A/N: This is one of those chapters.

Fixed a stupidly major error in which I apparently forgot that Rin had no hands. You know who you are - thank you so much for catching that early.


…It's raining.

I press my face to the window glass and watch the droplets fall, unable to sleep.

Some people sleep better with the rain; others are kept up all night by it. I'm not one of those people, not that I know of.

The rain just makes me think.

…Not that I needed any help with that.

I'm seriously considering whether or not I should attend Yamaku. If Hanako's education is being damaged because of me -

maybe I shouldn't be here?

I find, though, that I'm a lot more reluctant to put thought into that now than I was in the first few days. I've made a lot of nice memories here…and, for some reason, I don't want to let them go.

That reason, though, is something I struggle to grasp. It doesn't feel like, a…physical thing, but rather a concept I'm not sure I entirely understand.

The rain keeps falling.

Suddenly I'm outside, now. And the rain is falling on my head.

I could take my old medicine again, Trial 14, and regain the senses I had, but substantially increase the odds of my own premature death. But that life would be very worth living, I think.

I'm not so confident that I could handle leaving behind my unfinished affairs, though…and I don't know if I would be willing to hurt the people I…care about like that…

It's a selfish sentiment, I know, I know.

I don't want to go to class today.

Still don't feel tired. All my clothes are soaked now, though.

The track will be wet, too. Good thing it's not dirt or Emi wouldn't be able to run. Or perhaps she would do it anyways.

Hey, I'm supposed to run, too…

why bother

Perhaps I really do - did? - need that therapist after all. This thinking can't be good for me.

Or…anti-depressants. That's a route I've never considered before, because I've never cared enough to need them. But now, suddenly, it matters.

that's why you didn't care before

because you just got hurt

again and again and again

Rei helped a lot over the last few years. After the initial legal battle and the revelation that we suffered from the same condition, her father approached me with an offer.

I would be paid a significant amount of money, or whatever it is I needed to a reasonable extent, and in turn I would test the various drugs that his scientists came up with.

Rei, personally, thought this was a terrible idea, and this was the only argument I ever had with her. It didn't last very long, though, certainly not long enough for me to agonize over it like I am now. She apologized and I apologized and that was the end of it.

I get the feeling that things aren't going to be so simple with Hanako and I, assuming we ever…

stop that hurts

Hah…hah…

Now I'm on the track.

Now I'm at the school gates.

I wish I could get inside the school building, but that's locked.

The teachers aren't even outside patrolling like they usually are. It's raining perhaps a little too hard for that, isn't it?

There does appear to be someone else here, though, someone with red hair and a white shirt, standing in the middle of the courtyard. Staring up into the sky.

With a sinking feeling, I approach the white blob in the night.

…Isn't that -

Yeah, that's - not surprising. Sometimes I wonder about the real student population of the school; based off the amount of people I run into, it only consists of, like, eight people.

"Hello, Rin." I say, raising my voice a little to be heard over the pouring rain. She spares me a glance from under the dripping fringe of rust-colored hair.

"Hello. Hisao." She replies, in her customary deadpan. I have to drift closer to her in order to hear her properly.

"…So, uh, why are you out here?" I ask.

She looks up at the night sky. "It is raining."

"So it is." I agree. "That doesn't explain why you are here, though."

"It doesn't?" She asks, looking genuinely confused.

"Or perhaps it does." I say, trying to figure out the conversation from her point of view. I read somewhere online that this is a good strategy to talk to people; it seems to be especially helpful if it doesn't seem like we're part of the same conversation.

This is a common occurrence with Rin.

"You're here because it's raining?" I try to clarify. Rin smiles an odd little smile.

"Yes. Lines change when it rains." She looks around. "It looks different."

"Lines?" I ask. She nods sagely.

"Lines."

I try to look around to try and see what she's talking about. From an artist's perspective…well, everything just looks wet. I guess I'm not really an artist after all.

"What do you see that I don't, Rin?" I ask. "And don't shrug. Try to put some effort into this answer. I want to be able to at least try to see the world from your perspective."

"Why?" Rin asks.

"Told you, didn't I?" I say softly. "I want to be your friend." I glance at her out of the corner of my vision, meeting her intense gaze. For once, it seems like she's finally looking at me again.

"Am I supposed to do that too?" Rin asks. It cheers me immensely to hear her basically say that she considers me her friend.

