A/N: Hey everyone, I am sorry that this is so late. I just realized that it has been a week and a half but that friggin' wheel started to spin out of control. With work, tech issues and my own apprehension about messing this chapter up I have been putting it off a little. But we're back on track remember one thing while you read this: I am NOT a lawyer:D I also wanted i=to thank you ALL for your reviews. You have thrown me over the 500 mark!!!
A BIG thank you to JellyBeanChiChi she was an AWESOME help with this chapter and a big encouragement. And also to sidle77 for offering a helping hand.
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Chapter Thirty-One
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After Jim and Catherine told Gil and Sara about O'Tool's new plea on Friday, Gil had two and a half days to think about his testimony to deliver on that Monday. There wasn't a minute that passed during the weekend in which a thought from his ordeal didn't come to mind.
He had done so well over the past couple of weeks to gradually keep those memories at bay. But now he tapped into them. He had to recall all of those memories to prepare to testify. On Saturday, the District Attorney came to the house to discuss the case and testimony. The event left Gil exhausted, Sara worried and the DA unsure if he would see Grissom at the trial.
Sleeping was a challenge for Gil. The Thursday before his party was the first night since his rescue that his sleep was unencumbered by nightmares. But sleeping through the night was a thing of the past once more. After spending the rest of Friday recalling the memories of his ordeal the nightmares hit him full force again.
His only defense for the nightmares was to avoid sleep. When Sara would ask him to come to bed he would say that he would be up in a little while but would never ascend the stairs. Sara would lie in bed until she couldn't take it anymore and go back downstairs and try to comfort him, or putter around the house when he insisted he was fine.
Sara had been valiant in her efforts to keep Gil distracted, but her efforts were to no real avail. Just as he dwelled on his memories, Sara found herself doing the same. The trial would be brutal to witness, but she had to be there for him.
Perhaps they needed more help. When both Gil and Sara started therapy Stacey gave them his cell phone number for emergencies. He had told Gil and Sara he trusted them with the number, and said if things become to tough to handle, to give him a call.
After the DA's visit, Sara called Stacey Saturday afternoon. The news of the trial troubled Stacey.
"How is Gil doing?"
"He hasn't slept at all. Maybe a catnap or two, but wakes from nightmares, so he hasn't bothered trying to sleep anymore. He sits and dwells on the memories from his kidnapping and attack. I can see it all coming back to him, Stacey, and all the shame and self-hatred coming with it."
"And how are you doing, Sara?"
She paused and swallowed the lump in her throat. "It's tough to see him like this. And it's tough to think what will happen in the courtroom."
"Sara… would you like me to meet you and Gil at the courthouse, and be there for support?"
Sara let out a troubled sigh. "You don't have to do that."
"I know I don't have to do it, Sara, but I would like to as long as it won't make either of you uncomfortable."
Sara thought for a long moment. "I'd like that. Thank you, Stacey."
"You're very welcome, Sara. Is Gil there? I would like to talk to him for a moment if I may."
Sara handed the phone to Gil and told him who was on the line. "Hello?"
"Hello, Gil, it's Stacey. Sara told me what's going on. How are you handling it?"
"Okay," Gil sighed. "I just… I don't know if I can do this."
"Well, Gil, you don't have to do this…"
"Yes, I know that. But if I don't O'Tool w-will w-walk and I just can't let that happen. It w-would go against everything that I've stood for. I just… I just don't know if I'm strong enough to testify."
"Gil, you are one of the strongest men I have ever met. And deep down inside of you there is a strength and courage that will you tap into when you get onto that witness stand. And Sara will be there, and she has asked me to be there. Will that bother you if I am there?"
Gil thought for a moment before giving his reply. "No, I… w-would be grateful."
"Than I will see you Monday morning at nine?"
"Yes, and… thank you, Stacey."
Stacey smiled on the other end of the line. "You are very welcome, Gil. Try and get some rest. Focus on the breathing exercises and pick up your journal. Read over the entries you have written during your recovery."
