Clarke was capital E excited as she left the train and stepped out into Forest Hill Station, both anxious and hopeful that she'd fully prepared herself for the nature walk Anya had in store for her. She'd known about the Arboretum, and had walked by it a time or two, but had never really gone inside, so she was pretty thrilled at the prospect of experiencing it in winter first, then maybe returning as seasons changed. She'd spent over an hour prepping and packing, making sure she had everything she could possibly need stuffed into her backpack or coat; she was thankful that it hadn't been another eight AM walk, and that Anya had given her time to plan ahead.
It was the middle of winter, it had snowed a fair bit the previous night, and it was a sunny, slightly warmer than normal day as well, so everything was shining and bright and wonderful. Thankfully, despite the ideal conditions, it was the middle of the week, so the area wasn't entirely crowded. Clarke was pretty sure it wouldn't take long to track down her friend and start their mini adventure.
She traversed the station and cast her gaze around the surrounding area outside, scanning for Anya's familiar big creamy white parka, feeling a little confused when it was nowhere in sight. Clarke checked her phone for the time and frowned, knowing Anya was routinely ten minutes early, and it was exactly noon. There was no way Anya was ten minutes later than usual.
Feeling a little concerned, Clarke dialed the woman's number and listened as the dial tone repeated itself over, and over. Just as she reached Anya's voicemail message, however, Clarke spotted a familiar, if unexpected face a fair ways away, and a potential reason may have popped up in her mind just then.
She waited for the beep to leave Anya a message before turning away and whispering into her phone. "Anya, did you seriously set up a ploy to get me and Lexa out together? Because damn it, this is going to be super awkward. I fucking swear to god, Anya. Call me back."
Clarke could just imagine her newest friend cackling at her voicemail and the whole orchestrated situation. Anya was just enough of a troublemaker to toss her and Lexa in the proverbial pot and stir up whatever shit she could, knowing Clarke was still nursing a lingering crush on the woman's cousin.
It was only half a minute of awkward pacing and intense deliberation later that her phone buzzed again. Clarke quickly swiped open the new text and allowed herself a scowl.
'On the bright side, Clarke, there's someone who is obsessed with wildlife nearby. Maybe toss on the charm and she'll be your guide? I won't be able to make the walk, but I'll make lunch. I'll txt later with details.'
It all seemed far too planned to be a coincidence, but Anya WAS right. She had been looking forward to some sightseeing in the arboretum, and Lexa would probably do a decent job at guiding her eyes during the outing.
Deciding to just rip the proverbial Band-Aid off, Clarke cautiously made her way across the courtyard to where Lexa was sitting on a bench, only gaining the brunette's attention when Clarke passed right in front of her and sat down a foot or so beside her.
"Clarke...! What are you..." Lexa stumbled out, quickly working her way through her initial surprise to a creeping suspicion. "Anya."
Clarke just offered a nod at the girl's growled prediction. "Yep. She can't make the walk, but she'll be up for lunch, supposedly." She added, shooting Lexa a sheepish smile. "Seems like she set us up for some reason." Clarke finished with a nervous laugh, wanting to kick herself for stating the obvious and making it that much more awkward.
Lexa just buried her head in her hands and let out a string of indecipherable muttered words, clearly not impressed at the situation. Still, the girl did eventually lift her head. "Did you drive here?"
"No. Because it snowed a lot last night, and Raven wasn't big on her baby getting all frosty, I lent her my SUV for the day. It's her second last exam, and I thought I'd be going on a nice walk, anyway, so it made sense at the time." Clarke rambled, feeling unsure now about her odds of going on that walk, since Lexa basically hinted at getting a drive home.
"It's what, an hour's commute on public transit back to Boston College?" Lexa asked after letting out a long, tired sigh. She didn't blame the girl, their situation was exasperating at the very least.
"It's closer to fifty, so it's not that bad. Just sucks, because it's such a nice afternoon, you know?" Clarke asked rhetorically, though Lexa still nodded along, her gaze flitting towards the arboretum. There was enough yearning in those deep green eyes for Clarke to throw out some bait and see what she could catch. "Anya practically freaked when I told her I'd never actually walked around inside of the place. Smacked me in the face with a handful of snow for being a heathen."
"Justifiable. You missed a spectacular autumn, Clarke." Lexa noted with a thoughtful nod, and okay, maybe she could accept that she'd slacked on seeing the sights around town since she arrived. But was it really so bad to have not seen a well known park until it was a covered in snow? Clarke didn't think so.
"Wellll..." Clarke dragged out, wondering if her little gambit would work. "It's a spectacular day out, and we're already here. Maybe you could show me around a wintery wonderland, and I'd owe you? I was hoping to see some birds, but maybe there's not a lot of that going on this time of year."
Lexa perked up at that, eyes widening ever so slightly in excitement. "Actually, winter is a great time to go bird watching, since the bare branches help make what birds are still around far more visible. And the largely monochromatic environment can really provide contrast to the colour of the birds' coats. Northern Cardinals and Blue Jays are actually very easy to spot in the winter, same with..." Lexa rambled passionately, only to come to an abrupt halt, a fierce blush taking over her cheeks as the girl attempted to regain her previously calm composure. "Anyway, it's definitely possible to go bird watching this time of year, Clarke."
