I'm back, and I have great news! Joe finally decided to shave his beard. He stopped acting like a caveman and I think he's having trouble adjusting to the light. Serves him right.
I had nothing better to do today so I decided to follow Joe to his supermarket speed dating. I have to be honest, it was the most hilarious thing I have ever seen. You get 45 seconds to tell the person you're with about yourself, and at the end they give people a few goldfish crackers. I haven't had this much fun in years!
I woke up in the middle of the night to someone screaming. I immediately knew it was the new bar of soap. When I got into the bathroom, I saw something that would traumatize me for life. Joe was taking a shower, and he was using the new bar of soap. You could tell the soap felt violated. Not to mention that I had to see Joe naked. I may never sleep again.
The next morning I went to talk to the Soap. He just sat in the corner looking at the shampoo. His eyes were bloodshot, and I would have guessed he was drinking if he wasn't a bar of soap, for soap cannot drink. I tried talking to him, but he just stared. I am very upset with Joe.
I tried leaving clues around the house for Joe to see, like a magazine article about a child molester, a picture of a bar of soap, and I left a clue in the shower. He came up with a prisoner "dropping the soap" in the shower. Close but no cigar.
I went outside to check the mail, and I ran into Magenta. She gave me a purple grape and went on to talk about purple walls and ceilings, but I got bored so I put a blue box where I had been standing and walked away. I think she's still talking to that box.
I went to Shovel and Pail's wedding today. It was a beautiful ceremony and the two of them look very happy together. The reception was really fun and the cake was made out of sand, but it was still pretty good. Whenever Joe cam outside, we pretended to be doing something else so that he wouldn't join. We don't particularly like Joe in case you couldn't tell.
I did another set of random clues today. I put one on a dodge ball, a plate of spaghetti, and a CD. He came up with a printer. I have no idea how he comes up with this stuff, but it makes me laugh when I watch him struggle.
I went back to my anger management doctor. She told me she was very disappointed in me, and I asked her why. Apparently, that owl has been talking to her as well, and he doesn't like my negative attitude towards life. I told her that I thought her methods of anger management were ridiculous, and she said I was a "bad dog." How very degrading.
A week later I was sitting at home, reading a book about String Theory, when I heard a very familiar and annoying sound.
"Helloooooooo"
"I don't really feel like talking to you, Owl"
"And why is that sooooooooo?"
"Because of you, my anger management doctor has required me to write a happy song and sing it in front of her. Does this make you happy?"
"Yes it does! Is funny because is not what owl say!"
I went to my room and started working on my song. Here is what I came up with:
Life is oh so happy
We should skip around in a circle
Life is oh so happy
Yay yay yay yay yay!
I woke up this morning
Smiling because a bird was in my hair
I sang it a song about rabbits
And now it's smiling too
Tonight I had a burger
It tasted like a yummy
I'm having such fun
And I know that everything I touch will turn to gold
Life is oh so happy
We should skip around in a circle
Life is oh so happy
Yay yay yay yay yay!
When I read this to her she seemed very pleased. He said I should come back next week for a final evaluation. I didn't schedule the appointment because instead of solving my anger problems, she makes them a whole lot worse.
Life without her is a lot better, but life in general still kind of sucks. Oh dear journal, it has been fun, but I bid you adieu.
THE END
