Hold your Warm and Tender Body close to Mine

-OG-

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"

"Whatever"

Molly had to keep breaking into a little jog as she tried to keep pace with him, he'd obviously forgotten all about the need to slow down enough for her to keep up as he focussed on whatever it was he was thinking about and she genuinely hadn't got a clue what that was even supposed to mean. She wasn't even sure she knew what it was he'd said because he'd said it so bloody quietly it had been a bit of a strain to hear him.

"Sorry …. I always felt comfortable when I was in control of the things around me and it suited me, I liked it that way, but Rebecca told me I'm always so busy making sure I'm doing the right thing, that I'm meeting everyone else's expectations that I spend too much time and energy thinking about that, instead of listening to what's in my own heart, and she's right, that is exactly what I've always done"

What? At first it hadn't registered what he was actually saying and then when the penny dropped the full horror of what he'd just said hit her. Talk about being brought back down to earth with a bloody great bump, it was the last thing she'd suspected, shit, it had never even occurred to her, although why it hadn't she didn't know, it was after all the most logical explanation. But fuck, why her for fuck sake? How on earth had Rebecca got involved in it, apart from the blindingly obvious, and why hadn't she had the faintest inkling that it was even on the cards? Rebecca? fucking Rebecca, when had she crawled out from under her stone exactly?

"What she was saying, of course, was that I should be far more concerned with what she wanted, and I really can't blame her for that, can I, she'd got every right to expect me to put her and Sammie first"

How lovely, here he was, on this beach with her, walking with her and talking to her about ….. Rebecca, so that all those glib laughter-filled words about him having a wife at home had just got up and bitten her on her bum. She had been getting over him, at least she'd learned that life went on without him and every day it had been getting easier and easier, so why the fuck did he have to re-appear out the woodwork and what the fuck had made him think it was a good idea to start explaining stuff that she didn't have to know, what the fuck was he telling her for? Why was he telling her stuff that he must have known would hurt.

"Sorry, I didn't know that you and her… "

"What?" He seemed to come back to the here and now from wherever it was he'd been for the last few minutes, he'd been bloody miles away so that he frowned and shook his head like he was bewildered "What are you talking about? There's no "me and her" you know we're not together, Molly, well apart from being Sam's parents, so whatever gave you an idea like that? That was over a bloody lifetime ago, I thought you knew that, of course you knew that"

"Dunno, just thought, what with you talking about her like that"

"I'm sorry I didn't think" He shook his head again as if to clear his thoughts "They bloody forced me into seeing some shrink at Headley and he kept on that I should 'examine my motives', that this feeling of having lost control of everything around me was just temporary, although to be fair to him he was talking about making me re-consider my decision to throw my career down the shitter. But giving the army the elbow wasn't the only thing was it and I took a long hard look at myself, then didn't much like what I saw. There was me, almost ten years older than you and it doesn't matter what you say, that's a fucking lifetime, one career just about over, fucked, and one marriage well and truly fucked as well, by me I might add, and I wasn't even sure I was ever going to be fit enough to find something else I wanted to do for the rest of my life, and then there was you, still a kid with it all in front of her" He smiled a smile that didn't reach his eyes "You know what my dad said to me first time he met you, the first time that you came to Bath? He said that you were absolutely lovely and that he could see exactly why I wanted to be with you, but that you were very young, and he was right"

"You didn't always think I was a kid, not as I remember"

This was getting better and better. So not only hadn't she been good enough, hadn't always told him everything about everything so that he felt like she'd lied and hidden stuff , but now she hadn't been old enough either. He'd apparently woken up one day with his dad's words ringing in his bloody ears and instead of seeing her as his sexy girlfriend, someone who loved him to bits and who he loved in return, she'd become someone who was good for a shag, but was far too young for anything else, just what she needed to hear.

"I am not explaining this very well am I?" He glanced at her sideways and gave a rueful grin "I hated it that you didn't tell me about Kabul, that you didn't seem to need me to tell you what to do, but that was ridiculous wasn't it, but I felt old, and washed up … and fucked. There was no question about how I felt about you, but I started asking myself whether I was taking advantage of the fact that you loved me, or thought you did" He shrugged "That's one of the reasons that the army has those bloody rules, Molly, to stop dirty old men using the power they have to take advantage of young girls who are …I don't know, flattered by the attention or who've perhaps got a bit of a crush, but who've got everything in front of them"

"You never asked me about any of it though did you? You didn't ask me if I felt flattered? nah, you just left me thinking I'd fucked it all up and I knew that I had a bit, I should have told you about Kabul, but it was really hard" She gulped and did her utmost to stop the tears of self-pity that were gathering at the backs of her eyes and the top of her nose from spilling over, there was no way she was going to cry if she could possibly help it "And maybe I quite like dirty old men, did you think of that?" She sniffed and then snorted as she remembered her conversation with Tilly about the advantages of sleeping with an older man.

