.

"Lucky for me, I know a pretty great place." The blonde noted with a grin that clearly demonstrated Griffin knew exactly what had been offered. "Take care, you two."

Another wave, and Clarke was gone, faint footfalls trailing off in seconds, Anya plopping back down on her bed to continue that temporarily discarded paper. As if her cousin hadn't just welcomed Clarke into their home for the foreseeable future.

"Do you think that's wise? Giving her an open invitation to stop by?" Lexa asked, cutting through the bullshit and getting straight to the issue at hand, knowing Anya would appreciate it.

"In case you were too drunk to remember on Octavia's birthday, on the ride home I offered her our floor if she ever needed a place to stay." Anya stated calmly, as if her words wouldn't have rocked Lexa's world like they absolutely had. The mere idea of Clarke curled up by her bedside was frightening in the temptation to fulfill her desires that would be present in such a scenario.

Lexa shook her head, trying to dislodge imagined efforts to draw Clarke into her bed with a plethora of flimsy excuses. It just would NOT do.

"Are you actually going to consider going to the party?" Anya asked, breaking Lexa from her thoughts, thankfully, only to plant new ones in her head, of sharing a couch with Clarke, of taking in that heady scent and learning how it felt to have her hands on Clarke rather than the other way around.

Lexa, no!

She slipped her headphones on and pushed all her focus she could manage back to studying, knowing her silence would be answer enough for her cousin, but she really didn't want to hear Anya's teasing remarks right then. She needed to listen to her inner-Anya instead and reject any pleasant fantasies her imagination loved to think up. She had to do what was right for the team. Stick to school, and sports, and solo nature walks.

It was simple. Or, well, it had to be. For her sake, it damn well had to be.


Clarke felt drained as she reached the entrance to her dorm building. School had been kicking her ass in the lead up to finals, with all but one of her courses having essays or presentations in place of exams. It meant that her December would be much more open, with her first and only exam on the fourth, but for now, it was brutalizing her energy levels. On top of her course load, hockey games and practices had grown more intense, more back to backs happening down the stretch, and against tougher opponents. It made it difficult to gameplan for, and to recuperate properly, especially when Octavia would spend the night away. Especially when she was still working as often as she was.

She knew her post-game tantrum after edging out Harvard may have been a little petty, and it probably hadn't won her points with coach Kane when she stormed out of the locker room immediately after debriefing. Fact is, Clarke was exhausted, and furious, and scared, and with those three running at full steam, she couldn't help but be overwhelmed. Alie something-or-other taking out her captain, and then taunting as if she'd target Anya and Lexa next? It had messed Clarke up; hell, she still felt messed up even after all that went down at Light Hall. It's not even that she LIKED Tsing, because she didn't, but the woman was a part of her team. Her responsibility.

Clarke let herself in and trudged her way upstairs to her dorm room, going still with surprise when she saw that Octavia was actually home, which was an absolute rarity most evenings after having played an afternoon game.

A quick look over and it was clear her roommate had just recently gotten in, probably beat Clarke home by no more than a few minutes. The raven haired girl slipped off her riding boots and slumped down onto Clarke's bed for a change, which only made the blonde wary of what was going on, if a tiny bit hopeful.

"You look like ass, Clarke. You okay?" Her roommate asked, a little stiff in her delivery, but the sentiment seemed sincere enough, in both the jab and the concern.

Relief flooded her, hearing more actual words in two sentences than O had spoken to her altogether since the party nearly two weeks ago. Clarke hung up her coat and slipped off her boots before making her way to Octavia's side, plopping down right beside the girl.

"I missed you." She whispered tiredly, taking O's nearest hand in her own.

"My birthday was such a fucking mess." Octavia grumbled, but Clarke wasn't about to let her friend take the brunt of the blame. Not when O had just been concerned and felt betrayed.

"No, no, not at all. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way." Clarke let out sadly, biting her lip hard and leaning into her friend; her emotions had been haywire most of the day, and they didn't seem to be letting up. "I never meant for that to happen, I promise. I honestly HAD planned for you and Lincoln to have a night alone, I wasn't lying there, O."

Octavia pulled her hand free and wrapped her arm around the blonde, pulling her close. "Okay, okay, I get it..." Octavia voiced in a hushed whisper. "Gotta stop bein' such a sap with me, Griffin. You know it messes with my vibe."

Clarke let out a wet laugh at that and returned Octavia's hug. "Nope. Gonna have to fight me to get rid of me." She responded in kind, earning a playful shove that had Clarke flopping onto her back.

"Eh, you know I'm a lover, not a fighter, Clarke." Octavia grinned, drawing another laugh from the absurdity; it wasn't too long ago that O had forsaken love and would have legitimately fought anyone who challenged her on that. She watched the grin fall soon after though, as her roommate gave her a long look. "You said you weren't lying about wanting me and Linc to have a night alone, but...you did lie to me, didn't you?"

