Chapter XVII
Treasure
Needless to say, I didn't get very much sleep that night. I was exhausted beyond all belief but sleep wouldn't grace me with its presence. To put it frankly I was stressed out with way too much on my mind. I didn't want to go back into that house but I had to get my sword. Believe me, I didn't want to subjugate either Baralai or myself to anymore emotional or physical pain but it was my sword and I had to be the one to go get it.
Kaiser came back to my room with Tobias that evening, giving me permission to go retrieve my sword. I was hoping that he would have said I couldn't go and send someone else to get it, but I was never one to get that lucky. "Tobias will accompany you. He has my permission to incapacitate you if you try to escape," he said, his glowing yellow eyes focusing on me.
I closed my eyes and lolled my head against the back of the chair I was currently sitting in. That was just what I needed. A babysitter. "You don't have to worry about that," I mumbled as I folded my hands over my head. "I just want my sword back."
Kaiser nodded then took Tobias out into the hall to speak with him privately. I sighed and started tapping my leg nervously. I couldn't even remember where I had put my sword last. Baralai's closet? My closet? I would probably end up scouring the entire house looking for it. Please for the love of Shiva don't be in Baralai's room. It was bad enough that I saw his face every time I closed my eyes. I don't think I could handle seeing exactly what I had done to him up close.
"I expect you back tomorrow morning at day break," Kaiser said, walking back into the room with Tobias following close behind. "If you are not back by then I will come find you myself."
"Yes, Kaiser," I droned, nodding my head once. Now that I was considered a full member I had to address him like everyone else or I would be punished. Not a prospect that sounded all that alluring to me. Having to go through two or even three more of those inoculations was punishment enough. I didn't need more.
"Very good," he said, sounding pleased.
"Ready?" Tobias inquired after Kaiser was gone.
"No," I began as I stared up at the ceiling. "but it doesn't really matter if I am or not." I pushed myself up and trudged out the door, swinging it shut after Tobias had joined me in the hall.
We had just left the building when Tobias turned to me and spoke. "I'm curious, Paine," he said, speaking softly. "How did you escape?"
I met his eyes for a few brief seconds, deliberating about whether or not I should tell him. Maybe if he knew what I was capable of he wouldn't try to cause trouble with me. "You really want to know?" He nodded. "I killed over thirty members in the course of twenty minutes. Their numbers were so depleted by the time I reached Gagazet that they gave up the chase."
I averted my face away from his so I wouldn't see his reaction. I could still remember the faces of those people that I had killed, even some of their names, and I did not enjoy reminding myself about it. "How did you do such a thing?"
I scoffed and glared hard at him. "Do you really expect me to remember something I did three years ago? I can barely remember how I survived through the night let alone what I did to kill over thirty people," I snapped vehemently. "I suggest that you don't bring it up again."
Tobias looked rather taken aback, like he hadn't expected me to lash out like that at him. He cleared his throat and looked away from me, a small amount of blood rushing into his cheeks. "Forgive me. I did not mean to offend you."
"Apology accepted." And that was the end of our conversation for quite some time.
When we reached the entrance to the caves of Mt. Gagazet I was beginning to wonder if we were going to walk all the way to Bevelle. Tobias stopped so suddenly that I almost walked right past him into the mountain. He turned towards me and extended his hands out towards me, palms up. I was rather perplexed and shot him a questioning glance.
"We will teleport to Bevelle from here. Be warned, it will weaken us a small amount."
I nodded and gingerly placed my hands on top of his, breathing in deeply. The whole process, this time around, didn't take as long as it had the other day. The images that flew past me went by so quickly that all the colors meshed together, making one indescribable blur. When the blur evened out and my world stopped spinning my heartbeat quickened when I saw that we had appeared in Baralai's back yard. My vision swam and I had a brief feeling of vertigo as some of my strength ran out of me like water through a strainer. I pulled my hands away from Tobias' and fell against a tree, rubbing my temples. Once I caught my breath, I peered cautiously around the tree at Baralai's house like he would be able to see me even though it was pitch black outside.
"I will wait for you here," Tobias said, resting against a tree and crossing his arms. "Take as long as you want. Just remember what Kaiser said."
I nodded and, after taking a deep breath, made my way out of the trees, cloaking myself as I walked. I circled around to the front of the house, surveying it and trying to see if Baralai was asleep or not. A few lights were turned on; the lamp in the living room, the light over the stove, his office light. My breath was coming in short, hitching gasps as I slid along the wall towards his office window. I knew for a fact that I wouldn't be able to move an inch if I saw him sitting in that chair of his so I was praying that he was in bed.