"Would it be possible for you to be my wilderness guide, then? I mean, you're clearly an expert...it could be fun? I promise not to talk all that much?" She asked, teeth gnawing into her slightly chapped lower lip, hoping to win the brunette over.
Clarke liked to think that over the past few days, they'd gotten closer, maybe enough to be acquaintances now. After all, she HAD accidentally fallen asleep on the girl, and Lexa hadn't seemed to mind; that had to mean something. And Lexa had cried a little in front of her, so that had to show some level of trust, right? Clarke was pretty sure it did, at least. And despite how oddly clumsy and passionate Lexa was, the girl really did try hard to seem cool and collected, and Clarke found that entirely endearing.
Especially as she watched Lexa's face contort ever so slightly, likely some internal conflict going on behind those forest-green eyes. It wasn't usual that Clarke saw Lexa without her trademark eyeliner on, and despite the slightly intense look of concentration on her face, Lexa seemed a little softer. Both looks definitely had merit, but for whatever reason, Clarke was sort of happy Lexa had avoided the eyeliner that day.
"I...suppose I could show you around the park." Lexa noted quietly as she got up off the bench, Clarke quickly following suit in excitement to finally experience one of the nicer outdoorsy areas in the city. "After all, I did finish my last exam this morning, so I technically don't have any plans outside of the ones Anya broke."
Clarke could feel herself light up in excitement, and tried her damnedest to tamp down on all of that, at least a little bit. She'd spent the past two weeks or so watching Lexa pound her way through study sessions and exams, and she was just honestly thrilled for the brunette that it was all over.
"That's right! Wow, you must be really excited to just kick back and relax for the rest of the holidays." Clarke exclaimed happily, only realizing she was going for a hug about two seconds too late. Thankfully, Lexa's eyes widening clued her in, and she aborted in time, though not without an awkward light jab to the brunette's shoulder. "Proud of you for getting through them." She added, trying to fight her way through the awkwardness.
Lexa's eyes narrowed at her, and maybe there was the smallest upward curve on her lips, but it could have been her mind playing tricks. "Anya already smacks me in the face, Clarke. Are you trying to start up a new habit of assaulting my shoulders?"
Clarke could feel her cheeks rush with blood in embarrassment, hands cracking at her joints in nervousness. "I...don't know what to do with my hands, sometimes. Sorry." Clarke explained, hoping Lexa would just let them move on from the topic. When the brunette just started to shake ever so slightly with suppressed laughter, Clarke decided a change of plans was necessary. "Oh! Wait, now I do."
Quickly, she fished for her phone and sidled up beside Lexa, quickly snapping a selfie of the both of them. "We have to have some kind of record of my first visit to the arboretum." She noted with a broad smile, ignoring Lexa's unimpressed pout for the moment as she posted the photo to her Instagram.
'Happy coincidence meeting this one on the way to the arboretum. Going bird watching! #noeaglestoday #winterwonderland' Clarke typed away, earning a loud sigh from her walking partner as she finished. It was worth it, though, knowing that her friends might get a kick out of it, and that it really wasn't a bad picture of the both of them.
"Are you ready now, Clarke?" Lexa asked, and maybe she felt a little bad at how tired the girl sounded, so she put her shenanigans on hold for a while and stashed her phone. However, she still wanted to make the most of her walk, so she pulled her camera out of her backpack and slung its strap around her neck.
"All set!" She offered in response, flinging both of her thumbs up and sending the brunette a cheeky smile before clueing in to a simple, happy fact. "Oh! I'm happy you're still wearing this. It looks much better on you than me." She added as she stepped closer to Lexa and adjusted the scarf she'd given her the other day. Honestly, it really did look fantastic on her.
Lexa just ducked her head and led the way towards the arboretum, but Clarke could see a deep blush on the girl's cheeks. Whatever it meant, it was definitely better than Lexa ignoring or glaring at her, so she'd very happily accept some blushing if it meant they were on better terms.
Clarke was just striding to catch up with Lexa when the brunette practically spun on her heel, jaw set and eyes focused in determination. "Your scarf is warm, and I appreciate it, Clarke." Lexa spoke, words coming out a little flintier than most would when giving thanks, but Clarke appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. For whatever reason, Lexa looked flustered again, and Clarke made it her goal to hopefully get the girl feeling a little more relaxed around her across the next hour, or however long the arboretum portion of the walk lasted.
In all honesty, Clarke hadn't been sure what to expect. She'd been to the occasional state or national park during her summer breaks, or the occasional school trip; most of the time, though, she'd had other things on her mind. Even though she was sure the arboretum paled in comparison to a lot of wonderful parks out there, she couldn't help but feel a little entranced as Lexa guided her down the paths through the legitimate winter wonderland, pointing out all sorts of intricate details.
