A thousand apologies for the lateness. My internet was being problematic last night, and I was busy this morning. In any case, that matters little, here we are with the next chapter. Though a few notes first.

WARNING, this fic will deal with a mix of mythologies (a rather colorful mix, if I do say so myself). Particularly creation myths. And then there's the Arthurian legends, of which I've taken pieces and twisted them just enough to fit my reality. You need not know much of any of them, they're just background. Also, keep in mind that whatever version you might now, I'm mixing up things, so they won't necessarily be as you know them, better to keep an open mind. I'd also like to make it known that, whatever I might write in this stories, doesn't necessarily mean I believe such things. I am a believer in true love, in eternal love, and think reincarnation might be possible; also agree with the whole 'the body doesn't matter, one must love the soul...', but truth is I am religious (to a point) and am perfectly aware that much of the mythology I'm using here would never fit with the ideas some might have of religion and god. Keep in mind this is fiction, in the end, nothing more.

For a while now I've believed that Helena deserved to tell her story, and here was finally her chance. It came out a bit darker and a lot more complex than I planned, but I like the way I ended portraying her. I also hope you'll like what I've done with her. Time to show, once and for all, that my Helena Lokidottir has little (or nothing) to do with mythological Hel, or even Marvel's Hela...

While Helena never actually sings in the story, it is explained that she does have the voice for it (the reason why she doesn't is in the story), and she does play the violin. For those interested I'd recommend some songs that might help you get into her head, so-to-speak: "Nothing Else Matters" and "Who Wants to Live Forever" as performed by David Garrett; "Ever Dream" and "Unintended", performed by Barbara Carvalho. Also, there are two songs I imagine she would, in fact sing, if she were of a mind to. "Who Wants to Live Forever" the cover sung by Katherine Jenkins, for the first half of her story, and "Unintended", cover by Hayley Richman. Especially the last song, I think it shows perfectly the state of Helena's mind and heart in the later parts of this story (and the girl has a lovely voice, exactly how I imagine Helena singing).

We have a brief cameo from Sherlock here as well as references to Smallville, it all goes back to events that have taken place in other fics from the series.

Anyway, that's that. Time to get on with this week's chapter. Next week, the finale!


The Blessing of the Light (Helena)

No one is ever truly alone, if only they open their eyes and see...

I remember a time when the universe wasn't as we know it today. A time were there was neither darkness nor light, both as irrelevant as the other, an era where time itself meant nothing at all. I remember creation and change; taking a chance at a new existence, and believing that regardless of the risk it would be worth it, because I'd never be alone. Perhaps I was being foolish, or just naive; my previous state of existence hadn't allowed me to understand things like life and death, things like separation...

Were anyone to ask me, it'd be impossible to explain how long I've loved Stephanos. We've loved each other for as long as we've both existed, and before that point love was simply irrelevant. A lot of things were irrelevant back then, nothing beyond simply existing seemed to matter much. I wonder at times, about those who stayed behind, those who did not choose to change... I wonder if they even exist still at all.

I've gotten the chance to see a great many things through the ages. The creation and destruction of hundreds of worlds, the lighting and snuffing of thousands of stars. I got to see an amazing world, a perfect mix of everything imaginable, fall apart, breaking off into separate realms, each carrying a piece of what once had been. No one remembers that time anymore, a time when Nine were one, only me... and him.

Of course I did not know everything all the time. The brains of living beings are hard things to deal with. Things like eternity, changing worlds, the sheer size of the universe can be hard (if not nigh impossible) for them to process. Mortals particularly have a habit of relegating such topics, and the very existence of any rational race beyond themselves to mere myths and fiction. And I'd live like them, limited but beautiful lives, and when that life came to an end and I found myself beyond such restraints again, my mind would expand, my soul would unfurl and a great many things became clear to me again.

Some times I was fortunate enough to have found Stephanos in life, others not so much; it was bad when we lost each other, but even worse when we missed one another completely. There were times when I was actually unsure, unsure if it was all worth it. All the pain, the grief, even the love at times was so intense I wasn't sure how that alone didn't kill me. At the same time, even the harder emotions were so much better than Before, back when I (when we) felt nothing, when emotions did not exist, because we were beyond them all.

The Ancient Vows, when they were found (discovered? Created? I honestly don't know) made things better in some ways, worse in others. We felt a pull towards each other, an inexorable force that pushed us to be together; it wasn't always easy, but we always knew it to be worthy. Also, if we happened to renovate the vows, in any given life, it would allow us to connect in a much deeper way, as if reaffirming that commitment brought upon us the weight and the strength of all the lives, all the time we'd already spent together by that point. It also allowed us to communicate better, and to share energy and powers (which was a good thing, because while in most of my lives I was born with magic, that wasn't always the case with Stephanos).

I think that throughout my existence I got the chance to be every single being: elf, dwarf, human (though not the modern humans, but some belonging to another time and place, longer lived, and sometimes even wiser), and dozens of other races, many of which have no names that can be translated into other languages.

One particularly memorable life, came in Earth (Midgard, Terra... however one might wish to call the world). I wasn't human though, I was a Naiad, though even then I was more than just that, for I could walk the land with the same ease I walked through the bottom of the lake I called home. I was also one of those who chose to intervene in human affairs, the first but not the last (some might even argue I was the reason some of the others, of my sisters, intervened as well). I knew some of what human mythology had made of us, of our existence, from those who believed there had only ever been one Lady in that lake, to those who thought us angels, or even envoys of evil and death... Then again, not all of my sisters had the best of intentions (or feelings) when they chose to intervene in certain points.

However, perhaps the most memorable part of that particular life, was how close I got to be with my Stephanos. He was going by a completely different name of course, but that mattered little. Names mattered little when you'd had them by the dozen. Some were special of course, some actually repeated, or variations thereof. For the most part we held onto one each: he was Stephanos and I was Elaine.

In some ways, some might say he was actually the reason I chose to intervene as much as I did in human affairs (something not many of our kind did, not since the time of the gods had passed). But then again, he was dear to me, and he'd chosen to aid a young boy-king in his chosen task... I even went as far as finding the best weaver among those who still held magic in their blood, one from the Miller's line, and commissioned the creation of a cloak, one fit for a king (if it also had some magic woven in... well, it was my hope it'd help protect my love's young charge).

That was one beautiful life... even if it didn't last as long as I'd have wished. I could have lived for much longer of course. Or perhaps it'd be more accurate to say, most Naiads would have lived much longer, but therein was one of the downsides to the Ancient Vows (at least to some) once they'd been pronounced (and in whatever life they were reaffirmed) we were simply incapable of living without the other. And so when the time came for my love to depart, I need only to lay down, close my eyes, and let go myself, let my soul follow his, like it was always meant to. I didn't even see it as death anymore. Life, death, they made little difference to me, as long as the two of us were together.

And then I woke up to a new life, perhaps my most wondrous yet. I was born as a child of mixed heritage, with a Ljósálfar for a mother, and a Jotun for a father (one who was also the adopted son of the royal couple of Asgard)... and thus my life as Helena Lokidottir began.

xXx

Being Helena Lokidottir changed so many things, in so many ways... most of which I could have never imagined. Truth was I was tired. It was probably to be expected, considering all the lives I'd lived, it was my belief that after a while everything felt the same. Being born, having a family, growing up, leaving said family behind, friends that come and go, finding love... and almost always ending up involved in some kind of war. Eventually it began feeling almost like a chore! Ridiculous perhaps, but it was how I felt.

