A/N: You all have been asking me, so here is your answer:D I want to thank JellyBean for doing an awesome beta job and being a rockin' collaborator. You've pulled me through some rough spots. (did I just say rockin'?*rolls eyes*) I also want to thank all of my readers and especially those of you who have taken the time to write a review. We writers love to have our ego's stroked and I like to know what you think:)

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Chapter Twenty-Three

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"Sara, you c-can't st-stay cooped up in here with me d-day and night," said Gil, who had been trying to reason with Sara for twenty minutes. "It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to the lab. They need you there."

"You haven't even been home for two weeks, Gil. You're still having nightmares. You still can't get around very well." Sara's voice drifted off. Part of her wanted to go back to work just to return to a semblance of normal life. And the other part of her felt guilty for wanting to leave Gil when he wasn't completely healed.

I wonder if he ever will be? Sara thought to herself.

"I know w-what you're thinking, Sara, so stop it." Gil smiled.

"Really? What am I thinking?"

"You d-don't want to leave me here alone b-because I'm not... myself."

Gil struggled with the last word not because of his stutter, but because it was hard to admit what was true. Sara noticed and looked at him. Along with a tinge of embarrassment, Sara saw a hint of acceptance and humility in his admission.

"You're always you, Gil. And what you've done in the past few days... it's amazed me."

"But I'm still not myself... not G-Gil G-Grissom CSI."

Sara teetered between wanting to cry because he was right and wanting to chastise him because he can't be right. But before she could do anything, Gil spoke up again. "That d-doesn't mean that I c-can't stay by myself. Sara g-go back to work. You need it."

Sara looked down at the floor. She hated saying what was on her heart and mind, and she knew it would make him angry. "I can't... I can't leave you alone, Gil." She glanced up to see his brow furrow then looked down again. "Someone has to be here with you, I just can't bare the thought that..." Tears filled her eyes as she finally looked up at him and he knew what she was thinking.

Gil felt angry at first. Angry that she didn't trust him and angry that she looked at him the way she was. Then he remembered what Stacey had said in their last session, a few days ago. You can't look at their kindness and concern through a "pity lens"

While this still might be true for some people, Gil had to learn to understand what the ordeal was doing to his loved ones, especially Sara. Shelling and his crew didn't just upend Gil's life, they did it to Sara's as well.

Even more so, Gil thought to himself. My actions allowed her to think that way.

Gil had to look beyond his own feelings and learn to be supportive and caring of Sara's feelings. So he reacted to Sara's concerns in a way that she never expected. He gave in. "You're right, I'm sorry. W-What if o-one of the team stays here on the nights that you w-work? Then you w-won't have to w-worry about me." He saw the doubt in her eyes as she looked up at him.

"It's okay to w-want to g-go. You're still Sara."

Sara shook her head, bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath. "I'll try to get out early when I can. And no over time..."

"If you c-can help it," Gil interrupted. "I've heard that before."

The two just looked at each other. "You know," Sara said, putting her arms around Gil's neck. "Gil Grissom may not be able to work as a CSI yet, but he certainly is Gil Grissom."

"Well, that's good to know." Gil smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Let's make a couple of phone calls."

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Later that afternoon Warrick arrived in time for Sara to give him a few last minute instructions before rushing off to swing shift. Smith, one of the CSIs who worked swing had been helping to cover for graveyard. Both Gil and Sara thought that it would be a good idea to give him a night off.

As Sara shot out her instructions, the only words Warrick was able to say was, "Don't worry, we'll be fine."

Truthfully, Gil still felt annoyed that everyone felt that he couldn't be left alone, but he calmly reminded himself that it was his own fault. If he had not tried to kill himself, no matter what the reason, they would not feel so overprotective of their friend.

"You hungry, Griss?" Warrick asked as it neared dinner time.

"G-Getting there." Gil replied truthfully, to his friend's surprise and delight.

"Great, me too. What do you feel like having?" Gil shrugged. "Pizza, Chinese, Mexican?"

Gil had been unable to decide and the more Warrick asked the more confused he felt, so Warrick chose for both of them.

After they had finished dinner and they had cleaned up the mess Warrick offered to play Gil a game of chess. Gil had been somewhat pleased to get through half of the game before he was overtaken by tiredness. Warrick helped him upstairs, but stepped aside to allow Gil to get ready for bed on his own. Once Warrick knew Gil was in bed, he said his goodnight through door left ajar and went downstairs.

