A/N: I call to order this meeting the Writers In The Closet Association. I hope this means I'm getting my steam back and picking the pace back up:) BTW, our W.I.T.C.A. branch in Texas is on board and we are growing!!!

Acknowledgments: Hmmm... There are too many people to speak of in one note, but I guess the biggest one would be my beta JellyBean, who helped me realize that... well let's just say that some things are best left buried in the ground under a boulder mound.

Warning: To those who are about to read this stop and go no further. There is graphic sex in the following chapter that should be read by no one. As a matter of fact it was considered so graphic that the editors decided to cut it from the text. So please disregard this warning. Thank you.

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Chapter Thirty-Four

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After leaving the courthouse, Michael O'Tool was taken back to his cell. He sat on his bunk with his head in his hands for some time before composing himself and opening the journal he had been allowed to have. He pulled out the envelope that contained the letter he had written to his mother a few days prior.

He caressed the creases on the plain, white envelope and ran a finger over her name and address. He had been out of contact with her for so long that he didn't even know if she was still alive or not, and if she was he was sure she would tear it up before even opening it. But he would try anyways and later that day he handed it off when the mail was brought around.

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The lunch with his friends had been good despite Gil's nervousness at being out in public and around so many people. He watched the other patrons nervously until he would catch himself and quickly look down at his plate while trying to refocus his attention on the conversation. He sat at the back of the table, with his back to the wall and Sara at his side. She quietly held his hand, under the table, and whenever their male waiter would approach she would squeeze his hand reassuringly. They had all enjoyed the conversation and food and when the bill came Gil snatched it up, despite the many protests, and said that it was the least that he could do after all they had done for him and Sara.

After saying their goodbyes in the parking lot they all went their separate ways and Gil and Sara climbed into her car and headed for home. After stepping through the door and closing it Gil took Sara's hand, causing her to face him. He looked deep into her eyes as he reached out and caressed her face. Silently he pulled her close and tenderly kissed her lips.

Sara deepened the kiss as she brought her hands up his arms and caressed his neck and shoulders. She pulled back and looked up at him for a moment and quietly whispered, "I love you." Gil took her hand again and lead her up the stairs and into the bedroom. He quietly helped her out of her clothes and she did the same for him. He claimed her lips again with his own as he ran his hands down her back and gently caressed her body with each motion.

Gil slowly backed her up until they reached the bed and with strong arms he lifted her and helped her scoot back. She lay back across sheets as he covered her body with his own. He went back to kissing her and soon began to trail kisses down her neck. He began to sing to himself between each kiss, making Sara laugh.

"Happy birthday to me…" He kissed her neck. "Happy birthday to me…" He kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear. "Happy birthday dear Gil…" He kissed her collar bone. "Happy birthday to me." He looked back up at Sara, his love for her shining in his eyes.

"You look like a monkey…" Sara chimed in causing Gil to laugh.

"Oh, thanks," he grinned and became serious again as he claimed her mouth once more.

Sara pushed on his shoulders causing him to pull back and look at her curiously and she smiled lovingly. "This is my birthday gift to you."

He rolled with her until he lay on his back and she lay on her side with a leg draped over his. Sara propped herself up on her elbow and leaned down to press soft kissed across his chest. She took her time to slowly lick his nipples with the tip of her tongue and she ran gentle fingers through the hair on his chest. She leaned forward and kissed him full on the lips, taking his tongue into her mouth and gently sucking on it as she stroked her thumb back and forth over his nipple.

When Sara was done she lifted her head and moved her hand to tease his other nipple. "This is for you today. In celebration of being able to spend another year of my life with you."

She kissed him again then trailed kisses down his firm jaw line. She loved the tickle of his whiskers on her lips and when she stopped at his ear she ran the tip of her tongue around each rim, causing him to shudder. Gil was not used to not being in control. He loved to pleasure Sara and loved to be the one in control of their love making. When Sara looked down into his eyes she recognized his unease and a gentle smile caressed her features. She straddled his waist on all fours and leaned over him.

He drew in a deep, shuddering breath at the sight of her full breasts hanging before him. Sara's smile grew when Gil swallowed hard and reached unsteady hands up to caress them. When he was just barely skimming her breasts she lowered herself until they filled his large hands. The feel of his hands on her skin, especially her breasts, had always thrilled her and she felt her body's rhythm change to meet his.

She returned to kissing his body and worshiping every inch. Sara alternated between soft kisses and gentle licking as she made her way down his chest and stomach. When she reached his thighs her lips did not go near his shaft but she wrapped her hand around his semi-erect cock and slowly began to pump it. She kissed and licked her way down to his knees and back, taking extra time to lick the sensitive skin of his inner thighs. The slight bump of each scar never even registered with her as her attention focused on the change of his body. She held his shaft firmly in her hand as she ran her thumb back and forth over the head. Alternating between strokes and circles.