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At six o'clock Monday morning the bedside alarm beeped and Gil reached over and shut it off. Both he and Sara had laid in bed all night but neither of them had really slept. Gil pushed himself up and sat on the edge of the bed. Hank came around and sat in front of him, watching him anxiously.
"Morning, boy." Gil said without enthusiasm and scratched him behind his ears.
Sara watched him as he pushed himself up off the bed and hobbled into the bathroom. She looked down at his knee and knew that it was hurting him more these days although he never said anything about it. Gil was an impatient man and that mixed with his nightmares meant that he had spent all too much time on his feet.
Because he had spent the weekend refreshing the memories of his kidnapping everything seemed to trigger a memory or flashback that morning. When he drank the glass of water down with his pills his body shook as he flashed back to Shelling forcing him to drink down the bottle of water. When he took off his boxers and t-shirt he flashed back to those animals stripping him of his clothes as they laughed in anticipation.
Gil stepped into the shower and turned on the faucet and was instantly hit by a cold blast of water while the temperature adjusted. He fell hard against the wall and slammed his eyes shut as he was assaulted with images and sounds. The image of Michael O'Tool standing over him with the empty metal bucket in hand after reviving Gil from unconsciousness. The sound of Rubin Denalgio's laugh as he poured the ice water over Gil's back and watched him try to squirm away. The feeling of Denalgio throwing him against the cold cement wall and the feeling of O'Tool backhanding hard across the face several times after he had passed out from the pain.
Gil felt a renewed sense of shame as he remembered his own willingness to give in so that his suffering would end. Gil felt so bitter and his self-hatred began to renew itself at the thought that he had been broken so quickly. He began punching his right thigh to release the quickly growing rage in him as the memories continued to assault him.
He did not hear Sara enter the bathroom, and he did not hear her enter the shower. He jumped when she grabbed his fist, stopping him in mid-punch. He opened his eyes and looked at her as his body continued to shake.
"Talk to me," she pleaded as she cupped his face with her hands.
"I can't do this." Gil looked down at the floor, the shame all too evident in his eyes. "I can't face him."
"You can. Your strong enough."
Gil reluctantly looked up at her. "They b-broke me, Sara." He looked back down at the floor as he fought the tears that were struggling to fall free. "I… I j-just w-wanted it to st-stop. I tried to fight it b-but… I c-couldn't take any more p-pain." He looked up at her with pleading eyes as he felt the need to explain his self- hatred and doubt. "It hurt so b-bad, Sara, I just w-wanted it to stop… that's all."
Sara didn't try to stop her own tears as she pulled him into her embrace. He had always been a strong man and he still was, she knew that. But despite the progress he had made in the last weeks she could still see the self-hatred in his eyes. She held him tight as he cried on her shoulder.
"You were trying to make it out of there alive, Gil, and you were being brutalized. That doesn't make you weak or broken, baby, that means you're human and that you have limits like the rest of us."
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As it came close to the time for them to leave the doorbell rang and Sara answered it. When she came back into the living room she was leading Jim who smiled and wished Gil a good morning.
Gil looked up at him in surprise. "W-What are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd drive you two to the courthouse." Jim said with a small smile.
By the time they arrived Gil felt like he was in a fish bowl. He could see all that was going on around him but it all felt distant and muffled. Jim had driven his car into the parking garage and turned to look at his friends who sat side by side in the back seat.
"Umm… did either of you watch the news Friday night?"
Sara shook her head and admitted that they hadn't watched any television all weekend.
"They reported the trial Friday night on the news." Jim cringed inside when he saw the horrified looks in their eyes. "They didn't give details about you, Gil, they never even mentioned your name. But they said that O'Tool had been involved in the kidnapping and sexual assault of a highly-regarded crime scene investigator. So there may be a few vultures in there looking for a story."
It took a little reassuring on Sara's part for Gil to find the courage to get out of the car. They took the elevator up the few floors needed and when the doors opened the three friends stepped out. Sara stood to Gil's left and Jim to his right as they walked down the corridor to where the courtroom was.
