In my headcanon, Foop cares about his parents and really looks up to them, especially his dad. I don't think this qualifies as OOC, since Foop hasn't been seen with his parents since he was born...roughly seven years ago...

WHERE ARE HIS PARENTS!? BRING THEM BACK ON THE SHOW! ANTI-COSMO IS THE BEST VILLAIN AND SHOULD GET HIS OWN SPIN-OFF OR SOMETHING! WHY AM I VENTING IN ALL CAPS?

Not that any of that matters to those of you who are reading this but aren't fans of The Fairly OddParents.


Chapter Twenty-One: Be Careful What You Wish For...

Argh! His head! It felt like a million sprites were floating around in there. This wasn't suppose to happen after naptime! Naptime was suppose to make him refreshed and raring to spread chaos throughout the universe. Now, he was all achy, as if someone had him slammed into a wall. Twice!

Oh, wait.

Foop groaned, refusing to open his eyes and deal with the fact that he was trapped in some random dimension with no hope of getting home. Home… The word wedged itself into his dark heart. (At least, he assumed he had a heart. He didn't know a lot about biology, but he knew that flesh-creatures, like himself, generally had hearts keeping them alive.) Would he ever get to go back home? Back to Anti-Fairy World? Back to his family's castle, with its dismal atmosphere and its inexplicable yet constant aroma of incense? He loathed to admit it, but he already missed the smell of his mother's cooking, or when she would force him to help her in the kitchen. He'd complain the whole time, but they both knew that he secretly liked it. Then, there was the sound of his father working on his inventions while blasting music on the stereo, even letting Foop help him work or at least pick out the CD. How he'd gotten his father to start liking Melanie Martinez as much as Foop did was anyone's guess.

Just before Foop could start crying and or punching something, he heard voices.

The first one was really deep. A male grown-up, no doubt. "Does anyone even know what this kid is, exactly?"

The next also sounded male, but it wasn't quite as deep. "That's an anti-fairy. In a nutshell, they're the evil counterparts of fairies."

A feminine laugh came next. "He kinda looks like you, Stranger."

"I don't care what he is." This voice, he recognized as the girl he had been trying take out his frustration on. "If he tries to hit me again, I'm gonna hit him back twice as hard."

Suddenly, a hand was gently stroking his head, kind of like his mother would sometimes do, but with a comforting warmth that felt similar to healing magic. Foop finally opened his eyes, and a gentle voice told him the obvious. "Oh! You're awake."

Head no longer pounding, Foop carefully sat up (which wasn't easy, considering his shape) and surveyed his surroundings. Yep, he was still in the same bedroom, which he assumed belonged to that bug-eyed girl. Speaking of which, said child (probably seven, eight years old) was hiding behind a human's leg and glaring suspiciously at him. The human either didn't know she was there or was simply ignoring her. His eyes were turned down to some book he was holding, his six fingers wrapped around a pen (Six? Did Foop count that right?) as he jotted something down. Foop then spotted two floating shapes. One was a dark orange star with one eye, and the other was a...blue square with two eyes… Slightly disturbed, Foop decided to momentarily ignore the similarities between himself and the creature. Foop finally spotted the woman seated on the edge of the bed he was sitting on. She could have easily passed as human, if her skin wasn't gray. Based on her close proximity to him, he figured that she was the one who'd been stroking him.

Wait… Foreign dimension. Trapped in a room with strangers. Oh, crap!

Foop flew up from the bed and prayed that he looked more threatening than he felt. "Get away from me, you foul beasts! Do so, or I'll give you all terrible ouchies!" He blinked and mentally smacked himself. "Hm. That sounded more threatening in my head, but you get the idea!"

The star laughed. "You got spunk, kid! Yet, you look like Tad. I think I'm gonna call you Tad Jr."

The square - who Foop assumed was named Tad - rolled its (his?) eyes. "Please don't name him after me."

"I have a name," Foop scoffed. "It's Anti-Poof! But, call me Foop. Everyone does." While his nickname was ridiculous, at least it had a better ring to it than Anti-Poof. "Now, if you morons will excuse me, I have to find a way back to my own dimension."

At last, the human (probably human?) looked up from his weird book. "Excuse me? You mean, you're from another dimension?"

Foop smiled ironically. "Congratulations! You can hear!" He scowled. "Now, I'm going to find a way home, drink a bottle of warm milk, and forget I ever saw any of you." He searched the room and started to internally panic as he realized… "Um, where is my magic ba-ba?"

"Your what?" the gray lady asked.

"You know, my ba-ba? My bottle? It has bat wings protruding from its sides? What, are you stupid or something?"

The star snapped its (her?) tiny black fingers. "Oh, you mean that thing that looked like a dick that I snoodled while you were unconscious?"

