A/N: Hey everyone. I know this has taken a while to get out, but I had to cling to that damned wheel for dear life this week! LOL!!! I owe a huge thank you to JellyBeanChiChi nfor doing an awesome beta job on this chapter. You rock, JellyBean!
Warning: This chapter gets quite graphic at one point. Moonstarer it's time to pull out the candles again!
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Chapter Twenty-Two
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Sara quickly searched the whole house and when Gil was no where to be found she ran down to the guest room. "Jim," she knocked on the door before going into the room. "Jim, wake up." She went to the bedside and turned on the lamp before shaking his shoulder.
"Mmm… huh?" Jim said drowsily, as he rolled over to face her and had to shield his eyes from the lamp. "What's going on?
"Jim, I can't find Gil." Sara tried, unsuccessfully, to cover the panic in her voice.
"What?" He asked as he threw back the covers and jumped out of bed.
"I woke up and he wasn't in bed." She led him out of the bedroom and down the hall. "I've searched the whole house and I can't find him anywhere."
"What about the garage? Did you check the garage?"
"No," she stopped in her tracks and quickly turned to face him. "The patio."
"You check the patio and I'll check the garage," Jim said without fully comprehending what he might have been sending her into and jogged in the direction of the garage. As Sara ran for the patio images of Gil holding the gun to his head flashed through her mind. She slid open the glass door and stepped into the chilly night air, but stopped when she saw Gil's form in the light coming from the kitchen.
As she stepped up beside him Hank looked up at her from where he sat at his dad's side. Sara was somewhat relieved when she realized how calm the boxer was and she turned her attention to Gil.
"Gil… what are you doing out here, babe?"
"C-Couldn't s-sleep," he didn't take his eyes from the stars above. "N-Needed some f-fresh air."
Sara stepped up beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist as she breathed a sigh of relief. He put his arm around her shoulders and held her close as she rested her head on his shoulder.
When Jim had not found Gil in the garage he headed towards the patio looking for Sara. He was filled with relief when he found his two friends, in each others arms, staring up at the stars. He stepped up to Gil's other side and joined them in their search of the cosmos. The three companions were silent for a long time before Gil finally spoke.
"It's n-not over yet, is it?" Sara and Jim both looked at him. "Sh-Shelling's st-still out there, isn't he?"
There was a long pause before Jim confirmed it. "We're going to get him, Gil," he quietly assured. "We're going to find that son-of-a-bitch and put him away for life."
They stood in silence for several more minutes, watching the stars, and when a shooting a star streaked across the black backdrop each of them closed their eyes and silently made their own wish. Unannounced to one another they all unanimously wished that it all just be over.
Gil felt Sara shiver and rubbed her arm. "L-Let's g-go inside."
They helped Gil back to bed and when Sara nestled into his side once again she fell fast asleep, feeling secure in the knowledge that they would make it. That Gil would make it.
Gil, however, couldn't sleep. He lay under the covers and stare up at the ceiling as images of this new nightmare plagued his thoughts.
He wasn't the type to believe in prophetic dreams, but he couldn't push the nightmare out of his mind. The thought of that psycho Shelling even looking at Sara the way he had in Gil's dream, much less touching her, made Gil tremble with anger and fear. He decided in that moment that he would do whatever it took to protect her. No holds barred.
As the sun began to rise Gil's tiredness overtook him and he fell into a fitful sleep. The nightmare returned with a much greater intensity than before.
Shelling began to tear Sara's clothes off. "Gil, help me!" Sara cried as Shelling ripped off her shirt and bra and began to bite her breasts. Gil was still frozen as if some unknown presence held him back and he watched the man of his worst nightmares brutalize the love of his life.
"No… don't," Gil softly cried in his sleep as his whole body shook.
The noise and movement woke Sara and she spooned Gil and gently caressed his face.
"Gil, baby, wake up."
Gil awoke and swung his arm back, lashing out at his nightmare, and struggled momentarily when Sara grabbed his wrist in self-defense. "It's okay, honey, it's all right."
"S-S-Sara?" There was no mistaking his frightened tone.
"Yeah, it's me," she soothingly rubbed his arm and rested her head against his as she whispered into his ear. "You're safe, no one's going to hurt you."