"I know" He ignored what she'd said about liking dirty old men "I know that I was the one who fucked up, but I did think I was doing it for the right reasons at the time, even if it did nearly kill me"

He stopped walking and turned to face her as they forgot all about the very nosy and very noisy buggers who were now fortunately a good long way away from them on the beach but were unfortunately still close enough to get a ring-side view if they gave into temptation and touched one another. A sudden particularly loud expletive broke the spell and dragged them back to walking side by side with a degree of decorum.

"After a bit it ….. got better, improved … the way things do, and I went back to work so the shrink had done his job well, and actually I thought I was getting over you, getting there at least, and then I saw you in the bloody departure hall at Brize. There I am, fit again to be off on tour and then …. there you are, again, exactly like the first time I set eyes on you, only this time you weren't looking a bit lost because some bastard Rupert was being a bully, this time you were laughing and talking to Fingers as though you hadn't got a care in the world. You still gave me that same big fat "fuck you" look that you gave me the first time round though didn't you? Before you went back to laughing with him and it didn't make anything any easier knowing that it was all my own fault that I'd lost you"

"Does this mean that you've missed me?"

"What, have I missed the way you make me laugh or have I missed the way that you can't cook and how it makes me feel when you smile at me? Or have I missed the way a tsunami of mess follows you about everywhere you go? Let me see now, I've thought about you every single day so of course I've bloody missed you, I've missed us, did you need to ask?"

"Yeah I did, but you know what, I've thought about you 'n all and I've missed you too, and I'll have you know I'm in the army so I don't make a mess it's just you're a neat freak and I can bloody cook, I just don't choose to that's all"

"You know I don't care if you leave everything you own on the floor or if you can't boil a fucking kettle, it doesn't change anything and it certainly doesn't stop me loving you, nothing can do that"

"And I don't care if people do think you're some crusty old bugger and that I'm too young, I'll just let them think that I'm your carer"

"Lovely, that's an attractive picture, you'll have me in a nappy next" He put his head back and gave a triumphant shout of laughter, a laugh that was full of happiness.

She couldn't even find the right words to start telling him, to basically fuck the whole thing up again. Okay so he hadn't actually said that he wanted them to get back together but that was what he'd meant, so there was a brief moment when she seriously considered whether she could take the easy way out and not tell him about Adam at all. Maybe there was no real need for him to know about any of it, not now that it was all over bar the shouting and the Decree Absolute plopping on the mat through the letterbox, except that she couldn't lie to him again by not telling him and it wasn't going to get any easier by putting it off. There was a sick feeling of dread in her stomach at the thought of how he was going to feel, how she would feel if the boot was on the other foot and he'd upped and married someone else almost before her side of the bed had got cold. Shit.

"You know I was a bit upset when it all kicked off, don't you?"

"I don't know what to say about how sorry I …."

"Nah, just shut up and listen cos this is really hard for me to tell you and I know you're gonna be well pissed at me and I don't blame you, really I don't ….."

"Oh god, what the fuck have you done? Come on tell me, you're scaring me now"

"Well, around that time I was a bit upset as I said, so most evenings I was sort of one Jaegerbomb short of a police caution 'n I did some pretty dumb stuff and I've got this mate, and well she's really into all that touchy feely crap and anyway, cut a long story short we went to Vegas on this sort of pilgrimage. She said it would be good for me to get closure or some such bollocks, but it turned into a fucking nightmare. Night before we came home we went to the casino 'n I might have got a teeny tiny bit trollied, and" Molly gulped loudly and grimaced "Oh shit, there's no easy way to tell you this, I went, well we both went to one of them dead tacky Elvis Chapel places and we'd hooked up with this stag party 'n …. Well I sorta ended up getting married and I'm really, really sorry"

"What? You got married, what the fuck are you trying to tell me here, that you had one of those fake weddings with a fake Elvis, is that what you're telling me?" He was standing still and looking at her as if she'd just grown another head, and then threw his head back and started to laugh, an incredulous expression on his face "Who was he?"

"Who, the groom? Mine I mean, not the stag party one, I didn't know, did I? Not then, I mean I do now of course, but then, well he was just one of the stag party and he was as shit-faced as I was, so I'd probably known him best part of an hour I s'pose, or maybe as long as two, I dunno, but I were a bit upset at the time"

"AN HOUR? Oh god Molly, I'm so sorry, but I really can't let you out of my sight can I?"