As Jim had predicted they saw several reporters with their cameras and microphones waiting to catch a glimpse of the victim. When they saw the three companions walk towards the courtroom doors they raced to them to get the first interview. Gil squeezed Sara's hand hard and Jim took his elbow as he felt his friend tense.
"Doctor Grissom! Doctor Grissom!" One young man yelled. "Are you the investigator that was attacked by Michael O'Tool?"
"Are their claims of you being his gay lover true?" Asked another.
Jim and Sara pushed their way forward, but there were too many who demanded answers and Gil began to shake violently as they surrounded him. Two tall and familiar figures stepped in front of the three and began pushing the reporters aside so they could get through to the courtroom. Then they felt two more people step up behind them and push them forward as the two men worked their way towards the courtroom with the companions, while keeping the reporters at bay.
Once inside the two officers shut the doors, effectively locking the reporters out. Jim, Sara and Gil looked to see who had come to their rescue and were a little surprised to see that it had been Nick and Warrick who had held back the reporters and Catherine and Greg who had pushed them forward.
Sara whispered thank you to them and Jim nodded in agreement. Gil was still too shaken to say anything, but they understood and took their seats in the back. Jim and Sara walked Gil up the center aisle to sit behind the District Attorney. When he saw them take their seats the DA turned and smiled at them.
"I'm glad that you decided to testify, Doctor Grissom." He said in a low voice. Since meeting with Gil on Saturday, the DA was unsure whether Grissom would follow through and show up. But he would not have blamed the older man if he hadn't.
Gil turned slightly in his seat when he heard Stacey speak his name. "Hi, Gil, how are you doing?"
"I'm nervous." Gil said quietly. "I still don't know if I can do this."
"Gil, don't forget how strong you are. You have the strength and courage to get up on that stand and tell the jury what O'Tool did to you. You can do this."
Stacey's words rang in Gil's ears as his eyes fell on Michael O'Tool who sat on the other side of his defense attorney. He looked different with his head shaved and the new tattoos he wore, but when he looked back over his shoulder at Gil for a brief moment Gil recognized his eyes.
When Michael looked away Gil bowed his head and closed his eyes as his breathing increased and became ragged. Sara gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and he forced himself to calm. The bailiff stepped forward and asked them all to rise for the honorable judge and when they did Gil felt like his legs would collapse.
Gil sat silently as the DA and defense attorney gave their opening statements. He had not heard what they said about him and O'Tool except for certain words and phrases. He tried to shut it out for the most part to keep himself calm.
The DA began to present his case, calling Conrad Ecklie as his first witness. He showed the bull whip and roach clips that were used to torture Gil, asking the investigator if he recognized them.
"Yes," Conrad replied. "I collected those at the warehouse where we found Grissom and back at the lab we collected blood samples from all of them and sent them to our DNA lab. There they confirmed that all of the DNA collected from all of the items was in fact Dr. Grissom's."
"And do these shackles look familiar, Mr. Ecklie?"
"Yes, those we also found in the warehouse and it was confirmed that the blood sample we collected from those was in fact Dr. Grissom's DNA. All of the items found match the wounds that Doctor Grissom sustained during his captivity."
Ecklie's testimony included the introduction of further evidence, including crime scene photos and medical reports on Grissom's condition.
The DA interviewed Jim, as he was the first officer on the scene, and when he stated that he had been the one to shoot and kill Rubin Denalgio he had not mistaken the look of gratitude in Michael's eyes when he looked up at the detective for a brief moment. And when they DA showed the two disks of Gil being raped and the one of Gil being whipped Gil kept his eyes closed and his head bowed as he began to shake violently. Sara rubbed his back as he struggled to control himself. The sounds of their voices and the words that they spoke to him brought it all back in a rush, and as the videos played he relived every moment again in his memory.
The defense lawyer had not been easy in his cross examinations of the witnesses. He had asked them about Gil's personal life and his work record. Ecklie was asked whether he believed Grissom would be capable to keep a secret homosexual relationship a secret.
