Author's Note: Just so my fellow Americans don't get too confused, an 'oik' is UK English. It means 'an obnoxious or uncouth person' - in other words, a jerk.

Also, I recently found out that, in The Unquiet Dead, Charles Dickens was not (as many of us Yanks thought) saying that Nine looked like a sailor. He was saying that he looked like a common laborer, the kind you might see on a road crew or digging ditches - which is what 'navvy' means.

Thanks for reading so far!


The Doctor: "Well, Sergeant? Aren't you going to say that it's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside? Everybody else does."

Sergeant Benton: "It's pretty obvious, isn't it?"

The Third Doctor and Sgt. Benton, in "The Three Doctors"


The Doctor felt the TARDIS touch down, and checked the readouts again with a smile. "It looks like the repairs worked, and it seems I've landed on target this time," he said. He patted the console. "Now, what can I tell the Brigadier to convince him to call off his war footing?"

He stepped from his ship, and blinked. "Where- oh, wait, this is UNIT headquarters after all." He looked over to the main doors, then down the road. A soldier jogged past, rifle held over his head, while a sergeant drove slightly ahead and to the side of him in a jeep, shouting at him. The Doctor shook his head. "These military types and their concept of discipline," he said.

He scanned the area once more. "That's odd. I suppose I'll need to calibrate the landing sensors again. Still, I'm not too far off." He strode up the main steps, and walked down the corridors to the laboratory. "Brigadier, I do believe-" he began, as he walked in.

He stopped, and stared.

A blue police box was sitting right there!

He shook his head. "That's impossible..." He walked over and looked out the window.

His TARDIS was sitting outside, right where he left it.

He walked back over and studied the strange ship more closely. Could somebody be posing as him?

There was one way to find out. He pulled out his ship's key, inserted it into the lock and-

"Doctor!"

He turned his head. "Ah, Sergeant Benton," he said. He withdrew his key from the lock and turned to him. "I was going to ask after the Brigadier, but it appears I have a more pressing concern." He gestured at the box. "Who does this belong to?"

"You, Doctor. I mean, another you. He's with the Brigadier in his office at the moment." He was slightly taken aback at the Doctor's furious expression. "Is something wrong?"

"It's nothing to do with you, old chap," he replied, patting him on the shoulder. "The Time Lords, on the other hand, have got their nerve in crossing my time lines yet again. I wonder what their problem is this time?"

Benton scratched his head. "Well, if it helps, he seemed to have little idea of why he was here himself, and seemed relieved that you weren't, at the moment."

The Doctor sighed. "Which means it could be far more trouble than it appears, if the Lords haven't mentioned it to me already," he said. He straightened his coat. "Let's get this over with." He straightened his coat and walked out the door, setting off toward the Brig's office. Benton fell in a few steps behind him, matching his stride.

"Aren't you on sentry duty there, Sergeant?"

"Oh, no," said Benton. "The Brigadier had me stationed there in case you showed up." He smiled. "He figures your box generally takes good enough care of itself."


The Doctor, Rose again by his side, shook the Brigadier's hand.

"It's been awfully good to see you again, Alistair," he said.

"It has been... interesting," said the Brigadier finally. "I do hope you will be all right," he said, looking at him meaningfully.

The Doctor laughed. "Don't worry about that box," he said. "I'll just nip over to the nearest star and drop it right in."

Rose looked less certain. "Are you sure that's safe, Doctor? Even in the TARDIS?"

"Of course it is!" he said. "My people have been dancing around those things for millions of years. How do you think we could deal with time and space travel if we couldn't dodge a little thing like stellar radiation?"

"So, you started the meetings without me? Odd choice of delegates," said a voice from the door. All in the room turned to look.

"It appears I'm just in time," said the man, walking into the room. Rose took a good look at him.

Her first impression was of lace. Lots of lace on his cuffs, and the front of his shirt.. The rest of his clothes were only marginally less, well, old-fashioned and fancy; a silver-gray coat and trousers, all topped with a loose burgundy ribbon-tie. Her eyes finally got to his face. He had a head of unruly white hair, and a creased, uncle-ish face that was looking back at her with a smiling, faintly curious expression. It would have looked more dignified, but for a mischievous look about the eyes; it gave him the slightly unsettling air of a much younger man with a big secret.

"I don't believe we've met," said the man, breaking the spell. He extended his hand. "I'm the Doctor. And you are..?"

Rose took his hand. "Rose. Rose Tyler." She looked back into those unsettlingly twinkling eyes...

"You look so complicated!" she blurted out. She reddened and quickly pulled her hand back.

The man (another Doctor!) looked startled, then smiled. "Well, I suppose I am. You're a very perceptive young lady- excuse me," he said, eyeing the leather-jacketed Doctor, who had started laughing at her comment, " is there something funny that I missed?"

"Oh, no," said the Doctor, "I quite agree. Just didn't expect her to hit the nail on the head that fast." He patted her on the shoulder. "Well done, Rose. That was very good." She was still blushing, but smiled back at him.

"Brigadier," said the other Doctor, "about that box-"

"Don't worry about it," said the Brigadier. "This other Doctor was quite persuasive. It looks like you got what you wanted after all."

The fancier Doctor swiveled around and stared at the Doctor in surprise. "What? You're the Doctor whose TARDIS-" He shook his head. "Pardon me." He strode over to get a closer look. Rose saw him look him up and down, a vaguely disappointed look on his face. He gave a small tsk!

'Her' Doctor rolled his eyes, and sighed.

"All right, let's hear it."

"What sorry set of circumstances caused you to choose to start dressing like a thug?"

Rose gasped, Benton's mouth quirked at the edges. The Brig kept his face stony, and waited for the explosion, or at least a heated reply. In any case, all eyes were on them now.

The Doctor closed his eyes, and shook his head. "Blimey. I just don't remember you being such a shallow oik," he said. "I mean, I could expect a reaction like that from Rose here- kids these days, fashion and all that- but you?" He stood up and tugged at his collar. "I mean, you and Charles alike. Really, what is wrong with this jumper?" He said this last in a rather mournful tone.

The other Doctor looked flustered. "Well, it's not that- I was just- oh, bother!"

"Well, in answer to your question," said the Doctor, all business once again, "I found it practical. Lots happening at the time, easy to keep clean." He looked him in the eye. "There's more important things to discuss than haute couture, though. I shouldn't even be here, for one thing."

"Hm. The Time Lords-"

"I don't think they had anything to do with it; at least, not the ones of your era," the Doctor said. "Matter of fact, it would be best they not know I'm here."

"Why is that?"

"Well, for one thing, they'd sell out just about anything to get-" He suddenly seemed to realize where he was, and glanced around. "You mind if we take this somewhere a little more private?"

The other Doctor looked around, and frowned. "That would probably be for the best. Brigadier, Sergeant," he said, nodding at those two, "very sorry, but this is strictly Time Lord business. Won't be a moment." He started for the door.

Before she even got a chance to speak, Rose felt the Doctor lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. "He's right. I'd let you along otherwise, things having turned out as they have, but this really needs to be kept between... between us Doctors."

"But why?"

"That would be telling, eh? You let us keep some of the magic behind the curtain." He winked at her, and followed the other Doctor out into the hall.