A/N: Thank you all for being very patient and not harassing me when I went past my usual one week post time. Life has been nuts and gotten in the way but here it is I hope you enjoy. A big thank you to JellyBeanChiChi for the beta job.

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Chapter Thirty-Nine

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"Hey," Catherine said as she knocked on the door to Sara's hospital room.

Sara looked up from where she reclined on the raised hospital bed and looked back down at her lap. "Hi," she said in a low voice.

"Thought you might like some company now that you're settled." Catherine stayed by the door waiting for a reply.

"Umm… yeah… I really don't want to be alone right now."

Catherine quietly shut the door and pulled a chair up to Sara's bedside. When she sat down Sara wouldn't look at her but when Catherine reached out and gently took hold of the younger woman's hand Sara held it in a strong grip. Catherine held Sara's hand as she watched the tears begin to well in her eyes until they ran down her cheeks.

"You want to talk about it?" Catherine's voice was soft and undemanding.

Sara was quiet for a long time as she kept her hold on Catherine's hand and let her tears subside a little. With her free hand Catherine passed her a tissue then tossed it in the trash for her when she was done. Sara rested her free hand on her belly and worried for her unborn child as she remembered Shelling striking her.

"He… umm… he hurt Gil… really bad." The tears came again and Sara looked away. "And he… made me watch."

Catherine was speechless. She had been too busy to take a good look at the crime scene but it had been a horrific reminder of the warehouse where they had found him the first time. Blood was spattered on the floor and implements of torture scattered carelessly about the room. She closed her eyes and pushed the images of her battered and naked friend out of her mind as Sara continued.

"He protected me…" Sara looked at Catherine for a brief moment before lowering her eyes again. "Gil stopped Shelling when he started… when he started to hurt me…"

"You don't have to tell me what happened," Catherine said when Sara took a much longer pause. "But I'm here for you, Sara… when you're ready."

Sara nodded gratefully and laid back and closed her eyes. She never let go of her friend's hand as her thoughts went to her beloved who lay in the operating room, fighting for his life.

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Shelling's blade had pierced Jim's rib cage and struck an intercostal artery. He had lost a great deal of blood before arriving at Desert Palm hospital and the paramedics had a hard time finding and maintaining a pulse once they arrived at the scene. Once in surgery the skilled staff had quickly determined what the injury was and had successfully treated his wound although he had needed a number of blood transfusions and stitches and was resting comfortably in the intensive care unit.

Warrick took the seat next to Jim's bed when the doctor had cleared him for visitors. Although groggy the homicide detective opened his sleepy eyes and looked up at the younger man. "Hey…"

"Hey," Warrick replied with a gentle smile. "How you feeling?"

"I'm not sure…" Jim replied as he tried to lick his lips.

Warrick helped him take a drink of water and set the cup back down on the table. "You did it, man… You saved Grissom and Sara."

"No… we did it… Shelling would have cold cocked me a good one if you hadn't walked through the door… when… you did." As he finished his sentence Jim fell back asleep and Warrick smiled as he stood, and promised to come back before he left, thinking that Jim was becoming a lot like Gil. Business first.

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Doctor Diller walked into the Sara's room and quietly greeted the Catherine when he recognized her from the last time he had treated his patient under these circumstances. "Same kidnapper as before?" Diller asked and Catherine nodded. "Did you guys get him?"

"Detective Brass killed him in a struggle." She quietly replied.

"Hmmm…" Diller looked thoughtful for a moment. "Good."

Catherine almost felt shocked to hear the doctor utter that word but said nothing as the man walk toward Sara who was sitting up and staring at the wall. Catherine quietly listened as he greeted the young brunette, giving his condolences that they were meeting under these circumstances again.

"How is Gil?" Sara asked in a small, worried voice. Grateful for the break in the awkward silence after giving his condolences Diller opened the file in his hand and jumped right into Gil's diagnosis.

Sara felt herself grow nauseous as with each injury listed the memory of how he had gotten it flashed in her mind. The extensive damage to his knee that would postpone his replacement surgery for at least six weeks. The painstaking process of finding and removing the twenty-three roach clips that had been embedded in his chest, stomach and sides and the removal of the six that had still been attached to his penis and scrotum.