Clarke let out a sigh, propping herself up on her elbows. "Truth time? I was upset at you for what you did, for putting me in that position that could, and did, hurt my budding friendship with Lexa. And I was upset at myself for letting you put me in that position, when I might have been able to avoid it." Clarke explained, earning a slow nod from her roommate, a gesture for her to continue. "I needed time to myself to process. If it didn't go down that way, and you'd asked me to stay in the dorms anyway that night, I would have, but it DID happen. I needed alone time, and I couldn't have had that at the dorms, O. Talking to you more wouldn't have helped me, and I just wanted to try and salvage the mood of the night with something nice for you two. But when I said me needing to be away wasn't about what happened between us, that was a lie."

Octavia took her sweet time digesting that, seconds ticking on and on as the girl's head bobbed up and down ever so slightly in thought. Clarke felt her hands grow a little clammy with suspense, felt her eyelids droop from the serious lack of sleep she'd had that week, and felt her heart hammering away in her chest as she slowly descended deeper and deeper into worry.

She didn't see the pillow coming, but Octavia had managed to take hold of the edge of her pillow and fling it down at her head with a solid thwack, stunning her for a brief moment. "Guess we're even, now. I kinda get it, with hindsight and all." Her roommate noted with a sheepish smile that slowly fell into a frown. "But I don't like you going to that friend of your's."

"I know, O." Clarke added quietly, slipping the pillow under head for a little better comfort, body mostly acting on autopilot in prep for some kind of rest.

"I don't know anything about them, I've never even met them. And I still don't know who you work for, or what exactly you do. Like...you get how sketchy that sounds? And how hard it is for me to deal with secrets like that? They might seem small to you, Griffin, but they're big to me." Octavia ranted, clear frustration knitting her brow, jaw clenching once all her words had spilled out.

"I know, I know." She whispered with a small nod. "It's just...it's all tied to some personal stuff that I'm not ready to talk about yet. But I want to be ready...I just need a little more time, O, then I'll tell you everything. I promise."

And it was true, she DID want to tell Octavia. Just as soon as she trusted things would be okay between them when the truth came out. As much as she hated to admit it, losing the first bit of support and friendship she'd gained since the fallout back in Virginia would crush her. She needed to figure out better where O stood on things, and she needed to know how to handle herself if it all went to shit after she came out with it.

Octavia chewed the inside of her cheek, lips forming into a brief scowl before the girl let out a sigh. "Not happy we can't clear the air now, but...I'm trusting you'll tell me soon enough, alright?" Her roommate asked, earning a nod from the blonde. "And I'm sorry for what I did at the party, especially when we got into the yelling match. I knew you said you weren't ready or able to date anyone, and I ignored that. I just...I wanted you to be happy, and I know you haven't been happy this whole semester, I know, okay?"

Clarke felt herself blush at that, having thought she'd managed to keep her general mood in check in front of her friends. It wasn't as if she was miserable all the time, or that she didn't have some happy moments along the way. Just, in general, she'd been either sad or apathetic.

"When I saw how you looked at Lexa, Clarke, I just...you were happy. Not that low-level surface kind of happy, but utterly happy and running at full capacity. I thought she could be the answer, and my idiotic drunken self made a move...it was wrong, but I was just trying to help. I'm sorry I fucked it all up." Octavia finished with a tortured frown that had Clarke sitting up and, with a solid grip on the pillowcase, flailing the pillow at her friend's face.

O managed to get her forearm up halfway in time, but her utter shock let Clarke make a second strike that impacted directly in Octavia's face. "Guess we're even now." Clarke noted with a laugh, and even though she was tired as all hell, she would have kept up the playful side of things if O was up for it. It had been a while since she'd had some mindless fun with Octavia."But it's okay, O. I'll be fine."

Octavia grabbed the pillow from Clarke's hands, but instead of whacking her in the face with it, her roommate set it back at the top of the bed. "I meant what I said earlier, Clarke. You look like three day old road kill, get some sleep."

"You're sticking around tonight?" Clarke asked, hopeful she'd have company that night. She could really use a damned good sleep for once.

"Yeah, gotta finish a paper and then start hitting the books for my exams." Octavia said with a grimace, clearly displeased with the idea of schoolwork.

Clarke couldn't help but smile at the news, knowing for as hellish as the day had been, that maybe she'd manage to sleep more than a few hours of sleep, unbroken if she was lucky. "Well, you know where I am if you need a second set of eyes to proof your paper later. Good luck, O. And...thanks, again. I've missed you."

Octavia just scoffed before getting off the bed and moving over to her side of the small dorm. "You're such a sap, Clarke. Never change."

Clarke managed to make her way to her dresser and pulled out some warm pajamas, quickly changing into them. "I wouldn't dream of it." She called out in return before slipping under her covers and settling in for what she hoped would be a restful sleep. A little more than seventy-two hours to finish up her three last assignments meant that she needed every last minute of quality sleep she could muster.

But with Octavia a few feet away, Clarke wasn't worried. She had her friend back, and she wasn't so alone anymore.


A/N: Welp, this was a bit of a bridge chapter, setting up the next arc of sorts in this story that more or less covers the exam and holiday seasons. Not a lot of fluff to be had this time around, but that should begin to filter in next chapter when things get a little more upbeat.
Thanks for taking the time to read, my certifiably awesome readers!