Chapter XIX

Becoming One of Them


(Paine)

My training exercises with Tobias were more than what I had been expecting. Tobias was a very exceptional sword fighter; very precise and fluid with his movements. Sparring with him took much more out of me than sparring with a group of fifty Warrior Monks. He spent almost an hour teaching me numerous techniques on improving my swordsmanship and he even showed me how to channel my element into my sword. I felt like a novice all over again.

A few times while we were sparring I chanced closing my eyes and let my feelings control my movements. Tobias never noticed, to my relief, and I did much better with my eyes closed than when I had them open. Tobias was very gifted in sword fighting and I couldn't believe how exhausted I was when we were all done.

I was actually enjoying myself despite the fact that I was here against my will. Once I looked past that it was like summer camp.

It was only when we went to grab our lunch ration that I was able to talk with him privately. As we sat down together at an old rickety table I was suddenly unsure if I should ask him anything after all. I wasn't sure if he would tell Kaiser about what I would say to him. I really could care less if he does tell Kaiser but he's not supposed to know any of what I'm about to tell him. I'll definitely get in trouble for that.

"Before I ask you anything," I began, plucking a piece of bread off my small loaf and thoughtfully chewing on it before continuing. "I want you to promise me that you'll keep everything we talk about in confidence." While I was talking I scanned his thoughts, making sure that when he answered me he was telling the truth.

He frowned and I felt confusion flow through his mind. "Why is that?" He asked. He had no idea why I would want to make such a request of him. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

"I lived with Kaiser for a long time and in that time I learned that he doesn't have to know about everything. We can have private conversations like normal people."

I sat back and let my words sink in. Tobias was young enough to still be impressionable but old enough to understand what I was implying; that Kaiser was not a god. He averted his eyes away from me and paid attention to his food as he thought, chewing carefully. I slowly picked at my food as I followed him. He wasn't accusing me of anything yet. He was very intelligent and was going to keep an open mind. This I was thankful about.

"Before you ask your questions allow me to ask you something first," he said, his crimson eyes focusing on mine.

I inclined my head towards him. "Go ahead."

"I can tell by your demeanor that you don't want to be here. Why?"

I was hoping that he wouldn't ask me that. That was the one thing I was most apprehensive to tell him about. I bit down on my tongue and covered my mouth with my hand. I could recite an entire monologue about why I didn't want to be here, but that would take much too long. The short version would do just fine for now.

"Because assassinating others in cold blood isn't my idea of a good time," I replied dryly.

"What do you mean?"

I shot him an odd look. He's been here almost four years and they haven't told him anything? Oh yeah...need to know. Right. I knew that I couldn't just come out and tell him what The Invisible was really all about. But then again...he was being lied to. Who am I to tell him the truth? Who am I to determine whether or not he needs to know?

This little episode of questioning myself went on for quite a while. I knew that telling him would start a chain reaction and would more than likely end badly. I was supposed to be here to find out everything I could about The Invisible, not tell one of the operatives everything he didn't know.

"Paine?" I snapped my eyes up to meet his and almost forgot about what he had asked me.

"Let's just say that the circumstances were different for me than for you when I came here."

He frowned again and looked even more confused by my cryptic response. I could tell that he wanted to push it; he was curious and he wanted to know. One of my eyebrows twitched as I remembered how Rikku nagged me constantly about finding out about my past. Oh I would give anything to hear her annoying voice right now.

"If you wouldn't mind," he began, leaning forward a small amount. "I would like to know."

I pursed my lips and looked away from him for a few seconds. Ah, what the hell... "When I was ten my parents were murdered by two members of The Invisible and I was brought here shortly after." I was still being cryptic but I didn't give a damn.

"What had your parents done to deserve that?" He questioned, still not completely understanding.

I chuckled. I knew the answer to that question but I was never able to understand it. "My father was a Maester of Yevon. He had different beliefs and because of that Mika had him and my mother murdered."

Tobias leaned back in his chair and carefully examined me with a critical eye, determining whether or not if I was lying. At first I could tell that he didn't believe me. He was fighting a very intense internal battle, one part wanted to believe what I had said while the other was extremely skeptical.

He began to slowly shake his head, disbelief still shining in his eyes. I had visibly shaken him. Everything he thought he knew about The Invisible I had just thrown up into the air and watched as it all landed on the floor in disarray. "No," he whispered, more to himself than to me. "No, we aren't like that. We don't – "

"They've been keeping you in the dark, Tobias," I interjected, staring him right in the eye. "Just like I used to be."