The image of the pained and horrified look on his face as Shelling anally raped him returned to her when Diller explained the new tearing in Gil's rectum and the need for new stitches and laxatives. She remembered Shelling straddling Gil's chest as he beat on the side of the older man's face with his fist when Diller explained that the plastic surgeon had repaired the damage done to his orbital and cheek bones on the left side of his face while they had him in the operating room.

Diller paused for a moment, catching himself when he saw the broken expression on Sara's face. Wanting to be done with the horrible list of injuries he had found himself quickly reading through the paper in the file in his hand and when he heard her soft sob he looked up and stopped. Catherine immediately sat down on the bed beside her. and wrapped her arms around Sara and held her close while the younger woman cried in her embrace.

"He didn't deserve this…" Sara sobbed. "He tried to protect me."

Diller waited until Sara had calmed and asked her if she wanted him to finish. She quietly nodded her head and waited for him to continue. Diller cleared his throat before going on. "X-Rays revealed that he… umm… has a number of broken and cracked ribs…"

"What about his eyes?" Sara asked as she remembered watching Shelling push his thumbs into Gil's eyes and she could still hear his screams of pain.

"Gil has suffered a hyphema in both eyes. Do you know if he was struck with some object?"

"Yes," Sara's voice was barely more than a whisper. "Shelling used his thumbs."

Catherine and Diller both cringed and he continued. "He has been examined by our ophthalmologist and prescribed eye drop and corticosteroids for the swelling. There was some damage to the surrounding tissue which resulted in bleeding but after a day or two he can lose the bandages and wear eye patches. But only until the hyphema's heal. Probably in a couple of weeks."

"Is he going to be… blind?"

"I don't think so, no. But he may develop glaucoma's in both eyes in years to come so it will be something that he will have to watch closely and make annual eye appointments with his regular ophthalmologist." Diller paused for a long moment and looked regretful. "When we saw the facial damage we had a cat scan done. The healing fracture on the back of his skull was reopened and I'm afraid… due to that and the beating he took to the side of his face… he has a severe concussion. We'll monitor him closely and do what we can… but the rest is up to him."

When Diller was done he assured Sara that he would be around and keep her updated on Gil and quietly left. Catherine stayed in the room until the charge nurse came in and told them that they could see Gil but only for short periods.

Both Catherine and the nurses insisted Sara be wheeled into the ICU. Sara tried to be strong and not cave but she couldn't stop her tears as she was wheeled up to his bedside and given her first good look at him since they left the scene in two separate ambulances.

An oxygen mask covered his mouth and nose and thick, white bandages covered both eyes and the left side of his face. He had not been put in a hospital gown for the simple fact the it would encumber the nurses need to routinely change his bandages. So they kept him covered with a blanket and maintained his privacy by keeping the curtain pulled.

When she had calmed a bit Sara pulled the blanket back, revealing the small white bandages that were scattered over his torso and when she looked down further she could see that his genitals had been wrapped in white gauze. Sara sat with him until the nurse told them that they needed to leave but could come back later.

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To be on the safe side an ultrasound was performed when Sara was brought into the emergency room the night they had been kidnapped. Although she had developed a large and painful bruise on her abdomen she was assured that the baby had been protected by her pelvic bone and that the fetus was fine and growing as should be.

Sara had been released after two days and spent as much time at the hospital as was allowed by the team until she was a little better. Jim and Gil were moved into a regular room together when they both seemed to be sharing a rapid and healthy recovery. Sara spent her days at the hospital and was silently grateful that no one hassled her about it.

She spent the day sitting between Gil and Jim's side by side beds, holding Gil's hand as he lay unconscious. For the first few days, she talked with Jim and kept silent when he tried to nap. She had asked Greg to bring in a game of checkers and she and Jim kept a running score sheet to keep from going nuts with the silence and boredom.