Being Helena Lokidottir was no chore at all. I had experienced love before, even the deep, unconditional kind only a mother can give and yet... and yet there was something about Tinúviel that touched me in a way none of my other mothers ever had. Truth be told after a while I hadn't made much of an effort to remember the names of others but Tinúviel? Her I'll never forget. At some point my heart decided she was my mother, the only one that really counted. Nana, I called her (Mama in elvish). Ada (Papa) was no less, he was a wonderful man too, but there was just something about Nana, about her touch when she held me, her warmth, about her voice as she spoke to me, as she sang to me...

So I was born Helena, daughter of Lalaith Mirloth, better known as Tinúviel, princess of Alfheim (she'd almost been Queen too, before leaving it all behind out of love for Papa) and Asgard; and Loki Odinson, second prince of Asgard (unknown to most he was actually the adopted son of Odin and Frigg, having been born the youngest son of King Laufey of Jotunheim). It was said that I was the light of my parents' eyes, and for a while, when I was young, rumors stated that I might one day come to be known as the Goddess of Beauty... that day never came.

Truth be told, in other lifetimes families have lasted longer (at times they even lived longer than I did) yet somehow I don't think any of them loved me as much as Nana did in the few (relatively) years we had together. She loved me, since the day she knew she was pregnant with me...

"...I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes"

She said that once, part of the song she'd just created. They're words I'll never forget.

I love Nana, I always will. And Ada too of course. We shared a lot: our looks, and our magic. He taught me, much like Grandma had taught him when he was young. I was younger than any other sorcerer-apprentice, they said that meant I was powerful, would one day be one of the most powerful spellweavers in the universe, just like Ada, and that made me proud. I even learned how to fight, though I did not like it much, but I did it, because Nana and Ada were both warriors, and I wanted to make them proud (Nana said I didn't have to do it, but I wanted to be able to help, to protect her, and my little siblings, if it was ever necessary).

Nana and I got along perfectly, people said that even if I looked most like Ada, I was very much like Nana, soft, and sweet and nice, and very beautiful. I always thought Nana was the most beautiful woman in the universe... Ada certainly said she had the most beautiful voice, it's why he gave her the name of Tinúviel (nightingale in elvish). I agreed.

Having magic, especially having as much of it as I did, meant that some things began coming to me, even without having found Stephanos again just yet. An accident with a spell (I don't even remember which spell it was at all) made me remember that wasn't my first life, when I was still quite young. I became a mess, cried myself to sleep for three days, Nana holding me tight against her, so worried, not understanding what was wrong exactly, until finally, on the third day, I told her. I blurted it all out: the sensations, the emerging memories, the certainties that life as Helena Lokidottir wasn't my first one... and the fear of what that might mean for my relationship with them, with my family.

"Oh calum amin (my light)..." She breathed out, pressing a kiss to my brow. "But that doesn't change anything at all!"

"Nana..." I honestly did not understand.

"You're my daughter darling, you will always be my daughter." She assured me, running a hand gently through my long black hair. "I will always love you as such. And regarding any other lives... I've always known. Since you were a tiny baby in my arms... I knew you didn't just belong to me. You belong to the universe in ways I may not be able to fully comprehend. Your soul is an old one, I can see it in your eyes, much like I see it in your Ada's eyes, and he in mine. I know not if our paths might have crossed before, I have no memories of any life prior to this one, none aside from the certainty that your Ada and I belong together, always have and always will. Who knows? Maybe this is not the first time I'm your Nana!"

There was such ease as she said said those words, such certainty, like there had never been a doubt that we were family, like such a thing was simply unthinkable. I believed it, I believed her. Also, her belief that it might not be our first life as family would comfort me one day, when little else seemed to be able to.

It was the worst day of my life. I'd always known there was a chance I'd one day lose her, lose Ada and her both. Even if we lived for thousands of years (our races' life expectancy), they were still older than me, and could be expected to die before. Also, they were warriors, and their lives weren't without danger (Nana had already been in at least two battles, and there had been at least one attempt on her life... I'd heard the story, how Sif had saved her nearly at the cost of her own life, it was part of the reason why she was family to us). Nothing could have prepared me, prepared any of us, for what happened that day.

The risk was supposed to be minimum. Yes, we had a couple of insane spellweavers going around, causing mayhem, one of them had actually escaped (or been helped out) of prison (after having tried to kill Nana, actually), but we never expected things to happen as they did. For all the best warriors (Ada and Uncle Thor included) to be called to fight, leaving us vulnerable. Nana might have been a warrior, but she was in no state to do battle, pregnant as she was with my little sister (Meril, her name was going to be Meril...).

I remember very little of that day; most of it happened too fast, and what didn't I've since blocked out, the events too dramatic. I do know a few things though: Nana was attacked, I tried to protect her and was hurt myself, my little sister died, I tried to save Nana and almost died in the process. I will especially never forget Nana's voice as she sang that day, the last song before the light went out in her eyes... it was as if half the stars had been snuffed out in an instant.

I woke up among shadows and mist, painfully aware that it wasn't the first time I did, and that I was very much not-dead. They'd managed to save my life, even when I couldn't save Nana... for the longest time I wasn't sure if that was a good thing. Especially when, no matter how hard I tried, nothing I did helped Ada at all. In fact, there were times when I couldn't help but think that my very presence saddened him sometimes.

I didn't come out of that particular confrontation with Amora unscathed either. My body hurt for a long time, but far more long-lasting were the scars covering almost half of my body, the left half. My face was actually the least scarred, or at least they weren't quite as visible, until the light hit me in such a way... and then people would turn away, some would even gasp and moan in pity. I was no longer a goddess of beauty (perhaps I was never meant to be).

Ada went more than a little crazy after Nana died. It was painful to watch, especially because there was nothing I could do to help. It didn't surprise me, not really, Nana had explained to me the consequences of being a match a long time before, and I remembered enough of them. Neither Stephanos nor I had ever gone insane at the absence of the other... then again, we never lived long after the other had passed (except for the lives where we never managed to meet, but in those we never reaffirmed our vows, and perhaps that kept the more intense effects of the bond at bay). I wasn't even sure why Ada was holding on, if it was because of love or fear (love for me, perhaps for his own brother and parents... or fear that he might not be able to find Nana on the Other Side, or even their next lives).

When the Allfather announced what he was planning... I did not see it coming. It was aberrant, I rejected the mere thought of it. Forgetting my mother?! Impossible! And yet... and yet it was the only way for Papa to survive, I knew that, and so I let it happen. I refused to forget her myself though. Same as Uncle Erynion and everyone else in Alfheim did.

Things got better for a while, or at least they seemed to. Papa seemed to have good days and bad, and it seemed like it might all be fine, eventually... until I noticed the constant in Papa's bad days: it was me. Because I was my mother's daughter as much as I was his. Just seeing me was enough to tug at his memories, and while they were truly blocked, just the tugging was enough to put him off. It was painful to watch.

Eventually I had to accept the truth, that Papa wouldn't truly get better as long as I was there. So I made my bags and left. Left back to the world of the dead. I knew it was where I needed to be. The realm hadn't had a real guardian since the loss of the Olympians (also, a part of me hoped that being there would allow me to see my love every so often, even if we didn't coincide). I didn't feel like Helena anymore though, Helena Lokidottir had been a princess of Alfheim and Asgard, a goddess of beauty, the light of her parents' eyes... I wasn't that, not anymore, and it wasn't even about my scars, or the lack of light in Helheim, I just didn't feel like that anymore. And so I became Hel, Lady of Helheim, Queen of the Dead, Goddess of Grief... and Hope, because even in death hope is never truly lost.

xXx

I never did sing. Nana was the example of a perfect voice, of beautiful songs, I remembered the way everyone would turn her way when she sang, the way birds would fly around her and the way the world itself seemed to stop and listen. There was magic in her voice, and even those without any of their own could feel it, could sense the emotion that soaked every word, every note. With her gone all I had left was emptiness, and grief, and the memory of the last song she'd sung, and the piece my own father had sung in her funeral... I knew that if I were to even try and sing all that would come out would be pain, and there was already enough pain in the world(s) to add my own to it.