Sara continued this as she leaned down and began pressing kisses over his balls When she took his full sack into her mouth and gently sucked on it he grabbed the sheets and arched his back. Gil hadn't been ready for that and the sensation that it caused almost made him cum right then.

"Shit!" He panted. "Holy shit... Sara... you keep that up... and I'm not gonna last." He looked down at her and the challenging grin that crossed her lips made Gil drop his head back down on the pillow as he groaned loudly. "You're not gonna... let me last... are you?"

"That's all up to you, darling." Sara said as she reached a finger down and gently stroked it across the sensitive skin below his balls, while being careful not to touch his anus. Gil's eyes went wide at the sensation and he involuntarily thrust himself up into her hand.

Sara lowered her mouth to the tip of his shaft and sucked on the head for a moment before taking his full length into her mouth. As she slowly worked her way up and down his shaft, alternating between sucking her way down and licking her way up, she began to hum. All while massaging his balls. It took Gil a long moment before he realized what she was doing. He lifted his head to look at her and she paused for just a moment to grin at him, as he realized she was humming the birthday song. The pause was just enough so that when she started again it threw him over the edge.

Sara had taken him deep into her throat and his eyes rolled back as his head dropped to the pillow and he thrust up into her mouth, shooting his cum down her throat. She swallowed every drop hungrily and stretched out next to him as he slowly came back down from his emotional high. Sara slowly stroked his body with her hands as he calmed and when Gil began to focus again he took her hand and held it over his heart as he reached up with his other hand and brought her head down for a deep, satisfied kiss and tasted himself in her mouth.

"You taste good," Sara chuckled when they broke the kiss.

"I wouldn't know, all I can taste is your love for me."

He rolled them over and continued kissing her as he paid her the same homage that she had paid him. He looked up at her and grinned. "Consider this my birthday wish."

Gil settled himself between her open legs and kissed her belly where the tiny life grew inside before going a little lower and kissing her soft patch of curls. Sara watched him with hungry eyes as he parted her silken folds and breathed deep of her scent. She glistened like so many diamonds in the afternoon sun and he slowly laid down between her legs and flicked his tongue across her exposed clit. Gil carefully pulled back the hood covering the sensitive bundle of nerves and flicked his tongue across it a few more times eliciting a gasp and moan from his lover.

He carefully nipped at her lips with his teeth before running his tongue fully around them. It was Sara's turn to writhe below her beloved and she grabbed the sheets and thrust into Gil's mouth when he took her clit into his mouth and began to gently suck on it. As he listened to her moan and felt her writhe beneath him Gil felt his shaft begin to harden again. With a last few flicks of his tongue Sara went over the edge. Her body clenched as she pulsed below him and he quickly thrust his tongue into her, intensifying her orgasm. When she finally came back down he let her go and began kissing his way up her body. When he reached her breasts she let him pay special attention to her nipples before cupping his head with her hands and pulling him up to kiss him full on the lips.

Their flavors combined in each other's mouths as their tongues danced with each other and Sara reached down to grasp the new erection she felt prodding her and helped to line him up with her once again aroused center. Gil quickly thrust himself deep within her, unable to stop himself. She gasped at the sudden feeling and matched his thrusts as he forced himself to slow them down so they both could enjoy the feeling of not only their own but their partner's building climax. Sara matched his thrusts, raising her hips each time to meet his. As he concentrated on being slow and steady he rested his face in the crook of her neck and she wrapped her arms around his neck and held a hand to the back of his head.

"God, Sara... you feel... so good." He panted with each thrust. He lifted his head to look at her. "You're... where I... belong."

Gil dipped his head and kissed her again. His tongue thrust in and out of her mouth, matching the thrusts of his hips. Sara ran her hands up and down his back, lightly raking her finger nails across his flesh. Their thrusts quickened as they felt their climax's coming upon them faster than before. Sara wrapped her legs around his waist, taking him deeper inside until they both reached the edge and felt like they flew on the wings of doves. They both came at the same time and as Gil threw his head back, Sara's name crying from deep within his throat, Sara's whole body clenched around him and the passionate cry that came from her lips was impossible to translate.

When Gil was fully spent he fell into Sara's arms and she hugged him close despite her own exhaustion as she felt him slowly soften inside her. When he recovered a little Gil relieved her of his crushing weight as he rolled them onto their sides. He remained inside her, neither of them in a hurry to have him withdraw, and their legs remained intertwined as they lay in each other's arms. Sara became concerned when Gil's eyes began to tear.

"What's wrong, baby?" She asked as she caressed his cheek.

"That was the second best birthday gift anyone has ever given me." Sara pressed kisses across his mouth and face as tears welled in her own eyes and he returned the loving gesture.