Sara held him close for a while and gently ran her fingers through his curls. While Sara's ministrations and voice somewhat relaxed Gil, he still couldn't shake the image of Shelling's menacing eyes.
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Gil pushed past his nightmares and tiredness and concentrated on his daily tasks. He was determined to take control of his life again and it began with regaining his independence.
When Gil no longer felt like lying in bed he got up and began to make his way to the bathroom. Sara, who had drifted back into a light sleep, awoke when she felt the mattress move. "Gil, where are you going?" she asked as she stifled a yawn.
"I d-don't feel like sleeping anymore, so I'm g-going to take my shower." Sara got out of bed and followed him into the bathroom. "I c-can d-do this myself." She heard the determination in his voice and didn't want to start the day with an argument.
"Well… okay… what if I just go in with you in case you need me and I'll take my shower too."
Gil was a little agitated that she wouldn't just let him do it on his own but recognized her willingness to compromise. Gil had needed little assistance other than washing his back and taking off the old bandages and applying clean ones.
Sara had wanted to help Gil with his breakfast but, again, he was insistent on doing it himself as well. He poured his own cereal, without much mess, but when he tried to butter his toast it broke apart in his hand. Gil bit back his frustration and tried again, ending with the same results. On slice number four he slammed the knife down on the counter. Sara took a deep, calming breath before approaching him.
"Gil, let me help you." She offered as she reached to take the knife that he had picked back up.
"I d-don't want your help!" Gil replied angrily as he pulled out of her grasp.
"Then what do you want?" Sara retorted as her own frustration quickly got the best of her.
"I want m-my life b-b-back!" He nearly yelled in her face.
"Hey," she cupped his face when he tried to look away. "You are getting your life back by not giving up and trying to do things for yourself. So what if you crumble a couple of pieces of toast, we have a whole loaf of bread."
"W-Waste a whole loaf of b-bread for t-two slices of toast?" Gil looked at her incredulously.
"You don't have to waste it, just let me help you. I don't want to do it for you, I want to help you do it for yourself."
After a moment's pause, Gil nodded and relaxed as Sara stepped up close behind him and wrapped her arms around him, gently taking hold of his wrists, steadying them but not guiding them. Her hot breath in his ear as she spoke to him made his body tingle.
"You just have to be patient." Sara spoke softly and he nodded his head as he looked over his shoulder at her.
They both felt the electricity of the moment. Sara slowly ran her hands up his arms as they maintained eye contact and at her prompting he turned to face her. She felt a sensation growing in her that she hadn't felt since the day before he had been kidnapped when he had snuck up behind her in the kitchen and had begun pressing kisses to the back of her neck. Sara leaned in and began to kiss him, softly, on the lips. When Gil didn't pull back her arms snaked up to wrap around his neck and she began to caress the back of his head with one of her hands, holding his head in place, while the other massaged the back of his neck.
Gil's hands steadied as they rested upon Sara's waist. While her fingers became lost in Gil's curly locks, a tingling in Sara's lower belly grew and intensified. Gil loved the feel of her kiss and wanted more as he pushed his tongue between her lips and she opened her mouth, sucking his tongue into her mouth as she increased her grip on his hair.
Then, painful images flashed in Gil's memory. He remembered his kidnappers taking turns as they grabbed his hair and used him roughly as he performed forced oral on each of them. Gil broke the kiss with Sara and stepped back.
"What's wrong, baby?" Sara asked as she panted for breath.
"N-Nothing," Gil replied as he looked down at the floor. He didn't want to discuss those memories, they were still too painful and embarrassing. "I… um…" He looked down at his bandaged hand, desperate to change the subject. "I think you're right. I think I should g-go and see a d-doctor about my hand."
Sara tried to shield him from her disappointment. She was so ready and had thought that he was, too. But just as she told him moments before, she had to be patient.
"Okay, I'll call the hospital and see if Doctor Diller can fit you in."
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Stephen Diller had been surprised and pleased when he walked into the room to see Gil and Sara waiting for him.
"Good morning," He greeted them cheerfully and Sara returned the greeting while Gil only nodded. "How are you both today?"
Sara and Gil both said, "Fine."
"So, what can I do for you today?" He asked Gil directly.
"I had an… accident." Gil said as he held out his injured hand. "S-Sara thought I should have it l-looked at."
