A/N: I can honestly say that just a few, short months ago I did not see this day coming. This is the official end to what has been a personal, major victory for me. This is the first multi-chapter that I have ever finished. I want to thank a lot of people involved in the writing of this story but that list would be way too long for an author's note:) I want to thank JellyBeanChiChi who offered her help back around chapter 7. Without her help I would have dropped this story a long time ago as there were many times that I lost my zeal for this tale and she pulled me out of the muck. I want to thank sidle77 for being a sounding board and keeping me accountable not to sissyfy Grissom. (I won't use her term here;) I also want to thank Moonstarer and Kalsan for being an awesome encouragement and there have been so many others. And Prowriter11 who was the first one to tell me that this was my story and I should tell my tale the way I want. I espescially all of you who took the time to review it was a huge encouragement and very uplifting throughout. This has been a hell of a ride and you all have been the best.
WARNING: This chapter contains nasty, graphic fluff. The fluffiest fluff that ever fluffed a fluff. It's so fluffy that it made some people hurl. (But what can I say, after all I've put you through with this story I think you all deserve a sickly sweet ending:)
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Chapter Forty
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Gil was sitting at his desk researching birthing techniques on his laptop when Sara and Catherine and her daughter Lindsey walked through the door that evening after spending the day shopping for the upcoming wedding. Five months had past since the couple had been kidnapped by Reggie Shelling and he was becoming more and more of a shadow as each day passed.
Gil logged off as he heard the three chatting women walk into the living room and Sara called his name. "I'll be right out," he said as he stood and grabbed his cane. His knee had been successfully replaced and his need for therapy sessions had lessened over the last two months as he had recovered more and more from the surgery. He still walked with a limp and needed only a small amount of aid from the black cane with the red dragon that wrapped around it until it came up and formed the handle with its head, that had been a gift from the team as a sign of a new beginning.
He limped into the living room to see it filled with bags and bags of goods from their day out. He let out a loud sigh, announcing his presence, and Sara looked up and smiled. "How much did this trip soak me for?" He asked ruefully.
"Nothing," Sara grinned as she stepped forward and kissed him full on the lips. "Jim's paying for it."
"Huh?"
"Jim told me last night that he wanted to pay for our wedding. He said that he had two daughters and wanted to pay for at least one wedding in his life, so it might as well be mine. But he told me to tell you not to expect a dowry."
Gil chuckled as Lindsey walked back into the living room after using the bathroom. "Uncle Gil!" She said excitedly and ran over to give him a big hug.
He hugged her in return and kissed the soft, blond locks on the top of her head. "Hi, sweetie, how was your d-day?"
"Good. Sara bought me a new dress for the wedding and matching shoes and a gorgeous necklace to go with them."
Gil smiled at her enthusiasm as she went to the pile of bags to get out her treasures to show him. His perspective had changed since the second kidnapping and recovery. He began to realize how much he really loved the ones that were close to him. He began to realize the real meaning of family and how much his family really meant to him and he had gone to great strides to open up to the ones that mattered to him and let them into his life. Sara looked up at him and smiled when she saw the look in his eyes and knew that he was thinking of what he would be looking forward to in years to come when their own daughter would be excited about new interests that she would eventually take.
After they were done showing off their spoils, Catherine taking on the same excitement as her daughter, Catherine said that it was time to get home so Lindsey could finish her school project that Gil had been helping her with after school every day for the last two weeks.
After their company had left Sara pulled out a catalogue and opened it to a marked page to show Gil the wedding gown she had picked out. "What do you think?"
"Sara… It's… beautiful…" He took the catalogue and took a closer look. "But I have to ask… W-Why blue? W-Why not the traditional w-white?"
"Well, Mr. Grissom, surely you know that according to tradition only brides who are pure and untouched wear white as it is a sign of purity." Sara grinned. "Although at one time I was as pure as the driven snow."
"Yeah but you d-drifted." He smirked and she swatted at him playfully as he dropped the catalogue on the couch and grabbed her ass.
"Yeah, well, you didn't help there, Romeo." She kissed his lips and let it linger before becoming serious again. "And don't think, for a moment, that I'm ashamed of ever giving my love to you."