I breathed an audible sigh of relief when I looked through the window. He was nowhere in sight. I stood stock still for a few more minutes, straining my ears to hear the faintest of sounds inside. I could make myself invisible, yes, but I wasn't a ghost. Baralai wouldn't walk right through me if he ran into me. I had to be sure that he wasn't going to come out of nowhere before I went inside.
After about five minutes – it could have been longer – I reached out with shaking hands towards the window, testing it to see if it was unlocked. I took a deep breath and pulled upwards, almost crying out in surprise when it popped open. I stood there staring down at the now open window, dumbstruck that it had actually opened and kind of wondering how the hell I had gotten so lucky.
I snapped back to attention a few seconds later, quickly looking behind me then carefully slipping inside. I glanced at his desk on my way past it but stopped in mid-step. His desk was a disaster area, to put it mildly. The mountain of paperwork was tremendous. It was so big that it was threatening to swallow his desk lamp and a few of the papers were hanging precariously over the sides. I sighed, feeling my shoulders fall. I had only been gone for little less than day and already his world was falling apart.
That's because you are his world.
I cleared my throat and turned away from his desk as I felt my eyes start to burn. I had to keep reminding myself that I was here to get my sword, not worry myself over what Baralai was going through. I slowly twisted the doorknob on his office door, gently pulling it open. I stood there half-way out of his office, peering across the hall, my heart beating so fast I thought it would fly out of my chest.
The door leading to his room was open.
I suddenly felt out of breath and had a hard time swallowing. It was so bad that I had to hold myself back from coughing to clear my throat. I'm not going in there... If my sword isn't in my room then I will, but until then I'm not setting one foot in his room.
I gulped down a painful swallow after the itch in the back of my throat subsided and slinked down the wall towards my room, keeping my eyes plastered on the dark void that was Baralai's room. I opened my door just far enough to squeeze through and closed it without a sound, flipping the light on in the process. I was surprised to find my bag sitting on my bed. A small swell of hope over my sword being in here as well rose up into my chest as I rushed to the closet.
I flung the doors open and caught myself from groaning in disappointment. The closet was completely empty. I turned to look on my bed, maybe thinking that I had missed it in my haste to get to the closet, but no. My bag was the only thing there. I cursed under my breath as I turned the light off and left my room, closing the door silently behind me. The only other place it could be was in Baralai's room.
I ran my hand through my hair, saying every swear word in the book in my mind and mentally kicking myself. If only I could remember where I put it! That would make this whole ordeal so much easier! I took a deep breath then slowly crept towards the room at the end of the hall. I peeked around the corner, wondering how I was going to see and saw that the moonlight coming in through Baralai's sliding glass doors gave off just enough illumination to see by. Oddly, the first thing my eyes found, to my great dismay, was Baralai's silhouette. My throat tightened as he shifted in his sleep.
Something hanging on the wall above his bed caught my eye; something that hadn't been there before. My jaw dropped when I saw that it was my sword. He had mounted my sword to the wall above his bed. My wide eyes settled back on Baralai's sleeping form. I was astonished that he had done something like this. I thought that he would have locked it up or hidden it away, not put it where he would see it every day. What he was going through now had to be more than he could handle without having a constant reminder of me hanging above his bed.
I cautiously tip-toed inside the room, stopping at the edge of the bed and gazing longingly down at Baralai. What I wouldn't give to just let him know I was here, to tell him that I was sorry for everything I said, to beg for forgiveness...to feel his arms around me. My breath hitched in my throat as I looked at his face. Even illuminated by the moonlight his face looked tired and worn; it made him look much older. I wasn't sure if the dark circles around his eyes were a result of the minimal lighting or from his fatigue. My heart broke for the hundredth time as visions of his anguished face flashed through my mind, making me wince.
I forcibly pushed those images out of my head and reached out towards my sword, grabbing it with my mind. I plucked it out of the air then, with one last, long lingering look at Baralai, walked out of his room. I paused in the hallway and frowned as I stared down at my sword. Now where's my sheath and sword belt? I stood there in the middle of the hallway for what felt like hours trying to figure out where I had left them, almost feeling like I was back at square one all over again.
I gasped audibly as I finally remembered. I had indeed put my sword in Baralai's closet after the last time we had sparred together and that's where my sword belt and sheath were also located. I felt like slapping my forehead for being so stupid. My mind's like a steel trap. Can't put anything past me, I thought sarcastically. I scowled at my bad luck, wishing I didn't have to go back in there. I was afraid that he would wake up and find out I was here.
I shoved my fear away and marched right back into his room, making sure to be as quiet as I possibly could. I found my sheath and sword belt almost immediately after entering his closet. I sighed in relief, carefully sliding my sword into the sheath and wrapping the belt around my waist, securely fastening it. I ensured that my magic had expanded to include my sword belt and felt another small power drain. I exhaled slowly as my temples started to throb. I've been cloaked for much too long. I've got to get out of here.
