A/N: This is currently the longest chapter in the story. To think that I was going to combine the Emi/Hanako chapters at one point...

And, somehow, despite my expectations, the Hanako chapter is unusually short. I'll address that, and the odd timing of this chapter, shortly.

This chapter is told entirely from Emi's POV with NO time skip!


Damn it!

What were you thinking?!

I don't know!

My shoulders slump the second I'm sure that Hisao can't see me. Things have progressed faster than I could've ever imagined, in a direction I wasn't ready for -

I want to blame Hanako, for running away and leaving me to step into her role of support; or, perhaps, Hisao, for drawing me into him and his problems. Or Rei Miyuki - for what she told me, before I ran away.

But I admit that I could have stopped, if I didn't want to do this - and, well, I don't, but now I can't, because -

I'm not heartless enough to do that.

So instead I have to stay here, and, well, deal with the hand I've been dealt. As a certain sociopathic Student Council member might say.

Damn her too.

What irritates me most is that I'll probably be running to her for help before long. She seems to understand Hisao - for some reason - better than I can - so I'll have to go for her in order to gain some idea of what I'm dealing with.

Because Hisao is - really, really good at going through the motions, maybe even better than I am. I've only caught him with his mask down - what, three times now?

It's not that he's faking, I don't think - but, rather, that he's so used to living isolated that he's able to make people think that he's perfectly fine, make HIMSELF think that he's fine, and I'm starting to really get the idea that he isn't. Not at all.

But - what do I do about that? What CAN I do about that?

Damn it!

For now - I'll keep on taking care of him, despite the fear and the world of hurt I know I'll be putting myself through later. I just…

I can't leave him like this. I can't - watch him be destroyed by his isolation. Not like - like -

…my mom…

My mom got better. But Hisao…

Hisao might not, maybe not ever, and any fear I have of being abandoned again is held back by the knowing. So even if it hurts me, kills me, I have to stay.

The alternative is unthinkable.

My feet take me to the cafeteria - walking, I notice absently, not running like I used to, when did that start? - and I buy three packaged sandwiches, with the intention of feeding them all to Hisao. If I had the time I would cook something myself, but it's more important that I get some food into him. He also hasn't been sleeping, and he looks sick too. I need to get him to eat and sleep.

Does the Nurse know about this? I should go check - and ask him about how to get Hisao sleeping and eating, too. And…get him to the Nurse, actually, that might be better.

…And while I'm at it, I really should find Rin. She was out late last night, and the only signs there when I woke up that indicated she had ever come back were some muddy footprints and a note that said "I'm okay".

Unusual for her to let me know anything, but there it was. An oddity, but that's normal with Rin, so I tried - am trying - not to worry too much about it.

There's so much to do - and I don't know what to do about it! According to Rin, Hisao is "probably" her friend, so I'd go to him to ask for help finding her, since I have no idea where she is or where she went, though the clues point to the Worry Tree…hm…

But Hisao's sick now, and I don't want to give him another reason to worry, so I should take care of this myself - except, well, that I don't know where she is!

First things first - get these sandwiches to Hisao, then get him to the Nurse. Or, maybe, it might be better to bring the sandwiches to the Nurse, and bring Hisao to the Nurse, so he can eat, sleep, and get checked up on.

That actually sounds like a good option!

I'll do that, then. Abruptly changing direction, I head towards the auxiliary building instead, food in hand.

My rumbling stomach reminds me that I haven't eaten either - but, unlike Hisao, I can wait. Not long, but I can.

…Probably.

Three knocks on the door, bang bang bang. Unexpectedly, though, the Nurse replies with "Just a moment". Well, obviously the possibility of someone else being in now exists - pretty unusual, though. It's about the time that I would have come in for my own checkup if I had been running, so my spot should've been held open.

Maybe some kind of emergency has come up. If that's the case, I should just take this stuff down to Hisao directly. Hm…

I'm about to go back to Hisao when the door opens and someone chillingly familiar steps out. Instinctively I take a step back as Rei Miyuki pushes the door open, those blue eyes flitting across my face.

"Ah, Emi Ibarazaki. I've been wanting to see you for some time, ever since I saw your encounter with Hanako in the hospital. And even before that, your…conversation with Hisao Nakai. And, of course, the most important thing." Rei lets the door swing shut behind her. "Do you have an answer?"

My blood boils a little. I've thought about her question, long after she left me stunned in the hallway with her words, and I -

I'm still trying to figure out that answer.