"Eh. No. I don't think you need to. Am I a particularly complex person?" I wonder out loud.

"Yes, very. All of your lines aren't lines after all, I think." Rin answers, studying me intensely. Her scrutiny makes me more than a little nervous, but I try not to react too openly.

"Is that a good thing?" I ask.

"You're not a square." Rin replies, looking pleased.

"What am I, then?"

She considers this for a while.

"You're a Hisao. I don't know what kind of shape that is. Maybe a triangle, except with pointy bits instead of lines and five sides."

"So, uh, not a triangle?"

"I guess not. Maybe one of those floating things, then." she says, disappointed, and I can't help but imagine Rin sitting on the floor, surrounded by a bunch of wooden building blocks, trying to figure out which one I am.

The rain begins to let up a little. I sit down on a nearby bench; Rin follows me, and takes a seat next to me. Judging by the odd look on her face as she sits, it's probably not very comfortable.

"Aren't you worried about getting sick?" I ask.

"No. I'm sick of being worried, though." She replies.

That actually makes sense; the problem is that I'm not wholly sure that was intentional.

"So have you come here to be freed of your worries, then?"

It occurs to me that most of our conversations resolve around asking questions and answering them. I don't know how it's possible to change that, though.

Standing out here in the diminishing rain, it occurs to me that I don't know a lot of things, actually.

I don't know…the story of my life, huh?

"No. I only do that at the Worry Tree." She emphasizes the name.

"Would it be the Envy Tree if you were to air your worries here instead?" I ask.

"Trees don't have emotions. " She replies, giving me one of her sideway looks that makes me feel like I've said something terribly illogical, and I mentally remind myself that I'm not quite good enough to play on Rin's level yet. "And how do you air worries? What if they float away?"

"Would that be a bad thing?" I wonder.

Rin shrugs.

"Sometimes I feel like they might take me with them. Fly fly away like a butterfly, except maybe not a butterfly. A bird. Yes." Rin nods, satisfied.

"Well, then you just have to let them go."

"That's not the problem." Rin observes. "They won't let me go. Like my blankets in the morning. I roll and roll but can't get out."

"Well…"

Hm. There's that deeper contemplative side I saw before. I think. It might also just be Rin.

Easier said than done to understand this girl. I should make another attempt to figure out how she sees the world.

"Then I guess that's when you ask other people to try and help you, sort of."

She blinks. "Is there where we talk about the birds and the bees?"

Erk -

"Uh, no, no. Hell no." I say.

The thought of trying to explain to Rin - any - of that -

I can't even IMAGINE the kind of levels of sheer awkward that would invite.

"Rin, uh, by any chance, do you know what that refers to?" I ask.

"No. That's why I'm asking you." She replies. "I'm pretty good at guessing, though, so if you want me to try-"

"Um…"

Hold on, rebooting -

"Maybe not." I say. "I don't think I'm ready to have that conversation with anyone for another two or three decades."

Rin cocks her head to the side. "Is it that rare?"

"What?"

"That you have to save it up for that special someone?"

"Um, Rin, I don't think we're on the same track here." I say.

"You're right." Rin observes, "We're on a bench."

Alright, I deserved that one.

"Weren't we talking about the birds and the bees-"

"Nowewerenotpleasedon'ttellanyonethatthankyouverymuch."

Rin shrugs. "Okay. Do you want me to forget about it?"

"…Yes. Sure. Do that."

"Okay," Rin says, and then she blinks in a very profound manner.

"Alright, done."

I stare.

There are a lot of different questions I want to ask right now…but I don't know if I want to know the answer to any of them, so it may be time to change the subject.

"The rain's slowing down." I say, glancing up. And so it is; it's still dark out, though, our path lit only by the sidewalk lights.

Rin looks up, too. "I think it's still falling at the same speed, actually."

"You're probably right." I reply, giving her a sideways glance. She meets my eyes again - another one of those rare times where she seems to be looking at me, rather than through me.

I like her eyes. They're probably the - prettiest - thing about her; murky green, like the rest of her, a certain intangible trait about them that I can't define but can admire.

"Are you about to kiss me?" Rin asks curiously.

"W-Wha?" I ask.

"I don't think I'd mind, if you want to try. I've never done it before. It might be fun." Rin says thoughtfully, tilting her head slightly. "So? Will you?"

"Um, I don't think so." I say.