Tobias looked away from me and his face twisted into a grimace. I could tell without listening to his thoughts that he felt betrayed. The Invisible had been his savior when Kaiser found him on the streets. They had given him something, not taken something away like they had to me and now I had just caused a tremor to shake his faith in them. Tobias was naive but he wasn't that way by choice. Kaiser made him naive and that wasn't his fault.

He gulped and took in a deep, shaky breath. He squared his jaw and stared at me defiantly. "How do I know you're not lying?" He questioned, his smoldering eyes narrowing.

I casually sat back and crossed my legs. "Because I have nothing to lie about. I'm only a few days away from my rite."

A small amount of color drained from his cheeks, making his skin seem almost transparent in the dim lighting. "I thought they were just rumors; deliberately assassinating others in cold blood. I've been told full members only perform righteous killings, not...murder." His eyes met mine again after they wandered around the room a few times, pleading for me to give him answers. Now I know the method behind Kaiser's madness. Keep the younger ones on a need to know basis and it's easier to control them, easier to ensure they follow orders.

I immediately felt sick and my stomach involuntarily lurched. Tobias deserved better. He deserved to know what he had unwillingly been brought into. I nibbled on a piece of cheese as I gathered my thoughts together then met his questioning eyes. "Righteous killings," I said, scoffing at the notion. "There was nothing righteous about taking a ten year old girl's parents away from her."

I had to forcefully stop myself from saying anything else. The more I thought about that day the angrier I became. I huffed and rubbed my temples, breathing in deeply and slowly to help calm myself down. "Enough of that. I have something to ask you now." I paused long enough to take another deep breath. "In the last three years have any of the other members attained special powers? Like anything different?" I knew I was being vague but I didn't want to give away the fact that I could do something he's probably never seen or heard of before.

"I know that besides controlling a certain element, a few members can use telepathy as well. Kaiser stopped searching for ones that had that extra ability years ago." He paused and cleared this throat. "I did some research and found that all the members you killed to escape were the ones to have some sort of telepathic ability. Now you're the only one left."

I sat in shocked, wide eyed silence. That was the answer I had been hoping for but how had I managed to get so lucky? This was totally unbelievable. I quickly regained my composure before he had a chance to notice my lapse. "So...you know that I'm telekinetic?"

He nodded. "Kaiser keeps extensive files on everyone who's ever been a part of this organization. It didn't take much digging. Kaiser holds you quite high," he replied.

I rolled my eyes. Yes, Kaiser had always thought I was something special. I would love to see the look on his face when he finds out that he was right. I wasn't going to tell him or Tobias that my abilities were still developing. That would be my little secret.

"That's interesting," I mumbled, returning to my food.

We fell into a comfortable silence as we finished our lunch. I had had enough of twenty questions for one day and I'm pretty sure Tobias had as well. Every part of my body was sore and the only thing I wanted to do was go back to my room so I could pass out.

"Same time tomorrow?" I asked as we threw our trash away.

He nodded. I could tell by the faraway look on his face that his mind was elsewhere. "I'll be thinking about what you told me," he whispered before turning around and walking away.

My eyebrows shot up in surprise as I stared at his retreating back. "Alright," I responded, letting a small sigh escape my lips. I was relieved that, for the most part, Tobias was going to listen to what I had told him. Wonderful, I'm a revolutionist now, I thought, rolling my eyes.

The halls were eerily quiet as I slowly made my way back to my room. I was expecting Kaiser to materialize out of nowhere and drag me back down to that laboratory for another shot at any moment. A chill ran down my spine as I remembered what had happened to me last time and those horrible thoughts that had flashed through my mind. What's going to happen next time? A lump settled in my throat as I realized that was exactly how Kaiser was going to control me: by controlling my mind, by making me think things I didn't believe.

That's how he was going to make me kill Baralai.

The icy hand of fear closed around my heart and made my blood turn to sludge in my veins. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and almost bumped into someone right outside my door. I gasped and jumped away, spewing out apologies before I even knew who I had bumped into. Landon's icy blue gaze stopped me in my tracks.

Before I could say anything he clamped his hand over my mouth and pulled me into my room, closing the door behind us as quietly as he could. By this time I was extremely confused and quickly becoming very angry. Landon put his mouth dangerously close to my ear and I briefly saw a red fringe stain my vision. His liquid voice calmed me long enough so I could hear what he was saying.

"I don't have much time," he rasped, his voice strained. "I know that you're trying to find a way out. I think I might be able to help you. Meet me inside the blitzball stadium after sun down." The pressure around my mouth vanished as soon as it had come and before I could really comprehend what Landon has said he was gone.

A split second later I realized why he had left in such a hurry. Kaiser was on his way to see me again. Wait... How did he know Kaiser was coming? I groaned and cursed under my breath, roughly unbuckling my sword belt and tossing it away from me. I stormed into my bathroom and attempted to fix my hair while I waited. I knew what was coming so I wasn't going to waste any time wondering about it.

