Make Believe You Love me one More Time
"Not pleased to see me then?"
He was leaning against the flimsy door frame with his arms folded across his chest and a broad smirk across his face, a picture of relaxation, although to anyone who knew him well, as she had once upon a time, there was more than a hint of uncertainty in his expression that told her he wasn't as sure of himself as he'd have her believe.
"Sorry … bit surprised that's all, what you doing 'ere … Sir?"
"I'll tell you in a minute" He wrinkled his nose "What the actual FUCK is that god-awful smell in here Molly?"
"You just called me Molly"
"Did I? Jesus, what is that smell? Whatever it is, it's making my eyes water"
"Her nappy needs changing, that's all" She giggled as she looked at the expression on his face "Stop making such a fuss, you'd stink too if your nappy needed changing like hers does …. Sir"
"Hope I never have to find out …."
"You might gonna 'ave help me here a bit, can you 'old her for a minute while I get some stuff, I've got nowhere to put her down"
"Oh no, no, no, nope, definitely not, I don't have to might gonna have to do anything of the kind, what the hell's wrong with over there?" He nodded his head to indicate the long surface against the wall of the hut "Bloody hell, she smells like she's had some sort of nuclear explosion"
"She can't 'elp it, she hasn't been well" She had no intention of putting the baby down where he suggested, she was determined that she hadn't just spent more than an hour scrubbing the hell out of it to put a shitty baby down on the spotlessly clean and germ-free surface "Can't put her on there she might roll off, don't worry, I'll put her down on the floor"
"Oh bloody hell, come on then"
He put out his arms to take the baby from her as she'd known he would when she'd told him that the hard mud floor with the sand blowing in from under the door was her only other option.
"You're not endearing yourself to me, you do know that don't you?"
He was now laughing as much as she was, albeit with his nose wrinkled and his head turned away as she leaned over and plonked the baby in his arms so that he made a point of leaning backwards away from her and then mouth breathing to try and avoid inhaling the worst of the admittedly foul smell that was emanating from her bottom half. The baby was staring up at him with an extremely solemn expression on her tiny, pinched little face, huge brown eyes wide open and gazing at him until she closed them to a slit and a very tell-tale expression of deep concentration appeared on her face, an expression that made Molly go off into a loud peal of laughter and made an expression of horror pass over his face.
"0h no, shit, no I don't mean that, I mean just hurry up will you Molly? I think she may be going to do it again, and stop laughing, it's not funny"
"No it's not ….. sorry ….. Sir … but I think I make you right, she 'as done it again" Her shoulders were shaking with laughter as she leaned over and took the baby from him "And you called me Molly again"
He sniffed dubiously at his fingers before checking his sleeves and then the rest of his combats for suspicious damp patches or stains.
"Slip of the tongue in the heat of the moment"
"You'd better wash yer hands …Sir, 'ere" Molly was now struggling not to carry on laughing as she nodded her head indicating the bowl of warm soapy water she'd put down "Just in case"
"Lovely" He stopped laughing and looked at her with suspicion "Just in case of what?"
"She might still be a bit, you know, contagious"
"Oh god" He looked at her "You're enjoying this aren't you?"
She couldn't stop another laugh from escaping as she did her best to look innocent and as if nothing was further from her mind as she stripped layers of soiled clothing, holding each bit carefully between her thumb and forefinger before dropping them one by one on the floor because she'd forgotten to get a plastic sack with the sealable top before she'd started.
"Nah, course not, why would think that?" She took a deep breath and again did her best to get her urge to piss herself with laughter under some sort of control "Could you pass me one of them bags please? …. Sir" She nodded indicating the general direction of the pile of disposal sacks.
"Here" He passed it over but held firmly onto the corner when she tried to take it out of his hand "Only if you stop laughing at me …. and stop calling me Sir, deal?" He sniffed dubiously at his fingers once again.