Even then, with the life I'd lead up to that point, I just needed music in my life, and since singing was out, I decided playing an instrument was an option. I chose the violin. It was a beautiful instrument, capable of producing the most uplifting melodies, as well as the saddest ones, it suited me perfectly.

I did get to see Stephanos, more than once even, through the years (the centuries) I spent as ruler and guardian of Helheim. The first time he even stayed long enough I managed to explain how I'd ended there in the first place. He was very understanding, both of the pain I was in, and of the fact that I wouldn't be following him through reincarnations anymore. At least we knew we'd be meeting every so often. And who knew? Perhaps one day things would change and we'd get the chance to truly be together again?

When things changed I knew almost instantly. Certainly long before the war, before whispers began about a young woman with hazel eyes saving people's lives, healing them. A volunteer, the whispers said, working as a nurse in the front. Anyone would have known at that point that something was definitely going on. Healing is a very complex form of magic, and aside from some especially gifted individuals, it's near impossible to do. Even most forms of magic either only do very basic healing, or it comes with quite a number of strings attached. That's why having such a gift, such a blessing, was considered very special. In my existence I'd known of three people capable of such blessed healing: the goddess Eir, Grandma Frigg, and Nana... and from those three Nana was the most gifted (and it wasn't just me saying that).

Even before that, I'd sensed Papa's energy, the fact that there were two sources of it. It'd actually been quite a shock at the time, and for the longest time I'd no idea how it had happened exactly (the what was obvious actually, time-travel, the how was trickier). It still somehow took me longer to process the fact that he wasn't alone.

I very rarely took interest in the living (unless they were my family or connected to them), but when I happened to wander through that prisoner camp/experiment lab... something drew me to him, the young man laying on a slab; he was more dead than alive and yet he kept fighting to survive, I'd only rarely seen such strength of will and couldn't help but admire it, admire him, so I gave him a choice. I was also the first (and for a time the only) person who knew the fall from that train hadn't killed him (I would also eventually nudge his soulmate in the right direction).

The moment my little sister was born, I knew it. It would have been impossible not to, as I'd imprinted a part of me on her centuries prior. It was something that had haunted me for a very long time. As the first time I was in Helheim I was on the edge of death herself, and thus did not get to see Nana, or Meril, and by the time I returned I couldn't find them. It actually did not surprise me, not seeing Meril, a part of me had expected it actually, it was unlikely Nana would be letting go of her, dead or alive. But the fact that I couldn't find Nana either... and I hadn't the slightest idea of how to find her eventual reincarnation (because I knew there was just no way she'd crossed to the Other Side without Papa).

Seeing Nana again... it was like a dream wrapped in a nightmare, because no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't go to her. Not because I didn't love her (because I did), or because I thought they wouldn't understand (because I knew they would, eventually), but because already the two of them together were causing ripples, their power and their bond... if I got too close to them... It was too dangerous, and I had a suspicion that Asgard did not know they'd time-traveled (except perhaps Grandma), and they couldn't find out, not when we were still at a time when the Allfather would refuse to accept the kind of bond my parents shared.

So I stayed at a distance, watching them all from the shadows. I kept an eye on them all though, especially my little sister, Rose... I had been waiting so long for her...

I was there when she rushed into a burning building to save the life of a little girl, could only watch in awe as the mark of death already on the child's soul was erased almost completely. Rose might not have known it, but that was the first time she changed fate.

It pained me sometimes, not being able to help, especially when my family suffered. Like when Anya Willow died. She... my adopted sister, she was as much my sister as Rose... she passed through my realm, giving me a hug, a kiss and expressing all her love, before moving on, her husband waiting for her in the mists of my realm. She told me she'd no plans on crossing over just yet, I supposed she might want to wait for the rest of the family to join her, wondered if she knew just how long she'd be waiting. In the end, it was her choice.

Peter's death was painful, not for myself, but watching my sister fall into pieces, and with Mama and Papa gone and unable to help... Rose was alone, and I knew that even if I were to take the risk and reveal myself, what did I have to offer? I had never been in her position, never felt what she was feeling, not really. So I stayed away, and prayed that some miracle might occur. I actually sensed the moment the twins were reborn, two souls returning to the world of the living, but they were not just any souls, because one of them (unknowingly) was bound to my little sister, to one of the people I loved most in the world. I knew they'd find each other one day, and then they'd be together, be happy... I hoped that day would come soon.

I knew when Mama was born, though that one was mostly because I sensed a sort-of tightening of the family bonds we shared. I didn't really have a bond with the version of my parents that had time-traveled; they existed outside of time, and would until the overlap ended. Still, I'd known the moment was coming, what I never expected was just how young she actually was. When she met Papa, and when he first came to me, telling me he had a friend... one he called Nightingale...

When I learned she was dying... it was almost one shock too many. I knew she couldn't die, she was alive in the future (and in the past)! So when Papa began talking about creating some strange object from a fiction novel that might help save her, I was all for it. I had no idea how he would do it, but I believed it had to work, failure simply wasn't an option.

Seeing Papa since Nana's death and the loss of his memories of her was almost painful. He wasn't the man I remembered; the accomplished sorcerer, the proud prince, the loving husband, caring father... he was but pieces of who he'd once been, jagged pieces that would at times scrap against each other, causing pain to him (and sometimes to others); and the worst part was that there was nothing I could do about it. Things got better after he met Nightingale, much better, but I could see there was something missing, the bond with them was still frayed.

I will never know how the two of them knew the Ancient Vows, with Papa's loss of memories it should have been impossible. Yet somehow it happened. They knew the words, and pronounced them, and while they still weren't quite the parents I knew, it was so close I could almost weep in joy! I had my Mama! She might call herself my step-mother and might have reassured me time and again that she'd never try to take the place of my real mom (huh?), but she loved me as dearly as she ever had, it made no difference if she'd given birth to me or thought someone else had. It was, in many ways, more than I could have ever dreamed of.

And then they remembered...

I will never forget that moment, I was still processing the joy at knowing I had a home, that I had a room that was just mine, that Mama and Papa had fixed for me, even without knowing for sure if I'd ever be able to sleep in it. I was their daughter, and thus I had a room in their home. And then there was Hakon, whom I remembered from the time-traveling group, but that one had been more grown than the little boy my parents (our parents) had introduced me to, my little brother. My mind was still processing all of that, all the ways (wonderful, amazing, beautiful ways) things had changed, when Mama rushed into the music room, where I was with Hakon, and said three words that put my whole world upside down:

She said: "Helena?" and "Cala amin (my light)?" and I felt like I was drowning and flying and dying and being reborn all at the same time. I had my Nana back!

In that moment I was sure everything was perfect, that nothing in the universe could ever better. (Well, some things would undoubtedly get better when the overlap ended and I could spend some time with my beloved little sister in person... rather than talking in dreams as we'd done once or twice). As I eventually found out, I'd no idea...