It was taking all of her mental faculties to focus on each and every word, sight and sound Lexa pointed out, and not get lost in the cadence of the brunette's voice, or the sheer passion the girl had for the outdoors. She'd heard from Anya that Lexa was a bit of a wilderness nut, but Clarke had interpreted that as Lexa maybe liking four-wheeling and ski-dooing; instead, Lexa was seriously coming off as an encyclopedia on everything related to animals and ecosystems, and it was seriously fucking with her.
Because really, she did NOT need to start feeling all hot and bothered about Lexa after pushing a lot of thoughts to the back of her mind, especially while out on an isolated walk with the girl. Even if she WAS enticingly, alluringly passionate. It's just fucking unfair how casually she's throwing around all this information. Like...how does she just happen to know the latin name for every tree in this park? How can you tell them apart when their leaves aren't out? How can you tell each coniferous tree apart with such freaking ease? Who are you, Lexa Pocosin?
"...so when bird-feeders started becoming more common in North America, they slowly, but drastically changed migration patterns for some birds, because they introduced a new, steady food source, and...Oh, now, look up there, that's a perfect example." Lexa noted quietly as she came to an abrupt halt, tugging at Clarke's arm and pointing a ways up at some really tall tree. "Can you see it? The small, grey bird with the black tuft above its beak?"
Clarke squinted and ultimately resorted to using her camera's zoom lens to get a better view, just barely being able to make out the bird from the bark of the tree it was perched against. How Lexa managed to spot the little goober was an absolute mystery to her. "Yeah, I do. Which one is that?" She whispered, snapping a quick picture of the tiny little thing before it hopped into a hole in the tree.
"That was a Tufted Titmouse. They're in the same family as chickadees, they behave in a lot of the same ways, but they're not historically a bird that's found in northern regions. Massachusetts is actually close to the edge of its northern range. It's only fairly recently that they've been found more often in northern states...like I was saying before, it's pretty heavily suggested that feeders have been expanding the range of a lot of birds. Climate change has played its part, too, but, still, the point stands." Lexa explained as they continued onwards, once again back into her zone of animal facts that, honestly, Clarke couldn't help but be drawn into.
Clarke couldn't help it. She just so happened to be a sucker for passion, and Lexa had it in spades, which was apparent not only on the ice, but also out in the forest among the flora and fauna.
And so, while she did take a few more pictures of the wildlife, largely cardinals, jays, and the occasional sparrow, she largely found herself paying far too much attention to Lexa to focus enough for much more than the occasional shot.
It wasn't her fault. It was just really pretty out, even with the clouds rolling in, and everything was soft and white, and Lexa was cute bundled up in her coat and beanie, and those envious cheekbones were cast in a pink glow from the chill. There was a lot to like about the view, is all.
At least, until she saw it. "Ohmygod, Lexa, look!" She whispered, pointing excitedly to a snow bank off in the distance, a familiar furry thing wriggling away halfway inside it. "Is that raccoon stuck in there?"
Lexa craned her neck to see better, which Clarke thought was absurd since the woman had eagle-eyes already, but ultimately the brunette nodded in disbelief at the sight of the pudgy raccoon's back legs kicking wildly at the air. "I think it actually is, yes. It's certainly struggling." Lexa answered sadly, hastening her pace a little bit towards the ordeal, Clarke following in absolute wonder over a sturdy animal getting defeated by a little snow.
Clarke watched Lexa approach with a solid mix of caution and care before using her mitted hands to break away some of the hardened snow beneath the raccoon, letting gravity do the rest as the furry critter tumbled out of the snow bank and rolled to a halt by the brunette's feet. Lexa just stared calmly down at the little raccoon, who stared curiously up at the girl, and had her new acquaintance been wearing her eyeliner, perhaps she would have noted openly on the similarities for a laugh.
Instead, she just snapped a few pictures of the stare-down before the raccoon halfway turned away and somersaulted once before bounding off into the brush.
"Well, that was cute as hell." Clarke noted, smiling towards where the raccoon had bumbled off to. "You know, you're really good with animals."
"I...don't know about that. I try, but I don't have much hands-on experience." Lexa spoke as she fiddled with the strap of her bag, appearing almost nervous. Clarke almost wished it was warmer outside so she could tell if Lexa was actually blushing, or just had pink cheeks from the cold.
"Beh, experience is overrated. I'm sure you could volunteer at the humane society, and end up with armfuls of dogs who adore you." Clarke added, trying to turn those slightly upturned lips of hers into a full on smile.
Lexa just let out a beautiful laugh and cast her gaze upwards. "Clarke, dogs adore everyone." The girl said, amusement clear in her voice and in her eyes.
"Still. My point is, you handled that raccoon really well. You were really chill and relaxed, and that bumbling little critter probably appreciated that." She explained, hoping that she wasn't pressing too hard on the matter. It was just really sweet, was all. And maybe she had an image in her head of Lexa curled up on a couch in some cottage, with a bunch of puppies napping around her.
"Well, if I want to have a future in my chosen career field, I'll have to be able to handle much more than that. Park Rangers aren't exactly supposed to lose their cool around wildlife." Lexa explained, and all of a sudden, Clarke's previously imagined scenario was bolstered with a park ranger uniform halfway slung across the coffee table, Lexa napping alongside the puppies with her hat covering her face and blocking out the light. And maybe there'd be a nice warm fire going on. And maybe she'd be getting back from a long shift at the local ER and would curl up in the small nook beside Lexa, perhaps momentarily displacing a sleepy puppy before she'd have it and the brunette in her arms.
