The Doctor: I'll tell you something that will be of great importance to you, sir.

Professor Stahlman: And what's that?

The Doctor: That you, sir, are a nitwit!

-Inferno

The Doctor: (to Rose) It is different, yeah. It's a different morality. Get used to it or go home.

-The Unquiet Dead



The Doctors stepped out into the hallway closing the door behind them. The younger Doctor turned to face the new arrival.

"So you claim to be me. A future regeneration, then, old chap?"

"Yes," said the other, glancing at the door, then back to him. "As I was saying, it's important that the Council not know I'm here-"

"I don't want to hear any more than that!" said the Doctor sharply.

The other stared at him. "Look," he said, saying each word with care, "I don't know what's going on, I don't remember any of this. Which means, it must have gotten fixed up right somehow, whatever happens. You really think I'd be so stupid as to imperil my own time lines?" He crossed his arms. "Did all your time stuck with the apes rub off on you? Glad it's worn off by when I show up."

"That was uncalled for," said the Doctor. "You know your presence here could shift matters considerably, even bring the Time Lords back down on my head." He paced over to the opposite wall, then turned. "So you have information of the future time lines which you claim that the present - my present - Time Lords would be willing to violate the Laws of Time to obtain, is that the gist of what you were saying?"

"Basically, yes. As a matter of fact-"

The Doctor gave him a look of warning.

"Oh, for the love of...Look. There's a Time Lock in place, much stronger than the usual precautions set up by the Time Lords, that should prevent me from being here, prevent any time coincidence at all. Thing is, I'm on the wrong side now, and the lock's still up. I can't get back!" The other Doctor sagged against the wall, holding his head. "Ergh..."

The Doctor stepped forward, helping him up. "Steady on, old man."

The leather-clad man chuckled. " 'Old man' is right. Ow." He clutched at his head and grimaced. "I was just getting used to it, and now they're all back, all back, but I can't..."

"Here, now!" said the Doctor. He gripped the fellow's shoulders. Great Scott, do I go mad? Regeneration can be such a tricky thing... He paused, considering the options.

"I think we need a more conducive place to meet than this hall."

"Good point." The other straightened back up, opened the door. "Rose?"

The girl's voice came out. "Yeah?"

"The Doctor and I are just going to nip down to the canteen for a cuppa, maybe you could get yourself a tour of UNIT or something while we're gone."

"Out of the question, Doctor!" The Brigadier's indignation came through loud and clear. "You are UNIT staff, but she is a civilian. She stays in the front areas, supervised."

"Blimey, you make me sound like I'm seven or something," said Rose.

The Doctor saw the other glance over and smile, presumably at the girl, then look back toward the Brigadier. "Yeah, good luck with that," he said. He shut the door, shaking his head.

"Humans, eh?' said the Doctor with a smile and a companionable hand on his shoulder.

"You got that right," said the other. "Let's see if we can at least get a cup down before the base gets attacked by a giant platypus or something. I swear, it's like the Time Lords were sending them in on us as part of their punishment or something - other than that time with Omega, of course."

The Doctor gave a polite shudder. "I'd rather we not talk about that part right now, thank you," he said, as they strode down the hall.

"Oh, yeah. Getting your childhood illusions shattered by having one of your heroes a raving madman."

"Not to mention having to deal with that midget hobo again. I'm done with being him now, I shouldn't have to be reminded anymore!"

The other Doctor glanced over at him, a wide, close-lipped smile on his face, then shook his head with a chuckle. "Ah, the carefree days of youth," he said, "when I could be so petty with myself." His eyes darkened. "Before we actually deserved recrimination. Before we-"

The Doctor, eyes narrowed, lashed out with an open hand. The other staggered back, staring at him.

"What the bloody hell-"

"I believe I told you not to discuss those kind of things," said the Doctor.

The other stepped forward, eyes hard and a finger raised. "You can't imagine what I've been through - what we've lost! What we've - "

He reeled back as the Doctor slapped him harder this time, but rallied enough to grab his arm at the elbow.

The Doctor twisted back - Kata 242 - and sent the other spinning face-first into the wall with a thump. He stepped back, dusting his hands off. "Seems your Venusian Karate's gotten a little rusty as well," he said.

"Listen, you ape-addled fancy boy-"

"No, now you listen, you- you- good Lord, man, what made you regenerate into this self-hating, depressing mess?" He held up a hand. "That was rhetorical."

"You'll see," said the other Doctor, a sullen look on his face. "Oh, you'll see."

"I don't doubt it," said the Doctor, his face grim. "But that hardly helps us deal with this mess here, does it? I'm surprised your companion can stand for this nonsense, myself." He paused, giving him a suspicious look. "Hm. We can go over that later. Now," he said, "we can either go ahead and get our tea, formulate a plan and solve this mess, or," he said, stepping closer and absently rubbing his left hand in his right, "I can see if some good physical 'exercise' can get some some sense back into you."

The other Doctor, who had simply been staring at him, open mouthed, during his speech, began to laugh.

"I'm quite serious. Which shall it-"

He started laughing harder and harder, finally bending over holding his stomach.

"Hm."

Finally the other Doctor spoke, between gasps and laughter. "And - and what am I supposed to say while you're giving me this savage beating?" He let out a fresh burst of laughter. " 'Stop hitting yourself'?"

"I can see - heh, heh! - I can see your point. Heh, heh, ha, ha ha!"

After a few more minutes of laughter, both recovered enough to regain their balance. The other Doctor clapped him on the shoulder, looked him in the eyes, and gave him a brilliant grin.

"That, right there," he said, "was fantastic. Thanks a lot, you have no idea how much I needed that."

"Oh, I think I do," said the Doctor, wiping at his eyes with a handkerchief. "It looks like I needed that, too."