"Paine?" Kaiser called my name in a commanding tone as he welcomed himself into my room.

The first thing I saw when I rounded the corner into the living room was Kaiser holding a very familiar syringe. I frowned and looked from the overly large needle to Kaiser's stone gaze. Why did he come here with it? I asked myself as I took a few steps towards him.

"Special treatment?" I asked, not able to hide the smirk that curled one corner of my mouth up.

"Hardly," he answered, his expression mirroring mine. "I'm now confident that you won't try to fight me."

My smirk immediately turned into a scowl. He was right. "Why did I pass out last time?" I questioned, trying to push my anger to the back of my mind as I sat down dejectedly on the couch.

I heard Kaiser chuckle as he came to stand behind me. "You only need to know what the burn of the medication feels like once. Going through that kind of discomfort will only be a punishment from now on. I'm not sadistic, Paine."

Oh, how I beg to differ, I thought, leaning my head against the back of the couch. I cocked my head to the side, exposing my neck to Kaiser like he was a vampire come to suck me dry. I squeezed my eyes shut as he slid the needle into my neck. Not even a minute later my world began to spin and it wasn't long until I blacked out.

When I woke up it was like a repeat of the other day when my control had been ripped away from me. It was like I was looking through someone else's eyes or watching the scene spread out in front of me like I was part of an audience. I repeatedly saw the face of a man I barely recognized. His gorgeous brown eyes made my heart flutter which caused an odd feeling of déjà vu to pass over me, like I should know him somehow but couldn't figure out how.

Baralai! My mind screamed. His name is Baralai! I gasped and, in a split second, my mind was in my control again. I sat frozen in place, my hands gripping the couch cushions as I waited; waited to see if that was going to happen again.

Those few moments were probably the most terrifying of my life. Whatever was happening to me caused me to completely forget about who Baralai was. Even now I could sense that his face had become much dimmer in my memories. I forgot about him once. I will not forget about him again. Even if it kills me.

I quickly took a shower and dressed in a fresh uniform then set out to meet Landon at the blitzball stadium. Members of The Invisible came and went from our hideout constantly, something I was hoping would work to my advantage. I didn't want to cloak myself and seem suspicious so I just strolled right on through the front door. I didn't think it was going to be this easy, I thought, warily glancing in every direction.

The sun had just set and dusk was falling over Zanarkand. I could see the stadium in the distance and looked behind me one more time before taking off at a brisk run towards it.

After having that second shot I discovered that the feeling of suddenly losing my control never went away. It was there like a splinter in my mind, tormenting me. I was still strong enough to fight that feeling off, but how long would it take for me to crack? How long would it take before I was overpowered by it? How am I going to stop myself from killing Baralai?

I slowed to a jog as I approached the stadium. I didn't see Landon standing at the entrance to the dome so, by process of elimination, I figured that he was somewhere inside. I turned around and walked backwards for a few paces, making sure I hadn't been followed before scanning the dome for Landon's presence. It took me a few seconds to find him because he was deeper inside the stadium than I had first anticipated. He was waiting for me in the Chamber of the Fayth, where Lord Zaeon's empty statue rested.

Goosebumps popped up all over my arms as I walked through the pyrefly-infested dome. I hated coming here. Because of my mental sensitivity I picked up on long lost thoughts and feelings from the people that had died here; I could even sense a few of the original residents of Zanarkand from a thousand years ago. This whole place absolutely unnerved me.

I met very little resistance from the local fiend population. I could sense a few here and there but they were much too scared to come out of hiding to fight. This is what happened to fiends everywhere after Sin and Yu Yevon were destroyed for good. It was like they somehow knew they didn't stand a chance now that the Eternal Calm was here, like they knew they were doomed. I had a feeling that they were much smarter than what the people of Spira had come to believe about them.

I sighed as I passed through the Cloister of Trials, my feet barely making a sound on the stone floor. The mechanical groan of the lift assaulted my ears and made me wince after being in total silence for so long. When the lift stopped I could see Landon standing in the next room, staring at me as I approached.

He smirked and transferred all his weight onto one foot, crossing his arms casually over his chest. I instantly relaxed as I surveyed his body language. He was conveying to me that he didn't intend to cause trouble or fight hence the reason why he was standing like that. "For a second I thought you weren't going to come." His deep baritone reminded me of my father's.

"Kaiser ambushed me again," I replied. I didn't need to elaborate because he already knew what I meant. "Why did you bring me here?"

Landon took a deep breath. "I've discovered a way for you to escape permanently. The problem is...it's most likely going to kill you."