"Who's there?"
My blood ran as cold as ice in my veins when I heard Baralai's sleep thickened voice break the silence. When I turned around I could see a small part of his face in the dim light of the moon and, even though he wasn't looking directly at me, I knew that I had done something to wake him up and alert him to my presence.
Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn... My mind was racing as I took a few tentative steps towards the door, my heart pounding in my ears. Baralai was looking around his room, dazed, like he was still half asleep. I swear his eyes passed over me three or four times and once his gaze met mine for a few seconds. I thought that I had been discovered and tensed my muscles for a quick getaway but after a few more agonizing moments of suspense, he laid back down and was out like a light. I held in my sigh of relief until I was back in the hallway. Him waking up in that very brief moment had absolutely petrified me. I had been like a deer caught in the headlights.
I made a break for the window but just when I was about to dive through it, I stopped short and looked back at the door. I wanted, so badly, to listen to his thoughts so I could see for myself what I had done to him. I knew that I was pushing it but...I wanted to hear his thoughts just one last time. I knew that if I didn't do it now...well, I think all of you know the answer to that one.
I took a deep breath and went back to stand in front of his office door, pressing myself up against it as tightly as I could. My throat was dry as I touched his mind and, like a brick to the face, was broadsided by a torrent of his raw emotions. I had been inside his mind before but this time it was different. It may have been the fact that he was asleep that made his emotions so much more powerful, I wasn't sure. I clenched my teeth and valiantly held back a strangled cry. I had never felt such strong emotions from him. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was dreaming about the day I had left. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes as I experienced that day from his perspective. I felt everything he had felt, I heard each and every one of his thoughts. This was the real definition of torture.
After only thirty seconds I couldn't handle it anymore. I pulled away as fast as I could and severed the connection between our minds. All of a sudden, listening to his thoughts hadn't been such a good idea after all. I was completely disgusted with myself. If I didn't think my act was believable beforehand I definitely knew now. He had believed every single word I had said. He thought I was serious. That's what I wanted too. I wanted to make it look like I was serious. Even though I had done what I had set out to do I was far from proud of it.
I had done more than break his heart. Much more. I had practically ripped him apart; ripped him apart like a Coeurl would tear apart its prey. My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I pushed away from the door. I ran towards the window and practically jumped out of it, holding myself back from uncloaking until I was back under the cover of the trees.
Tobias straightened when he saw me, he looked pleased and a little bit relieved to see that I had returned with my sword. As soon as I let go of my magic I collapsed, my legs feeling like they had turned to rubber. I had stayed invisible for much too long. I was lucky to still be alive.
Tobias managed to catch me before I hit the ground then helped me to sit up against a tree. "You were gone for almost two hours. Were you cloaked the entire time?"
His voice sounded a million miles away, but strangely enough, just like the last time I had exhausted myself to the point of passing out I felt a euphoric feeling pass over me and managed to nod my head a few times before my eyes rolled into the back of my head.
While I was drifting between unconsciousness and wakefulness, I relived what I had seen, felt and heard while being connected to Baralai's mind over and over and over until I thought I would go insane. I begged and pleaded for it to stop, but as I continued to see my hate filled face through Baralai's eyes I knew that this was my punishment for what I had done.
I awoke with a start, covered in a cold sweat and panting like I had just run a marathon. I instantly began to wonder where I was but as my eyes adjusted to the dark I knew, without a doubt, that I was back in Zanarkand. I groaned and fell back against my pillows. And here I was thinking that all of this was just a dream. A very screwed up dream.
I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I heard my stomach rumble. It had to have been at least two days – maybe more – since the last time I had eaten something. I rose from my bed and grabbed my sword belt from the floor by the bed, presumably where Tobias had dropped it after bringing me here. If I remembered correctly breakfast, lunch and dinner rations were handed out at the same time every day. Maybe if I hurried I could get something meager to eat before all of it was gone.
On my way past my kitchen I spotted a tray full of food sitting on the counter. I was instantly perplexed. I had never had a meal delivered to me before. If I was unfortunate enough to miss a meal I went hungry, no questions asked. The same applied to everyone else as well. That's the way it always had been, as far as I knew, but I was quite sure that Kaiser hadn't gone so soft that he was having everyone's rations delivered to them. That just didn't sound like something he would do.
Since the secret of The Invisible had followed Mika to the Farplane every member either had to steal to sustain themselves or kill their own meals. It's rather easy to do both of those when you can render yourself invisible. In my defense, I only stole when I could no longer stand to eat dead fiends. Contrary to popular belief those things really do not taste very good.
