Stephenie Meyer owns twilight
I tried to block out the wretched sabotaging device that was now vibrating violently in my side pocket but Edward couldn't. Looking annoyed and rather distraught with lust, he pulled my phone from my jeans and rather growled into the speaker, his eyes never leaving mine.
"What Alice"
Almost immediately his expression changed and pain stretched across his face. He let go of my waist and slowly detached his body from mine. I sat up, leaning on my elbows as my breathing returned to normal.
"Is he okay?" Edward was now on his feet handing me my shirt. I mouthed What is it as I threw my top into place and stood up. I was helping him put everything back into the basket when his next sentence stopped me in my tracks.
"We're on our way to the hospital now".
My hands powered off as my eyes shot to Edward's. He had just snapped my phone shut and he was advancing towards me with hesitant eyes.
Tears filled mine as his silence began to cut into my veins.
"It's Emmet isn't it?" I whispered.
Edward nodded.
"Bella, there was an accident. A car collided with his motorcycle. He was only minutes from the hospital but…. Bella it doesn't look good."
Panic surged threw my body as images of my brother, Emmet, flashed before my eyes. His strong smile, his loud laughter…and now his fragile body lying limp and still in the road…
Before I had time to think, we were at Southside Hospital. Besides my initial reaction, my eyes kept themselves dry or rather I deferred them from crying. I couldn't afford to let my body become suppressed by any sort of breakdown. Emmett was all I had left and I could not let hope become my enemy. He was going to be fine I told myself over and over again. He had to be.
Edward held my hand the whole time but I could not look into his eyes. His pain would have only magnified mine. And not only was I terribly scared at the fate of my brother but I was also highly aware that I almost had sex with my best friend. No, I had to leave my emotion dormant. I had to look forward for Emmett and for myself.
We were sitting in the waiting room when the first nurse walked towards us. I stood, bracing myself.
"Are you members of Emmett Swan's family?" She asked looking up from a chart. Her name tag read Christa.
"Yes" I answered. "I'm his sister."
"Well Emmett suffered various injuries from his accident but surgery was quite a success. He was very lucky. He's awake now if you'd like to see him."
A quiet breath of relief escaped my lips as I absorbed what she had just said. Emmett was okay. He was going to be fine.
"Yes-yes" I stuttered.
The nurse gave me a quick smile and directed me and Edward towards Emmett's room
Sitting on a grey elevated bed lay my brother, his eyes glued to a television set which was loudly spitting the statistics of the last Broncos game. Completely oblivious to his current condition, he was yelling at the defeat of his favorite football team. It was so Emmett. Bandages licked at his legs and forehead, but he seemed not to notice.
His eyes turned to mine as he finally noticed our presence. With a guilty expression, he smiled.
"Hey Bells.. I-"
"Emmett how could you!" I blurted out as emotion bubbled out of its cave. My skin boiled as the rage and anxiety I had neatly tucked away for the last hour finally resurfaced. "You told me no more motorcycles! Yet here you are…you stupid, careless, selfish, inconsiderate…."
Edward chuckled as he let go of my hand.
"Emmett you asked for it." He patted Emmet's hand as he continued. "I'm glad you're okay though"
"Thanks man." He gave Edward a strange look and narrowed his eyes. Edward's body immediately tensed and I could swear he gently shook his head no in response.
Before I could interrogate them on their secret exchange, a different nurse stepped in to check Emmett's vitals. She was tall, blonde, and gorgeous. And Emmett noticed. I turned my head in disgust as he began his ravish flirting with the nurse. Her name was Rosalie and I could tell, by the way she giggled at his pitiful jokes that she too found him rather appealing.
I looked up at Edward just in time to find him staring at me. The way he looked at me made me feel self conscience and I smiled sheepishly but could not look away.
By then the nurse had left and Emmett let out a loud cough, breaking our gaze. It took me by surprise to feel Edward remove his hand from mine especially since I had not realized he had resumed holding it after my outburst with Emmett.
"Um…I have to go to the restroom. I'll be back" Edward whispered a bit uncomfortably.
I turned to see Emmett smiling and shaking his head with suspicion.
"So, I see you too are getting along pretty well. Alice told me you were spending the whole day with him earlier."
I rolled my eyes. "It's my birthday Emmett…and he's my best friend."
My anger returned as I realized I was ironically explaining myself to him. "Some people actually took it into consideration that it was my birthday today instead of trying to get abolished by oncoming cars. Some people understand what that would do to me. Some people care."
My eyes were on the verge of more tears when Emmet's hand reached mine.
"Calm down Bella," he pleaded, "Of course I care. You know that and I'm sorry you're upset."
"You should be" I barked "you're the one to blame".
Emmett rolled his eyes. "So what were you guys doing anyways?" His lips curved up into another smile.
"You don't get to know." I snapped.
"Whatever it was I bet you were happy. But then again Edward Cullen never ceases to please you."
It was my turn to roll my eyes. Even though Edward and I had practically almost done the deed just hours earlier, I hadn't had time to really process what it all meant. I loved him and would have him regardless the situation, but I wasn't sure it was the same way with him. He could have just been caught in the moment. I mean if Edward had feelings for me, I would've known by now especially considering the fact that he had fifteen years to contemplate. But then again, so did I.
"I don't understand why you don't just tell him."
"Tell him what" I said incredulously.
"That you're in lo-"
Just then Edward walked back into the room. And just like that our conversation ended. I couldn't tell Edward I was in love with him. It would change everything…especially if he didn't feel the same. And a friendship couldn't ride on the sails of the desires that I held for him. We would always sink.
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We spent the rest of the day with Emmett. Alice was able to visit despite her hectic work schedule and before I knew it, night had fallen.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay the night Emmett? I asked, concern stretching across my face as people began to leave.