Catherine was to relieve Warrick in time for his graveyard shift. She arrived later than expected and apologized all over herself for making Warrick late.

"Don't worry about it," Warrick jokingly chastised. "I'm sure Nick and Sara can manage without me for an hour or so."

They both laughed as Catherine finished making the sandwich that she had started and tossed the knife into the sink and laughed as she turned around to face the younger man.

"Did you see that shirt that Hodges was wearing last night?"

"I tried not to." Warrick laughed and rolled his eyes.

Their joy was short lived when they heard the sudden screams coming from the upstairs They bolted up the stairs and Warrick was the first one through the master bedroom door to see Gil, wide-eyed and drenched with sweat, sitting up on the bed with the last of his breath escaping in the terrified noise.

Gil didn't recognize Warrick when he first came into the bedroom to ease his friend. "It's okay, Griss, it's okay! Wake up!" Warrick said in a tone that he hoped didn't sound as frantic as he felt.

Gil lashed out with his fist causing Warrick to dodge and swing around to sit on the bed behind Gil. Warrick wrapped his long arms around Gil's upper body, holding Gil close to himself as the older man struggled and began screaming anew.

"Calm down, Gil, it's all right!" Catherine said as she sat down on the bed next to him and grabbed his arms. "You're safe. Don't be scared."

As Gil began to recognize his surroundings, and then his friends, he stopped struggling against them. Exhausted by his nightmare Gil slumped back against Warrick and openly wept. Warrick held him close and when Gil covered his face with his hands, to hide the shame he felt for crying in front of them, Warrick put a hand over Gil's, solidifying his care for his mentor.

"You m-must th-think I'm a c-c-coward." Gil said as he began to calm back down.

"No, man," Warrick said softly. "You sacrificed everything to save Greg. No one could think you were a coward after doing that."

The three of them sat on the bed for a few minutes, until Gil had calmed and sat up with their help. He was soaked with sweat and shaking violently from his nightmare. Neither Catherine or Warrick had seen him this bad since his last seizure and both were surprised that he hadn't had one as a result.

"Griss," Warrick said as he stood up. "I'm going to get you a drink and some dry clothes. Do you need anything else? Medication or something?"

Gil repeatedly rubbed his hand over his head and the back of his neck. His shaking continued. "J-J-Just w-w-w-water, p-p-please."

Warrick nodded and left the room. Catherine stayed seated and stared straight ahead as she gently rubbed Gil's arm. For a full minute it was silent before Catherine spoke. "The dreams are getting really bad, aren't they?"

Gil looked down at the floor. But she could still see his head nod in the affirmative.

"Have you told Sara about them?"

With his head still downcast, he shook his head, "No."

"So, can you sleep?"

Gil sighed. He didn't want to admit that sleeping was hard, but sleeping by himself was going to be nearly impossible. "I-I-I… the n-n-nightmares…"

"They're rough. I understand."

Warrick came in with a glass of cold water and retrieved clean clothes from Gil's dresser. While Gil said he would be able to change out of his pants himself in the bathroom, the physical and mental stress of the nightmare made it painful for him to change out of his shirt. Without a word his friends lifted him out of his tee shirt and helped him put on a clean one. With Warrick's help Gil made it to the bathroom, but he was able to change and relieve himself without assistance.

"You gonna be okay here by yourself?" Warrick's concern was evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Catherine replied as she tried to restrain her troubled sigh.

"He seems to be in pretty bad shape. You should probably stay in here with him." Catherine nodded her agreement.

Gil opened the door to the bathroom and Warrick got off the bed to help Gil get settled in the bed.

"Griss, I'm gonna get going. I'm sure a hot scene awaits. You gonna be okay?"

If it weren't for the expression held in Gil's eyes, maybe his reply of, "Sure, W-Warrick. I'm okay," would have been believable.

But his eyes showed apprehension, exhaustion and fear. But Warrick didn't want Gil to know that he wasn't fooling the young man. "Okay, Grissom. You take care, you hear? Call if you need anything."

After receivingWith a smile, a nod and a whisper of "Thanks," Warrick left.

Gil gave Catherine a questioning look as she toed off her shoes. "Aren't you sleeping d-downstairs?"

"How about I stay up here."