Diller gently took his patients hand and unwrapped the bandages. He carefully examined the wound and asked Gil what he had done to get such deep wounds.
"I… I… hit it ag-gainst something."
Diller looked between them, suspiciously, but let it drop to both Gil and Sara's relief. He cleaned the wound thoroughly and began to re-wrap it.
"You did a good job bandaging this, Sara, you might have another avocation in your future." Sara only smiled and thanked him. "So, Gil, have you been able to meet with a therapist yet?"
Sara felt the tension in the room grow but before she could change the subject or answer for Gil or even just begin her babbling again, Gil surprised her and responded to the doctor's question.
"Yes. I'm seeing D-Doctor T-Tolliver again t-tomorrow."
"Good," Diller said with a kind smile. "Stacey's a good man if you give him a chance. Now, Gil, I want to talk to you about your other therapies." While Diller was careful about the words he used he was pleasantly surprised at how responsive Gil was to physical and speech therapy. "I think you should have therapy for your knee three times a week. And understand, Gil, it will take time. But I think that you will notice an improvement with your speech in a shorter amount of time. I can already tell that there is marked improvement from the last time that we met."
By the time Gil and Sara had left the hospital he had made his first appointment with the therapists who Diller had recommended and he was feeling a little brighter about his new determination to take his life back.
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Reggie Shelling lay on his back as blood ran profusely from his broken nose. "Please!" He begged the man that straddled his waist pinning him to the floor. "I'm sorry! Please, no more!"
Shelling's face had been battered over and over and most of his ribs were broken by the man's knee that had been repeatedly dropped onto Reggie's chest.
Another punch to his mouth broke three of Shelling's teeth, which he compulsively swallowed with a mouthful of his own blood. The piercing, blue eyes looked down on him mercilessly as the man on top of Shelling drilled his fist into Reggie's face again and again and again.
Warm, sticky blood splattered up onto the man's face but he didn't notice, he was too focused on the form below him that looked more and more like ground meat than a person with each hit it took. The man grabbed a handful of Shelling's dark, slicked back hair and yanked his head up.
"How do you fucking like it?!" The man screamed into Shelling's face as spit flew from his mouth. "Do you fucking like it?!"
He slammed Shelling's head down onto the concrete again and again. Not noticing as blood continued to splatter onto his face and into the graying curls which still seemed to grace his head through the horrifying sight. But he stopped when Shelling's blood had pooled and splattered across the gray, concrete surface and his head was mush.
"Gil, are you okay?" Sara asked as she stepped in front of him.
The ride home had been quiet and the whole time she felt like there was something seething from Gil, a malice that made her feel cold and frightened. His eyes had been blank, but now, as she looked at him where he sat on the couch with his bad leg propped up on the coffee table his eyes no longer conveyed blank expression. Now as she looked into his eyes she saw something there that she could only label as something sinister. Something evil, and it disturbed her deeply.
"F-Fine." Gil mumbled and quickly looked down at the floor.
"Are you sure?"
"I s-said I'm f-fine." The agitation in his voice was growing thick again and Sara let it drop as she was afraid of him going into another fit of rage and hurting himself again.
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The next day Sara had driven Gil to his appointment with Stacey. The last two days had gradually gotten better for Gil. He had slowly started to do things for himself without needing assistance. He had made messes too, in the process, and Sara stood back and observed as he insisted on cleaning up his messes the best he could.
Now as he sat on Stacey's sofa, with his leg propped up, he felt a little more at ease than he had just a few days ago.
"How are today, Gil?" Stacey asked as he sat down in the armchair across from his patient.
"G-Good." Gil frowned. "Well, b-better."
"Better but not good." Stacey repeated. "Gil, if you don't mind me saying, I notice your demeanor today is quite different from last time we spoke. I think that is a marketable and wonderful improvement. May I ask what might have prompted your change in attitude."
"I…" Gil blushed a little. "I d-decided that I want my l-life b-back."
"That's wonderful, Gil." Stacey's smile was genuine. "What made you come to this decision?"
"I…" Gil looked down at his hands where they lay, shaking, in his lap. "I l-lost c-control the other d-day… and… I hurt S-Sara." Gil looked up expecting to see Stacey frowning at him for the admission, but Stacey quietly sat in his chair and listened intently. "And a friend t-talked to me about n-not g-giving up."
