A/N: Okay, this may sound silly, but after I had to delete my story and repost it at the same time I lost all of my reviews. I started saving them in my email. I accidentally spammed someone and I do not know who it was. Anyways, moving on. You guys have all been really supportive over this whole time and I thank you. You guys are totally awesome!

I do not believe in coincidences and I'm not sure about premonitions, but congratulations to Misanthrope for being the only one to make the connection between Shelling's knife and Sara's dream. You go girl!!!

Also, people may think that I am 'Gay Bashing' in this story. That is not true. It is a common issue with heterosexual, male victims to become confused of their sexual orientation after being raped. Most even begin to exhibit a hatred towards gay men or homophobia. It is natural when you think about it, but most times their friends and family just don't understand and tend to ridicule them for it or accuse them of being paranoid.

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Chapter Fifteen

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"Just relax and take your time, okay, Gil?" Jim spoke gently from where he sat next to Gil's bed.

Sara sat next to him, holding Gil's hand and bearing up against the death grip he had on her. As much as Gil hated the thought of talking about it he knew he that he was going to have to give his statement.

So, as he began to tell his heart-wrenching story, he kept his eyes down on the portion of blanket that he compulsively picked at. When it came time for him to tell about his forced oral sex he let go of Sara's hand and compulsively began rubbing his right thigh.

"Th-They p-p-pushed m-me t-to m-my kn-knees." His voice began to break and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut. "An' he g-g-grabbed m-my hair."

"Who grabbed your hair, Gil?" Jim quietly interrupted.

"Th-The b-b-bald one."

"Denalgio." Jim nodded his confirmation.

"D-D-Didin't t-t-tell m-me his n-name. Exc-cept Sh-Shelling's."

"Was Shelling the leader, Gil?" Gil nodded his head. "What did he say to you?"

Jim made a few more notes as Gil told him about Shelling's brother and his thirst for revenge. Gil seemed to become less agitated when he spoke about the incarcerated brother but Jim knew Gil's demeanor would change again.

"Gil, let's get back to where Denalgio grabbed your hair."

Gil inhaled a shuddering breath against the lump that retook its pace in his throat and continued.

"Th-Then he p-p-put his…" Gil could not bring himself to call it by any name. "In m-my m-mouth." Gil increased the pressure behind the rubbing of his thigh and began to subconsciously rock back and forth. "An he f-forced m-my head b-b-back an' f-forth an' I k-k-kept g-g-gagging an' he s-said th-that if I th-threw up on him I w-would b-b-be s-sucking one of th-those p-p-permanently." The more he spoke the closer to tears he became.

When he finally reached the point of being forced over the table the first time the dam burst and tears flowed down his cheeks. As he began telling of his first penetration he lost control. He buried his face in his hands and cried uncontrollably as his body shook hard with each sob.

"I… n-never…s-said… n-no!" He cried bitterly between sobs.

Sara pulled him into her arms and held him tightly, as though if she loosened her grip he would be taken away from her. Jim looked away and wiped the tears from his own eyes.

"I… j-j-just… l-let… th-them…d-d-do it… t-to m-me."

"It's not your fault, Gil." Sara tried to reassure as she joined him with her own tears. "They forced you and at that point you were too shocked to resist them."

"B-B-But… I d-d-didn't… say… st-st-stop!" He argued

"It doesn't matter, Gil." She gently lifted his chin with her cupped hand. "Look at me, Gil." He lifted his tear-soaked eyes to meet hers. "They kidnapped you. They restrained you. Theyraped you. Just because you didn't say stop does not mean that it was consensual. Do you understand?" He nodded and she shook her head as she gently said. "Say it, Gil."

"I und-d-derst-st-stand."

He spoke the words to appease her but was not sure that he believed what she had said. He was a man, or at least he used to be. He should have been able to fight them off. He should have been able to get away. He should have been able to do something.

Instead, He thought bitterly. I sat on my knees and let them fuck me in the mouth. Then I stretched over that table and let them fuck me in the ass. I know I liked it. I never would have gotten hard if I didn't.