"Stop bloody laughing, it's not funny" She began to giggle in spite of herself, his laughter was infectious "Anyhow we thought it was just one of them stupid things you do when you're rat-arsed and we could forget all about it once we was sober, that it was just a bit of a joke, a bit of fun, and it was only when we got back home we found out it was all legal and that we had to get a divorce"

"If course it's not legal … is it?" Suddenly he'd stopped pissing himself with laughter, suddenly he wasn't finding it so funny "Fuck, are you telling me that you're still together, you and what's his name, what is his name by the way?" He paused "Are you telling me that I'm going to have to knock on the door and ask him if it's okay for me to take his wife out for dinner? You should have told me before, I could have bought you a wedding present, a cookery book perhaps"

"That is not funny and if you buy me a cookery book I'll brain you with it, his name's Adam and he's actually a really lovely bloke, but we've never been married as such, we're not together, not the way you mean anyhow" She decided to forget all about their wedding night, it hadn't exactly been the most memorable sex of her life and Charles certainly didn't need to know any of the details of how the first she'd know about any of it had been that moment when she'd realised she wasn't alone in her bed "Our divorce is going through now so we're nearly there, he was sorting it while I was on this tour" She turned and grinned at him, wanting him to remember that this was history repeating itself, sort of "We're just waiting for the whatdoyoumecallit the absolute to come through and then it's bingo, bango, all over and done with. Bloody glad you think it's so funny though cos I don't think I do and I really thought you'd be, I dunno, a bit upset I s'pose"

"I would be, I'd be more than bloody upset if I thought you actually had moved on to ….. Adam…. but as it is …."

"Well I haven't, I haven't moved on at all"

"Ditto"

-OG-

"You know she's a seriously unhinged deviant under all that camouflage don't you? Any minute now she's gonna be swigging out of that bottle of water in her hand, except it's not water, it's neat Vodka and then she'll throw her combats on the barbecue before she starts demanding that he fucks her"

Tilly was whispering loudly in Molly's ear giving her a running commentary on the way Sergeant Morris was chatting to Charles as they all sat on the sand and ate overcooked barbecue.

"Shut up Tills, ….. silver lining" Molly waved her so-called hot dog in the air as she tried to deflect Tilly's attention from her watching brief "At least we won't get salmonella poisoning from under-cooked anything"

"What? Who the fuck cares? I'm not eating it its all crap, I just want to know what he sees in a dried-up old bag like that? Droopy tits and a wrinkled old arse and I bet she's got a …"

"I said shut up, I don't even wanna think about it, thanks"

Molly knew that he was as aware of her as she was of him and that he was smiling to himself as she and Tilly giggled, although she wondered if he'd find it quite as funny if he knew what they were laughing at. She could also see from his anxious little glances that he was deeply concerned about one or two members of 2 section who appeared to have been playing some drinking game ever since they were on the beach earlier so that now he was a tad worried that it was just a matter of time before one or more of them passed out face down on the sand or even more attractive puked their guts up. He was just hoping that they hung on until the Colonel had done his "Well done, you're a credit to the British Army" speech which he had yet to start. He wished the old fart would get on with it because Monk had apparently been showing the others just what he got up to back home in the pubs of Moss Side where he'd honed his drinking game techniques to perfection.

"Have a nice walk with the boss then, did you Molls?"

"Shit, don't creep up like that you made me jump, yes thanks Fingers, nice of you to ask mate, not that you're a nosy little tosspot or anything"

"Can't blame me for asking though, can you?"

"Nah, course not, can't blame me that I'm not gonna tell you anything though can you?"

"Come on Molls, I'm your mate and you know you want to"

"Fuck off"

She'd promised Charles that she would sit where he could see her and after about an hour of watching him being a hit with all the other women present and having eaten precisely half an over-cooked sausage and a mouthful of bread and then having drunk one more drink than was strictly good for her, she was now drunkenly contemplating letting them all see that he was very much taken.

It didn't make any difference, didn't matter at all that they hadn't managed even a few moments alone, well it did, because she desperately wanted to jump him and knew that he felt exactly the same, but there was nothing could be done about it while they were here. She decided she would complain to her MP about the lack of privacy and was composing her drunken self-righteous letter of complaint in her head when she caught his eye as he looked at her and smirked and then winked. A wink that was obviously seen by both Tilly and Sgt Morris who both immediately swivelled their heads to see who it was directed at and then both had eyebrows that shot skywards as they stared at her with almost open mouthed disbelief. Not that Molly even noticed as she smirked happily back at him and shrugged, they'd soon have all the time in the world.

-OG-

A/N: Red letter day, 24 hours without an interruption to our broadband, yay! Thank you for your kind words and for the lovely reviews and please keep on reviewing, they are what keep me going. I know I'm not alone in being worried that no-one is actually going to want to read what I write. Chapter 11 sees them back in the U.K. with a birthday to celebrate and Christmas looming …..