When Donna Strange arrived to my domain (this actually happened years before I got my parents back, a year or two before he found her) it took me completely by surprise. I'd been there, years earlier, when she was sick. I actually stood guard, on a corner of the room, waiting... for someone to discover what was wrong with her, for the doctors to act, for her body to either heal or give up on her. I waited, knowing there was nothing I could do to help her, but ready to at least make her passing as easy as possible, if she did lose that particular battle. And then Stephen knew what was wrong, and the doctors treated her, and Donna was so strong... and I could only smile at the family that surrounded the latest incarnation of my match and how much they loved him.

I wasn't expecting at all to find a teen-aged Donna dropping into my realm just a few years later, still dressed in jeans, boots and a colorful top. I felt it just seconds later, the pain and grief coming from my match. Even though we hadn't said the Ancient Vows in several lifetimes, my living in a realm that existed outside of 'normal' time had allowed pieces of our old bonds to endure. I wasn't sure how much or how well he felt me (though even if he did, he probably didn't understand it), I certainly sensed whatever strong emotions hit him. No emotion had ever been stronger in him than the pain and grief he felt when he learned his little sister had just died.

Donna actually caught me looking into a water mirror days later, looking into her family (it was probably a remnant of the power I'd once had as a Naiad, the ability to use water pools to look into other people, other worlds). Donna was still there, she was one of those who refused to move on to the Other Side, and the circumstances weren't right to allow her to be reincarnated just yet (sometimes it took a while). Perhaps the odd part was that she didn't take to wandering the realm, like most in her situation did, instead she hung around my halls (I wonder if a part of her had sensed the connection even before she saw proof of it...).

"You know him, don't you?" She asked quite suddenly. "Somehow you know my brother?" Her brow furrowed. "But I don't understand how."

Donna was a beautiful girl, somewhat on the petite side, with wavy dark brown hair and gray eyes, she was also very sweet, and I knew she loved her brother dearly.

"I know him..." I didn't see the point in lying to her, or ignoring her words. "Have known him, for countless years, through a great many lifetimes."

"Oh..." Her eyes widened as she looked at me. "You're his soulmate!"

I wasn't sure if that was proof that she was incredibly insightful, or just innocent.

"We are a match, yes." I nodded.

I knew she didn't see any difference, not many would; I had wondered more than once if even Nana did. Nana had spoken of matches, especially due to her own, but I wondered if she realized there were differences. There were those who loved each other so much they might choose to pronounce the Ancient Vows, to become a match, and if their love was strong and their bond solidified enough in that life, the union might carry on to the next, and so on and so forth... and then there was the other kind, the involuntary bonds. My own parents had been one, they'd begun bonding from the moment they first laid eyes on each other, even before they knew what it was they were feeling; something like that meant a preexisting bond, most likely a very strong one in either one or more of their previous lives or... or the possibility that the two of them might have once been one. Like Stephanos and I.

"Oh that's wonderful!" Donna kept saying.

"You really think so?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Yes!" She nodded immediately. "It means you love him, right? And he loves you! It means he won't ever be alone... I don't want my brother to be alone, or sad..."

"I don't want that either." I admitted. "I cannot always be with him, even now I cannot."

"But you will go to him, one day, right?" She pressed, sounding honestly anxious.

"One day." I answered vaguely.

"Yes, you will." I noticed she wasn't asking anymore, as far as she was concerned, it was a done deal (I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad one).

Truth be told, I'd no idea how such a thing could even be done. I'd never actually approached Stephanos in life, not since becoming the ruler of Helheim, our existences were too different. Would I be helping him? I wanted to think so. But what if not? What if I only ended hurting him? I wanted to be with him, but I was terrified of doing anything that might hurt him, it was already bad enough for our time together between one life and the next to be so limited. I could only hope (Hope!) that Donna might be right, that one day we might be together.

xXx

I had a bit of a quiet decade; actually, most of the time in Helheim was quiet, some might even describe it as boring. While it had been hard during the first few years, putting the Realm in order and making everyone know and accept that I was in charge, once that period of transition had passed thing had become quite calm. In the end, and while I might be Queen, I didn't really have much to do, other than keep an eye on those that refused to move on, and help those whose deaths were sudden and at times tragic enough that they didn't quite know what to do with themselves.

There were a few events, of course. Like the time I witnessed a young man get a second chance at life on a riverbank, and grasp it with both hands; or the time I was convinced to intervene with a soulless, a clone. And while Rose had been involved (mostly indirectly) with those events, she wasn't the reason I stepped in (especially with the soulless one), no, the reason was one of the Innocent wandering my realm.

The Innocent were the children and the unborn, those who'd passed away too young for their souls to become tainted in any way, they were almost always too bright and full of life, in a way, to cross-over, so they stayed with me. It was one of them who'd spoken in behalf of the soulless child, and those that surrounded him; he convinced me to intervene, and I touched Rose's dreams to let her know, it was the first time we spoke directly (even if we were in the dream-world).

Still, it was after 2011 that things began getting insane. Stephanos's current life: Dr. Stephen Strange was a famous neurosurgeon and I only looked in on him every so often, Rose had taken to wandering the world, creating alliances that would one day confront the threat of Hydra, Hakon himself had infiltrated SHIELD along with the recently awakened Peggy Carter, and they were getting ready to do the same, the young versions of my parents were getting into their own insanity, first separate, and later on together, when Mama finally acknowledge their bond publicly while in New York the following year. The older version of my parents returned from Vanaheim in 2012 too, and after spending a short time in Asia with Rose, and then unexpectedly traveling to Afghanistan, eventually ended in London.

In 2013 I got one great shock. It was early May and when Papa's pain hit me through our family bonds I couldn't help but gasp, my knees folding beneath me as the shock took me over, I hadn't felt pain like that in close to nine centuries!

"My lady?" A voice called as one of the Innocents approached me. "Are you alright? Should I call for one of your handmaidens?"

He was referring to the souls who refused to cross over, or reincarnate, and for whatever the reason chose to stay near me, serving me.

"No, I... I'm alright Edward." I forced myself to take deep breaths.

While some of the Innocents, especially the Unborn ones remained nameless (either because they had never been given a name, or they chose to forsake it), there were a few who felt a strong enough connection to those names, and/or the ones who'd given them such, as to keep them. Edward was one such case. He also had taken to sticking close, especially when he knew I'd be looking in on the Avengers and their families, I knew the reason, of course, but neither of us ever spoke about it).

"Are you sure my lady?" He asked me once more.

"Yes." I nodded, pushing myself to my feet as the pain turned to numbness.

A week later I found Mama wandering through the mists, half gone still.

Mama's death and consequent choice to forsake that death, that rest, to stay at Papa's side brought some unexpected consequences. The most important of all was that I got my family back. Mama called herself my step-mom, and Papa still did not remember the past, but we were closer than we'd been for so long... it was a dream come true.

I began spending less time in Helheim (they didn't really need me much, hadn't for a while, if I was honest with myself) and more time with my family, whether in Asgard or in Midgard. Also, it was a good excuse to stay away from the viewing pools... it almost hurt, looking in on Stephen. Not because of all the women he'd take to his bed, even Christine and their attempt at an actual relationship hadn't really hurt; I knew Stephen did not remember me and he was making a life for himself, and I was alright with that. No, what pained me was seeing his pain, the emptiness he could never fill, and especially the way he allowed fear to rule his life: fear of connections, of love, and especially of failure. Donna wanted me to do something about it, but I couldn't interfere in Stephen's life without cause, it wasn't right!