He continued to sit on the bed, rubbing his thigh as his agitation grew. He had broken from Sara's grasp and lowered his head again, his eye's tightly closed and slowly shaking his head back and forth as he convinced himself that it didn't matter what she tried to say to make him feel better. He knew what he did, she didn't. Now, everything he'd once had with her would be nothing but memories. He wished that it would all just end.

"Gil?" Jim called softly, not wanting to disturb his friend any further. "Do you feel like continuing?"

"N-No. I'm t-t-tired an' I w-want t-t-to b-b-be l-left al-lone."

"Okay, we can finish later." Jim said as he rose and looked at Sara.

"Do you want me to leave too, Gil?" She asked, trying to keep the hurt and sadness out of her voice.

He nodded his head several times and she bent down and kissed the top of his head before joining Jim at the door.

"J-J-Jim?" Gil asked in a scared and broken voice as he looked out the window and not at his friend.

"Yeah, Gil?" Jim turned back to look at him.

"I d-d-don't w-want ev-veryone t-t-o kn-know." He turned his pleading eyes to the detective. "P-P-Please."

"I promise you , Gil." He stepped back over to the bedside. "The only ones that I will tell any of this to are those who are working on your case and need to know. I promise."

Gil did not respond, only looked back out the window and waited for them to leave. After they shut the door behind them he squeezed his eyes shut and clutched the blanket covering his legs in his fists as the words of Michael O'Tool swam in his head.

"You liked it, you faggot." Michael said viciously as he pulled up his pants.

Gil sat on the floor in front of him with Michael's cum dribbling down his chin. His own hot, sticky cum had squirted up on his belly when he climaxed in his captor's hand.

"I'm not a faggot. I'm not a faggot." Gil desperately whispered, trying to convince himself. With tears beginning to fall again, he began to rock back and forth and adopted it as his mantra. "I'm not a faggot. I'm not a faggot."

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Gil was antsy. As he sat with his injured left leg stretched out on the bed and his right leg bounced up and down subconsciously on the floor. He awaited the routine visit from Doctor Diller and eagerly hoped that he would be able to go home today.

Doctor Diller entered the room quietly and with a warm smile on his face.

"Good morning, Gil." He said as he calmly approached the foot of the bed. "Good morning, Sara."

Gil said nothing, but looked down at his lap and increased his grip on Sara's hand. She could sense him trembling beyond his shaking hand and tightened her own grip.

"Good morning, Doctor Diller." She smiled cheerfully.

He offered a friendly nod and pulled the second chair that was against the wall over to the bed and sat down so he could look at both of them.

"How are you feeling today, Gil?" He asked him directly.

Gil looked at Sara, uncertainty showing in his eyes, and subconsciously tried to scoot back on the bed a little. He kept his eyes downcast and tried not to breath so hard.

"I need to know how you're feeling, Gil, before I can discharge you." Diller tried again.

Gil's hopes rose and he looked up at Diller for a moment before looking back down at the bed.

"I f-feel ok-kay."

Sara was relieved when his grip relaxed somewhat. Diller noticed his patient ease a little and smiled softly as he opened the file in his hand. He took a last look at something in the folder before closing it again and turning his full attention to the couple before him.

"All of your blood tests came back clear. No HIV and no STD's, which is very good news, Gil." Diller said. "All of your scans and exams came back fine as well and it looks like your body is well on the road to healing. And I'm sure that you would be much more comfortable resting at home than here."

Diller noticed that the word 'home' seemed to resonate with Gil and he tried to use it as often as possible.

"I want you to take it easy when you get home, okay? For the next few weeks no strenuous exercise or activities, okay?" He kept a calm voice and waited for Gil to nod before continuing. "Keep your leg elevated, be easy on your stitches and keep your wounds clean, okay?" Gil nodded. "The nurse will give you a packet with all the information on what you will need to do while at home and some bandages for tonight."

Before leaving Diller pulled a piece of paper and a business card from his file folder and passed them to Sara.