Gil smiled as he caressed her face before claiming her mouth in a long, passion filled kiss that was only broken when their unborn daughter kicked Gil in the stomach. "Jeez, she hasn't even been born yet and she's already kicking me around." They smiled as he rested his hand on her stomach, only to be kicked three more times. After a minute or two he let his hand slide up to cup her breast and brought his other hand up to gently cup the other. Although a little sensitive Sara loved the feel of his touch and arched into his hands.
"Mmmm… boobies." Gil said, changing the mood of the moment and Sara rolled her eyes as she shook her head. "What? I like your boobies. They're plump boobies."
She raised an eyebrow. "Boobies?"
"I like boobies. I like your boobies." He lowered his voice to a sultry tone as he pulled down her V neck shirt and freed her left breast from its cloth restraint before lowering his head to kiss it tenderly.
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Gil stood outside Conrad's office and knocked on the door. He had spent the last five months talking to Sara and Stacey and had finally come to the decision that he was about to give to his boss. It was not something that he had ever thought lightly of and had even spent a few sleepless nights thinking about it before he finally made his decision.
Conrad summoned him inside and Gil entered before shutting the door and taking the seat across from the balding man behind the desk. "Good morning, Gil,"
"Morning, Conrad,"
"How are you doing?"
"Better, thank you."
The atmosphere seemed awkward between the two men and they did the only thing that seemed natural between them. They got right down to business. "I assume this isn't a social call, Gil."
"No, Conrad, it's not." Gil took a deep breath. "I've been giving a lot of thought to my future and… I've finally come to the d-decision that… I can no longer be a CSI." Ecklie silently nodded and didn't seem surprised in the least. "Sara and I are getting married, w-we have a baby on the w-way… and… I can't d-do this anymore. I am no longer physically, mentally or emotionally able to cope with my w-work. And my d-doctors agreed w-when I finally admitted that to myself." Gil kept his eyes on the floor as he waited for the false response of sorrow from his supervisor.
"I've known since we last talked that you would be coming to tell me that some day soon." Neither man found it comfortable to look each other in the eye until Conrad continued. "I know I've been an asshole, Gil, and what's happened to you has really made me stop and think about a lot of things. About a lot of things that I need to change about myself and the way I treat my colleagues and… the job. I just hope that we can bury any problems that we've had in the past so that when you leave we're on… decent terms." There was a long moment of silence when all Gil could do was nod his head despite the confusion that was so evident on his face. "I spoke with the sheriff and the commissioner and got you a full pension and early retirement. I even went to the workman's comp board and explained the situation and you are going to receive full workman's comp for all the time that you missed since your first kidnapping until your actual termination date. Which arrives once you have used up all of the rest of your accumulated sick time. The vacation time can just be cashed in."
"How d-d-do I get to use that? I'm d-done, Conrad, I can't d-do this anymore." Gil was annoyed that his supervisor might try to talk him into staying.
"I explained to the mayor that it would be a great disservice to one of our greatest public servants if he didn't receive all of the benefits that he has earned and come to deserve and that the great city of Las Vegas would be most upset if they ever learned that their mayor didn't do all that he could to help benefit such a great man and outstanding citizen."
Gil was speechless. He searched for something to say but nothing came to mind. He realized that Conrad was holding out a file folder for him and saying something and refocused. "This is the paperwork that you'll need to fill out. Disability, workman's comp., insurance and we need a signed letter from you stating that you are done for your file." Conrad waited for his colleague to respond.
Gil felt a strange swell of emotions within himself as he looked from Ecklie to the folder and back again. When he found his voice it was choked but he managed three words, spoken only in a whisper. "Thank you, Conrad."
When Gil left his supervisor's office he felt a great sense of relief wash over him and a strong feeling that he had made the right decision. He now knew that he could walk away and not feel guilty and realized that if he could forgive himself for what he thought would have been abandoning his career and calling than he could forgive himself for other things too.
The more he thought about the guilt he had felt over the last several months and the more he analyzed it as he walked towards the break room the more things seemed to become clear to him. It felt like a great revelation as he began to realize that all of the self-hatred he felt during the recovery following his first kidnapping and rape was unjustified.
