Chapter XI

Aria


Out of the corner of my eye I saw Baralai smile when he saw the picture I was looking at. I absolutely could not believe what my eyes were seeing. I kept telling myself that the picture I was looking at wasn't real, but every time I closed my eyes thinking that it would go away when I opened them, it was still there. Those gorgeous blue eyes bore into my own, haunting me.

"That's Aria," Baralai said, the name rolling off his tongue with adoration. "She was my best friend when we were young." He paused and his eyebrows furrowed together as his finger delicately traced the little girl's face. "She disappeared though and I haven't seen her for a long time." His eyes were sad as he spoke that last sentence.

Tears started to gather in the corners of my eyes when Baralai said my old name. Witnessing the murders of both my parents had changed me and from that point on I had no longer resembled the happy little girl in the picture. I was no longer Aria; I was Paine. That was the name I gave the assassins that took me away and the name I told Kaiser. I still remember the exact words that Kaiser had spoken to me the day that I was brought before him:

"You are one of us now. From now on your old life means nothing. Forget who you were before you came here, forget all of it."

I had gladly done so. I didn't want to remember anything about my parents, about my friends, nothing. My parents were dead, killed by the people that I was now a part of. I forgot my old friends, they were nothing to me. I had new friends in The Invisible. They were all I needed.

While they were shearing my hair off the dying faces of my parents flashed relentlessly through my mind, making the tears that I should have cried while they were dying spill from my eyes. I stared in disbelief at my hair as it fell to the ground. No longer was it midnight black, but platinum. I loved my eyes because they were exactly like my mother's, but I was glad that when my element was chosen my eye color changed to reflect the fire that burned within me. Which is why Roland's eyes are yellow, Gwen's are blue and mine are red.

I didn't want to be reminded of my parents anymore than was necessary so I pushed their memory into the farthest corner of my mind along with everything of my old life and locked them away for good.

I had to tightly ball my hands into fists to keep Baralai from seeing that they were shaking. I had totally forgotten, because I had locked away my old memories, that I had known Baralai when I was a child. Like a dam had broken, all the memories that had been stored away for nine long years came rushing back. All the memories of when my life had been much happier. I wish I could get it back. I slammed my hand down over the picture and wiped at my eyes furiously, ridding them of the tears that were threatening to fall. I quickly got up and left the room, needing to get away from the little girl in the picture with the happy smile.

"Paine, what's wrong?" Baralai asked, getting up and chasing after me.

I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart and stopped in the middle of the living room. I had to fight to find my voice. "Aria loved hanging upside down on the monkey bars and jumping off the swing in mid-air even though she knew you hated it when she did it. She would hold your hand everywhere you went and she would get in trouble because of it. Your mother used to pack fruit snacks in your lunch and you always saved the cherry flavored ones for her because they were her favorite. And for Christmas one year you brought some mistletoe to school and held it above your head during recess, hoping she would kiss you. Your cheeks flared bright red when she did. Hers did too." I smiled at the long forgotten memory of little Baralai's reddened face.

I took another deep breath and finally got up the courage to turn around and look at him after my monologue. I wasn't surprised to see that there was a very confused and shocked expression on his face. I wasn't surprised at all that he didn't recognize me.

"...how do you know that?" He whispered, a suspicious glint in his eyes.

"Because I'm the little girl in the picture, Baralai. I'm Aria."

All the color drained from his face when I said that, unbelief shining in his eyes. I felt my heart sink down into my stomach, the disappointment I felt over him not believing me making my shoulders sag. I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened my mouth to speak but never got the chance to because his lips were suddenly on mine. My eyes briefly widened in shock before their lids fluttered shut as his hands clutched at me desperately, roaming all over my body.

He pulled away after many long moments, too short for my tastes, and cupped my face in his hands. "I can't believe I found you... After all these years... Everything makes sense now," he whispered. "I'm sorry I never recognized you. I'm so sorry." He kissed me again but we were interrupted by a loud beep coming from the kitchen.

"Oh, our dinner's ready," he said, breaking away from me and rushing into the kitchen.

I sat down at the table and quickly closed the album, shoving it away from me. Baralai returned moments later with our dinner: his mother's home made pot pies. He kissed my cheek before sitting down beside me. We ate mostly in silence but I knew all the questions he wanted to ask would come after we had both finished. I had only been Paine to him for so long and now that he knew that I was Aria as well... I had no idea what he would think of what I had become.

I almost jumped away from his hand when his fingers swept through my platinum hair. "What did they do to you, Aria?"

I physically winced when he said my old name again. I hadn't been called that in nearly nine years. It was almost painful to hear it again. "Every member's hair is cut short so it doesn't get in the way when they're hunting a mark."

"Why isn't it black anymore?"

"I saw my parents murdered when I was ten, Baralai. Seeing that was enough to turn it silver," I snapped. "Not to mention living under the rule of Kaiser for six years."

He shook off my angered remark; he had done that even when we were kids. "Why did you change your name to Paine? Aria is so much more beautiful."