Nana and Ada recovering their memories in the summer of 2015 brought much joy to all of us, I also began to wonder when exactly they'd be traveling to the past, and how. Hakon was growing fast (relatively) and while my parents didn't exactly age, I had a feeling the time was close.

xXx

The first week of January of 2016 found me in my bedroom in Salani mansion. Nana had asked me to look after Hakon for a few hours while she and Papa took care of a little 'errand' for a couple of their friends. We were actually having fun, playing a game where I'd play music and he'd jump, dance and the like around the room, but the moment I stopped he'd to freeze, and he'd to stay completely immobile until I went back to playing, if he moved before he lost. It was a simple, childish game, the kind I hadn't taken part in, in a very long time... I was enjoying it immensely! Hakon was such a sweet child... also, while I wasn't exactly Jotun myself (nor could I change my skin the way he and Papa did), I was immune to his freezing touch, much like Nana, which meant that he could never hurt me, and he knew that.

It was close to dinnertime and I knew it wouldn't be long before Nana and Ada arrived, when the phone rang unexpectedly.

"Hello?" I answered evenly. "Salani-Hvedrungr residence?"

The voice that I heard on the other side of the line belonged to the last person I ever expected:

"Helena...?" It was soft, and while I'd never heard it in real-life, I knew it instantly. "It's Rose. Look, I have to be fast, and there's no time to explain everything right now. In exactly two hours something is going to happen. You need to go the Upper East Side in New York, FDR Drive, just past marker 13. You need to be there Helena, two hours from now. Oh... and you cannot bring Mama into this. Things need to happen, she cannot change any of it."

There was such urgency in her voice... I chose to ignore the fact that she had called the number of a house that wasn't hers yet, of a family that didn't know she existed, because to them she did not exist yet. That she'd known I'd be the one to answer... or the fact that she believed I'd want to involve Mama, and was warning me from doing precisely that, whatever was coming couldn't be good... I had a feeling it could be nothing good.

"Why?" I focused on what I thought had to be the important. "Why then and there? Why me?"

"Stephanos will need you."

I didn't even get the chance to demand explanations or shriek my denial, the call cut off before I could so much as find my breath. Hakon had no empathy, and even then he knew something was very wrong. Nana knew something was off, but she respected me enough to back down when I told her I was just worried about a friend (she obviously didn't believe me, not really, but she wouldn't press either... I knew she'd be there when/if I needed her, though).

That's one night I will probably never forget, however much a part of me might wish it. There was so much pain... grief, despair and sheer terror, there were times I felt like I was drowning...

I was with Stephen through it all, as he lost control of the car, went off the road, crashed and flipped and twisted and eventually slammed into a riverbank. When the rescue services found him and a helicopter transported him to Metro-General, when Christine Palmer and a team of doctors received him and he underwent surgery for eleven hours straight... and through all that followed. Never once did I leave his side. More than once I wanted to call Mama, wanted to ask her to help him, to heal him, but every time I did I remembered Rose's words: 'things need to happen', and I remembered the Allfather's ruling: Mama couldn't interfere with the lives of those not connected to her, especially those who might be meant to die (like what she'd done with Gwen Stacy in 2013). And more importantly, I remembered the ancient laws, the laws of nature: all magic comes with a price, healing most of all. Most of the time that price was extracted from the one benefiting from it, but sometimes it was the healer itself who was most affected, such was Nana's case, I'd seen that first hand.

Also, as became obvious in the weeks and months following the accident, the damage done to Stephen's hands was not the kind of thing Nana could heal. It was one thing to heal the classic injuries of battle, simple and to the point; but what had happened to Stephen was greater in a sense, much more delicate, and devastating. The kind of detailed damage that she couldn't treat effectively, much like Anya Willow's lungs or the neural connections in John's shoulder. So I did not call her, instead I just stood at my love's side, a silent, unseen support.

The next communication from Rose wasn't any less of a surprise. She actually called my cell-phone that time (Nana had gotten me one when I stopped spending time at home, as I chose to stay with Stephen instead).

"I need you to talk to Mama and Papa." Rose told me quietly. "They've been considering going to Kathmandu in Nepal, to check out some rumors about magic in the area. I need you to convince them to go."

"Why?" I honestly didn't understand. "If they're already considering it..."

"Because you need to tell them it's safe." She went on. "That's it's a good vacationing spot, a good place for them to take Hakon."

"Wha...?" I certainly hadn't seen that one coming.

"Please." She insisted. "It's very important."

"And you won't tell me why." I murmured.

She didn't give me an answer, good thing I wasn't expecting one. Still, I trusted her, of course I did, she was my little sister. Two days later I felt my family bonds stretch, twist, bend and almost, but not quite snap. No, instead I felt completely empty for a fraction of a second, before the bonds reasserted themselves, except, as I realized just seconds later, the ones on the other end weren't the same people they'd been before. My parents and my little brother (and Aunt Sif) had just traveled back in time, and upon their leaving my bonds had turned to their older selves. The ones I'd always known were there, but had never before been truly connected to, a bond with Rose also formed for the first time.

I had no idea how they'd traveled back in time, who'd done it, how or why... though one thing was clear: Rose knew. Still, I believed that if she hadn't told me it was for a reason, so I chose not ask.

I also had a brief, though very interesting meeting with two of Nana's and Ada's closest human friends: Phil Coulson and Darcy Lewis-Coulson, and their team. The fact that I was there to deal with Lorelei made the encounter less enjoyable than it would have been otherwise, while I'd long since made my peace with Nana's 'death', seeing the last remaining Enchantress was enough to fan a fire of rage I'd thought long since turned to ash.

Less than six weeks later Hydra revealed itself and the world went nuts.

I wanted to stay by Stephen's side, I really did, but in the end I had to admit to myself that there was really nothing I could do for him, while outside the doors of his flat the world was going crazy. And people were dying, good and bad.

I expected my realm to be a mess, and thankfully I was wrong about that. Between my servants and handmaidens, and the Innocents that seemed to like me, they'd managed to keep things under control. I got there just in time to supervise the Crossing Over of most of those who'd passed away during the recent confrontations. Most of them were heading to purgatory, as they'd been serving darkness, while Edward and some others informed me that a few souls had actually bypassed Helheim entirely, either being so at peace they needed no help to pass on, or having been chosen to spend eternity in Valhalla (a reward so rare I didn't think more than a handful of humans had been granted it in all of time).

After everything was back to normal I headed straight to Asgard, where I met with my family. They were talking about recent events, and the time-travel was mentioned. I even went as far as confessing that I'd been the one to convince them to go to Kathmandu (though, to be fair, before that day I didn't know they had forgotten that far back). I didn't tell them Rose was the one to ask me to get them there. That wasn't my secret to tell.

I stayed close to my parents for a few days, even ended accompanying them to a cemetery of all places where a most interesting reunion took place. Though eventually I was back in New York and silently and invisibly watching over my match.

It wasn't easy... in fact it was downright torturing, watching as he lost himself in despair, little by little. As he used up all almost all the money in his bank accounts (in all but one, the one that held his inheritance... small as it was, compared to his original fortune), as he sold practically all he had: all but his more casual clothes, the watch Christine had given him for his birthday, and the puzzle box he'd had made for Donna (and which he could never give her). The doctors has been able to take care of the chronic pain that had originally ailed him, making it so he only hurt if he forced his hands too much or moved them wrong somehow; but nothing that had been done had been able to eliminate the splotchy sensation in some parts, the numbness that would hit him every so often, and more importantly: the permanent shaking.

I refused to really admit it, even in my own head, but I was terrified. That the dark hole of despair would one day swallow him hole, that he'd chose to give up completely. And while some might think that would mean seeing him again... suicide left a stain in the soul that nothing could fully erase. It was one thing to let go after the other half was gone; some might say that by that point one was already dead, so it wasn't really suicide, but suiciding... there was a darkness in the act, much as murder against another, that stained the soul, harsh and deep.

