/ A Thousand Words \\\
Phil moved into the Avengers Tower – still officially Stark Tower, but no one called it that. He did have an entire floor to himself and he did have a very fine office and no matter how tempting it might be sometimes to work there he kept going into S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters every day that they weren't Avenging but now he'd passed half his workload off to a Level 7 Handler and took on the Avengers exclusively.
He hadn't seen Clint since that day in the conference room, three weeks before. Natasha had come to him with her annoyance but Phil wasn't stupid enough to have asked about Clint.
Six weeks after the day in London, when his past was hinted at and Phil's life became all about the Avengers they were called to Perth. It was a very long flight with Clint flying and completely ignoring Phil…until halfway through the trip when Phil decided that he had had enough. He walked to the cockpit and tapped Natasha out of her seat. She looked up at him and smirked as she slipped out of her chair and around him. He could feel the eyes of the rest of the team boring into the space between his shoulder blades but he couldn't go into this mission without Clint at least willing to talk to him.
"Clint."
"Agent Coulson."
Phil knew it was supposed to be a 'slap in the face' but he hadn't expected it to actually feel like one. "We are about to go on a mission, Clint, we need to sort this out."
"No problem, you're our handler and I am capable of being professional."
Phil grit his teeth and nodded. "I know you are, Agent Barton." He turned his back and walked to sit next to Captain Rogers.
"I was hoping to only see Australia for fun," Steve offered him, one hand gentle and comforting on his shoulder.
"He had an obsession with platypi when we were little."
"They are baffling," Steve said. "Like someone actually made the type of animal you come up with in art class as a drawing activity."
Phil nodded. "Kids do that sort of thing in school nowadays."
"There are some benefits to this century," Bucky offered.
"A group of scientists at the University of Western Australia found a way to enlarge animals." Phil explained, voice loud enough to be heard by Clint.
"Do you think they enlarged any platypuses?" Bucky asked.
"I don't think there are any giant platypodes," Phil offered.
"This isn't really about platypus," Steve cut in, grinning like the smartarse that Phil could now see that he was – Bucky had certainly changed the parts of Steve he allowed others to see.
"What are these beasts of which you speak?" Thor asked.
"You've never seen a platypus?" Bruce asked.
"Negative," Thor said. "I did not come across this beast when I was on Midgard while the Vikings walked the earth."
Bruce pulled out his phone and then pulled up a video of a platypus. "This is a platypus."
Thor took the phone and watched the video. He laughed loudly. "I enjoy this beast – we shall see one when we have stopped the scientists."
"They are very hard to see in the wild," Steve told him. "There might be one at the zoo."
"I do not believe that a giant platypus would pose a significant threat to people," Thor commented.
"They aren't giant platypuses," Phil said. "The scientists started with small arachnids."
"Spiders," Bruce said, shivering.
"Yes."
Natasha stalked over to Phil. "Australia has some of the most venomous spiders in the world."
"Yes," Phil agreed.
"And they picked the poisonous spiders?" Bruce asked.
"Not intentionally, however very large spiders equals very large venom glands and they seem to be impervious to gunshots but they did make them angry. The WA police are cordoning off the area and the SAS has been asked to assist but the S.H.I.E.L.D. satellite office called it in."
"Because spiders," Bruce said, voice desperately fighting for calm.
"Is this going to be a problem for the other guy?" Phil asked.
Bruce shook his head. "He doesn't mind spiders."
But, as it turned out, the other guy just hadn't met spiders of that size. As soon as they were out and fighting the spiders – which were susceptible to lightning thankfully, and Bruce saw the spiders the Hulk took over and took great glee in smashing every oversized arachnid into the ground. The rest of the team ended up standing back and watching. The problem that arose, was that the Hulk wasn't happy to have just killed all of the spiders because he obviously thought they might get up and come back because he just kept smashing their squashed carcasses.
Phil looked at the Avengers but they all just looked back at him.
"Are we sure we've got them all?" Bucky asked.
"Yes, there were ten test spiders and Thor killed two, the Hulk killed the rest."
"I figure we go to the beach," Natasha offered. "I have heard good things about Australian beaches. I think the Hulk would like a swim at the beach."
"We can't leave him as the Hulk," Steve said.
"He's not hurting anyone," Bucky pointed out.
"Except the road," Phil said drily and then sighed, walking away from the quinjet and the Avengers and towards the Hulk. "Hulk, they are dead now. No more spiders."
"Hulk smash spiders."
"Yes," Phil agreed. "Spiders dead. Hulk relax now."
"Hulk smash spiders!" the Hulk yelled at him.
"No more spiders," Phil tried again.
"Phil?" A voice called from the other side of the intersection. Phil looked up and recognised Captain Logan…though he'd never been good at the Australian insignia so the other man was probably promoted out of that rank by now. It had been…fifteen years since he'd seen the other man. Phil held up a hand but didn't say anything as he focussed back on the Hulk who had at least stopped digging his foot into spider innards.
"Hulk sleep?" Phil prodded.
"Hulk smash spiders."
"Hulk sleep," Phil instructed.
The Hulk seemed to sulk down a little but he started to move towards the rest of the Avengers. Phil trailed behind him. The Hulk walked into the quinjet and Phil realised that half the team were holding swimming costumes.
"How?" he asked.
"Australia," Tony said with a shrug. "When visiting Australia bathers are always needed…except when they're not."
"Always needed," Bucky threw in. "Though no one told Steve and I about this rule."
"Fine," Phil said. "Go, I'll catch up with you."
Steve looked at him sceptically. "We don't want to leave you."
"I didn't know about the rule either so no swimming for me. I'll make sure everything is handled by the satellite office and then I'll join you."
Steve still didn't seem convinced so Bucky stepped in close. "I'll take them to the beach and then come back for you."
"Okay," Steve agreed, walking over to stand next to Phil. "See you all soon."
Phil didn't need the help and he wasn't looking forward to the questions that might come up when he stopped to speak to James Logan but he could understand the need to stay and see things through to the end – especially for the leader of the team. So, he waved the rest of the Avengers off and turned to do his job. Steve did have questions, but he had the tact not to ask them and Bucky returned – with board shorts he'd purchased at the beach because, of course, there were surf shops at the beach.
Now, Phil had exactly no reason not to go for a swim himself. And he sighed as he trailed the rest of the Avengers into the water.
Phil wasn't a vain man, he had too many scars to be a vain man, but the sight of the Avengers enjoying themselves at the beach could have made him a self-conscious man. He could only hope that the photos of the Hulk delightfully squashing giant spiders would be more interesting.
He was wrong – both photos were on the front page of the newspapers. The headline for the Hulk's photo was, rightly, focussed on just why a group of university students had been able to get away with making giant, killer spiders. The photo of the Avengers was captioned by more than one outlet with simply 'The Avengers enjoying downtime at the beach after slaying giant spiders' and Phil could admit that it was nice that he was in the photo and they were just The Avengers.
TBC