Once again, Gil's eyes became downcast. "You d-don't…"

"Gil, it's okay. You don't have to ask." Catherine said as she climbed onto the bed. "Come on. Get under the covers. You're exhausted. I'll take Sara's side."

With a comfortable amount of space between them, Catherine rested her hand on Gil's arm.

"Thank you, C-Cath."

"Goodnight, Gil."

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Sara got home a little later than usual -- 8:45 a.m. She had not seen Warrick all night and had not called the townhouse since earlier that evening when she had spoken to Gil before he went to bed. She had wanted to call the house several times during her shift but didn't want to wake Gil or Catherine, so she restrained herself.

When she went into the bedroom, it surprised her to see Catherine asleep on her bed with a hand on Gil's arm. When Sara took a step inside Catherine woke up and gently rose on the bed, careful not to wake her bed mate.

When she saw Sara she smiled, and Sara smiled right back. "Sleeping with my man, huh?" Sara joked in a low whisper.

Catherine let out a soft chuckle. "Oh, he's a real tiger in bed, this one."

Catherine rose and both women watched as Gil stirred a bit. While Sara looked at him lovingly, concern etched on Catherine's face. "Come on," she said as she tried to lead Sara out of the room. "Let's have some coffee."

Sara nodded and placed a soft kiss on Gil's forehead. She then left the room, quietly closed the door and joined Catherine in the hall. "Cath, did something happen?"

"Right before Warrick left Gil had a nightmare… a bad one," Catherine explained as the two walked to the kitchen. Catherine told Sara what had happened and how he woke several more times, frightened and shaking.

"His therapist said that the nightmares would get worse before they got better," Sara said as she made a fresh batch of coffee. "I think him opening up in therapy is making him more susceptible to night terrors. Plus I think he's so anxious that there's been no progress in his case. And I think it bothers him that I've been spending so much time with him and not being able to go to work or go out and leave him. All that weighs down on him."

Catherine accepted a cup of coffee from Sara and stirred in some sweetener. "Is he getting better?"

"Yes," Sara said in a cautious tone. "There are good moments and bad moments."

"And how are you doing?" Catherine said. Sara shrugged, but Catherine wouldn't let her go so easy. "Sara, it's got to be hard on you. I'm sure everything is weighing down on you too… Hon… are you seeing a therapist?"

Sara took a quick sip of coffee and grimaced. More from the question than the beverage. "There'll be time for me when he gets a little better…"

"No," Catherine said. "Unacceptable. I'm not going to watch you do this to yourself."

"Cath, really," Sara said with conviction.

"Sara, don't. I know what's going on your head. You're not his mother. You're his lover. His soul mate," Catherine caught the blush rising up Sara's neck. "You're in a relationship with him and right now his wounds are your wounds. You can't expect him to move forward if you're not moving forward. Those nightmares he had this morning just about sapped me dry. At one point he just screamed for mercy, and it took me twenty minutes to calm him down."

"Catherine, I'm sorry you had to go through that," Sara said with remorse.

"I'm not. At the very least, my being here meant that you didn't have to deal with it. In some way I gave you respite. Don't feel guilty, Sara. Please. I stayed because I wanted to help, not because I wanted to make either of you through a guilt trip."

Sara's resolve began to fade. She could feel the tears emerging. She looked at Catherine and the dam broke. "I don't know what to do… for me or for him. At one point he's Gil and another he's so lost and sometimes," Sara thought back to the day when she saw that sinister look in his eyes. "Sometimes… he's not himself at all."

Catherine approached Sara and let the younger woman continue in whatever direction she wanted, whether it was searching for sympathy, venting out her anger or spilling her confused feelings. But Sara just paced and shut down. "Sara. Don't stop talking. Let it out, hon."

"No! I have to be stronger than this!"

"Okay! Than be strong enough to tell the truth and hear the truth!"

"FINE! I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS!" Sara yelled straight in Catherine's face.

Catherine grabbed Sara's shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes. "Yes. You. Can. And you know what, Sara? You will. Because here is the truth you need to hear. You can do it, but you need help. Not help for Gil. Help for Sara."

Sara looked at Catherine with tears in her eyes, but she allowed Catherine to continue. "And if Jim can't be here with Gil when you go to therapy for yourself, you're going to bring Gil to my place so he can stay with me and Lindsey. And this is going to happen immediately. You got it?"

As Sara felt Catherine's grip on her shoulders loosen, Catherine felt Sara leaning towards her. Catherine pulled Sara into a strong embrace.