He began to realize that he had no reason to feel guilty for something that happened to him that he couldn't stop. He suddenly remembered from the very beginning that he had tried to fight but had been overpowered and beaten. As that memory entered his mind it was followed by a race of others that wasn't broken until he felt a gentle hand on his arm.
"You okay?" Sara quietly asked as she stood before him.
He looked into her loving, brown eyes and realized that if he could let go of the guilt he felt when he was incapable of protecting himself than he could let go of the guilt he felt when he was incapable of protecting the woman he loved with his mind, body and soul. In that moment he decided that somehow he would find the strength to forgive himself for what had happened to Sara during their kidnapping. He would let go of the failure that he still felt, despite her reassurance, that he had not been able to fully protect her from an animal like Shelling.
Sara repeated her question and Gil only nodded as he smiled. "Okay," her voice was low and reassuring. "You ready to go home?" Again he only nodded.
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Most of his stuff was packed and now Gil was cleaning out his desk. The team had been helpful but reluctant to see him go. They understood that after all that he had been through it would no longer be possible for him to be a CSI. They understood that each new case could possibly make him relive it all and that was no way for him to live and it was too much to put his family through.
Grissom looked at a picture of the team that had set on his desk for some time now and sighed as he sat back. Catherine watched him from where she sat across from him and a gentle smile etched itself across her features. "You made the right decision, Gil."
"I know," his lingered on the picture for a moment longer before he looked up at her. "But it's hard to let go of something that you have done for so long."
"You'll find something else to occupy your time. You'll have the baby to take care of… and your bugs."
"I can teach her to love bugs." He smiled hopefully.
"Well, you can try. She is a girl, don't forget."
"Sara likes bugs."
"This is true."
He finished packing his things as the guys crowded into his office which would soon be Catherine's. The three CSI's, detective and coroner all gathered around the desk. They all looked sad, which in all honesty made Gil feel a little guilty although that was never their intent. He looked at each of them in turn, trying to figure out what to say to each of them as a parting word from a mentor and colleague. But before he could utter a word his cell phone rang.
"It's Sara," he said apologetically as he looked up at them and opened his phone. "Hey, honey… Sara, slow down… Your what broke?" Gil's eyes went wide as he looked up at his friends and became very excited. "Okay, you stay there, I'll be home in ten minutes!" He was just about to hang up when his emotions got the best of him and he lifted the phone to his ear again and spoke sweetly. "I love you, honey."
Everyone hid their laughter when they heard Sara scream and Gil cringe. "Don't honey me, get your ass home!"
Gil sat dumbstruck for a moment after hanging up his phone as the reality of the situation set in. He looked at Jim and spoke with an awestruck tone. "I'm having a baby… I'm having baby?"
"Well, Sara's having the baby, but yes, Gil, you're having a baby." Jim grinned.
In a flash the reality of what was happening hit Gil in the face like a bullet train. He surged out of his chair, sending it flying into the empty book case behind and grabbed his cane. Everyone was startled by the outburst and hurried after him as he ran for the door. He limped on his still healing knee as he headed out the door and in the wrong direction.
"No, Gil," Catherine called. "This way!"
As they ran down the corridor, Gil going as fast as his legs would carry him, people hurried to get out of the way. "I'm a father!" Gil shouted excitedly as they passed the conference room containing Ecklie and both the sheriff and under sheriff. The three men, all well aware of everything that had happened, watched the group pass with raised eyebrows until they were out of sight.
Jim spared no speed as he gunned it down the road to the townhouse. His lights flashed and his sirens blared as he ran every red light and stop sign that stood in his path. They made it to the townhouse in record time and Jim and Gil ran inside to collect Sara while Nick grabbed her suit case that had been sitting by the door for the last week. Sara panted as they slowly made their way down the front steps. She was doing the breathing exercises that she had been taught in birthing class and gripped her companion's hands tightly.
"Are you sure the baby's coming?" Gil asked as they reached the bottom.
Sara was just about to call him an idiot when a contraction hit and she screamed through her gritted teeth as she doubled. As the pain subsided a little she glared at her fiancé. "YES THE BABY'S COMING!" She snapped.