The adults - and the square, who was probably an adult - looked the star in both disgust and horror, but the kids were just confused.

"The what that you what?" Bug Eyes asked.

"Someone make her use real words!" Foop demanded. "I don't know what she's saying!"

Tad regained his composure first. "Translation: She broke it, and you're not gonna want it back."

Star laughed. "Yeah, it's totally broken. Beyond repair." Foop's blue face turned an angry purple. "Seriously, if that's a dick in your world, then I feel sorry for the girls who have to suck on it."

"Children in the room," Gray Lady chided.

"What?" Star shrugged. "These kids have to learn this stuff eventually-"

"Oh, you imbecile!" Foop snarled, flying to the star, who flew back a little in surprise. "Do you have any idea what you have done!? That bottle was the source of my power! Not to mention the source of my milky! I get very, very cranky when I'm low on power and milky!"

Six Fingers cleared his throat, and Foop turned around to glare at him. The probably-human met his fury with a calm blue gaze and adjusted his glasses thoughtfully. "I hate to change the subject - not really - but did I hear right that you said you need to 'find your way' back to your world?"

Something about the man's tone made Foop relax a little. Just a little. "Well, unless you can tell me how to open up a swirly-thing that leads me back to my own realm, then, yes, I do have yet to find my way."

As he continued to scribble away in his dorky little book, Six Fingers ignored his sarcasm and asked, "So, if I'm reading this correctly, you did not come here of your own accord." Foop stared blankly at him, and he glanced up. "You didn't choose to come to this world."

"Of course I didn't! Do you think I'd want to go back if I did?" Seriously, was everyone in this dimension stupid?

"Oh, honey." Gray Lady's sympathetic eyes met his frustrated ones as she stood up. This was the first time that Foop noticed that the two of them had the same eye color. She turned to the other creatures. "Guys, we have to help him."

Star shrugged. "I kinda like the kid. Why don't we let him join our mismatched little family?" Um, no. Foop glared daggers at the being who, if Tad was to be trusted, ruined the source of his magic. "What?" She gestured to Six Fingers. "It worked out fine for Ford. He got a wife and a daughter out of it."

"That may be true," the human - Ford - agreed, "but I agree with Nadia. I was a grown man when I was forced from 46'\," Foop had no idea what that meant, "and that was traumatizing enough. Foop, however, is- I don't know. Five? Six?"

Despite himself, Foop puffed out his square chest, proud that he was mistaken for being older than he really was. He did have a superior vocabulary and mannerisms, didn't he? "Actually, I'm only nine months old."

"Exactly, so- Nine months?" Ford's eyes widened so much that he looked hilariously similar to an owl. Foop bit his tongue to keep from laughing. These creatures were looking less and less threatening by the minute. "You're nine months old and already speaking coherently and traveling through temporal distortions? Is that typical of anti-fae infants? Being opposites, is it possible that the children of ordinary fae age at a normal rate, whereas their doppelgangers are more developed at birth- Hey, are you okay?"

Damn it all! Foop didn't even realize he was tearing up until Ford asked him that. The stupid smarty-pants was ranting like Foop's father always did when excited about a new evil plan, and the memory made Foop's fudged up baby brain want him to cry! Well, he wasn't going to give his emotions that satisfaction! Hell, no! Foop quickly wiped his eyes and tried to regain some semblance of his bravado. "Stop acting like my daddy!" Well, that didn't work. "Stop it, or I shall hurl you into a vat of acid and laugh as you writhe in agony and dissolve into the worthless nothingness that you are!" Now, that was more like it.

But, apparently, it wasn't working. Bug Eyes stepped out from behind Ford and told him, "You're not really as psycho as you want us to think, are you? I think you're just scared."

It didn't seem like she meant it to be an insult, but he was still offended. "Excuse me? I bear the intelligence of the great Anti-Cosmo and the recklessness of his unintelligent yet darkly magnificent bride, Anti-Wanda! I fear nothing!"

At long last, Ford closed his book with a sigh. "Guys, could leave us alone for a bit? I'd like a bit of one-on-one time with this kid."

"As long as I don't have to hear you go off on another of your infamous rants," Star said as she poofed away. Well, not really a poof. But, it wasn't really a ping like a pixie or a gong like a genie. Foop wasn't sure what to call it, but it was some form of teleportation.

Tad pinched the space between his eyes and told Foop, "I apologize for...her…"

"Her what?" Foop asked.

Tad sighed. "That's it. Just-Just her." And, he disappeared too.

"I don't know about this," Bug Eyes commented to Ford. "I don't know if he's just venting or something, but he seems a little unstable."

"Damn, right, I am!" Foop exclaimed proudly.