So I shrugged, willing to take advantage of this while I could, and grabbed a whole pear from the tray, tossing it back and forth between my hands as I walked to my old, dusty couch. I laid down, sneezing a few times from all the dust that I had released, then leaned my head back and looked up at the ceiling, rubbing the pear's smooth surface with my thumb. The only thought that was present in my mind was: what next? I wanted to ask Tobias the few questions that had been burning a hole in my mind and now that I was here I could find out anything and everything I wanted. The trouble was, I wanted to know the answers now. I didn't want to wait.
I had almost finished my pear when I felt Kaiser enter my room unannounced and uninvited. I looked over the back of the couch, acting like I didn't know who had just come in. I felt my stomach sink into my feet as my eyes met Kaiser's. It was time for me to get my next inoculation, I was certain. I rose from the couch with a heavy sigh, tossing my half-eaten pear back onto the tray, and went to stand in front of him. His eyes were guarded. He knew that I knew why he was here so there was no reason for him to say anything to clarify.
He curtly nodded his head then spun around and left my room. I pulled my door closed and kept my distance as I followed him, keeping a leisurely pace like I was taking a nice afternoon stroll through the streets of Bevelle. If only that was real. I sighed, wishing for the thousandth time that I could escape, but I knew wishing something like that was futile so I didn't even bother putting up a fight. Kaiser knew this, that's why he had come alone. He had broken my spirit, and he knew it. Wishing is for idiots and dreamers, I remembered him saying once.
It felt like I was walking the mile to be executed. I clenched my fists at my sides and held my head high; I wasn't scared. I knew it was going to hurt and that reminder sent a cold shiver of fear up my spine, but such is life. There was nothing I could do to prevent it so why should I make my hair any grayer than it already is? The only thing I'm apprehensive about is what this drug will do to me.
I had fallen behind considerably and by the time I arrived at the room with the metal restraint chair and all the machinery, Kaiser was already waiting for me. I kept my eyes averted from his as I walked past him and towards that accursed chair. There was a scowl on my face as I sat down in it, waiting for Kaiser to start strapping me in.
I watched him as he filled the syringe with the mixture of both drugs. I felt perspiration start to bead on my forehead and neck as I watched him. After squeezing all the air bubbles out of the chamber he set the syringe down then set to the task of strapping me in. I discovered something new about my favorite chair as Kaiser took his sweet time. I wasn't being restrained just to keep me from escaping. I remembered the way I had thrashed and bucked the first time. I was being held in place for my own protection while the drug was making its way through my system. Oh, how sentimental.
I gulped after Kaiser had completed his task, picking the syringe back up and turning towards me. "So...what will this drug do to me exactly?" I asked, my eyes never leaving the needle.
Kaiser smiled then, but it wasn't a genuine smile. It was more of a crafty smile, sort of like one a child would give their parents when he knows something they don't. That look on his face made my eyes widen a small amount.
"You will soon find out," he said, turning my head and pressing the side of it against the back of the chair. Ah, so it's the neck again. I'm not surprised...
He plunged the needle into my neck and, this time, instead of feeling my blood turn to fire in my veins I began to feel dizzy and light headed. Before I could figure out what was happening to me I had already fallen asleep.
When I came to I was expecting to be back in my room but when I tried rubbing my eyes my arms wouldn't move. Because of the anesthetic I was having trouble focusing but I knew, without needing to see, that I was still in that damned chair. Frankly, I was shocked. I leaned my head against the back of the chair to wait, hoping the anesthetic would wear off quickly now that I was awake.
Kaiser was still in the room with me. That was all I could tell. I tried to speak, to ask Kaiser what he had done to me and why, but the only sounds I could make were unintelligible mumbles. "Don't try to speak," Kaiser said calmly.
That's when something weird happened. Immediately after hearing his voice I became as silent and still as a statue. Then, like I had lost all control over my voice, I spoke without wanting to.
"Forgive me, Kaiser."
It was like somebody else was taking up residency in my head, sort of like an unwanted guest. In about ten seconds every rebellious thought I had ever had towards The Invisible and wanting to escape were flipped upside down and replaced with undying loyalty. My fingers twitched as I fought against those thoughts, knowing that they weren't true but trying to convince my brain otherwise.
Then, just as quickly as it had come, those traitorous thoughts and feelings vanished. I gasped as my mind was once again my own. That was creepy and just wrong. What the hell was that?
"What just happened?" I said more to myself than Kaiser.
"Merely a side effect," Kaiser answered, walking over to me and unstrapping me from the chair. "You are to report to the training room now. Tobias will meet you there."
I rose from the chair, absently rubbing my wrists where the straps rubbed against them. I nodded and walked away from Kaiser, not trusting my voice. I felt just as normal as I had before I got that shot but what had just happened to me was very disconcerting. In that one instant it made me feel like I didn't know my body as well as I thought I did, like at any time I would lose all my control. That thought made my skin crawl.