They helped her into the back seat and she slid into the middle as Gil got in one side and Catherine stayed on the other. Jim made the same time to Desert Palm Hospital as he had to the townhouse. Weaving in around traffic, running lights and stop signs without hesitation. All while trying to concentrate over the noise and commotion in the back seat.
When they arrived at the hospital they helped Sara inside and into a wheel chair. As she sat somewhat still riding out each contraction she screamed when the latest one hit. When it passed Greg was standing beside her with a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked at Nick.
"It can't be that bad." He whispered, thinking that Sara wouldn't hear him.
"Can't be that bad?! Can't be that bad!" She yelled. "Do you wanna know how bad it is, Greg?"
Before he had time to react Sara hit him the groin with the side of her clenched fist. Greg grabbed his manhood as his knees buckled and he dropped to the floor. Every guy cringed and two nurses ran over and took control of the wheel chair, pushing Sara towards the delivery room with Gil in tow. Nick and Warrick pulled Greg to his feet and they all made their way to the waiting room.
The delivery room was chaotic. Between watching the nurses prepare Sara for delivery and listening to the doctor giving orders Gil felt a little overwhelmed. But he made his way to Sara's bedside and took her hand as another contraction hit. Gil had worried about his role in the birth of his daughter and was afraid of being in the way of the staff and wondered if he should be there. But as he tried his best to sooth and encourage Sara he felt an odd sense of comfort and purpose.
The delivery took several tiring hours and when their daughter slipped from between Sara's legs and her cries filled the delivery room smiles appeared on everyone's face and tears filled her loving parent's eyes. The doctor placed her face down on her Sara's abdomen and as the nurses began to clean up both mother and baby they were all amazed when the little wonder began to slowly crawl towards her mother's breast.
"Is that normal?" Gil asked in wonder.
"Yes," The doctor smiled. "Some babies are just that ready to breast feed. It's important that she is allowed to do it if she can, it aids in the bonding between mother and child. Will you be breast feeding, Sara?"
"Yes," Sara choked passed her tears as she watched her daughter's struggle in complete adoration.
After close to an hour the newborn reached her destination and nuzzled up to Sara's breast and began to suckle hungrily. Gil pressed a kiss to Sara's forehead as they watched their daughter suckle and when she was done the nurses took her from Sara and cleaned them both.
One of the older nurses had recognized the couple from when Gil had been one of her patients during his first time in the hospital after his first kidnapping and when she spoke to him she maintained a soft voice. "Would you like to hold your daughter?" She asked as she wrapped the infant in a blanket and another nurse placed a small, knit cap on her head.
"Yes… I w-would." As Gil cradled his daughter she licked her lips contentedly and snuggled into his arms. He had never seen anything so beautiful before.
"What's her name?" The nurse asked as she watched the tender moment.
"Celeste Lissa Grissom. Because I looked into the heavens and prayed for a miracle and was given something so sweet." Tears welled in his eyes as he spoke to his daughter, like there were only the two of them in that moment. "Celeste Lissa Grissom."
Upon hearing her father's voice little Celeste opened her eyes and looked up at him. Tiny, blue orbs met bigger ones and a tiny smile formed on her tiny mouth. Then she let out a big yawn and fell asleep in her father's arms.
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Gil's right leg bounced up and down as he sat in the back room of the church. His hands were cold and clammy and the room felt stifling despite the air conditioning. The black tuxedo didn't help at all. The reassurance s that he had been given worked a little and Gil had calmed some but a wave of uncertainty flashed in his eyes and Jim didn't miss it. "You okay, Gil?"
"I d-don't think I can d-do this, Jim."
"What do you mean?" Jim felt a little concerned that his friend was getting cold feet but didn't let it show.
"I'm not g-good enough for Sara. I d-don't deserve her,"
"Hey," Jim said as he held up his hand to put a halt on his friend's train of thought. "No one loves Sara, like you do. And no one loves you, like Sara does. Every time I see the two of you look at each other I can see that. You're about to make a big commitment today and believe me I know how scary it is. But when you stand up there and say those two little words… you'll feel differently. You already make a great father, Gil, and once this is over you're gonna make a hell of a husband."