"Hisao is in a dangerous place right now. If you want to get closer to him, you can't run away. So are you strong enough to stay? If not, you need to begin pushing him away."

"I'm not going to leave him." I reply. That much, I think I can do.

She gives me a stare, a stare that doesn't fit a small girl like her (though I note uncomfortably that she's nearly my height). "That's not good enough. I'm asking you if you're strong enough to stay. You understand what I'm trying to say, don't you?"

Those words have more meaning than I think. I can't answer until I know what the difference is.

"…I don't." I admit.

Her eyes bore into mine. "Then let me explain."

"I'm not just asking you to be his friend. I'm telling you that you will stay with him, regardless of the circumstances - because know this, Hisao Nakai is the type of person to push you away and hide behind walls of solid steel miles thick, and all that while making sure you don't realize anything is wrong until he explodes and it's too late. By the time I met him, he was already so terribly broken that he didn't even realize that he was, because he was too busy perfectly going through the motions. I've heard the full story of his little adventure so far, and we both agree on this one point - he hasn't cracked - YET. Not in front of any of you. He hasn't broken again yet, not since-" She pauses, shakes her head, and continues on, "-but when he does, everyone will know."

"And he's been inching closer and closer to that breaking point, ever since the day his parents abandoned him."

They WHAT?

No, wait, what was she going to say before she cut herself off?

"I've only been able to mitigate that damage a little, and I'm doing a few things so that I can do that a little better, but there's only so much I can do against forces like Hanako Ikezawa. The small gains I've been making can't hold up to something like that, something that picks at all of his deepest fears. I can't have another one of his only friends leave him - and you're next in line, with the power to destroy him or save him. So - are you STRONG enough to stay with him?"

"You don't really understand what I'm asking, do you? If he happens to fall in love with you, and somehow works up the courage to confess, then you have to say yes! If he were to ask you to make love to him, you would have to give up your body for him! If he were to ask for your hand in marriage, you have to say yes! THAT is what I'm asking for! Because rejection - rejection would kill Hisao, and I can not in good conscience stand by and let that happen."

"So, now that you understand the stakes here, let me ask you again - Emi Ibarazaki. Do you have the strength to stay?" Her eyes burn with a ferocious fire, fire that I don't think I could ever match, even at my best.

And, and…

What do I feel?

This isn't a simple request, is it? This is…this is one of those life choices, I think, where what I say and do from here on out will forever change the course of my life.

Do I care about Hisao enough to make that kind of commitment? I've only known him for two weeks! Actually, even a little less than that! So…what…?

WHAT DO I SAY?

I manage to gather enough will to ask a question - "Why…why do you care so much for him? Do you love him?"

Do I?

Can I?

Rei closes her eyes, looking pained. "I thought you would ask that." She smiles a sort of sad, bitter smile, one that speaks of age. It feels distinctly out of place on such a small girl. "I am merely his friend, and it is all I ever intend to be. Perhaps you see me doing too much for someone I only consider a friend, and trusted confidant…but…"

Her eyes open again. "I have always wondered whether it is I that does too much for my friends, or, perhaps, everyone else, that does too little."

The question hits me hard.

…Am I…

My brain comes up with many excuses, many, many, many.

But just like before, my heart, my heart tells me that Rei Miyuki, as terrifyingly scary as she is with her pointed words, is, as usual, absolutely right.

I'm not always the brightest, but I have a fantastic sense of gut instinct, and I chase it -

"Then I'll try the same. I will stay." I say as confidently as I can. To my delight there appears to be a flash of surprise in Rei's eyes before she closes them.

"Hm…not the answer I had expected." And we're back to the scary butterflies - just how much does she know about me? I'd call her out on that but…

"So the runner has decided to stand her ground, then?" She murmurs, almost too quiet to hear, then she nods, opening her eyes.

"I suppose I will trust you, then. Take care of him." Rei replies. "Next on the list, then - your conversation with Hisao, in that hospital room, while I was outside distracted by Rin Tezuka - what did he say to you?"

"He didn't tell you anything?" I ask, confused, my memory searching through that scene.

"No. In fact, it is one of only two things in recent memory that he has actively refused to answer; the other question regarded some sort of dinner rendezvous with a student from the school." She looks particularly frustrated by this.

"Huh? He went on a date with someone?" I ask, confused.

I definitely didn't know anything about that.

Rei shrugs. "Or so I've been led to believe. I have no idea if it's true, though, but his refusal to answer is a strong indication. Anyways, we've gotten off track - what did he tell you?"

I hesitate.