And maybe that was just a bit of a dangerous thought to have, so she forced it, kicking and screaming, to the depths of her mind just as she felt something cold and wet hit her face.
Clarke looked up and got a spattering of freezing rain for her efforts, so she immediately dug around in her backpack for her umbrella, swapping her camera out for it. "Well, I for one am confident you'll be a hell of a ranger, Lexa. You clearly have the passion and drive for it, and anywhere would be lucky to have you."
This time, Clarke was about ninety percent sure Lexa's darkening cheeks were entirely her doing instead of the weather getting chillier. "Oh, and I figure if we're going to get rained on, we may as well share an umbrella." Clarke added as she sidled up beside the brunette, looped an arm around Lexa's nearest, and happily popped open the slightly oversized umbrella. "This should keep us dry, I hope."
Maybe she could have just walked close to Lexa and hoped for the best in terms of umbrella coverage for the both of them, without basically taking Lexa's arm as if they were differently acquainted. Still, despite the deep red blush tinting Lexa's cheeks, the girl didn't protest, and they continued their walk, though Lexa was a little quieter and sparser in her detailing of the nearby plants and birds. However, when an older couple passed by and Clarke had requested the couple take their picture together, Lexa hadn't moved away from her, or protested the photo op, so it wasn't entirely a show of Lexa distancing herself.
The freezing rain was just starting to come down harder when Lexa stopped talking mid-sentence and pulled out her phone, apparently having felt it vibrate. A mere second or two later, the girl was frowning and shoving the device back in her pocket. "Anya wants to meet us for lunch at a café nearby. If we want to make it in time, we should probably start heading in that direction."
"I am getting kind of hungry, I guess. But this has been really fun, and it'll still take, like, fifteen minutes to walk our way out of here, so let's enjoy it." Clarke offered with a smile, her heart perhaps beating a little faster when Lexa met her with a soft smile of her own.
"It has been a nice walk. It's beautiful here in the winter, but it's fantastic in the spring." Lexa's expression turned wistful for a moment as she spoke, and immediately, Clarke knew she had to experience the arboretum in the spring with Lexa at her side.
"We could make a day of it...you handle nature guide duties, I handle lunch, and we both get to enjoy seeing everything in bloom." Clarke blurted out, immediately feeling a bit sheepish for her presumption, and the fact that she'd worded it like a date. "Or, well, it's a few months away, but still...I think it could be a lot of fun. I'd really like to see all of this through your eyes come spring time, if you're up for it. "
Lexa just stared at the path ahead, brow slightly furrowed, the slightest of smiles on her face. "Ask me again when the trees start budding, Clarke. Though, my answer will likely be yes."
It was enough of a green light for Clarke to allow herself a wide grin. She loved her walks with Anya, and how so much of it was amicable silence, trading jokes, sharing book recommendations, and telling silly stories. Still, she was sort of happy Anya had bowed out and pushed her and Lexa together, since she'd learned a lot on their walk, and really enjoyed Lexa's passion. Where Anya was quickly becoming the kind of friend who she could talk to about anything, and be immediately comfortable in her company, Lexa very much seemed like the kind of person Clarke could fall helplessly for in the span of a single evening.
And while that was a little dangerous, and Lexa still seemed reluctant to spend too much time around her, the brunette didn't seem entirely averse to her company. Which maybe meant that the whole rivalry thing was starting to fall by the wayside, or maybe Lexa didn't hate her like she used to. Whatever the case, Clarke was pretty damn happy to be making strides towards being Lexa's friend; if some other kind of relationship grew from there, well, that would be a bonus.
Anya found herself outside of the Checkmate Café, loitering around the entrance, waiting for the two girls to get to their lunch date. She'd felt a little bad ditching them; in truth, she'd honestly meant for it to be a three person outing, but Lincoln's furnace giving up the ghost meant that she had to slog all the way out to his place and take instructions over the phone from Raven, which was incredibly appreciated and would be rewarded in the future. It all made for a frustrating morning that stretched into the early afternoon as she returned home, showered, and changed, before heading off to the café.
Even if she wouldn't admit it, Anya was anxious. She knew there had been friction between her and Lexa over her befriending Clarke, and she wanted that smoothed out, and desperately hoped that the two could work out whatever tension was between them. She knew Clarke well enough to know the blonde wouldn't push Lexa for anything, but Clarke was still a relative stranger to Lexa, and there was something to be said for learning from being around someone, instead of just being told things.
And so she waited, knowing they'd been out on their walk for a pretty decent stretch of time, knowing they'd run into inclement weather, seeing as the freezing rain was still ongoing. Knowing that from all but the furthest reaches of the park, walking at a normal pace would have had the two at the café at least five minutes ago. So she wanted to be excited, she wanted to vibrate with anticipation that her little one and her newest friend could be friendly enough to not complicate her life or add friction where there didn't have to be.