"You told me to call you that … Sir"
"I've changed my mind"
She was biting her lip making a desperate attempt to control the bubble of laughter that was doing its utmost to escape and tried instead to concentrate on avoiding ending up wearing the shit that had leaked all over. Even with gloves and a tabard it still required focus to make bloody sure she didn't end up stinking to high heaven, and she was trying desperately hard to do it without putting the baby down on one of her super-hygienic surfaces, she'd got absolutely no wish to start all over again with the bloody scrubbing brush. What the smelly little bugger really needed of course was a thorough hosing down, with a shower or even a hose pipe, but dunking her bum and legs in and out of the bowl of water seemed to her to be the best way of getting a result when there was no running water, the running water had stopped running hours before, so she had to make do best way she could. Baby bum wipes wouldn't stand a prayer …..
"Thought you was a dad, didn't Sam ever have shitty nappies needing changing?"
"Not like that, I'm bloody sure I'd have remembered if he had, and anyway I didn't do nappies, not my job"
"WHAT? You're not gonna say its women's work are you? you wouldn't bloody dare"
"Of course not, even if it is ….. it's nice to hear you laugh like that"
"Ditto"
Molly had a sudden urge to lean across and kiss his cheek and then a disturbing memory of the last time she'd said that to anyone, not that she could remember saying it exactly, but she did remember seeing the footage on her phone, so she had said it, a memory which now instantly wiped the smile from her face. Oh fuck, yeah, Adam, she was going to have to tell him about Adam at some point, or maybe not, it all depended on her getting her shit sorted because if she did, then she wasn't going to have to tell anyone anything about anything, which should feel like it'd be a relief, but didn't.
"We really need to talk don't we?"
"Do we, what about?"
"Let me see now, shoes and ships and sealing wax, cabbages and kings, what do you think I'm talking about?"
"I got no idea what you're bloody on about, what 'ave cabbages gotta do with anything?"
"You've never read the Walrus and the Carpenter then?"
"Nah, why would I? And what's that gotta do with any of this?"
"Never mind, it really doesn't matter, but I'd still like us to have that chat …. only if you want to of course"
"I dunno, hadn't really thought" A great big fat whopping lie if ever she'd told one, she'd thought about very little else in the three months since she'd first clapped eyes on him again in the departure hall at Brize "Okay, I'd like that, well, if that's what you want, but not 'ere, eh? It does pen and ink a bit in 'ere"
"Bloody right it does, I need to go and find some fresh air"
"Good luck with that one" She thought for a second "Let me know if you find any won't you?"
"Indeed"
He turned to walk out to get away from the smell that was making it so difficult for him to breathe properly so that he didn't see the broad happy grin that spread over her face at his words as he left her to finish off dunking the baby's very, very skinny little buttocks and legs in and out of the plastic bowl and then couldn't help shaking his head when he saw exactly what Molly had meant when she'd said that the child would benefit from a few square meals, there was almost no flesh on her at all so that she looked more like a little skinned rabbit than anything else. He was almost at the door when he stopped and rubbed at the back of his neck before looking back over his shoulder, his smile half-suppressed by his teeth worrying at his bottom lip.
"Molly?"
"That's three times now you've said it … Boss"
"Please don't, you did promise me, remember? And it's as bad as calling me Sir, but then you know that"
"Sorry ….. what?"
"On second thoughts it doesn't matter, I'll…. errr…. I'll see you later"
He'd almost given into the impulse to repeat what he'd said on the runway at Sana'a, the day that everyone's thoughts had been back in a ditch in Afghan, only this time to say it loud enough for her to hear, but stopped before the words got said. No matter how much he wanted to start repairing the damage he'd done, this was the wrong place and definitely the wrong time, and completely inappropriate in the circumstances.