"I don't believe so," Ecklie said.
"Did you know about his supposed relationship with his subordinate, Sara Sidle?" the lawyer asked.
"I... I had my ideas, but nothing confirmed about it."
"So he effectively kept it a secret."
"Yes, but it wasn't a surprise..."
"That's all, Mr. Ecklie."
The defense attorney asked Jim about a case Gil had worked the previous year where he had asked the judge to go easy on a young, gay man. Jim had argued that it had nothing to do with the young man's sexual orientation but the defense had stated that it did indeed seem that Grissom leaned toward standing up for homosexual's and their rights.
When the DA called Gil to the stand he had to repeat the request as Gil hadn't heard his name the first time. Sara squeezed his hand and nodded when he looked at her. Gil grabbed the railing and used it for leverage to stand. He moved past Jim to get into the aisle and slowly and nervously made his way to the witness box.
Gil took the oath and sat down. The DA approached the stand and asked him to state and spell his full name for the record. "Doctor Grissom, had you ever seen or met the defendant before your kidnapping?"
"No."
"The defendant claims that you and he are actually gay lovers and that the two of you were making a bondage-discipline, sado-masochism pornographic video together, and that in fact that was what the video of the two of you together is. Is this true Doctor Grissom?"
"No, it is not." Gil took a deep breath and steeled himself against the coming request.
"Doctor Grissom, in your own words, could you please tell the court exactly what happened to you from the phone call from Reggie Shelling on Mr. Sander's phone to being rescued by detective Brass?"
Gil took another deep breath and steadied himself as he felt a sudden wave of nausea crash over him and remain. He told all of the grueling and grotesque details as he could remember them. He hadn't missed a beat except for the things that he had been unconscious for. Even when the DA showed him the whip and clips and shackles he maintained like granite.
"That is all your honor." The young DA said as he sat back down.
Gil took another deep breath as the defense lawyer stood up and addressed him. "Doctor Grissom, I want you to know that we all understand how difficult this has been for you. And that you have been through a horrible ordeal. In today's society homosexual's are gaining their rights but still struggle against the bigotry of people in their everyday lives...."
"Objection, your honor," the DA stood up. "Is there a question there?"
"Your honor, I'm just letting the witness know it is understandable he would fear my client, Mr. O'Tool, from revealing the truth about their sexual relationship."
"Move along, counselor," the judge said. "Get to the question."
"Yes, your honor," the attorney said, returning his attention to Gil. "Mr. Grissom, isn't it true that you have had a relationship with my client in the past?"
"No." Gil said, almost mechanically.
"Mister Grissom, need I remind you that you are under oath? My client has said, in a written statement, that you and he have been lovers for the past year and that the making of the video was your idea. He also states that he was not a willing participant in the kidnapping of you or your young colleague, Mr. Sanders. But that he was forced by Reggie Shelling and Rubin Denalgio into those acts."
The lawyer watched Gil's interaction with Sara and the way he had maintained eye contact with her during the DA's questioning, and still did now. So the attorney stepped in front of Sara, blocking her from Gil's vision. "I have phone records showing that you called Mr. O'Tool many times." He held the paper out for Gil to see. "Is that not your number?"
Gil looked at the paper, forgetting about his glasses, and squinted hard to see it. The numbers looked a little blurred but he didn't recognize the number as his cellular, home or work phone numbers. Yet, he felt unsettled the lawyer would bring up in court a fictitious number.
"I-I don't r-r-recognize that number." He felt coloring rising in his cheeks as he began stuttering again.
"You don't?" The defense attorney became bold knowing he had confused Gil. "That's not your number?"
"N-n-no," Grissom said. He took a deep breath to calm himself. "No. That is not my cellular number, my home number, my pager nor my work number."
"Perhaps none of those. But isn't it the number of a prepaid cellular phone you used for the sole purpose of calling Michael O'Tool?"