"Because Aria died with her parents!" I yelled, standing up so swiftly and forcefully my chair skittered across the floor for a few feet before tipping over. "Aria's dead, Baralai! Her pain was the only thing left alive!"

I collapsed to my knees and didn't stop him when he snaked his arms around me in a comforting hug. I dug my face into his chest and let the tears fall freely from my eyes. How would I have turned out if my parents hadn't been murdered and I hadn't been made a member of The Invisible? What would I have been like? What would my life be like now? Those thoughts haunted me until I passed out in Baralai's arms.

"Aria!"

My small heart skipped a beat at the voice I could recognize even in my sleep. I whipped my head around, my long black hair flying about my face, trying to find him in the crowded school yard. I had gotten to school late so I hadn't been able to play with my bestest friend in the world before we had to go to our separate classes. He is in fifth grade while I am only in third.

I frowned and stood on my tip toes, trying to locate Baralai's head of pure white hair. I know that I had heard him. I couldn't have been hallucinating his voice. I squealed when two strong hands began tickling me from behind. I wasn't scared at all because I knew exactly who it was. I spun around and threw my arms around his neck.

"Why weren't you here this morning?" He asked, his voice filled with concern.

"Me and my mom woke up late. We got here just as the bell was ringing."

"Oh, okay," he said, a bright smile replacing the concern as he grabbed my hand. "What do you want to do first?"

"Swing!" I exclaimed as we raced through the playground towards our destination.

I awoke from my dream with a start, my breathing quick and raspy. I quickly brought my hands up to my face to shield my eyes from the bright sunlight streaming in through the window. I heard murmuring in the front room and groaned inwardly. I was hoping that Baralai would have been at the temple by now.

It felt kind of...awkward to be around him now. Like now that he knew who I used to be he would treat me differently. I hope not... I didn't want to feel awkward or uncomfortable when I was with him. I just want...to be me.

I sighed heavily and pushed the warm blankets off my legs, reluctantly rising from the bed. I trudged out into the living room, my eyes roaming about slowly. Baralai was sitting on the couch watching the morning news. He had a phone to his ear, talking quietly to the person on the other end. I leaned up against the wall and waited for Baralai to finish his conversation. I happened to walk in at the end of it so I wasn't waiting for very long.

"Alright, Mom, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you too." He hung up the phone and rose from the couch, spotting me almost instantly. "Good morning," he said, smiling at me. "How did you sleep?"

"Alright, I guess," I replied, crossing the room and settling down on the couch.

"I just got off the phone with my mother," he stated, returning the phone to its cradle in the kitchen. "She's looking forward to our visit."

I nodded my head absently, staring down at the leather cushions of Baralai's couch. I was instantly wondering exactly what he had told his mother and whether or not she would remember me. It was his mother, after all, that had taken that picture of us in the park.

I flinched involuntarily when he sat down beside me, his warm hands wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me towards him. I couldn't help but melt into his chest, listening to the slow rhythmic beat of his heart to the point where I almost fell asleep. I snapped my eyes open and blinked them rapidly.

"Baralai?" I whispered, my voice thick with sleep.

"Yes?" He answered, his warm breath blowing through my short hair.

I bit my lip, a little hesitant to continue. I knew that I wouldn't stop feeling awkward around him until I got this off my chest, but... I don't even know.

"What is it?" He inquired, his voice filling with concern at my silence.

"I know that I've changed since we were kids, but...I don't want you to treat me any differently because of it." I could feel myself starting to ramble so I bit down on my tongue and waited for him to say something.

Baralai was quiet for a few moments as well, probably putting his thoughts into words. "I miss Aria," he began. "but even though I miss her I wouldn't ever want to change you back."

I frowned and turned my head so I could see his face. "And why is that?"

He smiled as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Because. I fell in love with you before I even knew you were Aria. I love Paine just as much as I love her."

My heartbeat quickened and a warmth settled into the pit of my stomach at his words. I never knew the contents of his feelings for me and I was surprised to hear him say that he loved me. But do I love him? I want to...but I can't. The small, minuscule part of me that still resembled Aria rejoiced at hearing those words come out of his mouth. I turned my face away from his as I felt a blush creep up my neck.

Baralai grabbed one of my hands and laced his fingers with mine, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. "...and I was hoping you felt the same way about me," he whispered, his mouth next to my ear.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply through my mouth. The temptation to turn around and take him right there was almost too much to bear. "And I was hoping that you wouldn't ask me that," I replied with my eyes still closed.

"Why?" He questioned, a frown in his voice.

"Because I can't give you the answer you want to hear," I replied, biting the inside of my lip.

"It's alright. Just as long as you know how I feel. Take your time." That's the one thing I don't have a lot of. "Well I better get over to the office. There's quite a few things I have to get done before we leave tomorrow. I promised Idalia that I would be there by noon," he said, rolling his eyes.

I moved away from him so he could get up and, as I scooted away from him, I could tell that he didn't want to let go of me. He leaned forward and trailed a few kisses down my neck, leaving goose bumps behind, before getting up and walking into his room. He came back into the living room a few minutes later dressed in a white button down, nice black slacks and shiny black dress shoes. My eyes widened with surprise when I saw that he had left his trademark bandanna back in his room.

