I can't look at either of them the furry flowing through my veins is making my whole body feel like it's burning from the inside out. If I felt it was worth throwing my life away I'd push Allie out of the window the way she pushed me from her thoughts when she slept with Eli. God I've tried so hard to get over this. I thought I had come so far but this has brought me right back to square one.

"Clare." Eli says gingerly attempting to step closer to me.

"No. No! Don't touch me. You were supposed to love me! You were supposed to be there for me after I lost our baby but you just had sex with my friend Eli!" I shout all the emotion I had bottled up over the weeks coming back out.

"I did, I do." He says with certainty his eyes staying locker on me while Allie just stands in the background not daring to speak.

"That's not love Eli. If you loved me how could you do that! How could either of you do that. You both tossed everything away, destroyed my life for one night of fun! So tell me now" I laugh dryly before continuing. "was it worth it?" I ask.

They both stare at me then each other before turning their heads to the ground not thought but in shame it's so clearly they are to ashamed to even answer my question but I'm not letting that happen this question has haunted me for years making me question myself worth nearly everyday making me settle for a loveless marriage I deserve the answer.

"Answer me." I demand with a growl turning my attention to Eli first.

"Not at all. There hasn't been a minute of my life that I haven't regretted that night. I regret losing you and having nowhere to put the blame but in myself but, I regret hurting you more I hate myself for it." He answers sincerely fighting to keep his emotions under control which is hard for him.

"What about you?" I sneer facing my once best friend with a stone expression.

"Clare I never wanted to hurt you. I even gave our baby away for you!" She yells back getting upset herself.

I wince hearing her refer to her and Eli's child as "our baby" but she's right they had a baby together a little boy who's somewhere out there half her and half Eli. I close my eyes trying to keep my strong appearance and composure when I'm really losing it.

"Well I hope you find him Allie but I never made you do that."

After that I hurry back out of the door speeding to my car desperate as flashbacks enter my mind.

Flashback:

I walk into the apartment I share with Eli it's around 10:00pm tossing my keys on the table by the door. It's spring and the weather is absolutely beautiful tonight. I stroll through our apartment hoping Eli is still hope so we can take a walk only as I enter our bedroom that thought is obliterated.

There they were Eli and Allie naked in our bed her on top of him there was no hiding what they were doing I stood there not being a able to move for a moment before tossing a glass vase at the wall behind them before walking out. I can hear Eli yelling my name but I don't care I hate him.

"Clare wait!" He calls running up grabbing my wrist just before I exit the front door.

"No Eli, I'm done. I will never forgive you, I never want to look at you again I hope she was worth it." I cry before walking out of his apartment.

End flashback:

"Clare wait!" I hear Eli call chasing after me, wow how history has a way of repeating itself. As his hand grabs my wrist I consider uttering the same words I did all those years ago. Now we'll see if time really changes us.

"No Eli I-I just need some time." I say noticing the look of relief in his eyes as he runs his hands through his hair.

"Clare I swear she-"

"Eli, you don't have to explain that's your business. We both know you and I can never be anything more than friends." I smile sadly.

"Clare." He begins to argue but stops himself looking down at his feet kicking an invisible object.

"I'll see you around Eli. I just need some time after seeing her and hearing what she had to say." I tell him honestly.

"Sure thing." He replies sadness dripping from his voice.

As I'm pulling out I notice Allie walk up to him while he was still standing in the same spot I watch the two bicker for a moment before he pushes past her walking back toward the building leaving her standing there looking lost deep in thought. One thing is for sure this confrontation confirmed none of us are over this yet.

I pull into my huge house that I once shared with my now ex-husband it feels so big and lovely at this point in my life I'm worried it will stay that way forever. Why does life have to be so complicated? I'm not sure what else could make my life more fucked up at this point everything is falling apart in my life and all I'm left with is a big house no husband no friends a bunch of legalities to sort through and more meetings with lawyers and Kaleb then I care to have. I wouldn't have this if stupid Eli meant what he said when he promised me forever but then again who knew, I never expected him do what he did.

Make myself something to eat before reading a book until I noticed it was getting late. I decided to take a hot shower before bed. After getting out I walk to my room throwing on an oversize shirt and shorts. I walk over to my calendar to see what I have to do tomorrow that's when my jaw drops I see a little dot on the calendar exactly a week ago today. I'm late. No that can't be I fly to the bathroom like a bullet rummaging through the closet in search for one of the tests I have left from when Kaleb and I were trying.

I take the stick out of the box taking taking it without reading the directions I've done these so many times I have it memorized. I set it on the counter watching the little digital screen blink as two out of the three lines are colored signaling the results will be up in a brief moment. I close my eyes taking a deep breath.