(27) He Said

Flashback (Edward's POV)

We headed in the direction that Alice told us. Emmett trudged beside me his swagger impressing the ladies and Jasper flanked the other side controlling his movements. I decided to tune all thoughts out of my head. When I was in big places like a mall or school the voices were always loud as if they were shouting in my ear.

"Is this it?" Carlisle asked unsure. I nodded knowing Alice's directions perfectly and we went inside the store. The design of the bright fluorescent lights in the mall made us look dangerous. I noticed that people cleared out of our way. That was nice to be feared every once in a while! We entered the store like a posse ready for action.

Carlisle went to the hats and scarves examining the fabric. He gave me a sheepish look. Just like a woman with the accessories, he thought and I smiled thinly. In truth, he was old-fashioned and enjoyed wearing dapper clothing even though we were in the era of baggy pants and T-shirts. Jasper stood off to the side by the paneled wall. His thirsty eyes were roving the store and I gave him a warning glance.

Edward, I'm fine just feel a little out of place in a clothing store, Jasper thought direly. I nodded my head turning around but still stared at him out of the corner of my eye. Emmett started playing with the store mannequins, moving the hands in obscene positions. I sighed and Carlisle hissed in his direction. Emmett held up his hands chuckling and backed away with a smirk.

"May I help, you?" A young saleswoman approached our group. She was in her late twenties and wore a loose fitting skirt with a tunic top. Carlisle stood beside me and beamed at her. I love my job, she thought. Her nametag said, "Melanie."

"Yes, we need to get suits. There are four of us." Carlisle declared and Melanie had a conflicting look on her face. Either she was adding up her commission or she was petrified by our presence. I am so glad, Vicky switched days with me, her mind wandered. Ahh, I guessed right the first time.

"Okay four suits, that's great. I will need to measure you to make sure you get a proper fit. I will start with you." Melanie directed Carlisle to a wooden stool in front of a three-way mirror. Jasper moved a little closer to the group. Melanie pulled out a measuring tape from her pocket and Carlisle lithely stepped on the stool. Oh, my he's breathtaking, she thought and she fumbled with the tape causing it to land by my feet.

"Sorry about that. I'm a little clumsy." Melanie blushed and politely took the tape from my hands. I smirked and I heard a loud beating. Hmm, that's strange! What is that?

Emmett guffawed and moved next to me. He raised his eyebrows and put his hand underneath his shirt. He started moving his hand up and down to indicate a beating heart. Okay mystery solved! The girl's erratic heartbeats were very loud! I slapped his hands to urge him to stop. ! Carlisle gave us a look and folded his hands in front of him. Melanie finished her measurements and Carlisle stepped off the stool. They went to retrieve his suit and she sent him to the dressing room to change.

"Okay, who's next?" Melanie asked unsure and Emmett stepped forward.

"That would be me." He exuded and stepped up to the stool. He turned towards me and wiggled his eyebrows like a cartoon character. I rolled my eyes and Jasper quietly snorted.

"Hold still." Melanie draped the measuring tape down Emmett's arms and legs. Emmett made some more gestures while she was busy with his measurements. " Wow, that's weird, you're the same size as your friend." Melanie marveled and put the measuring tape around her neck. I struggled not to laugh and Jasper faced the other direction having the same problem.

"Hang on! Hey, Hold on!" Emmett exclaimed holding up his hands and causing Melanie to hesitate. "Measure me again! That has to be a mistake. I am not the same size as Carlisle." Emmett scoffed and Melanie moved the tape around him again repeating the process.

"No, I'm sure." Melanie stepped back from Emmett a little more cautious. Hmm, maybe I should tell him I wasn't sure just to get my hands on his amazing body again. Snap out of it, Mel be a professional, she thought. " 41 long just like Carlin. Is there a problem?" She asked quickly looking at Emmett.

Shut up, Edward, Emmett shouted in his thoughts when he saw my eyes crinkling with amusement. "No, just making sure." He muttered and followed the woman to the same section as Carlisle.

Jasper smiled and shook his head. I hope I'm not the same size as Carlisle. Jasper thought and gave me a rueful look. I sniggered and brought my hands to my face to hide my laugh.

"Okay, which of you is next?" Melanie inquired hustling back and looked at both of us. I gestured with my hand for Jasper to go ahead.

