Pregnant; the big hold letters appear on the small screen.

I thought I'd be devastated if this was the result but I'm not, I'm not thrilled either it's one of those butter bittersweet feelings. I'm pregnant which is something I've wanted for so long that i thought would never happen I had given up all hope of ever having another baby however I had pictured this moment a lot different.

I'm pregnant by my estranged high school sweetheart in the middle of a divorce while my ex best friend who slept with my babies father ending our relationship is trying to get their child back the production of that vary night I had the misfortune of walking in on. This is a terrible situation to bring a baby into but one this is for sure I'm keeping this baby,

I could never give him or her up I have no idea how Allie and Eli did it. They claim it was because of me but no one could give their own flesh and blood away over something like that could they? Maybe that's why it's haunting Allie now she was young just like I was when I lost Adam a lot changes over time and seven almost eight years is a long time. We're all nearly to our thirties now.

What do I do now though my emotions and thoughts are running wild the father of the baby I'm carrying is the love of my life who I decided I could never be with again a long time ago. I start to think that night was a huge mistake but something inside of me knows it wasn't.

I guess the place to start is going to see a doctor then, if everything is good I have no choice other than to tell Eli sooner rather than later. A few years ago i might have had considerations of not telling him that being said I'm older now and I know that's not an options he has a right to know everything after that I have no clue.

Sitting down on the edge of my bathtub I take deep breaths trying to let the gravity of the situation sink in. I'm having a baby with Eli this is happening… unless the same thing as last time happens what if I lose this baby too? I feel I can handle anything else that is thrown at me regarding this pregnancy as long as there is a healthy baby at the end of it.

I feel my breathing getting shallow while my heart rate accelerates the walls are closing in; I'm hyperventilating. I can't hyperventilate now that can't be good for my baby can it? I'm alone what If something happens. I get up pacing the room before finally picking my phone up dialing Eli's number.

"Clare? I thought-" Eli answers confused.

"Eli, I need you." I say as well as I can mange in my current state.

"I'm on my way" He responds worriedly I hear the sound of keys jingling and a door slam shut before the line goes silent.

I continue to pace around running my hand through my hair over and over I've walked across this spot so many times I could burn a hole in it. I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to say to Eli when he gets here. Telling him about this now was not part of the plan I just made less than a half hour ago but that was before I lost all rational thinking before I started drowning myself in horrible possible outcomes.

I see headlights turn into my driveway through my living room window within seconds I hear the engine stop along with a door slamming shut then a frantic Eli rush through the door racing over to me. This is it how do I tell him What's going on. I turn to meet his face still in an extremely panicked irrational state.

"Clare what's wrong?" He asks pulling me over to him seeming just as panicked himself now.

"Eli, I'm pregnant." I telling him looking up the same words falling from my lips that had my senior year in high school. He gives me the same exact look. If this has taught me anything so far it's that time changes you but something's manage to stick around ingrained as part of who you are.

"Is it mine?" He asks cautiously probably thinking back to the same memories as I am.

"Yes. I answer nodding my head up and down. As soon as I answer I can tell he's more concerned a new look comes over him although I'm not sure how to describe this one.

"Okay, you need to calm down. Everything is going to be okay just breath Clare it can't be good to be worked up like this." He speaks his voice soft but powerful as he walks me over towards the couch.

I'm reminded of how far Eli has come from manic episodes to being able to be rational in an intense situation like this when I can't even be. After a few minutes that felt more like hours of Eli calming me down gently running his hands up and down my back I finally got myself under control.

"I'm sorry I wasn't planning on telling you like this or at all until I see a doctor but then I got stuck in all the things that could go wrong and I couldn't calm down so I called you. This was a bad idea you can go home just forget I said anything I'm-"

"Clare first stop you're gonna get yourself worked up again, second you just told me you're pregnant with my baby and you expect me to just leave?"

"I don't know Eli I'm so confused this couldn't have happened at a worse time what am I going to do. This is a terrible time for a baby." I ramble standing up from the couch beginning to pace again. I look over at Eli sitting on the couch still his body now noticeably tense.

"Are You keeping the baby?" He asks nervously as he stands up walking over to me.

"Yes Eli I'm keeping my baby" I tell him straightforward looking into his green eyes trying my best to read his emotions while I wait for his response.