-OG-
Their time in Sana'a had been dire, the boredom extreme. The seemingly endless and unvarying patrols which were supposedly designed to protect civilians who'd been caught up in the crossfire of the civil war, farmers mainly but also anyone still living in the capital city, if there was anyone. Everywhere was mostly deserted except for the handful of people carrying on working the fields and taking fuck all notice of them, and, as far as they could tell, even less notice of the Saudi jets that were screaming backwards and forwards overhead looking for somewhere or someone to bomb. How exactly they were supposed to protect these civilians from air raids was a bit of a moot point although fortunately they didn't have to find the answer and as far as they could tell, there was zero threat from the ground so once the natural wariness about getting caught in an air raid had become a vague concern rather a definite fear at the thought of an imminent catastrophe, it was very, very boring. Hours of inactivity so that time hung very heavily on their hands, despite all the best efforts of Kingy and Charles to keep them motivated and fit, not to mention occupied so that idle hands or minds didn't start creating mayhem.
They were euphoric when he told them that they were out of there, the thought of actually going somewhere, even if that somewhere was a road trip towards their eventual return to the U.K and home. The renewed appetite for banter got louder and more and more raucous as soon as their transport pulled up ready to transfer them to Djibouti from their current home in the military building the UN had commandeered for them. A lorry, a large canvas-sided lorry that looked so old and decrepit that it could have been something left over from world war two, or out of a film, if you discounted the blue insignia on the canvas. It had a rough plank down each side for them to sit on and no safety equipment at all, no belts, no armour, no armaments, nothing to protect them on the 240 mile drive across a country that was apparently being torn apart by a vicious civil war.
"Fuck me, do you think the shiny arses back home have forgotten what's supposed to be going on here, why we're even here in the first place?"
"Well it certainly looks that way, doesn't it? Still I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that someone driving a desk didn't look at a map and decide it was walking distance"
Charles knew he sounded cynical which actually wasn't like him, but he was bored as fuck as the rest and really had no idea what the people higher up the chain of command thought they were doing sending a bunch of highly trained soldiers thousands of miles away from home to sit on their arses for three months doing fuck-all, and he'd had far too much time on his hands in recent weeks to simply sit and think.
"Well I won't be sorry to get out of this dump and don't matter to me if we have to go in that crate" Mansfield grinned "I don't think there's anyone living here apart from us, I think they all pissed off out of it a long time back" He paused and grinned again, his face brightening even more at the thought "Still that's us now 'n all, eh?"
"Oh dear, haven't you enjoyed this lovely little break in the sun?"
"Not even going bother answering that Boss"
The journey was tedious, long and dusty as well as was exceedingly uncomfortable on the backsides sitting on a plank the whole way, which was all of them except Georgia Lane who got to sit in the seat next to the driver after Charles had called on them all to stop their bloody bitching and moaning and to show some gentlemanly instincts.
"Boss always has had a soft spot for the medics you should know that by now"
"That'll do Fingers"
Charles pretended that he hadn't heard some comedian ask Fingers whether that shouldn't be a hard spot and the gale of laughter that followed.
"Just saying that's all, just reminding everyone, remember what he was like when Dawsey was our medic?"
"Strike one" Charles had begun to walk away, but not before he shot a warning look over his shoulder "Unless of course you're volunteering your colleagues to be up at 5 for a 10k run every morning in Cyprus"
"Shut the fuck up Fingers"
The chorus of shouts from the colleagues in question was deafening, sometimes Fingers needed to be reminded that his big mouth had been known to have unfortunate consequences for the rest of them.
-OG-
"Hello, you massive cockwombles, lowering the bleeding tone again I see"
"You cheeky little wotsit, I'll have you know we've come all this bloody way in a crate just to make sure you girlies get to Cyprus safely …and bloody uncomfortable it was let me tell you, martyrs that's what we are, every one of us ….. gentlemen who came all this way to protect you from …. whatever shit it is you need protecting from … just ask the Boss, he'll tell you, and the bleeding weather here's a bit shit 'n all isn't it, is it always like this?" He looked around at the clouds of sand being whipped up by the strong wind.