"But I'm not the man I used to be." Gil's eyes fell to the floor and a blush began to creep up his face. "W-What if I can't say it? W-What if this st-tutter…"
"Hey, Sara doesn't care about your stutter. Because she knows that doesn't make you who you are. It's just a part of the man she loves." Gil nodded as the things Jim said sunk in. "Now, do I have to go home and get my shot gun?"
They had decided to have just a simple ceremony with only their closest friends there to bear witness. They met each other before the judge with Jim as Gil's best man and Catherine as Sara's maid of honor. As the others stood behind them in a half circle Nick cradled two month old Celeste in his arms. They had both decided to let the judge lead them in the traditional vows, mostly due to Gil's stutter and his fear of embarrassing himself in front of everyone and ruining their day.
Gil didn't know how Sara seemed to be so calm as she stood beside him when he himself had difficulty concentrating on what the justice of the peace was saying. All he could think about was that he was going to screw up his one line. He imagined himself sounding like Porky Pig and the thought of everyone behind him laughing at him made s anxious feelings intensify. Then he heard it.
"As long as you both shall live?"
As he looked into Sara's reassuring eyes a great calmness fell over him. "I do."
He placed the ring on Sara's finger and as soon as the judge told him to kiss the bride he grabbed her in an excited lip lock. Everyone cheered as the minister presented Mr. and Mrs. Gil Grissom for the first time and hugs and handshakes went around the room.
As a wedding gift Catherine, Nick, Warrick and Greg had spared no expense when they rented the room at the Bellagio where they had the ceremony and in the larger, adjoining room had the reception. Not one detail was left out. From the catering to the décor, from the music to the photographer. Both Gil and Sara were grateful and truth be told a little overwhelmed at their friend's generosity and thoughtfulness. Right down to the bells placed on the tables. Both bride and groom said that they would be hearing bells in their sleep for as many times as they were rung during the party for the couple to kiss and Sara shocked her husband when she whispered in his ear that if this kept up her lips would be swollen before they even started the honeymoon. Gil blushed a little at the double meaning of her words and felt himself begin to harden. Needless to say he was glad that his lower extremities were covered by their table.
When it came time for the bride and groom to have their first dance Sara cringed a little at the thought of what their song would be. Gil had asked her if he could pick their song to and had been a little insistent. Considering his taste in music she was a little afraid of what might come out of the speakers.
But when the first notes and soothing sounds of 'I Turn To You' by All-4-One began to play she was a little surprised to say the least. Every time they sang the chorus he joined in but only loud enough for her to hear as he held her close. "For a shield from the storm, for a friend, for a love to keep me safe and warm, I turn to you. For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on. For everything you do, for everything that's true, I turn to you." As the song came to a close Gil kissed her passionately on the lips and the disk jockey put on a more energizing song and others began to gather on the floor.
After a few hours of partying the festivities finally came to a close and they finally started saying their goodbyes. Before the big day Al had presented them with his gift for them and they learned that he had somewhat been in cahoots with the others. He had rented them the bridal suit for three nights as neither of them had decided on honeymoon plans. What they hadn't realized was that Al had as nasty a practical joke streak as Greg. Their first night had been one of insane hilarity as the discovered short sheets, cellophane covered toilet seats and to top it all off at three in the morning fifteen different alarm clocks, that were scattered throughout the room, all went off at the same time. They later decided that they should have known that something was truly up when Catherine had been so eager to watch Celeste for them while they honeymooned.
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The following months brought a lot of joy to the Grissom household despite the early feedings and smelly diapers and their daughter's seeming joy at throwing up on them at every chance she got. Gil delighted in watching Sara breast feed Celeste whenever he had the chance and had even joked a time or two that he wanted a turn and that she was going to have to learn to share. Both Sara and Catherine took pictures on their phones when they came in from a lunch out and found Gil in nothing but boxer shorts and Celeste in only a diaper with her sleeping face down on his bare chest where he napped on the couch. Each member of the team, including Al, received it in a text with a death threat that it stayed in the family.
Sara had decided to stay working at the lab while they trained replacements and after that she was going to resign and maybe go to teaching at the university or even the local high school if she could get a position teaching science. Gil called her whenever he got up to feed Celeste and one night he decided to make a trip to the lab, as they were both wide awake, and take Sara some dinner.