"Okay." Rin says, and I'm not sure whether or not she's pleased by this. "Why were you staring at my eyes like that, then? Or perhaps into? Can you see past my eyes?"

Her eyes widen.

"Can I see past your eyes?" She wonders, and then without warning she leans forward to place her face right in front of mine.

Our noses bump as I internally panic, caught off guard and off balance, but thankfully, she doesn't press her lips to mine. Actually…it seems that she just wants to try to see past my eyes.

I vaguely wonder what this could look like to a passerby, but I can't find it in myself to care. This isn't that bad.

Rin stares into my eyes for a long while. I don't think I've ever been quite this close to a girl before, and it makes me feel a little nervous. My heart skips a beat, then two.

Ah…is this that 'butterfly effect' that they talk about? Or perhaps that's something entirely different. I can't say I know any longer. How odd that Rin, of all the people, make me feel like this.

Not the only one…

…I've felt like this before…Hanako….Emi…

Mentally, I shake my head. That's not the people I should be thinking about. My friends have put effort into caring about me; shouldn't I, in turn, focus on them when they're right in front of me?

So I do what I was told to do and stare deeply into Rin's eyes, trying to look past what's on the surface. And I see far more than I expected; how, underneath the murky green, rests an intense shade of emerald bubbling with emotion; I see an analytical gaze rivaling or exceeding that of Shizune's; and under all of that, a whirlwind of unfocused emotion, anxiety, fear. Looking still further reveals to me a glimmer of repressed hope.

…Is…is this…Rin? I don't…don't understand what…

What is this emotion I feel under my skin?

My heart thuds in my chest. A good feeling this time, though, or maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Perhaps I'm actually about to die.

I spend a long moment trying to figure it out, but come away lost. I don't know…what any of it means. Any of it. This. Whatever it is. All of it.

Eventually Rin pulls back, looking disappointed. "I saw many things, but the inside of your brain wasn't one of them, unless we're talking about a metaphysical inside, in which case I saw a great many things, but your heart wasn't one of them. How about you? Did you see the inside of my brain?"

Um…Scrambling to unravel that statement, I roll blindly and land on the first thing that pops out.

"My heart?" I ask.

"Yes." Rin replies unhelpfully.

"Can you explain that one to me?" She hesitates - an odd

"All of you is in your heart. But I can't see any of you. So I can't see your heart."

I consider attempting to explain to Rin the basics of human anatomy, but decide that's probably a lost cause. And who am I to say that she isn't the right one, anyways? The trigger to my arrhythmia attack was extreme emotional stress.

"I see." I reply. I guess that's what it means to be an artist; to see that which no one else can see. Or perhaps to see that which doesn't exist. Sometimes the line blurs with Rin.

Hah. Is Rin my personal rain, then?

That actually strikes a little more true than I currently care to think about, so I stop thinking about it.

"Did you see the inside of my brain?" RIn asks again, apparently very interested in the answer, as she leans forward a little.

"I did not." I report honestly. "I did, maybe, see a little of your heart."

Rin - to my shock - blushes crimson. Suddenly, she stands up, stumbling back away from me, eyes wide. This is the first time I've seen her look, so - uncomposed? Uncomposed, I think, that's the word, maybe.

"Rin? Are you okay?" She ignores the question, blinking rapidly.

"Rin?"

She quickly shakes her head; water flies everywhere off her head. It vaguely reminds me of a dog, after it has taken a bath.

"I need to go. Somewhere. Don't follow me." She says blankly, clearly repressing some kind of emotion.

good job you've done it-

"Thank you. Hisao. Thank you." She steps forwards briefly and presses her face to my chest, breathing in roughly before turning around and walking away slowly, eventually disappearing around a corner and out of sight.

Well…what was that…?

I don't know…how to feel about any of that…

again

But…I guess I can say with some confidence that she doesn't hate me? So I haven't broken everything again?

Rei's not here to tell me to not go after her, but…

…I think this is one of those times where I'm supposed to do the smart thing and not follow.

She might not have meant it that way, but it still hurts a little to see her walk away.

Yeah, because I really needed that.

Sighing softly, I turn around and walk back to my room.

The rain keeps falling.


A/N- Reviews would be lovely, as always. Thanks for reading! (Since I haven't exactly finished C45, I don't know when it'll be out- hopefully Tuesday, though.)