"Okay, Catherine." Sara said as she finally stepped back from the hug.

"You'll call this morning?"

Sara nodded her head and took a step back. "I'll make the call after I check on Gil."

As Sara made her way up the stairs Catherine quickly caught her arm. Sara was surprised to see tears welling in Catherine's eyes. "Sara? Thank you."

"Cath, I promise you. The number is in the bedroom." Sara turned to leave before either of them started to cry.

Catherine swiped at her eyes and got her cell phone from her pocket. She had to make a call herself.

"Conrad? It's Catherine. You've left us out long enough… You know exactly what I'm talking about…What do I want? Well, what I need is to know exactly what is going on with Gil's case, and what I want is the team to be on the case immediately… I don't care right now about protocol. I want to be updated and I want it to happen this morning. … Fine. … I'll be at the lab in an hour."

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When Sara entered the bedroom, she saw Hank with his paws on the bed saying "Good morning" to his dad. Gil was still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, but Hank was quick to get off the bed when he realized that Sara was in the room.

"That's okay, boy. Paws on the bed are allowed." Sara gave him a vigorous scratch that was most appreciated by the oversized pooch. Soon enough, Hank went on his way to let Sara say hello to Gil. "Hi. I noticed you had company last night."

Although Sara meant the comment as a joke, Gil still felt ashamed of having Catherine stay with him. "I told her she d-didn't have to st-stay with m-me."

"Hey," Sara said as she sat down next to him. "I was joking with you. Catherine was worried about you. I'm glad she was here for you."

Gil stood up gingerly. He grabbed his new cane from the night stand. "How was your night?"

"Busy. I got a lot done. But I want to know about your night. I know you haven't been sleeping much, but are the dreams getting worse?" Sara watched as Gil fiddled with the top of his cane. "There's no need for you to change the subject, or worse, lie to me, Gil. Are they?"

"Yes." Gil replied in a quiet voice.

She stood and went to her nightstand. "Look, I promised Catherine that I would make a phone call. But do you want to talk about the nightmares?"

"No."

Sara sighed. "Gil, you can trust me. You should try and talk about it."

"I talked about them enough. P-Please… I d-don't w-want to fight…"

"Okay, okay," Sara could tell that he was getting agitated. "I don't want to fight either.

"Thank you. I'll let you m-make you c-call."

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With a shower and a fresh outfit, Catherine felt like she could take on the world. But at that moment she only had her sights set on one thing -- getting Conrad Ecklie to agree to pass Gil's case to grave. It was a battle she knew would begin with a soft rap on his door.

"Morning, Conrad."

"Catherine," Conrad said, rising form his desk. "So you were at Gil's. How is he?"

"Terrible," Catherine said tersely as she stood in front of Conrad's desk. "I mean, have you seen him, Conrad? He's about twenty pounds lighter, he's a nervous wreck and I don't think he's had a solid six hours of sleep since he was unconscious in the hospital."

Conrad gestured for Catherine to sit, which she did not. "Please. Catherine. Sit. This isn't a Mexican stand-off."

Catherine conceded and sat down.

"It's true. I haven't seen Gil since he was in the hospital that first day. And, I admit, I don't want to see him like that," Conrad said. "But, Catherine, don't think because I haven't seen him that his case isn't a priority."

"Well, Conrad, don't think that small comment is going to keep me from working the case," Catherine retorted. "Ask me how Gil's knee is, Conrad."

"What are you talking about, Catherine? He has a knee brace. I'm sure it's healing fine."

"Yeah, it probably would… if he didn't jump out of bed after every nightmare and try to run for the door full speed, which he can't do because he is face first on the floor the minute he puts weight on his knee."

Conrad grimaced at the thought, but Catherine continued. "But that's not even the worst part of the nightmare. Let me tell you about my morning, Conrad. Gil woke up from three, separate nightmares. And when I say woke up, I mean Gil thrashed in his bed and pleaded for mercy just like he did on those goddamn videos. When he finally opened his eyes and realized that Sara wasn't around he was convinced Shelling kidnapped Sara and was raping her. Twenty minutes, Conrad. It took me twenty minutes just to calm him down enough to realize that Sara was at work and was fine."

The memory was crystal clear in Catherine's mind.