Even when she spotted them in the distance, sharing an umbrella, seemingly arm in arm, she refused to let her hopes overtake her. She didn't make it this far in life being a relentless optimist.
It was Lexa's increasingly tense body pulling away from Clarke as the duo reached her that had Anya thinking that while the two seemed to have fun, her cousin clearly wasn't entirely comfortable with that quite yet. Still, Clarke took it in stride, that flicker of disappointment washing away for cheer as the younger blonde pulled her into a tight hug, which Anya happily returned.
"You owe us an explanation." Clarke asserted with a cocked eyebrow, acting like she was annoyed that they'd been abandoned at the train station, when clearly that wasn't the case anymore.
"You can blame Lincoln for avoiding getting his furnace checked out, and letting it blow up on him early this morning." Anya explained, earning an understanding nod from Clarke, though the flash of guilt across Lexa's face was more interesting to her at the moment. "How did you two enjoy your walk?"
"It was pleasant." Lexa offered, simple and succinct, though Anya could tell that there were probably a lot more words tumbling around in her cousin's head about the whole thing.
"Lexa's being modest. She saved a raccoon's life." Clarke added conspiratorially, which only had Lexa rolling her eyes, even though Anya didn't doubt her cousin's supposed heroics. "Seriously, though, it was really great. Lexa was an amazing nature guide, and I learned a lot."
Anya was about to brag a bit about her little one, which would have served to both embarrass and flatter the girl, but Lexa beat her to the punch.
"Anyway, it was a fun break, but I'm tired after my exams and I'd really like to just rest. Rain check, Anya?" Lexa asked, though it was a formality more than anything. Lexa wanted to go home instead of spend time with her, and although she knew in her heart that Lexa really did deserve rest, and that the girl was just growing into herself as a person, it was yet another instance of Lexa avoiding her company in times where her little one used to enjoy it.
Anya just pulled her cousin in for a tight hug, only letting go when Lexa returned it. "You get home safe, alright? And call if you need anything?"
"I will." Lexa answered, both words dripping with reluctance and a little frustration. Anya had at least done her job and minimally embarrassed the girl with her caring display.
"And don't think you're leaving without this." Clarke interjected, practically shoving the umbrella into Lexa's slightly willing hands. "The freezing rain's not supposed to let up for another hour or so, and neither of us want you dealing with it, so take the umbrella. I'll pick it up tomorrow morning when I stop by."
Lexa let out a long, tired sigh, but nodded along in compliance. "I'll text you when I get home, Anya. I hope you both have a good lunch."
Anya and Clarke paid their farewells and soon Lexa was strolling down the street towards the bus stop. Knowing it'd be bad to let herself get too hung up on it all, Anya guided Clarke into the café and they found a nice table for two in the back. It wasn't the best restaurant, but it was the best one on the south side of the park, and the food was mostly guilty pleasures for fairly cheap.
She'd hoped for the three of them to have lunch there so Lexa could treat herself, or perhaps she could treat her cousin, but it just wasn't meant to be, she supposed. There was a time not too long ago when such times were more than possible, they were probable. A few short months later and...
A hand coming to a rest atop hers drew Anya from her thoughts, a concerned pair of blue eyes watching her from across the table. "Hey, where'd you go just now?"
Anya shook her head, hoping to shake off the creeping feelings bubbling up inside of her yet again. "I was just thinking of what I might have for lunch. Anyway, tell me more about the walk."
Clarke's narrowed eyes let her know her lie hadn't been convincing, but thankfully, the blonde let it slide. "Honestly, it was great. She was really reluctant to agree to it at the start, but once we got going, it was smooth sailing. I even managed to take a few pictures of us."
The blonde fiddled with her phone for a moment before sliding it across the table to her. Anya lifted it up and immediately laughed at the first picture, Clarke smiling widely while Lexa had a deer-in-the-headlights expression on her face, clearly not having anticipated the photo-op. She slid her thumb across the screen to the next picture, which must have been taken from someone else; Clarke and Lexa were huddled closely under the blonde's umbrella, arm in arm, Clarke smiling brightly yet again, though Lexa was even sporting a small smirk. She'd have to ask Clarke for a copy later on. She slid across the next few, one of them leaving the park with exaggerated frowns on their faces, and another pair of candids that Clarke clearly snuck in of Lexa laughing at something, looking quite happy.
It was wonderful seeing Lexa happy, especially seeming a ways more comfortable around Clarke than before. She wanted her newest friend and her cousin to at least get along and be friendly, and it seemed that they were getting there.
"It looks like she had a good time after all." Anya mused quietly before returning the phone and setting her focus on the menu. "Thank you for being patient with her."
"She's your family. I'm your friend. It's the least I can do to help smooth things over." Clarke shot back with a roll of her eyes, as if her efforts in befriending Lexa weren't difficult at all, something Anya knew to be false. She was quite aware how the blonde felt for her cousin, she knew what that kind of emotional labour felt like, what its toll could be like. "And for what it's worth, she seems to be warming up to me, even if that also seems to be freaking her out. Probably why she ducked out of lunch."
Clarke's dismissive prediction about Lexa's absence tore Anya's attention away from the menu. "You think she avoided lunch because of you?"