"Yes Bella, you baby me too much. I'm a grown man. I think I'll be okay."
"Oh," I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. "who would have known?"
Emmett rolled his eyes and kissed me on the forehead.
"Go," he whispered, "I'll be fine. Go get some sleep…oh and happy birthday Bells."
"Thanks Emmett. I'll call you first thing in the morning."
"If you really think that's necessary." I could see his eyes roll as he spoke.
I glanced up to find Edward walking towards me.
"You ready?" he asked warmly.
"Yeah, just let me get my things."
I walked to the side table and grabbed my jacket. I turned around just in time to find Edward staring at me. I was about to smile when something crossed his face. My heart dropped.
I had seen him sad, annoyed, distraught, pissed…but this was something I'd never witnessed. He looked…torn; like someone was ripping him internally, like he was desperately trying to hold on, but at the same time let go. Oh no. My mind immediately flew to the meadow. He obviously regretted it. Why else would he look at me so pleadingly? He had almost made love to his best friend and now the shame was slowly creeping in.
My breath heightened.
How could ever think for a second that he thought of me as more than a friend? I was his Bella…his I had to fix things. Edward was more than just a best friend. He was my life. My rock. And up until a couple hours ago, I was the same to him. There was little I could promise him now, but if it took me the rest of my life, I would erase that look in his eyes.
The walk to the car was accompanied by silence.
Cutting silence.
By the time we were on the road, my bottom lip was begging for relief from my chattering teeth. I had to say something. As much as I hated to be the first one to initiate the long road that was inevitably ahead of us, I knew our friendship was worth it.
"Edward" I whispered turning to face him. He seemed deep in thought as he looked out the window. He wore the same expression that he did in the hospital. Shit…this was bad.
"Edward…I.." I tried again. Why was this so hard? I knew I had to tell him that our kiss meant nothing and that we simply had gotten carried away but somewhere deep inside I couldn't allow myself to say it. It was a lie. The kiss had meant everything. His lips on mine, his fingers trailing down my skin…our bodies moving together…it had felt…so right…so natural. It was like saying no to food. I needed Edward…I absolutely craved him. And here I was…about to tell my soul mate that he was just a friend. As painful and as wrong as that sounded, I also knew that it was the only way to keep him in my life. Edward was better than no Edward.
"Bella we need to talk." He finally whispered, his eyes never leaving the road.
Great…he couldn't even look at me.
"What happened in the meadow…and earlier in the bathroom…" he started…
I couldn't take it any more. The next sentence flew from my mouth so fast that it took me awhile to even realize what I was saying.
"Edward I know it didn't mean anything. We just got carried away in the moment. We're still us. Nothing has changed. We're still Edward and Bella."
By now Edward was looking at me. In fact, he was glaring at me so fiercely that before I knew it, he had pulled off into the side of the road giving me his full and somewhat furious attention.
"How can you say that?" he spat with disgust, "You're not just some random girl Bella. And we didn't just randomly hook up. I can't just choose to forget that I kissed my best friend with that sort of passion."
He took a deep breath looking away from me.
"We are not the same.."
My eyes were now beginning to sting as I realized what he was saying. Edward wasn't shallow and he was not going to let it go. I wasn't going to get my best friend back after all. We weren't the same anymore. One moment of passion had erased fifteen years of friendship.
"Edward we can move past this." I cried, my voice breaking.
"I know you don't have feelings for me in that way…so what's the problem? We made a mistake…we can fix it." I was practically begging now, my whole entire body stretched out to him.
Edward's eyes immediately caught mine as he turned to face me. His expression was past outrage, past disgust…he looked genuinely hurt.
"You… think… what we did was a …mistake?" he spoke slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.
Why would he ask me that? And why did he look so hurt. A minute ago he was a man looking down upon his best friend with the upmost disgust-an understanding reaction- and now he looked like I had just stabbed a knife in his back. Was he that distraught that he couldn't even think straight? Here I was trying to tell him…no beg for him to forget our temporary lapse in judgment, giving him a free pass, and he was actually concerned that I didn't enjoy the kiss? What the hell?
"Edward, you don't understand. We shouldn't have done that. We crossed a line and for that we were wrong. I'm not saying the kiss didn't contain passion or wasn't meaningful, I'm saying that I cant bear to have our friendship ruined over something like this. You mean so much to me and I want to make it right."
By now my sobs were making my words jumbled and incoherent. Why couldn't he see that I was willing to move past this…that I was willing to push my love for him aside for the very sake of having him in my life!
I lowered my face in my hands and cried. And for the next 10 minutes, that's all I could do. I couldn't believe I had started the day out with a best friend and might be now ending without one. How could things have gotten so messed up? How could I have let things get so messed up?
After awhile I lifted my eyes. Edward's eyes were locked with concern. He brought his hand up to my face but immediately pulled it back before he could catch any falling tears.
Great…he couldn't even touch me anymore.
"Bella…I would never let anything get in the way of our friendship…it's just … I thought…" he sighed before stopping mid sentence.
And at that moment I finally realized what had been off with him the entire day. His secret expressions…his secret exchange with Emmett. He was trying to tell me something and I was to busy crying to notice.
"What is it Edward?" I whispered whipping my eyes dry of the relentless tears.
His expression changed as he seemed to be lost in thought. His eternal fight once again resurfaced. What did he have to tell me. And why did he look like he was desperately trying to find an answer that he knew all to well did not exist. Was he trying to tell me that he didn't want to be friends anymore? Even though I had heard him speak in clear English that he would never let anything get in the way of our friendship, was that all but to quickly negated when there wasn't a friendship in the first place?
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