"Gil, I'm giving Sara some information on therapists here in Vegas that specialize in the field of rape trauma. You have a long road ahead of you, my friend and I want you to know that there is help out there for you, people who understand and who will listen, and you are not alone, Gil."

While Diller's demeanor and voice were soothing , Gil never looked up at the man. Sara could feel his grip tighten and Diller noticed him become more uneasy.

"Sara," He continued. "There is a list of six therapists there. Both men and women, I wasn't sure which Gil would prefer."

"Thank you." She said earnestly. "And the business card?"

"Yeah." Diller let out a long sigh before continuing. "Gil, Stacey Tolliver is a friend of mine. He has been in the field for a long time and has helped many men who have been raped to put it behind them and move on with their lives." The doctor looked out the window for a moment before turning back to them. "My youngest son is twenty-two and three years ago… he was raped his college dorm room. Stacey was a tremendous help to Kyle."

Gil felt awkward and uncomfortable with this revealed family secret and wished that the doctor would leave. Diller sensed Gil's desire and took it as his cue to go.

"Sara, I know you will take care of him and I hope you will look on the back of the business card." He shook Sara's hand and waved at Gil, knowing the outstretched hand would only make his patient feel even more uncomfortable. "Good luck, Gil. I'll see you and Sara in two weeks for a check up, okay?"

When Diller left Gil quickly let go of Sara's hand and was ready to get dressed. Sara stood to get Gil's clothes but stopped and looked at the back of the business card.

Sara, Stacey works family members of rape victims as well. You're a strong woman, but you will need help too. Please consider it. Sincerely, Paul Diller.

Sara put the card in her pocket and took a moment to compose herself before returning to Gil. She helped him into his baggiest sweat pants and a loose, button up shirt. He still did not wear underwear, because of the bandages between his legs, and despite the fact that he hadn't all week it still left him feeling exposed. She had dressed his feet for him and now patiently waited for the nurse to bring him his discharge papers. Gil, on the other hand, continued to fidget.

When the young nurse finally walked into the room, pushing a wheel chair. She pulled it to a stop and handed Gil a clip board and pen.

"Here you go, Mister Grissom, I just need you to sign this and we'll have you on your way."

Gil took the clip board in his shaking hands and looked at it for a long moment. Then he finally took the pen from the top of the board and began to scrawl his name. As he scribbled the first G he stopped and looked up at Sara, embarrassed. It was a complete mess.

"It's okay." She smiled warmly as she sat on the bed next to him and covered his hand with her own. She steadied his hand through the ritual, but was careful not to guide him.

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Nick pulled his truck to a stop in front of the hospital and let Jim out.

"Thanks, Nicky." The older man said as he shut the door.

"No problem, Jim." Nick called through the open window. "Tell Sara that I'll call her later?"

"Will do, Nick." They waved goodbye to each other.

As Jim walked into the lobby he greeted Sara and Gil with a wide grin.

"Hi, pal. Finally breaking out of this joint, huh?"

"Hi, Jim. What are you doing here?" Sara smiled.

"Hey, doll. I just wanted to be here on the big day when Gil finally gets to go home." He smiled at her as he remembered how happy he was when he was discharged after being shot, then looked back to Gil. "How about, buddy, you got a hello for your old friend Jim?"

Gil was hesitant to talk. When he stuttered it frustrated and embarrassed him, but he remembered what Jim had said the day before and forced himself to look up at his friend.

"Hi, J-J-Jim." Gil forced a smile but Jim took notice that it didn't reach his eyes and Gil quickly looked back down at his feet.

The nurse pushed Gil in his wheel chair out the front door and to Sara's waiting car. They helped him into the passengers seat and Jim climbed into the back behind Gil and after Sara put Gil's things in the back seat she climbed behind the wheel.

It was a quiet drive and a beautiful, sunny Las Vegas afternoon. As Sara drove towards their townhouse she looked over at Gil. He seemed to be enjoying the ride as he watched the many things that they passed. Although he showed no expression she felt a serenity about him and she knew that getting him out of the hospital, which housed so much death and despair, would do him a great deal of good. She noticed that he was fumbling with the window switch and she lowered his window using her controls on the drivers side. He rested his back against the seat and enjoyed the feeling of the wind on his face.