Perhaps she should have taken a moment to corral her emotions and not be so transparent, her disbelief quickly garnering the blonde's confusion and concern. "Uh, yeah. She'd get really casual and relaxed with me for stretches, and then she'd freeze up, like she just realized that she'd been sort of comfortable around me. And she'd slowly relax and get back to that casual behaviour, only to freeze up again. Happened a lot, so yeah, I think she just needed some space away from me." Clarke explained, and it was a relief that the girl's reasons made a tremendous amount of sense. It certainly sapped away a fair bit of the guilt she felt. "You thought it was something else? Don't tell me you fell for her 'I'm tired' bit, not when she was about as alert and awake as I've seen her these past few days."
"No, no, Lexa's not a very good liar." Anya stated with a smirk, knowing that her little one had been a terrible liar all her life. Lexa, of course, realized that fact in her teens, and would often be silent instead of speaking about anything that would result in transparent lies.
"So...what did you think it was, then?" Clarke asked, setting her menu down and putting her full focus on Anya, something she probably would have brushed aside had the blonde not been staring so softly at her.
Not that she was prone to being victimized by big doe eyes or reassuring expressions, not at all. It was just that she was on the precipice of a major change in her life, and unlike in the past, there was really no one for her to go to, no one to help her. It had only solidified the fears and doubts she'd had across the past few months, but while she knew she could ultimately handle her own shit, the emergence of Clarke as her friend was very welcome.
They had never broached the deepest of discussions in their brief times together, but Clarke had put forth the effort to befriend her. Clarke had been patient. And Clarke was just looking at her like she didn't expect an answer, but rather that she'd like one.
"It's complicated." Anya let out, wanting to trust Clarke, wanting to have someone in her life who she could speak with about, well, anything. Even if it wasn't a sure thing that Clarke could or would help, she was feeling a little desperate enough to take that chance, if Clarke was willing.
"I'm all ears." Clarke answered, leaning in and resting her elbows on the table. It was enough of a sign for Anya to commit.
"Lexa has been...distant, the past few months. More and more, really. At the end of summer, she would have jumped at the chance to have lunch here with me. These days...it's hard to convince her to go out with me at all." Anya spoke quietly, as calmly as she could manage. The last thing she needed was Clarke thinking she was over-emotional about this. She was simply concerned. Deeply, fearfully concerned.
"Well, how were things before this year? I mean...she's living with you now. She clearly wasn't before, right? I'm pretty sure that changes things...getting to see you when she'd rarely be able to would be really special. She gets to see you every day now." Clarke noted in response, and though her worse made sense, Anya didn't feel that their living situation was the culprit. Besides, she'd already accounted for that. She remembered when she and Lexa lived together, and when they'd lived apart. It was very different from how it was now.
"A fair point, but we have lived together before, Clarke. It's different now than it was back then." Anya asserted, already feeling a little better about the situation, especially with Clarke seemingly just trying to help her figure things out instead of laying down judgment. "We were attached at the hip back then. These days...these days, it's different."
"She's growing up, Anya. She's at the age where she's finding out who she is, and sometimes...you know, sometimes that's something we need to do on our own, even if we know our friends and family would help us out. She's a freshman in University, she's rooming with you, she's on your hockey team, she has family gym time with you and Lincoln...it's natural for her to want a little space for herself to figure some things out about herself. Of course she'd be different living with you when she was a kid compared to being a young adult." Clarke reasoned, and Anya could appreciate the thought put into the girl's words, even if she didn't particularly like to hear them. Anya was fine that Lexa was growing up; happy, even. She just didn't want to be left out of that process, pushed so far away that she couldn't watch it happen.
Anya felt a traitorous sigh escape her, blood rushing to her cheeks in response to the embarrassing display. "I just don't want to lose her. She's..." Anya started to explain, before feeling words dissipate on her tongue, an annoyed growl bubbling up at her inability to clearly express herself. "Lexa's more than just my cousin. It's complicated."
"Hey, are you two ready to order?" The waitress intruded, pad in hand and a bright smile on her face.
"I'll have a buffalo chicken wrap, whole-wheat. Side of fries, and a water, please?" Anya answered, before looking to the blonde, whose gaze lingered on her for a few moments before shifting to the waitress.
"Can I please have the fish & chips? With a water as well, thank you." Clarke added, sending the waitress off with a smile before shifting her gaze back to Anya. "Like I said earlier, I'm all ears, Anya. I've got all the time in the world for you."
Clarke's words were nice to hear, just enough to reel her back in and stop avoiding having to deal with the mess of emotions built up from the past semester. Anya took a long, steadying breath before starting up again.
"When I was just starting high school, Lexa's parents died in a car crash, and my parents took custody." Anya stated hard and quick, knowing there was no real way to ease into that reveal. And though it was largely Lexa's history, it was also her own, and she really needed to get it all aired out at the moment. Clarke, to her credit, kept her expression fairly calm and still. "Now, I love my parents, Clarke. They're both good people, and their ambition and passion for their respective lines of work is inspiring. They're smart, compassionate, and generous people...they just...they weren't up for being steady parental figures."