Grissom understood what was happening. He never had a phone like that, but there was no way to prove the phone never existed. Again he took a deep breath. "I n-n-n ... never owned a pre-prepaid phone for the sole purpose of calling Michael O'Tool. I never talked to him..."
The attorney cut him off. "On the night in question, Mister Grissom, isn't it, in fact, true that Michael O'Tool never initiated the acts upon you?"
"During my kidnapping, he r-r-raped me," Gil's knuckles turned white as he clenched the arms of the chair. He wished he could see Sara, and all the eyes watching him unnerved him more.
"But he was told to do so, isn't that right, Mister Grissom?"
"I don't know ... I just remember him r-r-raping me."
"And Reggie Shelling was the one who tortured you and Rubin Denalgio was the one who whipped you."
"Y-Yes, b-but…"
"Not my client. Isn't it true that after Rubin Denalgio forced you to give him oral sex that he told my client to do the same?" The lawyer raised his voice to be sure that all heard him.
"Y-Yes." Gil had remembered hearing Denalgio say it.
"And isn't it also true that after Reggie Shelling and Rubin Denalgio anally raped you Mr. Denalgio told my client to do the same?"
"I-I-I d-don't re-m-member." Gil had been in so much pain and shock at that point that he truly couldn't remember what had been said by his captors.
"Then what do you remember, Mister Grissom? Do you even remember my client being there?" The lawyer's tone was abrupt and unnerving.
Gil closed his eyes for a moment. The memories flashed through his mind continuously, and as he maintained his grip on the arms of the chair he began to shake again as he felt his defenses crumbling and the nausea begin to overtake him. He had to get out of this room.
"Doctor Grissom, answer the question please." The judge said, startling Gil from his state.
Gil steeled himself again as he raised his head and the lawyer swallowed nervously. He saw the emotion in Gil's eyes shift from embarrassment to steely professionalism covering his controlled rage.
"Yes, I remember him being there. I remember being chained to the w-wall w-while he stepped down on my genitals." Gil maintained a leveled glare on the other man. "I remember begging him to stop. I remember him telling me that the pain w-would stop w-when I performed oral sex on him." Gil drew ragged breaths as he struggled to maintain. "I remember finally giving in after I had already passed out once from the pain. I did what he told me to do even though it sickened me then and it sickens me now. Then I remember him molesting my genitals while he rammed a large, phallic device in my anus. It was painful. It was demeaning. And it was torture."
Gil's control was beginning to slip away as he fought to stay in the chair and not run for the door. He could feel the bile rising in his throat as he finished his testimony. "And after he made me ejaculate I remember him zipping up his pants and saying, 'You liked it, you faggot.' I am not a homosexual and have never been in homosexual relationship in my life. But what he did to me had nothing to do with sexual orientation. It had to do with power, pain and control. And while he did all that to me, counselor, Shelling and Denalgio were nowhere in sight. He chose alone to do those things to me against my will. I have never seen or had any prior contact with Michael O'Tool before I was taken. But he participated in my kidnapping and my repeated rape and torture."
The lawyer was unnerved by the look in Gil's eyes and the tone of his voice. There was no way to undo what he had done letting Grissom speak. "I have no further questions, your honor." He took his seat next to O'Tool.
The judge told Gil that he could step down and he did so, stiffly. He paused for just a moment as he glared at O'Tool, but the younger man kept his head down and would not look at the investigator. Gil walked down the aisle, passing Sara, but held his head high and forced himself not to rush. Sara and Jim followed and when they got to the door Stacey and the team left with them.
As Jim got out of his seat he had noticed a few of the female jury members swipe at their eyes as their tears began to fall. And he hadn't missed the look on a few of the faces of the men who were younger than Gil. They were disgusted by what the videos revealed and there was not one of them that hadn't turned a glare on O'Tool. As the companions reached the door the judge brought down his gavel and ordered a recess until the following morning.
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A/N: This is the part where I beg and cry for you to tell me how you liked it and what you thought. That okay, I'll do it, I'm not proud...:D