"Casual Friday?" I inquired, rising from the couch and taking a few steps towards him.

"Not exactly," he replied with a smile. "I just don't feel like wearing that heavy robe." He closed the gap between us and took me into his arms. "I'll try not to be gone for too long but I can't make any promises."

"It's alright. Take as long as you need."

He stared into my eyes adoringly for a few moments before capturing my lips in a kiss that left my knees weak. I gingerly ran my fingers through his hair, leaning my body into his like we could somehow melt into each other. His tongue pushed up against my lips and easily slipped into my mouth. I couldn't hold back the sigh of pleasure as his tongue explored my mouth and expertly wrapped around my own. His hands gripped my hips tightly and pressed me even harder against him, craving the grinding of our bodies. I could tell that I had gotten a considerable rise out of him with that one little sound, but even though I wanted to take this to the bedroom, I knew that we couldn't.

I broke away from his hungry mouth, intent on telling him that he needed to go to the temple, but when his lips started trailing more kisses down my neck and nipping at the sensitive flesh my thoughts became so scrambled I knew it would be hours until I could think straight again.

I found my voice after what felt like an eternity. "Baralai..." I protested, pushing him away from me. "You really need to get going, as much as I hate to admit it."

He took a deep breath and nodded his head. "Oh the things you do to me," he whispered, his breathing heavy. He gave me another quick peck on the lips before backing away and clearing his throat. "I'll be back soon."

"See you later," I replied as he turned around and walked to the door. His body looked extremely tense and I could tell that he wanted nothing more than to turn back around and finish what he started.

My attention was taken away from the now closed door as my stomach rumbled hungrily so I decided to explore Baralai's kitchen for myself. I really wasn't very hungry so I grabbed an almost empty container of strawberry yogurt and a package of graham crackers, assembling them on the kitchen counter.

As I ate my thoughts instantly strayed to The Invisible. I knew that they probably already figured out about Baralai and I. So when are they going to stroll in and give me an earful about it? I asked myself as I munched on a graham cracker. And the funny thing is, ever since I had woken up I had a weird feeling that I was going to run into one of them today.

I quickly finished the rest of the yogurt and tossed the now empty container into the trash, returning the graham crackers to the pantry. I dressed in my Warrior outfit and decided to take a little stroll in Baralai's immense backyard. Might as well not delay the inevitable, I thought as I gazed out of the sliding glass doors that led out of Baralai's room. I could definitely feel a presence prowling around in the trees somewhere and I wasn't surprised about it one bit.

With a resigned sigh, I wandered out into the backyard and calmly walked into the grove of trees. I tried to pinpoint exactly where the presence was but it moved around so quickly that I couldn't keep up with it. I had a pretty good feeling I knew who it was though.

"Alright, Gwen, I know you're out here. You might as well show yourself."

I heard a faint chuckle off to my right but didn't bother to turn my head and acknowledge that I had heard her. "I thought you would never come out of there, Paine," she said, materializing a few feet away from me.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," I replied, sitting at the base of a large oak tree. I figured I was going to be here for a while. I spoke again before Gwen had the chance to. "You don't have to tell me why you're here. I already know."

"Well that makes my job a little easier then," she said, her soft footfalls could barely be heard as she approached. "Kaiser just wants to know why you're romantically involved with your first mark. All of us want to know that actually."

I covered my face with my hands and sighed. "I don't know, Gwen. I really don't know. I know that I shouldn't be doing this but...I just can't help myself."

"The best piece of advice that I can offer you right now is to leave this instant and come back with me to Zanarkand before this gets out of hand," she said, leaning up against a tree and crossing her arms over her stomach.

"I can't do that," I said, shaking my head. "I have too many obligations to fulfill before I can leave and you know that."

"Hmm, you're right. You still have a little time left," she said, absently digging her toe into the ground. "Do you love him, Paine?" She asked suddenly, turning her head to look at me.

I stared into her penetrating blue eyes for a few seconds, trying to figure out if she was really serious. Her expression never wavered. "I don't know that either, Gwen."

"Of course you do, Paine," she said, pushing away from the tree she was leaning against. "You just don't want to admit it to yourself because you think it won't hurt as much when you have to kill him."

A hot flash of anger rose up within me at her words, my eyes smoldering vehemently. I became even angrier when she laughed at my reaction.

"Oh, don't get so angry, Paine. You know what I'm saying is true," she said, the laugh still in her voice.

"Who was your first mark then?" I snapped, my voice filled with venom.

"My first mark is of no concern to you!" She snapped back, her joking demeanor vanishing. "Just know this, everyone must assassinate someone that is important to them for their first mark. That shows Kaiser that you can kill the ones you love to stay loyal to him and The Invisible. That is the way it has always been done and you are certainly no different! Cherish the time you have with the New Yevon Praetor, Paine. It will be short lived." She disappeared and was gone before I could even blink.

I hung my head in my hands and tightly closed my eyes, sighing heavily. How many times can I break till I shatter?