A look of understanding crossed Clarke's face, the blonde nodding solemnly, seemingly chewing on the inside of her cheek. Anya knew it was a bit to digest, so she gave the girl a moment or two before continuing. "My father was, at one point, a steady father figure for me between the hours of six and ten at night on weekdays, and three and ten on weekends. My mother decided being a stay at home mom wasn't rewarding enough, so she went back to work as a publicist when I was eight, and basically disappeared from my life in any meaningful sense. That's when my father would stop coming home on time, and would start coming home later, year after year, until I was putting myself and my brother to bed every night. They didn't hate me or Lincoln...they just...we weren't their greatest priority at the time."
"So when Lexa was brought over, I'd already taken over as my brother's caretaker for a little over five years. I was mature enough, I suppose, to have handled growing up faster than some others my age had to. Still, adding a ten year old girl to the thirteen year old boy I was already caring for...it was taxing. But so rewarding as well, because Lexa was..." Anya clamped her mouth shut as a wave of emotions rocked her, memories of that young, scrawny girl rushing through her mind. Not quite caring how she looked anymore, not with Clarke just smiling at her and giving her all the space in the world to gather her thoughts, Anya wiped the wetness from her eyes and swallowed back her emotions.
She'd never talked about this with anyone before, it was just how life was, and she'd dealt with it. And Lexa was a god damn gift, so there wasn't anything to complain about. But things were changing, and suddenly, a lot of that history felt a need to be voiced, so she could be reassured that she'd done well, that this wasn't something she'd caused. That Lexa's distance wasn't her doing. "Lexa needed someone. She was such a mama's girl, and she inherited a lot of her personality from her father, so she was this cute, quiet little thing whose idol, her mom, was gone, whose emotional rock, her father, was gone...she needed someone."
"You stepped up." Clarke stated quietly, earning a hard nod of the head from Anya.
"Of course I did. She needed someone, my parents were always away, and Lincoln was an immature brat. I included her in just about everything I could, I got my driver's license the day I was eligible to so I could start driving her to and from practices and games. I was there for every...look, I won't go into details, but those first few years weren't very happy, but I did what I could to get a smile on that face of hers whenever possible. I love her so much, and I was so happy when Costia came around, and Lexa came out to me, and they started dating, and...and I was there when her world fell apart for the second time." Anya rambled as her gaze drifted down to her own tightly clasped hands, not wanting to divulge too much information, but wanting to give the blonde a good idea of how involved she'd been up to now. "Even when I was at school here, I registered my classes in a way where I could travel back for two days a week, and for good chunks of weekends when we'd only have a single game scheduled. We'd Skype nightly, even if it was just for a few minutes. Now...now she's been getting so distant."
Anya dared to glance back upwards at Clarke, and found the blonde reaching a hand out across the table for her. She wasn't generally one for those sorts of public displays of emotion, the kind that could have people sending looks of pity her way, but she didn't see that in Clarke's eyes. In all honesty, she wasn't exactly sure what all was swirling around in those big blue eyes, so clearly full of emotion, but she did see acceptance, and that was all it took for Anya to place a hand in Clarke's.
"You're not going to lose her, Anya." Clarke asserted firmly, a soft squeeze of her hand following the reassuring statement. "Things are changing. You're in your last year, she's in her first. You don't want to leave her behind, you want to make the most of these last months here, and she seems like she's pulling away, yeah. Lincoln's been dating O and hasn't been around as often. It's natural to feel...worried about losing what you have with them, I guess, but you're not going to."
"And you know this, how? Since you've come to college, Clarke, I haven't heard about you and your mother spending time together. I've heard nothing of your father. Did you even go back for Thanksgiving?" Anya shot out in a flash of anger, immediately regretting her words when she saw Clarke's expression crumble for a moment before the blonde's face turned steely.
"My mother and I haven't spoken since before I came here, so that's irrelevant." The blonde grit out, and Anya could admit she felt a little shame for her outburst. As curious as Clarke's words had her about the girl's relationship with her mother, she worried far more about the hurt laced in the girl's response. She didn't want any of her friends upset or hurt. "The point is, Anya, that you and the two kids you had to basically be a parent to...your bond isn't going to just fade away like it was never there. Okay? They adore you, Anya...and knowing now what you did for them, BOTH of them? That was out of the kind of love that keeps family together. Lexa's going to have to adjust to what life will be like for her when you're gone, and she seems the type to want to prepare, so of course she'll be growing a little distant. My money's on her doing that because she knows she's going to miss you like hell, not because she loves you less and doesn't want you in her life."
Anya's teeth ground into her lip as she digested the blonde's words. It was a nice thought, Lexa being distant to protect herself, instead of losing interest in her, of losing love for her. And if Clarke was estranged from her mother, perhaps her perspective should hold a bit more weight regarding her fear of Lexa drifting away from her.