"That's wonderful, Gil. Friends can be a great asset in life. Do you have many friends that are like that?"
"A few." Gil nodded. "They have been a g-great c-comfort and sup-port since I was rescued."
"Well, let's talk about comfort. How do they comfort you?"
Gil thought for a long moment before he had been able to find the right answer and told Stacey of the day before, when Al had come over for a visit.
Sara had walked into the living room with Al close behind and announced his arrival. Gil looked up, surprised to see his friend.
"Hi, Al." Gil smiled. "W-What are you d-doing here?"
"Well, I have the night off so I thought I would come and see how you're doing and demand my rematch."
"R-Rematch?"
"Dominoes?" Al encouraged him to remember. "We played a month ago and you claimed that you won but I disputed it and you ran off claiming that you had some scene to go to. A likely story."
Gil smirked and told Al to stop griping and sit down. Sara laughed as she grabbed the box of dominoes from the shelf and set them on the card table between the two men, then excused herself to take a nap.
Gil and Al had set for some time playing the tile game, in companionable silence. The only conversation between them had been the calling of their moves and points. It had not been uncomfortable but Al had suggested quelling the silence.
"Gil, what do you say we put on some music?"
"That's f-fine, Al."
Al made his way over to the stereo and looked through the rack of Cd's. "Do you prefer anything, Gil?"
"N-No, just n-not too loud. I d-don't w-want to w-wake Sara or J-Jim."
Al selected one of Gil's Vivaldi concerto's and slipped the disc into the player. As he sat back down on his chair he confirmed that it was his turn and took it. "Your turn, Gil." Al said as he watched the maze of tiles, looking for his next move.
When Gil didn't respond Al looked up to tease his friend but stopped himself when he saw the teary, horrified look in Gil's eyes.
"Gil? What's wrong?"
"P-P-Please, t-turn it off." Gil begged and Al hurried across the room and did so.
He came back over to the table and pulled his chair around to sit down next to Gil who was trying to control himself, without much success.
"I'm sorry, Gil, I didn't know." Al tried to comfort his friend. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I… I…" Gil stammered then closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his sobs and swallowed against the lump in his throat. "They p-p-played that w-when they w-whipped m-me."
Al didn't know what to say. There was nothing that he could say so he sat next to his friend and put a comforting arm around Gil's shoulders as he lost control again and openly wept.
"How did it make you feel, to let Al see you like that?"
"I...," Gil began as he recalled his emotion from that moment. "I f-felt that it was okay to b-be open with him. The first day in the hospital, Al examined me b-because... I just c-couldn't... I wasn't c-comfortable with Dr. Diller..."
"You suffered a terrible trauma, Gil," Stacey said. "That is not something to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. And Dr. Diller understood."
"He allowed Al to see me," Gil recalled. "After the exam, Al... let me know he understood what I was g-going through. He understands l-loss. He l-lost his l-legs several years ago."
"And that probably makes it easier to be open with your friend, Al," Stacey confirmed.
Gil nodded and something dawned on him. "I d-don't know if I c-could have told that to J-Jim or Sara."
"And that doesn't make that a bad thing, Gil. It's good you had someone you could connect with, but you just have to make sure you don't shut out the people you love," Stacey said.
"I know," Gil said. "I-I ... some-sometimes I j-just c-can't tell them everything."
Stacey shifted just a bit before he spoke. "Gil, I wanted to tell you about a group who meets once a week, here in Vegas. It is made up of men who had been raped and are working to move forward, as you are."
Although Stacey noticed Gil fidgeting nervously, he continued. "I think you could benefit from a support group like that. I'm sure there are things you don't feel like discussing with Sara or Jim or me, but you might find that you are not alone in your feelings."
"I'm not sure about it."
"I understand that, but I would like you to consider it. These men understand the unique loss you feel, and the meeting's are strictly confidential. It's something to think about."
"I w-will," Gil said sincerely.
Stacey nodded. "Would you like to talk about your home life?"
"I'm w-worried about Sara," Gil said.
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Be kind. See that lonely, little button down there? It's oh so lonely and would love your company:D Have a great weekend everyone!