When they finally arrived home Sara pulled the car into the garage. She unbuckled her own seat belt and then Gil's and got out of the car. Jim climbed out of the back seat and opened Gil's door with a smile.

"Home sweet, home, pal."

Gil carefully turned in his seat and put one of his shaking hands into Jim's out stretched steady one. Jim pulled Gil to his feet and let him rest against the side of the car as he shut the door. With his equilibrium out of balance he had to rely on both Jim and Sara, one on either side, to help him up the stairs and into the house.

Hank had heard them coming a mile away and now the brown and white boxer eagerly waited for them on the other side of the door. Sara had forgotten about Hank. The sitter had dropped him off the day before, explaining that she was going to her mothers for a week and needed Sara to take the dog back. Sara thanked her for her help and being so kind for watching their boy.

Sara and Jim were too busy talking Gil up each step and encouraging him that they were almost done to take notice of the whining dog in the house, but Gil heard him. He was half exhausted by the time they reached the top step but his energy was renewed a little when he heard his boy anxiously waiting on the other side. Once they reached the landing Sara fumbled her keys into the lock and opened the door, but it was too late when she realized what she had released. All she saw was a flash of brown as Hank bolted through the door and jumped up on Gil, almost knocking him back down the stairs. Jim grabbed Gil's jacket just as he started to fall backward and felt like he had saved the day. He took a deep breath to replace the one that he'd had to release in a long sigh. He was about to give the dog an old fashioned tongue lashing, but stopped himself when he saw the ear to ear grin on Gil's face.

Gil's shaking hands were scratching Hank's ears and because of his lack of motor skill he wasn't doing a very effective job. Hank, being the good natured and loving companion that he was, did not seem to take notice of the lousy job that his master was doing. He was just happy to see his best friend who had been gone far too long.

"Hey, b-b-boy." Gil stuttered, his smile never faltering.

Both Sara and Jim had to join in and smile. They hadn't seen him this happy since before his kidnapping.

"Well, Hank," Jim laughed. "Looks like you've just been designated an official therapy dog."

After licking Gil's face repeatedly Hank was kindly told to get down and they slowly walked into the kitchen.

They carefully made their way over to the table and helped him to ease down onto one of the dining chairs. Hank sat down next to Gil and rested his head on his master's leg, content to just be at his side. Gil's breathing was labored and small beads of sweat had broken out on his brow. Sara didn't miss the look of tiredness and pain on his face.

"Do you want some water, honey?" She asked him and he nodded his head.

"C-C-Can I have m-my p-p-pills?" He stuttered.

"It's too soon, babe." She quietly replied as she set a half full glass of water on the table in front of him.

He reached for the glass with one shaking hand then thought better for it and grabbed it with both. The water splashed back and forth in the glass as he lifted it to his mouth. He tipped his head back too far and the water splashed up his nose and he began to choke. The glass slipped from his hands and crashed to the floor, sending water and shards of glass flying in all directions.

His entire body shook with fear as Shelling stood in front of him, grabbing his hair and violently yanking his head back. He forced the bottle of water into Gil's mouth and Gil choked as the liquid went down the wrong way.

Sara patted him on the back as he coughed convulsively. "You okay?" She asked

He couldn't stop his body from shaking and he tightly closed his eyes and hugged himself as he began rocking back and forth. Sara put her hand on his shoulder, startling him.

"I'm s-sorry, s-sir." His voice pleaded. "P-P-Please d-d-don't hurt m-me an-nym-more, s-sir." He panted for air as his fear choked him. "I c-c-can't t-take an-nym-more p-p-pain."

Sara exchanged a horrified look with Jim and dropped to her knees in front of Gil.

"Gil." She cupped his face with her hands, but he continued rock and would not look at her. "Gil, it's me, Sara."