Bug Eyes gestured to him with both fingerless hands. "You see that? That's what I'm talking about. It's like putting Starclops in Tad's body." Starclops? Was that name of the star-shaped lady? If so, he could see why she was called that. "Except, hopefully, without the perversion and random bouts of euphoria. Although, I guess the euphoria isn't that bad. I mean, it's nice to see her happy, but you know how she gets-"

"Violet," Ford cut her off with a tender smile, bending down her level. "Violet, honey, I promise you, I'll be just fine. Now, why don't you entertain the rest of your crazy family for the time being."

Bug Eyes- Er, Violet nodded her head, but didn't seem entirely satisfied. "Okay, but if he hurts you, don't hesitate to call for help."

Ford chuckled and ruffled her brown curls. "My dear, you'll be the first person I call if I need any backup."

Violet, pacified by the grown-up's (most likely her father's) response, walked to the door, calling over her shoulder, "C'mon, Ma."

Gray Lady, most likely Violet's mother, glanced at him sadly, and Foop crossed his arms and scowled. He didn't need or want her pity. She only made him more annoyed when she said, "We just want to help you, sweetie. You don't have to be afraid of us."

"I fear nothing!" Foop wasn't yelling. He was simply reiterating loudly. "And, only my mother can get away with calling me sweetie! Anyone else will long for their own demises when I'm through with them!"

Well, at least Gray Lady seemed shocked. That was something.

Ford turned her around and looked at her like Foop's parents would often look at each other. That look that always managed to gross him out. "Don't worry, Nadia. I've got this."

Nadia shook her head with a fond smile. "That's why I'm worried."

Ford kissed her forehead - Why were grown-ups so gross? - he gently ushered her over to where her (their?) daughter was waiting by the door. "Try to keep Starclops at bay."

"No promises. You know how she is," Nadia said as she and Violet left them alone.

Foop wasn't sure he liked where this was going. "Do your worst, Four Eyes. I'm not easily broken."

Ford sighed. "Foop, was it? I know what you're going through."

"Ha!" Foop laughed. "How could you possibly know what's going on in my mind?"

"Well, you see, son, about um… Uh, like seventeen…? Roughly seventeen years ago - give or take - I had created a portal, a device that could open a gateway to another world."

Okay, now Foop was interested. "Like one of those rift-things?"

"Exactly." Ford cleared his throat and suddenly looked rather uncomfortable. Touchy subject, no doubt. "Now, uh, through a series of events I'd rather not discuss with a total stranger, I ended up being sucked into my own portal and forced from my dimension." Foop blinked in surprise. Perhaps this grown-up could relate to him. "I know you're scared, because I - a man in his thirties at the time - was terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought."

"This dimension of yours, Ford," he asked out of curiosity and not because his hard disposition was softening, "Do you ever want to return to it?"

Ford sighed. "It was the only thing I could think about at first." He smiled tenderly. "But, if I'm totally honest, I don't even consider it, these days. There was never really anything for me there. Fact is, I'm happier with my new interdimensional family than I ever was in my birth-dimension."

Hm. Foop certainly hadn't expected that response. He couldn't imagine anyone sane actually enjoying being forced from their home. Then again, hadn't he just witnessed the care this man held for the one who were apparently his wife and daughter? "Was there really nothing for you in your home-world?"

Ford chuckled ironically. "Yeah, I'd say so. I shut everyone out, my only real friends went insane one way or another, and even I, myself, was quickly losing my mind." Foop shuddered. He loved his advanced mind so much that he didn't even want to think about losing it. "No, I'm better off here with the people I love." Ford frowned at him. "But, you? Forgive me if this offends you in any way, but you're far too young. A boy your age should be with his parents. Not stuck in some random dimension that he knows nothing about. We can help you, Foop. But, only if you'll let us."

...Wow. This human - this powerless, inferior creature - actually understood him. Throughout his nine months of existence, he had believed that all humans were simply sacks of flesh that were dumber than fairy dust and half as useful. And yet, this one wasn't like that. This one was observant, calm in a bad situation, and clearly intelligent.

Just like my father…

And, there went his fudging emotions again. Mother of Hades, he hated those things! Now, his eyes were all watery and his lip was all quivery and he just wanted to poof somewhere that no one - not even this human - could see him breakdown. But, Ford seemed to take this reaction in stride. His face softened, and he tentatively reached out an arm and gently rubbed Foop's back. The look on his face seemed to be asking if asking if this was okay.

Great. Now, he's acting like Mother.

That did it. That was the end of his composure. Foop flew to Ford's chest, gripped his sweater, and sobbed into it. Ford responded by wrapping his hands (Foop was pretty small, compared to him) tightly around him and let him cry.

UVZI GSV YVZHG DRGS QFHG LMV VBV.


Some of you may think that last part was OOC. Personally, I think it's justified, given the circumstances. Foop's just a baby, after all, and getting stuck in another dimension would freak anyone out. Review!