She was lying next to Gil. He had already been awake twice before from night terrors. At five a.m. Catherine awoke to screaming. With his eyes shut tight, Gil screamed out, begging for mercy. She made out Shelling's name. Then he began to beg, "NO PLEASE DON'T! I BEG YOU! DON'T! BEAT ME! RAPE ME! PLEASE DON'T DO THAT TO HER!"

Catherine felt that she had no choice but to shake Gil awake. As he wailed in emotional pain Catherine called out his name, "Gil! IT'S CATHERINE! WAKE UP!" On the fourth try Catherine finally reached Gil and he woke. He immediately shot up and searched the room with his eyes. "Where is she? WHERE'S SARA?!"

Catherine kept her hands on Gil's shoulders. "Gil. Calm down. She's at work."

"NO! HE HAS HER!" Despite his wounded knee, Gil jumped out of bed and immediately fell to the floor. The audible crunch made Catherine cringe, but Gil still tried to crawl to the door and search for Sara.

Catherine reached down and tried to grab Gil's waist. "GIL! STOP IT! SHE'S AT WORK."

Gil turned around. He was sweaty and shaking again. Catherine couldn't tell if those were symptoms of his physical pain or his emotional turmoil. Either way, she saw the same fear, apprehension and exhaustion in his eyes that she had seen there before. "Cath… I-I-I have to f-find her. He's g-got her."

Catherine knelt on the floor and tried to get Gil to sit up. "Who's got her?"

"SHELLING! HE'S RAPING HER!"

Catherine sat down next to Gil, who continued to shake and fidget. "Gil. Stop." It was as if she was wrestling with an oversize child who wouldn't listen. "Gil. Please. STOP IT!" She got him to sit and stop moving. "You were having a nightmare. Sara's at work, and will be back in a few hours. She's right now at a scene with Jim or one of the other detectives and a bunch of cops. Shelling does not have her."

Gil shivered. The fog of the nightmare lifted. He realized where he was and who was with him. "Right. …I'm sorry. It... it just seemed so real."

"It's okay. Can you get up?"

"I need," Gil winced. His movements of a few moments ago finally caught up to him. "I need my c-cane, please."

Catherine handed him his cane and with her help, he was able rise and return to the bed. "Is that what you've been dreaming all night? Shelling getting Sara?"

He nodded. "I'm w-watching it h-happen. I'm w-watching him h-hurt her and I c-can't d-do anything." Gil's nerves seemed shot. "He's still out there and he c-could g-grab her."

"Gil, don't think like that. I don't want you to worry. That will never happen."

"C-Catherine. You know you c-can't m-make a p-p-promise like that to a v-victim."

Catherine became dumbstruck. It was difficult to hear Gil Grissom refer to himself as a 'victim.' But he was. Yet at the moment, Catherine was a friend… a friend who happened to be a CSI. She squatted down in front of him and took his shaking hands in her own steady ones.

"Gil, I'm telling you as your friend, I will make sure that when Sara is on a scene, someone is with her. And I'm telling you, Gil. We will get Shelling. Please don't lose faith in us."

Gil took a deep, shuddering breath and forced himself to calm down and nodded his head. "Okay, C-Catherine. I'm sorry. I trust you. I'm j-just… he's out there and she'll n-never b-be safe. I c-can't save her from him." His words were breaking her heart.

"We'll get him, Gil. Shelling will not be out there forever.

As those words floated in Catherine's head, she felt renewed in her fight to gain control of Gil's case. "Conrad, I sat there and promised Gil that we would get Shelling, and I'm not breaking that promise to him," Catherine continued. "There has to be something we can do. You're slammed with the murder of the supermarket heiress and the casino club drug case. Pass Gil's case to me. It can still go through you, but we can do all of the legwork."

"Catherine, if I do this your team can not run loose. Things have to go through me," Conrad said. "For Gil's sake, I want this to go as smoothly as possible."

"I understand. I do. I just don't want this to be lost in the shuffle. We're at your disposal."

Conrad sighed and retrieved the file. "We've run into a dead end with his employment records. The last job that he is on file for holding legally was flipping burgers at a local McDonalds when he was sixteen."

"The last job that he did legally?" Catherine confirmed and Conrad nodded. "What about after that?"

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A/N: I don't know about the rest of you, but my beta was a little upset with my ending. As a matter of fact she called me 'Dastardly.' LOL!!! If you have similar words that YOU would like to call me than just hit that little button down there. The one that's shaped like a candy bar. *mmm, candy*