Everyone was happy to see him again and excited to see the baby. For the most part Celeste was in a great mood and very happy to have all the attention. Each of the team were weekly visitors at the townhouse but they loved every minute that they got to share with the little miracle who has now resting in Grandpa Jim's arms. Celeste had just emptied her bottle and he had gone to burping her. As they all chit chatted about their night, with Gil happily listening, they heard Jim groan and turned to see him cringe as he hunched his shoulders.
"Son of a-" He caught himself before the curse slipped out and passed Celeste back to her mother. "She threw up right down the back of my shirt."
Everyone laughed and the detective grumbled as he left the break room and headed for the locker room and a shower. But not before smiling at the infant, who now seemed much happier, and lightly tapping her on the nose with the tip of his finger.
"I have to get something that I forgot and left my- I mean Catherine's office and she has forgot to bring me." Gil said as he put the lid on the plastic dish that had carried Sara's dinner.
"Okay, I'll wait here with Celeste." Sara replied before returning her attention to her daughters smiling face and blowing gentle raspberries on her cheek.
As Gil returned from Catherine's office he passed one of the labs where Nick and Warrick had returned to work. The two men had theirs backs to the door and were unaware of his presence as he stopped when he heard a familiar name.
"I've just never gotten over Michael O'Tool's reaction," Nick was saying. "He started crying and trying to explain that he only hurt Grissom because Shelling and Denalgio had hurt him."
"And you didn't believe him?" Warrick asked without accusation.
"I don't know, man. I mean, I saw the scars that he had from the abuse he took but come on… is that any reason to take it out on someone who never did anything to you?"
The rest of the conversation was lost to Gil as he walked back to the break room to say goodbye to Sara and take Celeste home. It had been over a year now since he had first been kidnapped and they finally, truly put it behind them. But there was something that had still never set right with Gil and he had buried it long ago instead of trying to figure it out. As he listened to his friends talk about his tormentor he heard another side of O'Tool's story. One that he had never really considered before. Probably because he was so angry about what had been done to him that it clouded his mind and consumed him.
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Gil took a deep breath as he sat down in the chair and looked at the younger man on the other side of the Plexiglas. His looks hadn't changed much since the last time that Gil had seen him and it was no real surprise. Michael O'Tool couldn't meet his eyes but obeyed when Gil motioned for him to pick up the phone on his side of the booth. Both men lifted the phones to their ears and there was a long, uncomfortable silence between them.
"Why did you come here?" Michael asked timidly.
"I'm not sure," Gil reluctantly replied. "I heard of your reaction when you were interrogated after being arrested and felt the need to see you." Michael was fully prepared to hear the words 'I hate you' come from Gil's mouth as he had said them to himself every time he looked in a mirror. But what he was not prepared for was what Gil did say. "I… don't know… if I can ever forgive you for what you did to me. It almost ruined my life. But I have come to the realization that… I don't want to hate you anymore. That I don't want to hold onto this grudge anymore." Gil looked away for a minute as he felt a lump begin to form in his throat. "This doesn't have to be the end for you. You can change it. Good luck in here, Michael."
Gil hung up the phone without waiting for a reply and stood and walked away. When he was outside again and the warm afternoon sun hit his face he lost control of his emotions as he walked to Catherine's SUV. She was waiting for him in the truck and when he climbed into the passengers seat she asked him if he was okay. All he could do was nod as he buckled his seat belt and she took it as her cue to drive away.
He closed his eyes as he rested his head back and rubbed eyes. Catherine remained silent but stole glances at her friend as she drove. When they reached the townhouse Catherine asked if he would be alright and wanted her to stay. He thanked her and assured that he was okay now that he was home and Sara was there.
When he walked into the nursery and found Celeste sleeping he stood by her crib for a moment and watched her. Then he padded in his stocking feet to the bedroom where Sara was sleeping after a night at the lab sat down on the side of the bed. She stirred in her sleep and slowly woke. She looked up at him and smiled but it faded when she saw the tears in his eyes. "Everything okay?" She asked as she sat up.
He pulled her into an embrace and she hugged him tight. "Yeah," He choked out. Tears of relief flooded down his cheeks as he finally realized he was free.
The End
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Or is it???