Except I was wrong, he did not drown in despair, instead he reached out and grasped with quite unbelievable tenacity to the last lifeboat he could find.

Stephen's sudden visit to Johnathan Pangborn and his subsequent decision to sell his flat and go to Kathmandu caught me completely by surprise. The worst part? I couldn't even go into Kamar-Taj. There was so much magic there I wouldn't have been able to stay in hiding, and even with magic being involved, I still couldn't find a way to justify my dropping into Stephen's life (at least not to the Allfather, for me his being my match would have been more than enough reason).

I didn't see him for four months and then... and then it was all a mess. I knew about the Mystic Arts, of course I did, they were but one of the magical orders sprinkled among humanity. Not quite like most, which depended on bloodlines, but still quite skillful, and more spread out than any specific coven or Circle I knew. I knew about the Sanctums, though I'd never set foot inside any of them, for the same reason I did not go into Kamar-Taj. The place, while fully in the realm of the living, was so charged with magic I couldn't hide while inside; also, the people living there could easily tell I didn't belong, not only in the building, but in the world, I was un-tethered, close to a spirit but not quite (because I still had a body and life). I was a conundrum for them, the closest to an impossibility they would ever find, so I stayed away.

And yet... it was hard to stay away when one of those Sanctums had just been practically blown up to kingdom come. The death toll was such it almost made me sick... even being who I am.

I knew things must be getting messy in Helheim, but a part of me needed to understand what was going on, so I decided to find out myself. I used magic to change my usual attire into modern human clothing: a dark-green v-necked blouse, dark slacks, boots and almost as an afterthought, an ivory long coat (in deference of the chilly weather... it was January after all). I recognized the man in the dark three-piece tailored suit holding an umbrella and approached him instantly.

"I want to know what the hell happened here and I want to know yesterday!" He demanded hotly over his phone, before turning to the woman by his side, his voice softening considerably as he spoke to her. "Get Sherlock and John here, they might be able to find out something..."

"I'm afraid this one might be a bit too out of their depth, even for a team as great as the two consulting

detectives." I murmured politely as I approached.

"Who are you?" The man in the suit demanded.

I did not miss the way the woman reached for something hidden in her coat pocket, most likely a handgun (I could read the training in her body, and the protectiveness in her emotions).

"I assure you ma'am, you will not need that." I nodded in the direction of her hand, before turning to the man again. "My name is Helena Hvedrungr."

"Hvedrungr..." The woman breathed out in half-hidden shock.

"You're Serrure's and Arianna's daughter." The man finished for.

"Their eldest." I clarified.

"You know what happened here." He said next, it wasn't really a question.

"I can make an educated guess." I answered calmly. "Tell me, Mr. Holmes, how much do you know about magic?" He arched a brow, but did not proceed to immediate denial, which was good. "This place was a sanctuary for a group that specializes in one of many kinds of magic that are practiced in this world." I went on, being just vague enough not to give up any secrets. "I know not who orchestrated this attack, but the fact that they managed to do this much damage... it's not good." It was then something else occurred to me and it made me nervous. "I need to go."

"Why?" The woman demanded instantly. "Where?"

"This isn't the only such sanctuary." I answered simply. "An attack like this..."

"You think this wasn't an isolated incident." Mr. Holmes finished for me.

"I need to go." I said simply, looking over my shoulder one last time before I went. "I'd suggest you keep your people, and any civilians, as far from this place as you can. Even with this kind of destruction... there's no telling what might happen next."

"Will you tell me when this matter is resolved?" He wanted to know.

"I will tell you when we've won." I quipped, before vanishing into the Shadow Plane.

To be fair, if we lost, he wouldn't need me to tell him, it would be obvious enough.

xXx

I wanted to go looking for Stephen, even into Kamar-Taj if necessary, I really did... but I had a duty, one that could not be ignored. So I took the Shadow Paths to Helheim. Once again my people had things under control for the most part. As I joined them in helping the newly deceased I began learning what was going on exactly: a Sorcerer called Kaecilius had apparently rebelled against the teachings of the Ancient One and deserted from the Order, a number of others had followed him, his zealots. The real trouble? They all worshiped Dormammu and intended to open the way for him into our world. It was insane!

I knew who Dormammu was, of course I did! In fact, from all the people in existence in all the world there were few who stood a chance at knowing more about that entity than I did... after all, I'd been just like It once...

It was the last member of the oldest race in all of reality. The last of the Old Gods, the 'Destroyers of Worlds' the Old Titans... so many other racers had come since, that hardly anyone remembered about the first, and even those who did know... it was considered nothing more than myth, even more so than any of the classical pantheons. When most of us had grown tired of exiting beyond all creation, and thus had chosen to become, first Celestials, and then something else (not all of us, of course, some had chosen to end their existence at that point), Dormammu had never changed, had refused to adapt. And so It was all that remained in the Timeless Abyss, what some magic-users called the Dark Dimension, what was beyond all creation. And It, of course, wanted to swallow our dimension, destroy it, since It could never be a part of it (by Its own choice).

In any case, that explained what had happened in London. The Sanctums by simply standing created a magical shield that protected our world... if they fell so would the shield.

My suspicions were confirmed when Master Daniel Drumm, from the New York Sanctum joined us. He was the only one though, as he'd managed to evacuate the Sanctum beforehand... what neither him nor I were expecting, was when the Sanctum itself did not fall. It was empty, weakened terribly, but it was still standing... And then I went to the closest viewing pool and searched for its defender... I nearly dropped to my knees in shock: it was Stephen... no, not Stephen, not Dr. Strange... it was Stephanos... in that moment he looked so much like the man I'd known and loved through hundreds upon thousands of years, countless lifetimes... his eyes, the dazzling mix of green, blue and gold were almost glowing as they reflected the sparks of magic he conjured. He was dressed in a dark-brown and midnight-blue tunic, and upon his shoulders... Yet another shock I got as I recognized the cloak he was wearing. The same I'd once commissioned as a favor to my match, a kingly-gift for a young king... or to-be king.

It also appeared that the shocks weren't over just yet, as a woman found herself before me not an hour later. Her head was devoid of hair, her skin wrinkled and her eyes covered by shadows of more than just age... yet I still knew who it was exactly that stood before me, another old friend...

"Hello Gwenhwyfar..." I greeted her with a very small but respectful vow of my head. "Or would you rather I call you Ancient One?"

She looked at me with a questioning expression for several seconds before a light of recognition shone in her eyes and she was bowing deeply to me.

"My Lady Nimue." She murmured quietly. "It is a great surprise to find you here."

"I know." I nodded. "But I'm no longer the Lady of the Lake, I haven't been for a very long time. I am now Helena Lokidottir, Queen of the Dead... I am the guardian of this realm." I cocked my head to a side. "But you, you still are the same, are you not? Your Majesty?"

"No." She shook her head vehemently. "No, no Majesty. I haven't been a Queen for centuries, I'm not even sure I'm Gwenhwyfar anymore. I'm not sure the young, idealistic, wild princess I once was would recognize me, where I to come face to face with her. I'm quite sure Arthur wouldn't..."

"Oh Gwen..." I couldn't stop the compassion from filling my voice (compassion but never, ever, pity). "You are who you are, who you've always been, nothing more and nothing less. All the good you've done as the Ancient One is as important as the good you did once as Guinevere..."

"And what about all the bad?" She almost hissed, though I could tell there was more grief than anger in her voice. "What about this?"