Jasper sidled up next to the stool and carefully stepped on it. I felt bad making Jasper go ahead of me but the way he was acting I didn't trust him to be alone. His thoughts were a little too weary for me to trust him with Melanie. Even though I had a feeling she could take care of herself. Well, better not to risk it. It was foolish to go so long without hunting but Jasper insisted that finding Bella was the right thing to do. He still blames himself.

Melanie measured Jasper very fast. Jasper jumped off the stool lightly and she gave him a suspicious look. I smiled trying to distract her thoughts. I leaned back against the wall and waited patiently while she gathered a suit for Jasper. Last but not least.

Melanie sashayed over to me. I didn't like the glint in her eye and her thoughts turned provocative. I raised my eyes to the ceiling and put on my mask. I gave Melanie an even stare and she balked. It took her a minute to recover and she motioned for me to step on the stool.

He is so handsome. No one had a right to look that good in street clothes. I wonder if he has a girlfriend? Get a grip, Mel! Her thoughts were firing on all cylinders and I thought it was best to tune her out. It worked and I scarcely noticed her running the measuring tape down my body. I sighed heavily and waited for her to finish. I was thinking of Bella and what she would think of her surprise. Would she think it was too much? Did Alice give her any hints? Alice had the unfortunate problem of not keeping secrets when Bella persuaded her. It drove me crazy. Wait. What is the wretched girl doing?

I jolted out of my stream of consciousness. I felt Melanie's hand not the tape measure going up my leg. She rubbed her hand on my thigh and started towards my crotch. I leaped away from her. Carlisle and Emmett were standing in front of the dressing room with the suits in their hand. They were both in shock. Jasper sensing emotional disturbance came out of the dressing room in his suit. Melanie had a strange look on her face a cross between mortification and pleasure. I was about to burst into rage. Carlisle went to her and immediately put himself in the way.

"Control yourself." Carlisle warned me and motioned for Jasper to finish changing. Emmett leered at me and stepped up to the podium carrying his suit. Melanie had her hands over her mouth. She seemed mortified but her thoughts betrayed her.

Why is he acting as if he didn't like it? I know what I felt, Melanie thought. I could feel the pure anger rising in my throat. Stupid little girl.

"Miss, I think you should go ring up our purchases." Carlisle stared firmly at Melanie and she stood in her position.

"No." She protested. The other salesgirl stared at our confrontation then turned towards the folded clothes.

"What?" I said and venom spewed from these words.

"I don't think I did anything wrong." She justified and retrieved her tape measure. She walked towards me again.

"If you think your measuring me again you are sadly mistaken." I cautioned.

"Don't get all huffy, it'll only take a minute." She insisted. Her complete ignorance was unspeakable. I didn't know whether to laugh or annihilate her. I saw her advancing towards me and I felt helpless. I almost bolted out of the store. Helpless was not a great feeling. Why was Carlisle just standing there? Then I heard the ruffling laughter. I turned in Emmett's direction and saw him doubling over from the heaves his chest was making. Carlisle shrugged his shoulders and laughed. Melanie backed away and said, "sorry."

"What's going on?" I asked stupefied I didn't get it.

"Edward, you've been punked!" Emmett shouted and doubled over again. "Oh, man if I could pee I would've wet myself!"

Carlisle snorted and that set Emmett off again with laughter. Jasper came out of the dressing room.

"How did I not know this?" I asked suspiciously.

"You were in a zone, man." Emmett explained. "I went to Melanie while you were preoccupied and asked her to do me a favor. I told her to not think about it just do it. Excellent job! Melanie!"

"We all tried very hard not to think of it, Edward." Carlisle admitted and Jasper nodded his head.

"Even you Jasper?" I asked.

"Sorry, brother." Jasper smiled and walked to the front of the store.

Emmett put his arm around my shoulder and patted my chest. "That was hilarious!" I punched him in the chest. Emmett laughed again and rubbed his chest. "Owww! You're really mad! That makes it even funnier!"

Flashback ends.

Everyone in the SUV was laughing. Esmee was clutching her stomach and Rosalie was clapping her hands. She enjoyed when her brother was miserable. I chuckled and held Edward's hand. He squeezed it back.

"So very funny." Edward suggested and rolled his eyes.

"It was the greatest. Just the look on your face alone was classic!" Emmett roared.

"Be careful Emmett because that means you will get pay back!" Edward warned.

"Were here! Were here!" Alice sang and she broke up the threat Edward was using towards Emmett.