The rest of the team checked in every day and spent a most of their time visiting though it seemed awkward between each of them and Sara. They brought outside meals for Sara and Jim although he complained about all the healthy selections he was forced to eat. But if he was completely honest the grumbling kept him from becoming emotional due to the kindness of his friends. His family, really, if he was going to be completely honest. During the night Sara slept in the recliner that one of the nurses had been so kind to get for her.

There were very few signs of life from Gil. The steady beat of his heart monitor. The slow rise and fall of his chest. And his grip on Sara's hand that rarely faltered. Doctor Maria Kitts had been on to examine Gil and give her condolences to Sara that it had happened again. She was pleased to offer a small amount of light when she informed Sara that Gil was not in a coma, just a deep sleep as he was before.

Four days after his admittance to the hospital Gil awoke with a start. He had been having a nightmare and Sara was trying to soothe him. Jim watched from where he lay in his bed and wished that he could help. Gil bolted upright in bed screaming Sara's name despite her reassuring him that she was right there and that he was alright.

Three nurses ran into the room upon hearing his screams and gathered around the bed. They all held him down as the charge nurse injected a sedative into his IV. Sara cupped his face with her hands, being gentle with the battered left side of his head, and spoke softly to him.

"It's okay, Gil, we're safe now. We're at the hospital."

"I c-c-can't see you, S-S-Sara!" His voice was full of panic. "I c-c-can't see you!"

"I know, you have bandages on your eyes. It's okay, you're safe."

Gil began to relax as the drugs took effect. "P-P-Please, S-Sara… d-d-don't l-leave me," he begged in a broken voice.

"I will never leave you." She reassured.

Gil spent the next few days floating in and out of consciousness. Nightmares haunted him and there were a number of times that he woke up screaming and had to be sedated. When Sara sat with him and he was aware of her presence Gil held her hand but kept his face turned away from her. When she spoke to him his responses were vague or short. She recalled the symptoms that he suffered the last time he had been concussed and didn't say anything. He would always stop himself and turn away if his anger began to get the best of him. She and Jim kept up conversation and tried to do the same with him despite his lack of response.

After a week the doctor had decided that Jim could go home as long as he was careful of his stitches and he would have to have someone living with him for a while to give him a hand with daily tasks so that he didn't strain himself. Jim was adamant that he didn't need anyone to stay with him and that he would be fine. Unfortunately for him Catherine had been visiting when the doctor had told him of his discharge and immediately informed the doctor that Jim would be staying with her and her daughter until he was back on his feet. Despite all of his grumbling Catherine helped him get dressed and then helped him to carefully make his way over to Gil's bedside so he could say goodbye before they finally left.

The silence that was left behind when Jim left made the tension between Gil and Sara grow. He became more withdrawn by the day and buried himself in his thoughts and self-loathing. It was when he began to withdraw his hand from hers that she finally decided to put a stop to it.

"We need to talk, Gil," Sara said as she sat on the side of the bed and took his hand. "About what happened."

He tried to pull his hand away. "I d-don't w-w-want to t-talk ab-bout it."

Sara held his hand in a firm grip and placed his open palm on her belly. "We need to. You're angry, Gil, and what concerns me is who you're angry at." Sara struggled with the growing lump in her throat. "Are you angry with me?"

"N-No," He seemed shocked that she would think that. "I c-c-could n-never be angry w-w-with you."

"Then who are you angry with?"

Gil was silent for a long time and when Sara was about to speak again he lost what little control had. "I'm angry with m-m-myself! I hate m-m-myself!"

"Why?"

"I should have been able to p-protect you. I n-never should have l-let him hurt you l-like that! He… he r-r-raped you, Sara… and I c-c-couldn't p-protect you."

"No, Gil… you saved me. You took the hurtful thing that he was going to do to me and asked him to do it to you instead, even though you already knew how painful and degrading and humiliating it was." Tears began to roll down her cheeks though he couldn't see them and her voice was reduced to a whisper. "And you did that for me. I can never love you enough for that, Gil."