She reached for her forehead, only to find it blank. I did not need to be a seer to know she was looking for the mark of what she'd been doing, the manner in which she'd managed to stay alive for close to 1500 years... she was looking for a stain on her soul, yet there was none.

"The darkness you may have subjected your body to, in order to endure through time, to fulfill your duties as the Sorceress Supreme... it's not on your soul." I explained to her. "You're free now Gwen. Free of the darkness, of its energy and its weight."

"But..." There was a mix of shock, confusion and wonder coming from her. "The price... All magic comes with a price. I still have to pay mine."

"No you don't." I shook my head. "You've paid it already, have been paying it all along. Gwen... you better than many understand the toll it takes on one's heart, mind and soul, to be separated from your match. Yet you endured that, in order to keep this world safe, to make sure the Order would endure, would thrive..." I smiled at her kindly. "Now it's time for you to rest, to finally join the one who, even after all this centuries, is still waiting for you."

"He..." Her voice broke up, disbelief ringing all around her.

I just smiled turning to a side and the approaching tall figure. I bowed my head once respectfully before taking my leave. Those two (more than anyone else) deserved their privacy for their long-awaited reunion... I was sure that once they were ready they could find their way to the Other Side on their own, or have one of my handmaidens show them.

By that point I'd become too worried about my own match to ignore it anymore. So I slipped into the Shadow Plane and, forsaking all pretenses, followed our ancient bond straight to him. I found him in Hong Kong, laying on the ground, Mordo and Wong at his side, Kaecilius and his zealots behind him, time completely frozen around them all... and in the distance, Dormammu and his 'Dark Dimension'. The final battle had already begun and by most people's estimations, we were about to lose... or had already lost. My match refused to surrender.

Following him into the void was instinctive (and insane, but I wasn't willing to let him go alone).

I didn't realize what my match was going to do until it was already too late to stop him, and while that might have been a good thing for the world... it certainly wasn't for us. It was the worst kind of torture, standing silent and unseen in the Shadow Plane, watching him die again and again... and I had to stay there, because if I had manifested myself in the Dimension, if Dormammu had seen me... It quite probably would have seen our connection, would have been able to guess who we were (or at least what we'd once been) and then It would have never surrendered, and even together Stephanos and I simply weren't enough to truly defeat It (all Old Gods had been equals to one another, no superiors).

I got a fraction of a second, the instant between death and life, between the end of one loop and the beginning of the next, when he'd be suddenly standing next to me, dead and not-dead at the same time. Some times I was sure he could even see me, but the moment was over so soon...

Eventually it was over. 413 deaths, that's how long it took for Dormammu to admit that my match would never give up. It wasn't exactly a victory, and certainly not without a cost. But in the end Kaecilius and his zealots were gone, Dormammu was bound to Its oath never to attack Earth again (sometimes one had to love the fact that having the slightest bit of magic made a being's oath absolutely binding).

It should have ended there. In an ideal world the battle would have ended and, with victory achieved, that would have been the end of it. But since we lived in reality and not a fairy-tale, of course the battle was just the beginning. Karl Mordo defected from the Order, for reasons I failed to fully grasp, Stephen Strange took his place as Master of the NY Sanctum, while the rest of their Order focused on rebuilding in London, keeping the world safe, even without a Supreme Sorcerer to lead and guide them.

I dropped by London briefly to meet with Mycroft Holmes and give him an abridged version of events. Thankfully he knew better than to demand any more information than I was already giving him. He also seemed to trust me and I wondered if it was just because I had information he needed, or if my parents' identity really influenced things that much.

I stayed in New York for the most part. I had my own bedroom in the floor Tony Stark had fitted for my parents in Avengers Tower (as did my younger siblings), and they'd all since grown used to not asking questions about my coming and goings (though I had a feeling that they mostly assumed I kept going to Helheim, rather than Greenwich Village).

I hung around, but I didn't really go into the Sanctum, it wasn't a good idea. While the place was still low enough on energy and there were few enough sorcerers that I wasn't really noticed as long as I stayed in the Shadow Plane (or the Mirror Dimension, as they chose to call the part of the Plane that belonged to Earth)... though there was one exception, the relics, or at least some of them, they could sense me. Particularly the Cloak of Levitation (Levi, as Stephen called her), I had a feeling she might even be able to sense who I was exactly... or had once been.

Even then I could see he wasn't well. The shadows beneath his eyes, and in them as well, he was more than just physically exhausted. I wondered if others could tell. It was frustrating, not being able to do anything, but I didn't really belong in the current time and place; there were very specific ways in which I could be allowed (made to) belong, and they were all up to him... of course I couldn't even interfere to tell him that, so the whole idea was an exercise in futility as far as I was concerned.

I got careless, I could admit to that much. I'd been able to sense the moment Stephen began sleeping again, with some help from psychic shields, special teas and even some medication in order to be able to sleep without dreaming. After two weeks he wasn't really in top shape, but at least when I managed to catch a glimpse of him he no longer looked like he was about to have a breakdown... or worse. I thought it was safe enough for me to take off for a few days, check how things were in Helheim, I also wanted to drop by Asgard to research the laws regarding our intervention in human's lives. I knew my parents' case had been a bit touch-and-go at first (pretty much why Ada had concealed Nana's existence until after they were already bonded and it was too late for anyone to try and take offense to it), and while the world at large knew they existed, they only really interacted with those involved with the protection of the Realm. I needed to find a way to get involved in Stephen's life (need, because 'want' just wasn't a strong enough word anymore) without breaking the law. I had a feeling that using the fact that he was my match as an excuse wouldn't be enough, not even with all the precedent.

I was still buried in books when Grandma unexpectedly arrived.

"Grandmother?" I asked softly, confused by her arrival.

"Oh my sweet child..." She whispered, placing a soft kiss on my brow. "You search for answers you need not find. You have found your match, and likewise it has found you, and things will be as they were always meant to be. Trust your bond, little light..."

Little light... she hadn't called me that since I was a child... and then I caught up with the rest. I didn't ask how she knew about Stephanos at all. Not even with my mother had I talked about him! At least not in any specific terms, though I was sure enough had been implied for her to get at least an idea of what was going on.

"Go now child." She told me suddenly, taking the book from my hands. "The crown needs the light." When I failed to move instantly she added more strongly: "Go."

I wasn't even fully conscious of my motions but in a matter of seconds I was in my parents' private gardens, and then from one second to the next I was dropping into the Shadow Plane (the part that touched Yggdrassil and the connection between realms). It was until I was standing, unseen, in the middle of NY, a step away from dropping into the real world that I fully realized what I was doing... I also realized something else: my match wasn't in the real world!

It was insane. In the real world it was easy enough to track him down, feel his soul. In the Shadow Plane... it should have been easier, and I could indeed feel his spirit, but it was stretched, also, the battles he'd been involved in while in the Mirror Dimension meant that traces of his energy had been imprinted in several places, making it harder to track him. Our bond let me know he was close, but not the exact location, it had been too long since we'd last pronounced the Ancient Vows for me to be able to simply call on the silver cord and follow it to him, the way I knew Ada and Nana sometimes did with each other.

So I searched for him... and either I was losing abilities, or Stephanos and I just somehow kept missing each other! I was beginning to truly get stressed out when I decided to take a break. I purposefully went to the NY Sanctum, straight to the attic, where I knew my love spent most time. Though I stayed in the Shadow Plane I made sure my cloak was fully closed and my hood up, just in case. I was standing there, looking out through the huge window and wondering where my match might be, when a loud creak came from behind me.

