Shameless crack, not to be taken seriously at all, oh and Modern AU!

Omake 22:

Eddard Stark, Governor of the North and Mayor of Winterfell watched with pride as his eldest son Robb and his bastard nephew Jon Snow were taking time teaching their younger brother/cousin the best way to hit a football, his wife Catelyn was also looking, though her face was slightly pinched at being so close to Jon.

His younger sister Lyanna had caused a huge scandal when she told Robert Baratheon, the biggest landowner in the Stormlands to 'go fuck yourself' when he proposed to her. To make matter's worse, Lyanna who didn't care one whiff about what anyone else thought decided to run off with Rhaegar Targaryen. The ensuing scandal almost collapsed the country.

His older brother Brandon had flew down to King's Landing in a fury, mistakenly believing the tale told by some Baelish boy that Rhaegar had kidnapped and raped Lyanna, and instead of just calling Lyanna's cell he had decided to make an appearance in the Red Keep instead, and before parliament and President Aerys Targaryen he shouted for Rhaegar to 'Come out and Die'.

Exactly what had happened was still a mystery. According to some it was President Aerys who in a mad pique ordered his guards to kill Brandon, others claimed that it was Brandon who overwhelmed the presidential guard who tried to calm him in order to take his gun. The result was undeniable though, as Brandon was gunned down along with his father Rickard who had tried to defuse the situation only to be shot himself by the worried and trigger happy guards.

The following year proved to be the end for the Targaryen dynasty's long political dominance. Aerys, was impeached for not only interfering in the investigation but also for sullying the Presidency, having had no less than nine different mistresses during his thirty years in politics as a member of parliament, 4 years as Vice President and all three terms he had served as President. The final nail in his coffin had been his own wife Rhaella (and cousin) who had gleefully gone to the news and delivered a full account of what sort of man Aerys was in private.

A lecher who enjoyed violence, child pornography, a drinker and a drug abuser, though before he could be incarcerated he was shot dead by Officer Jaime Lannister of the Presidential Guard when Aerys decided to kill Rhaella for her 'unfaithfulness'.

Tha last straw as it appeared was when Rhaegar and Lyanna showed up shortly after Aerys' death. Rhaegar as VP apparently thought that he would take over the administration, only to lose everything. His wife Elia, one of the few Royals left in the world was not pleased at all when her husband's infidelity was proven, Lyanna accompanying Rhaegar while seven months pregnant was evidence enough, and had promptly blabbed to the press.

The divorce was brutal. Rhaella had been just as furious as Elia, and once Lyanna learnt that Rhaegar had lied to her about having had a 'quiet divorce' had been more than eager to help rake her lover/husband across the coals, and both Elia and Rhaella had apparently forgiven her if it meant torpedoing Rhaegar's good name. So Rhaegar had been left with nothing and barely escaped criminal charges, though RHaella had told him in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't receive as much as a single copper from her while she lived.

Waiting for Rhaella to die wouldn't help either as she'd had her best lawyers draw up a contract so airtight that if he was to even try to contest it his children would probably be old and grey before the litigation had all been cleared, so Rhaegar ran off to Essos instead and last Ned heard the former VP and 'Darling of Westeros' was slaving away in Volantis as a sanitation worker.

Lyanna sadly didn't survive the birth of her and Rhaegar's son, and as her marriage was never valid poor Jon was saddled with a bastard name instead. Ned had argued long and hard with both Elia and Rhaella to let Jon live with him in Winterfell, but could you blame him? Jon was the only thing he had left of Lya, and while Elia certainly didn't hate Lya or Jon, he wanted Jon to be as far away from his father's family as possible, if only for the fact that the press down south was far more vicious than up north, though Jon visited Dragonstone, the ancestral home of his father's family several times a year, spending as much as six months on the island every year to Ned's dismay.

Not that it was a bad thing in and off itself, but spending time in the south with his stepmother, grandmother and siblings also meant spending time with 'uncle Oberyn' a man who didn't have an ounce of shame in his body, and who was delighted at every opportunity to get Jon and Aegon into heaps of trouble. At least he didn't have to worry about Jon's uncle Viserys anymore as the self entitled playboy managed to get himself killed in a dingy pub in Braavos while playing Dothraki Roulette.

No, it was far better that Jon stayed here in the north with Ned, who did his absolute best to prepare Jon for the large inheritance he would receive on his eighteenth birthday. While Ned's own fortune wasn't as large as the fortune the Targaryens had, to not even speak of the Lannisters it was no small thing, and the Stark family had been in control of the in some form for nearly fifteen millennia, first as Kings, then Lords, all the way to the present modern day where they were the largest real estate holders and business men. And of course they still ruled through the political arena too as the majority of the populace in the North had voted for the Starks since the very dawn of democracy, and still continued to do so.

Laughter broke out as Bran hit the ball with his foot, instead of hitting the goal, the ball flew in a graceful curve and landed in the fish pond.

Ned kept his chuckles low as both Jon and Robb whispered instructions to Bran who steeled himself as he placed a new ball down, only to jump in shock as a ball hit from somewhere behind him landed in the top left corner of the net.

Looking around the three boys laughed as his youngest daughter Arya curtsied mockingly, and then ran off to great amusement as Bran chased her.

"Sir," Ned turned around and spotted Rodrik Cassel, an old family friend who ran a security firm that Ned had employed all his life.

Spotting the somewhat anxious look on Rodrik's face, Ned felt a touch of anxiety himself. "What is it Rodrik?"

Rodrik handed him a little magazine that had the word 'SALE!' written all over it in big bold letters. "An employee from The Wall had this with him, the Super Sale is about to begin."

The Wall had once according to rumours been made to protect the Realm from ice demons in the far north. Though how someone had made a wall of ice 700 feet tall and 300 miles wide was a mystery to Ned. Now though The Wall, was simply the largest supermarket in the known world, and for one week every year (though never the same day) they held a super sale on everything from food to the latest in electronics, and while rich the Stark's had always tried to do as much of their shopping as possible during the Super Sale.

"Right," Ned said as he steeled himself (he hated shopping) "Tell the lads to get ready."

Rodrik nodded, he seemed to be ready even now, as Ned could spot the signature bulges of protective gear under the man's clothes, useful not only to protect yourself from the throngs of pushing people, but also to give a hard shove or punch or whatever to whatever fool laid eyes on the same toaster or something that you yourself wanted.

"And tell Bran he's coming too," Ned said suddenly.

"Ned," Cat complained. "Ten years is too young to participate in this kind of thing."

"He won't be a boy forever," Ned said slowly as he stared his wife into her eyes before uttering the Stark Motto for the last several thousand years, "And Christmas is Coming."