"Nah, Brains, sometimes it's shite"
"Stop pissing about, I was serious"
"I'm not, honestly, this is good for 'ere, what we call a nice day, 'n listen mate, if you call me a girlie again I'll start chopping bits off you with a machete, it's dead easy to find one ' ere, 'n I'll start with your balls"
"Nice to see you too Dawsey, now shut the fuck up being violent and come and give us a hug"
"Nah thanks, I'm fussy about who I touch"
She giggled, then held her arms out inviting him to come over and hug her as he stood up and moved from the group sitting on the ground with their backs to the wind as they did their best to avoid the inevitable sand-blasting that was second nature to the girls after three months. The lads reminded her strongly of the group of young men that had been sitting in almost the same spot the day that they'd arrived. For a start she was very conscious of Charles in her peripheral vision, he was flanked by Lane and Sergeant Morris, all three off them stood together off to one side of the group as she went from one after the other of 2 section, high-fiving and being hugged and kissed loudly on both cheeks by her erstwhile colleagues. He had this brooding stare on his unguarded face as he watched until he inclined his head to listen to something Lane was saying and the shutters came down making him inscrutable again…. Molly could only hope that whatever Lane was saying to him wasn't something about her.
For some reason she actually wasn't one bit worried about him and Lane, good looking though the other girl was, or about him and Sergeant Morris, who wasn't, she was nice enough but no-one could call her a 'looker', and it was always going to be a bloody fact of life that looking the way he did there was going to be women wanting to be around him. Laughing the way they had earlier had tied her stomach into knots just the same as it always used to and she'd forgotten how a little bit of time spent with him could leave her all bloody churned up and filled with a sort of nameless longing.
He'd said he wanted to talk, that he wanted them to talk, but then hadn't answered when she'd asked what he wanted them to talk about, had just quoted some ….. stuff … about cabbages or some shit like that, but then she didn't even know what she wanted him to mean. Well she did, but her bullshit radar had been so bloody faulty before where he was concerned that she wasn't sure how the fuck she'd even know if he meant anything he said. That's if he was even going to say anything like that about anything … like that.
-OG-
"You going to stay in there all bloody day?"
Having short hair meant Tilly didn't fully appreciate the pleasure of standing under a hot shower for as long as she wanted and washing a ton of sand out of her hair so that rubbing it dry with a towel wouldn't feel like she was sandpapering her scalp.
"Yeah, all night as well probably"
"Come on hurry up, I'm bleeding hungry"
"Okay, but I'm coming straight back in 'ere afterwards"
The array of food on the breakfast buffet meant that not even the 50 sausage challenge champions knew quite where to start, coming as it did after three months of field rations, so that there were a lot of very indecisive people wandering up and down trying to make choices.
"What is that you're drinking?"
"It's a smoothie, good for you they reckon" She looked down at her glass instantaneously aware of the latest arrival at the buffet table "It tastes okay, and I can have me coco-pops after, healthy breakfast 'n that"
"Coco-pops aren't good for you"
"Says the girl who eats Nutella out the jar with a spoon"
"Sometimes I need a sugar-hit, it's medical" Tilly cackled.
"Yeah right"
"What's in that anyhow, it looks a bit … green?"
"I dunno do I? It's some sort of …. green shit ….. with pineapple ….. tastes nice, here try some"
"No thanks, you chose it you drink it"
"You don't know what you're missing"
"Not about to find out either"
She was 100% aware of the look on Charles' face as he smiled across at them, at the way they were nudging each other and falling about laughing as he spooned in the hamster food with rat droppings that he favoured for breakfast. She'd never managed to get him to choose something decent like a bowl of chocolate flavoured something or other, even coco-pops maybe, even though he'd sometimes put his spoon in her bowl and nicked hers, she wondered whether he still remembered.
Maybe she'd find out later, although the thought of that made her all churned up. She wished she knew what it was he wanted to talk to her about and then maybe she could relax and enjoy herself a bit, she hadn't enjoyed it much last time she was here ….
-OG-
A/N: If this needs any edit, blame Debbie and Lesley who had their persuasive boots on… thank you everyone for your continued support as this moves on to Part 3 – there are one or two little wrinkles that need a hell of a lot of ironing out before we can get even a hint of an HEA …. But every journey starts with a single step (cliché alert, but true) so Chapter 9 will see whether that first step is even a possibility …
