Have you ever felt such a fever for someone that it is all-consuming to the extent where you're barely capable of functioning? It is a fever that makes coffee seem cold and food bland and all other necessities frivolous, because all you can focus on is the memory of her face, the color of her hair, the depth of her eyes...
- Hey... What are you up to? xx
I spent every waking minute after the night at the bar obsessing over Emily.
- Hi :) Just drawing. You? xx
Everywhere I went I looked around for her beautiful face, desperately hoping to catch a glimpse of the woman that has infiltrated every nerve fiber in my body.
- What are you drawing? Do you need a model? ;)
She offered herself to me that night and I rejected her with the last bit of strength I could muster. I realized soon enough that my rejection of her wasn't so much about my relationship status as it was because of being afraid that Emily would regret it. We were intoxicated and I didn't want to be just another drunken mistake. I wanted Emily Fields to want me in the daytime.
- I only do nude portraits... ;)
And then I found out that she did...
She came into the bar again. I had not been on shift, but she left me her number with the manager. It took me a while to contemplate whether to use it or not. A few times I had found myself typing her a message only to delete it before sending. Often it was due to Shay walking into the room, catching me off guard.
Shay.
I tried to rationalize my behavior with Emily in so many different ways. I told myself that Shay and I weren't really exclusive, or not serious enough to worry about it. I told myself that we were already growing apart, unwilling to face the fact that I was actually pushing us apart.
The truth was that the only justification that mattered was that I felt something for Emily that I had never felt for Shay.
I have never believed in love at first or second sight. I laughed at the notion of soul mates and I scoffed at the idea of some sort of serendipitous connection. No one had ever made me believe.
And then there was Emily...
- Why do you think I asked, silly? (. )( .)
- Those are you not eyes, are they...? :D
So eventually I threw all caution to the wind and messaged her one evening when I was home alone. Maybe that was my mistake: I set a principle. We only chatted at nights when the lights were turned down low and the world around us was asleep. It became a virtual cocoon for us to frolick in - a world where only we existed.
It was cute and innocent at first, conversations kept light and fluffy. That soon turned to light flirting, however. And it was my guilty pleasure...
- A little lower...
- Those boobs are way too perky! Who has boobs like that that? Such unrealistic expectations.
- Would you like to see and have your expectations exceeded? ;)
My mouth ran dry and the mental image I had was making me blush profusely.
- My my, one track mind tonight? :P
- What else could a girl want at 1:30 in the morning?
- Oh I don't know... Breakfast maybe?
- How about breakfast and dessert...?
No matter how sweet and innocent Emily looked, she was definitely not the girl next door.
- I have to sleep actually ;) have to be at work early.
- What kind of a bar is open that early?
- I have another job :)
- Gasp! Are you Batman? :O
- Maybe ;)
- That's really sexy...
- Haha! Goodnight Emily... ;)