His eyes opened and he looked down at her. It took him a moment to recognize her and when he did he began to cry.

"It's okay. You're safe." She stroked the sides of his face with her thumbs. "No one is going to hurt you here. We're here and are going to protect you."

His tears streamed down his face and his sobs came hard. She hugged him tightly and he buried his face in the crook of her neck and she soothingly rubbed his back with one hand and cradled his head with the other.

When he had calmed back down she let him go as he reluctantly pulled away.

"I'm s-s-sorry." He looked down at the mess and felt embarrassed by his outburst.

"Don't you ever apologize for that, okay?" She said gently. "These memories are going to come back, you can't help that, and messes are cleanable. Okay?" He nodded.

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Sara had humorously banished the two men to the living room after cleaning up the mess on the floor, which Jim had helped her with, and decided to start dinner. Jim had offered to help her, but she joked about his likeliness for disaster in the kitchen and helped him guide Gil into the living room. Gil straddled a dining chair that Jim had dragged along and Sara put a pillow between him in the back of the chair so as not to aggravate his chest and stomach wounds.

The two men sat quietly and watched the evening news. To Jim it was the comfortable silence of two friends, but when he looked over at Gil he began to get bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Gil was looking at the screen, but Jim was sure, by the distant look in his eyes that he wasn't watching TV. Then his expression changed all together. His eye lids twitched, ever so slightly as the look changed from one of haunted distance to one that Jim could only describe as one of malice and pure hatred. Jim began to feel very uneasy and was startled by Sara's sudden appearance beside him.

"You guys ready to eat?" She asked cheerfully.

Jim looked up at her and for the first time noticed the strong smell of Italian food wafting from the kitchen. He looked back at Gil who was nodding and noted that his eyes had lost the look that made him feel like he was in a horror movie.

They helped Gil out to the table and Sara served each of them a healthy portion of pasta and sauce, salad and garlic bread. She steadied Gil's hand with her own as he stabbed two pieces of pasta and brought it up to his mouth. When the food was safely being chewed she turned to her own plate and ate some of her dinner.

Gil really wasn't all that hungry, but he knew that Sara would not let him skip meals. The food did taste good, but he had a nauseous feeling that had not left him since Al had examined him for the first time. Jim didn't stare at them as she helped Gil with his food. He had quickly grown used to seeing Sara do this and had even done it two times himself.

Half way through the meal the phone rang.

"Oh, that's probably Nick." Jim said, remembering their earlier talk when the younger man dropped him off at the hospital. "He said he would call you."

She excused herself and went into the other room to answer the phone. It was Nick and he kept the conversation short, knowing that he had interrupted their dinner and was wondering if a visit sometime would be okay. An idea that she whole-heartedly agreed with.

When she returned she stopped in the doorway and covered her mouth with her hands to keep from laughing. Gil sat with his hands in his lap and a look of mock annoyance on his face, but she was greatly pleased to see the slight twitch of a smile at the corners of his mouth, even if it didn't reach his eyes it was something. Jim sat, holding a fork full of food out in front of Gil's face.

"Come on, Gil." He was saying. "You won't win. I used to have to do this with Ellie all the time when she was a baby." Then, in his best baby voice he said. "Now open up da hanga for da airpane."

Then, as he made buzzing noises with his mouth, he sent the fork into semi-glamorous dives and swoops. Sara might have been just a little upset with him if Gil hadn't started laughing and opened his mouth to take the bite. She laughed too, drawing their attention, and sat back down at the table. Gil swallowed his food then looked at Jim.

"P-P-Pain in th-the ass." He smiled.

"Oh, you think so?" Jim asked with an amused smile of his own and Gil nodded, almost happily.

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A/N: Sorry that it has taken me so long to get this out but I needed a short break and life got in the way. I just want to give a big thank you to all of my readers. You guys have been totally awesome and supportive and very encouraging and some of you have been really helpful. Although other ideas are coming along I promise that nothing will get in the way of this story. Face the Music is my baby and my debut and she will NOT be abandoned. Peace out. -Esther