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Later that afternoon Sara awoke next to Gil and propped herself up on her elbow as she looked down at his sleeping form. The hot afternoon sun peeked through the curtains and blinds. They lay naked, side by side and her eyes wandered over his body as its only movement was the slow rise and fall of his breathing.

He had gained a little weight back as his appetite had been renewed and she noted how good he looked to her. He lay on his left side, facing her, and Sara had a good view of the scars that were beginning to form on his chest and stomach where the scabs were healing. She gently caressed each one as she ran a finger over them and down to his stomach. He inhaled deeply and she smiled when he reached up and took her hand.

"Good afternoon, doctor." Sara whispered as she pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

Gil moaned into her mouth as he returned the gesture and rolled onto his back, taking her with him. Sara laughed as she was dragged onto his chest and he held her close. Sara spoke softly as she placed kisses across his bare chest. "I'm worried about your knee. It got a little more of a workout than Dr. Diller would approve of." They both chuckled. "You need your pain pills?"

Gil became suddenly serious and gently pushed her aside as he sat up and on the edge of the bed. "Sara, I… um… I…" Sara sat up beside him and took his hand as she watched him struggle to find the words he wanted to say. "I can't take those anymore."

"Why not?"

"Sara," Gil looked at her and the shame in his eyes tugged at her heart as she waited for what she knew he was going to say. "I started to abuse them. I started taking more than what I was supposed to. It was an accident at first. I was in a hurry because my knee hurt really bad one day and I hadn't realized that I had taken one too many until I after had, but they made me feel… better. They made the pain go away, but also the shakes and the anxiety. I only did for a week or so."

"What made you stop?"

"I was on the phone, calling Dr. Diller." He shook his head in disgust. "I had my lie all prepared, I was going to tell him that I had dropped some of them down the drain. I knew my shakes would have made it believable. But I got to thinking about what I would be doing with the trust he had shown me, and it made me think of the trust that you and the others have shown me and I don't want to damage that." He looked down at his hands where they rested in in his lap. "You're probably upset with me. I understand..."

"No," Sara smiled. "I thought it looked like some of your pills were missing yesterday when I got you your painkillers, but…" she took his hand and interlaced their fingers. "You've seen that you needed to stop. No one had to catch you and tell you that. I'm proud of you, Gil, and it makes me love you even more. If that's at all possible."

Gil smiled at her and she kissed his lips before pulling back. "Are you in pain?"

"A little. I took the pain pills before we left this morning, just so I could sit in court, but I haven't since and I don't want to."

"Okay," she nodded, not wanting an argument and deciding not to push. "Why don't we get some clothes on and get your leg up, and I'll go get some ice packs."

Sara had helped Gil to the bathroom and then helped him to bed down for the night and get comfortable with his injured knee propped up on extra pillows. By the time she brought him some supper most of the medication had worn off and the intense pain lessened his appetite. Sara set their dishes aside and helped him to lay back down again before settling in beside him.

Sara sat in a chair beside the bed and wiped the sweat off his forehead with a cool cloth and alternated between ice packs and a heating pad on his knee as he fought the shooting pains that ran up and down his leg, and at some points even spread into his hip and groin. He clutched the sheets beneath him until his fingers ached. It hurt her to see him in so much pain and she wished she could take it from him and bare it herself. Knowing she couldn't she stayed by his side throughout the night until he was finally overtaken by exhaustion in the early hours of the morning and fell into an uneasy sleep.

Sara nestled down beside him and rested her head next to his on the pillow. She caressed his cheek, enjoying the feel of his beard, and fell asleep knowing that she would be there when he woke and would continue to nurse him through his struggle and hopefully be able to soothe some of his pain.

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Gil was woken a few hours later by the pain shooting through his leg and when it stopped he relaxed back into the pillow and realized that Sara was cuddled in his arms. He had no idea how long they had been sleeping but he was sure that it wasn't long enough, and he saw the dark circles under her eyes and wondered how much worse he looked.

He reached a hand up and gently ran his fingers through her hair. He marveled at how strong she had been for both of them, despite how hard it must have been on her. To have put up with all the trouble that he had put her through and not call it quits simply amazed him. He remembered everything after waking up in the hospital, and she had stayed with him through it all. Through the mistrust and fear, the nightmares and flashbacks, the seizures and outbursts. Even when he had tried to end it all she had never once hinted a desire to leave him.

As he watched this wonderfully, amazing woman sleep beside him Gil realized how happy he wanted her to be, and how happy that he wanted to make her. In that moment he decided that he wanted to take their relationship to a whole new level and he hoped that she felt the same way.

When Sara woke she looked up to see him smiling down at her. "Good morning, baby, how do you feel?"