"Not to push the point too hard, or overreach, but...take it from someone who's lost the most important person in her life. I know you're really worried about Lexa, and I absolutely get that, but...if she's anything at all like me, she's scared about losing another one, and is probably fumbling her way through figuring out how to deal with you moving away again. Just, I don't know, find time to reassure her you're still going to be around for her. That you'll make time for her. Give her some certainty. You've been with her for every step of the way for so long...let her know you'll be there for more if she wants your mama bear ass there for them." Clarke continued, and though Anya usually would have snarked back at such a jab at her overprotective self, the insight and advice was enough for her to make a mental rain check for it.
At the very least, Clarke's words gave her hope. Hope that this wasn't the beginning of an end, but instead just a rocky transition into a different era in their lives. And while she wasn't so self-absorbed as to take to heart Clarke's insinuation that she was the most important person in Lexa's life, it was a little heartwarming to hear another person say as much. No matter what conventional wisdom said, Lexa was both her cousin and her little one, and while she didn't play favourites, she loved her unique relationship with her little cousin.
"I appreciate the optimism, Clarke. And the perspective." Anya noted with a smile, squeezing Clarke's hand before releasing it and returning hers to her side. "Is all of that something you learned personally?"
Clarke's expression faltered momentarily, before settling into a calm that was clearly practiced. "Honestly, nothing I said was to get your support with my own crap. Maybe we can talk about that when you and Lexa figure things out...for now, that's what matters."
Anya nodded in acknowledgement of that, though internally set a reminder of herself to have that talk after she and Lexa had at least a solid heart to heart. She'd befriended Clarke because the girl's personality meshed with hers, and because the girl had truly wanted to be her friend and know her. The blonde had made for good, fun company so far, but she hadn't expected Clarke would have been willing to have such a deep talk so early in their friendship. It only made her more comfortable with the blonde, and more determined to be the kind of friend Clarke was to her. She just hoped she could make good on showing Clarke that sooner rather than later.
"Well, could you dish a little on Raven, then? I was getting her help today with the furnace and she asked me out at the end of it, but the date's not for a few days. Or, well, she asked me on a walk, so the walk's not for a few days. It IS a date, though, isn't it?" Anya asked, feeling a little odd for rambling, but she was legitimately nervous that Raven had potentially asked her out. It had been a long time since she'd legitimately dated, and she didn't want how rusty she was to affect anything she could have with the younger woman.
Clarke's face lit up like the sun at her words, a bright smile blooming as the blonde practically vibrated out of her seat. "Yes! I knew she'd do it, fucking finally! Yeah, yeah, it's definitely a date. I've been wondering when she'd get up the nerve to ask you since...ah, well, anyway, ask away."
"Since when have you been waiting for her to ask me?" Anya asked, figuring her question would probably be rejected, but she was curious enough to try anyway. Predictably, Clarke just shot her a knowing glare.
"Oh, no you don't. You and Raven are both my friends, but I'll only ever be a middleman between you if you're having serious relationship issues and need a moderator. I've got a confidentiality policy, and I stick with it. What Raven told me in confidence is strictly confidential." Clarke offered in response, the blonde's eyebrow soon cocking after her miniature rant. "But you knew that."
"I expected as much. For what it's worth, you're honorable to do so. I like that." Anya said with an easy smile, thinking that maybe in another universe, she and Clarke could have worked out and found something together. Anya wasn't quite sure how to label her budding friendship with Clarke quite yet, its dynamics weren't fully explored, but there just wasn't a romantic draw there to the blonde. And honestly, she was thankful for that, because Clarke was shaping up to be a quality friend, and she could use more great platonic relationships in her life.
"And you like Raven?" Clarke asked, the question a bit candid, but understandable enough.
"She makes me laugh. She makes me smile. She's intelligent and finds ways to get me thinking. She's interested in me, as a person, and she's attracted to parts of me that...anyways, she's different in the best of ways. We have a lot to discuss on that walk, we still don't know each other very well, but if she plays her cards right, and we're a fit..." Anya explained, letting herself trail off at the end there so that Clarke could fill in the blanks. She did enjoy the power of suggestion.
Clarke just let out a quiet laugh, mirthful blue eyes meeting her own. "For what it's worth, I think I ship you both."
Anya puzzled herself over the term, but couldn't figure out what that meant at all. "I don't know what that means."
"'Ship', as in 'relationship'. It means I approve and support you two, if you do get together." Clarke added, and Anya could suppose that made sense as a play on words. "Anyways, let's figure out which embarrassing story I should tell you about her so you can make her fumble over herself on your date."
Now that, Anya knew, was something she wanted to hear. As the waitress came by their table with their drinks, she knew she had a good forty minutes minimum to grill her friend over bits of blush-worthy dirt on her prospective date. If it rendered Raven more endearing to her, then all the better.
Feeling much better about the situation with Lexa, and about the prospective date, Anya sat back in her seat for a nice lunch with her newest friend.
A/N: Welp, I managed to get this chapter out earlier than I thought I would. The good news is that I wrote a scene from the next chapter in advance a few weeks ago, so the next chapter shouldn't take long to complete. The bad news is that I have a busy few days ahead of me, so I doubt I'll be getting much writing done until Tuesday (no matter how much the trailer for season 3 that comes out between now and Monday might motivate me).
Anywho, I hope you enjoy the read, and that you get great starts to your weekends!