He stopped trying to pull his hand away and let it mold to her belly which now bore a slight bulge. If he could have wept he would have. If it weren't for the bandages Sara would have seen his tears as the expression of her love for him melted his self-hatred into rain that fell away to be dried up and disappear.

Sara knew that Gil couldn't see the baby as her next ultrasound was due but she would gift him with something as good if not better that afternoon. Gil lay in bed and couldn't quite make out the sounds he heard. Sara greeted someone as they entered the room and he heard the clunking sounds of something being wheeled into the room.

"S-Sara… w-w-what's g-going on?"

"A special surprise, just for you." She placed a gentle kiss on his lips before moving away.

Gil silently listened as a woman told Sara to lie back. His brow creased as he heard her sharp intake of breath. Then a new sound entered the silence of the room. It was so small. So tiny. But strong. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. Tha-thump. His breath caught in his throat and he turned his face in the direction that he knew Sara was.

"Is that…?" He was choked with tears.

"Yes," Sara answered.

"It's the most beautiful thing I have ever heard."

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No one expected things to be back to normal now that Shelling was dead. No one expected the guilt that each of them felt for their inability to protect their friends to just go away in an instant. They all took their time and worked their way through the awkwardness that they all felt at being around Gil and Sara after he was released from the hospital.

The day before he had been released the patches were removed from his eyes. Even the dim lighting in the room bothered him until his eyes were able to readjust. The ophthalmologist explained that the red tint to his eye was the blood that had pooled within his eye due to the hyphema and would go away in time.

They were pleasantly surprised when they arrived home to find that the team had invaded a bit while they were gone. The guys had done a lot of rearranging. They had moved everything out of the downstairs bedroom and into the living room or storage and moved Gil and Sara's bedroom downstairs. They had made handicap accommodations in the downstairs bathroom to make it easier for Gil to get on and off the toilet and in and out of the shower. They had built a ramp in and out of the house and garage as he had been given a wheel chair so that he had no excuse to stay off his feet.

Ecklie had been very good about dealing with Gil and Sara and their individual needs for time off. Gil was still out on medical leave and would be for some time to come. He still needed someone nearby on a regular basis as the brain damage had been much more extensive this time. As before the team took turns in staying at the townhouse while Sara would work.

Gil suffered with frequent dizzy spells and splitting headaches. His stuttering got the best of him on a regular basis and so did his anger at not being able to communicate very well. The harder he tried the more he stuttered, the more he stuttered the more angry he became.

Despite his embarrassment no one let him stay shut inside his home like they had before. They never made him go into crowded areas as it made him very uneasy but they would take him outside or to one of the local parks and spend the afternoon sitting under a tree reading. Sometimes Gil would ask whoever he was with how things were at the lab but it was rarely an item that came up during their conversations.

He worked hard when he was put through speech and physical therapy, especially after his successful knee replacement. Sara tried hard to make it to each and every one of his appointments and when she couldn't make it one of the others did. Despite his desire for privacy Gil felt it comforting and uplifting when one of the others would accompany him to a therapy session. It felt encouraging when he would hear them cheer him on at whatever task was being asked of him.

Finally the time came when Sara was ready to go back to work but unsure if she was ready to leave Gil alone at night. "S-Sara, I'll b-be fine." Gil said as he took her hand and she sat in the chair in front of him. "Honey, Sh-Shelling's dead and g-g-gone. He c-can't hurt us anym-more."

"But what if you fall , Gil, you could really hurt yourself and you would be all alone." She reasoned.

"I'll b-be here w-w-with Hank and I have m-my cell phone in c-case of an em-mergency. I'll be f-fine, S-S-Sara, really I w-will."

His innocent, little smile had been the icing and she reluctantly gathered her things and left. He had a lot of time to think after she left. He knew he had a lot of decisions to make now that the ordeal was over and he was home again. He had a lot to consider about his career and his family. And he was sure that would all begin with a phone call to Conrad Ecklie at some point.

TBC

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A/N: See... I didn't hurt the baby. You people got all worked up over nothing. LOL! Go ahead. Hit that little button down there and tell me what a mean person I am for letting your imagination run wild. I dare you!