"A little better," he lied and leaned over to kiss her.

"Still hurts a lot, huh?" The concern evident in her eyes.

"I can never lie to you, can I?" Gil grinned.

"No." Sara said casually as she sat up and looked at the clock. "You still have an appointment with Dr. Diller this morning. Do you want me to reschedule it?"

"No," Gil sighed as he pushed himself to sit up. "I should keep it."

It was a slow and painful process getting ready. Sara had to help him get on clean boxers and cargo shorts, and dressed his feet for him. As they made their way down the stairs his knee gave out just three steps down. Sara grabbed his arms when he dropped fast and grabbed for the railing. Jim, who had let himself in, heard the crash on the staircase and ran over to see what had happened. When he saw Gil sprawled, face first, half way down the stairs he ran up the steps and helped Sara pull him to his feet.

"Thanks," Gil grunted through clenched teeth, then looked up and realized that it was Jim who had helped him, as he had gone back to living at his house a few days before. Despite his willingness to stay Gil had kindly insisted that he didn't need Jim to 'baby sit' him anymore. "What are you doing here?"

"Sara called me," Jim slung one of Gil's arms around his neck while Sara stepped down in front of them, to catch him if he fell again, and Gil gripped the railing. "She said you weren't doing so well with your knee and that you might need help getting to the doctor's office and back."

Gil thanked him as the three friends made their slow descent down the stairs and they settled him onto the couch. Sara made him some coffee and toast, which he only ate half of, and when she brought him medication he refused the pain pills. Jim watched this curiously but said nothing.

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When they got to the hospital Sara got a wheelchair and despite Gil's constant protest she insisted that he sit in it. He complied when Jim positioned himself in front of Gil and Sara wheeled the chair up behind him. Gil fixed a steely glare on the detective and Jim only smiled.

"That may work on Stokes or Sanders, Gil, but not me. Now, are you going to sit down or am I going to sit you down?"

Gil never softened his glare but conceded and sat down in the wheelchair. Jim offered to wheel him into the doctor's office but Sara said that she could manage. Diller greeted them with an enthusiastic smile and was surprised when Gil shook his hand. He examined all of Gil's wounds and took X-rays of his knee and ribs.

Gil and Sara sat in quietly in the office, several minutes later, and waited as Diller looked at the X-rays in his hand. "Well, there is good news and bad news." He looked at the couple. "The bad news, Gil, is that your knee has not gotten any better. In fact, according to these X-rays, the fracture is, in fact, worse than it originally was. You have not been doing what I told you, have you?"

Gil shook his head. "It's been… difficult."

"I understand that, Gil, but unfortunately we're looking at a knee replacement now. I'll set up to meeting with an orthopedic surgeon." Sara gave Gil's hand a reassuring squeeze and Diller continued. "The good news is that the rest of your wounds are looking very good. I'm going to give you a prescription for a medicated massage oil. Sara can rub it over your wounds and it will reduce the appearance of the scars that are going to be inevitable. Have you been taking your medications regularly?"

Gil and Sara looked at each other before he replied. "Yes, but I, uh…" Diller watched and waited as Gil struggled to tell the truth and his embarrassment showed on his face. "I started to… abuse the pain pills." Gil saw Diller raise his eyebrows and hurried to explain. "It was an accident at first… but not after the first time. It only went on for a week or so, and I realized what I was doing and last night I stopped taking the medication completely."

"I see," Diller looked down at his file before setting it aside. "Gil, do you need help with this? Professional help? I can set you up with a counselor if you would like."

"No, thank you, doctor." Gil shook his head. "Sara has helped me get through it and now I just need to deal with the pain."

Diller typed a few things into Gil's file on the computer as Gil let out a sigh of defeat. He wondered if Diller was labeling him as an addict. When the doctor looked back at them Gil had to force himself to look up at the other man.

"All right, Gil, I'm going to leave you on this medication. As long as you feel comfortable. Although you took extra pills, I don't believe your body became addicted to them. But, Gil, it can become easy to become dependent on them. I'm sure Sara will keep an eye on the amount you are taking, and I hope you respect that and not resent it. And I'm putting trust in you, Gil. If you feel you are starting to abuse, you alert me immediately and we will have you go to counseling." Diller smiled warmly at the other man.

Gil returned the doctor's smile. "You have my word, doctor."

They took the prescriptions and set up an appointment to meet with the surgeon the following week. As they drove home Gil couldn't help but to think how this could have possibly been avoided. He never would have gone through any of this if it hadn't been for his job, and he found himself wondering if he would ever be able to work as a CSI again after all that he had been through. It just felt so different to him now.

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A/N: And you thought that I'd actually cut some smut;) Hey, does anyone know a more romantic word for balls??? Push my button and let me know:D