I twisted around automatically, mouth dropping open in shock at the realization that Stephen Strange was standing there, right then, and I'd managed to somehow miss his approach! I was so lost in my own thoughts I hadn't sensed him! A wordless exclamation left my lips before I could stop myself, and for a moment I knew not what to do. Should I go? Should I stay?

He looked beyond exhausted again, and that hit me hard. I could tell he was getting closer, yet for some reason I couldn't move, I did nothing except stand there, ever so slowly getting lost in his eyes, that vibrant mix of green, blue and gold. I became aware of him and his closeness all over again the moment his fingers brushed mine, it was barely a graze, the barest hint of a touch, yet that was enough to make me feel like lightning had just hit me. All of a sudden I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't even wonder if my heart was beating at all... and then he was gone.

It happened so abruptly I wasn't sure he even noticed it, the moment he stepped onto my shadow and his foot went straight through it, through the edge of the dimension we stood on, and back into the real world. I didn't think so. His knees hit the ground suddenly and hard enough I almost thought I could feel the pain myself. The shock of our half-touch finally beginning to wear off.

My mind was almost short-circuiting, as I considered all the possibilities, all my choices in but a fraction of a second. Then it was out of my hand. A young woman who looked like she might be of Japanese descent rushed up the stairs and straight to my love's side.

"Doctor Strange!" She practically shrieked the moment she saw him.

She was terrified, not of him, but for him. How long had he been missing? How much had I missed while doing my duty in Helheim and getting myself lost in the libraries of Asgard?

I didn't get the chance to contemplate anymore for, right as my match finally lost consciousness, I found myself half-lost in what was probably the most insane vision ever:

Creatures, other than human (more than human) I was among them and I felt complete... It took a few seconds for my mind to kick into gear and process things, combining what I was seeing with the things I already knew. The creatures were the Old Gods, of which I'd once been one (or part of one). Then things had changed, but that was alright because I wasn't alone, there were two of us, a perfect match, and as long as we were together nothing could ever be that hard, that bad... Then came everything else: a thousand faces, a thousand places, times, lives, between joy and grief, success and failure, victory and defeat, life and death. A thousand lifetimes walking the worlds, the universe, side by side.

War, there was always war all around me, around us, I... we grew tired of it, and especially, we grew tired of us losing each other to it. All we wanted was one lifetime where we could be happy, where we could be together and not fear that any moment something might happen that would rip us out of each other's arms again (old we might have been, in more ways than one, but we somehow had still failed to understand that war is a neverending curse that plagues every world and every race in the universe).

One life stood out from them all: the one we'd shared in the 6th century B.C. Where he'd been a wizard, always dressed in blue robes, whom the magics had aged beyond his actual years; while I had been a Lady of the Lake in my off-white dresses. That had been a good life, for as long as it lasted. Even if he'd chosen to devote most of his life to helping a young would-be King... and I'd chosen to help him, had even been the first of my sisters to get involved in human affairs, the first of those who'd one day pass into legend as Nimue...

That was the last time we'd really coincided in life. After that I'd become Helena Lokidottir, a daughter, a princess of two realms, a sorceress... I went through so much, good and bad, and the next time I laid eyes on him I was Queen of the Dead and he was but one among many of the spirits that passed through my new realm. He'd been affected by his recent life, or his death (or both) and then he'd found himself there. I could barely believe it when I saw him; yet I knew it was, indeed, him, and in that moment that was enough.

"Stephanos..." I called automatically.

It would take him a while to remember my name, but that was alright too. We had time. Even if I knew that one day he'd have to move on to his next life, and my own expectancy was for several thousand years un-changed... I still believed we could make it.

So many stories, so many lifetimes, each as unsatisfying as the last; for even though we always got the chance to meet again, it was never enough, and how could it ever be? How could a few seconds, minutes, even days every century or so, ever hope to be enough? Even if we never stopped loving each other, even if I never held whatever he did in any given lifetime against him, it just wasn't enough, for either of us.

Eventually the vision caught up with his current lifetime, that of Stephen Strange, and the day where everything had changed for him: the day of his accident. I found myself almost trapped inside that memory, sitting in the passenger seat of his ruined car, waiting for the paramedics to arrive. I stayed with him through that, and the helicopter ride, the doctors, the surgery... at times I almost felt like he might actually be able to see me, but the conscious part of my mind knew that wouldn't be possible unless he were dead, and I didn't want him to die; much as I might want to be with him again, I would never wish him dead!

"It's not your time yet..." I whispered softly to him, as the doctors around him fought to keep him alive, trying to make him hear me, somehow, without joining me among the dead. "As much as I might miss you, as much as I might love you... No. Not yet Stephanos, and not like this."

I stayed by his side through it all, and the parts I happened to miss due to my own duties I ended witnessing later on, when his dreams and nightmares overwhelmed him enough for them to leak through our ages-old bond.

He even remembered his fight against Dormammu, and somehow, in that moment, he seemed to be aware that I'd been there, and every time he'd died. I heard my own voice, thick in the air with my Celtic accent, one I knew his subconscious would remember, even as I spoke a language that was older than even that:

"Oh Stephanos...Oh my love I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you're in such pain. I wish so much I could help you yet there's nothing I can do, nothing but stand here, silent, watching you, holding you for a fraction of a second, between death and living. My valiant knight... I know this is hard, I know it hurts, but do not give up. Please never give up... Please..."

Hearing my voice, even though it brought back the memory of all his deaths, all his suffering, all that I was forced to witness... it also gave me hope. Hope that somewhere deep inside he'd known I was there, known he wasn't alone...

The visions vanished somewhat more softly than they'd come, and I found myself half kneeling, half sprawled on the ground of the NY Sanctum's attic. I blinked several times, trying to process what had just happened exactly, how long I'd been there... and then a voice I knew well, calling a single word, froze all thought in my head:

"ELAINE!"

I was moving before I was even conscious of it. In less than a minute I was standing right beside my match, in the real world. There I dropped to my knees, my hands immediately reaching for him, I'd almost touched him, when the edge of a conjured weapon touched the side of my neck.

"Don't you dare touch him..." A low, female voice hissed beside me.

I didn't even need to turn to know it was the young sorceress: Sachiko Nishimura. While inside I applauded her desire to protect my match, inside I just needed to hold him.

"Who are you?" My love's friend, Wong, was the next to arrive. "How did you get here?"

"He called for me, so I came." I explained softly. "I will always come to him..."

That seemed to be enough of a shock, as the girl pulled back, giving me the chance to turn just enough to look straight at both sorcerers and push back my cloak.

"You're the one he's calling to..." Sachiko began, only to break off when I revealed myself.

"It's you..." Wong muttered next, and I could have sworn he actually recognized me, somehow, though I didn't really understand how.

"I am Elaine." I finished, for their benefit.

Yes I was, I was Elaine, and he was Stephanos. I had no idea how or why but he knew me, he knew me and he called to me. And I wasn't leaving him ever again...


So... what do you think? Too insane?

For a while now I wanted to find a match for Helena. Then the first trailer for Doctor Strange came out and I thought: he would be awesome! But we had Christine Palmer and I wasn't sure how that would go. Then I watched the movie, and that kiss on the cheek... while I was almost crying with him for the way she left him (and while some might see hope in that kiss, I cannot help but see a goodbye), I was also cheering inside, because she'd just given me a reason to make the pairing I wanted. And so here we are. I hope you're alright with that...

Next week we have the aftermath of everything: Stephen, Helena, their reunion, everyone's reactions. And of course we cannot forget Johnathan and Karl... Yep, we've a lot of ground to cover. See ya next week!