"…If Hisao didn't tell you, then - I can't tell you either. He obviously wants it to be a secret." I tell her. Of course, I don't know if any of that's true - I just don't want like explaining now, to her. It's an excellent convenient excuse though, thank you very much Hisao.

She frowns. "I see. Fine. Moving on, then." I'm surprised that she didn't push me further for the answer; I know someone like Shizune would. Heh…that would be interesting, a conversation between those two. "Hanako Ikezawa. She said something to you when you collided in the hospital, didn't you? What was it?"

That - that was when -


This is irony, isn't it? It's not every day that I'm the one who gets knocked over, but - definitely irony, I think, as I instinctively cover the back of my head before slamming into the ground.

Ouch!

I'm temporarily stunned, which is why I'm not in a good position to react when a hand fists into the front of my shirt before pulling me up a bit. Not much, there's little power behind the grip, thank goodness, I don't want to choke, but it has the effect of getting my attention and I look up to see -

Is - that - Hanako!?

She's very evidently hysterical, tears freely pouring down her face, but there seems to be some kind of - of desperation, and -

"I…I-I need - t-tell, tell him to w-wait…f-for me!" She demands - me? Talking to me, I think, and then a choked gasp and she lets go, apologizing with a desperate tinge in her voice before running down the corridor again.

Shakily standing up to my feet, I look to where my attacker has fled, but she's already turned down a corner, narrowly dodging a doctor on her mad dash away.

What the hell was that about?


I think I'm not supposed to talk about that, either, it's too raw and personal…but it seems like it makes more sense to tell Rei. This feels like something very important to Hisao, and I'm obligated to try and help him out if I can.

Sorry, Hanako. I think you'd understand, though.

"She told me to…tell 'him'…to wait for her." I say haltingly.

"Ah…" That bitter smile comes to her lips again as her eyes fall closed. I'm starting to realize that's one of her signature quirks. "I see. Well, your course of action is obvious, then, isn't it?"

Realization dawns on me.

"You don't want me to tell him, do you?" I ask.

"Not a chance." Rei replies firmly. "It's no good at all for him to be with someone who hasn't gotten a handle on her own problems."

It's a little like being doused in ice-cold water, to hear someone talk about Hanako like that in such uncertain terms. But then -

"I…I understand Hanako, a little bit." She says. "If she would ever want it, I'd want to be her friend, but…"

It strikes me then, that Rei is human too. It's strange how easily it was to forget in the first place…but, she's just a kid too. Like I was. Am.

"-but Hisao is…I can, I could, if she were to run away, I could take it. Because I'm strong enough, not broken as much, but Hisao, Hisao can't, not after everything, and I - I can't let that happen again, his face, I thought I was going to lose him and I CAN'T let that happen AGAIN!"

The second realization hits - Rei loves Hisao.

Whether familial or romantic, I don't know, but it's obvious now. I can't do anything with this information yet, but…now, now I understand.

It feels like a betrayal of sorts, which is ridiculous, I don't even know Hanako -

"I…I think…I haven't lived the same life as you," I say hesitatingly, "But I…"

I know a little something about loss, too. How could I wish my pain on anyone else?

"I think I get what you're trying to say, a little. So…I agree. I won't tell her."

Maybe I don't quite understand everything. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, I know. But from what I can see, my decision will be the best for everyone…except…

Are you being selfish again?

…Maybe I am, but…Rei is right. This is the most important thing I can do now. I can't run the whole relay race alone, and especially not if there's a faster runner than me. Didn't I want a way to try to help fix him? I can hardly complain now, can I?

I politely avert my eyes as she recomposes herself quickly. She clears her throat once and hesitates, apparently on the edge of saying something, before thinking better of it.

Her eyes fall to my arms, and the food they still hold - the food! "Do you intend on eating those yourself?"

Is she trying to ask me to LUNCH!?

"Um, no, these are for Hisao. He's sick right now, I think." I say, curling my arms protectively around the sandwiches. Her eyes track the movement, as if considering whether or not she ought to lunge for them anyways.

I'll kick her in the head if she tries.

"I'll take them to him." Rei says, holding her hands out expectantly. Her fingers twitch slightly, I notice, a tremble here and there.

It makes me realize, for the first time, that maybe Rei has a condition too, one that I'm not aware of. And I feel just a little bad for thinking so many malicious thoughts towards her in my free time. She's not the type to eat them herself, anyways. I can trust her with this.

Hesitantly, I give them up and she carefully inspects them. "Ham and cheese. Did you know that these were his favorite?" She asks.

"No, I just picked the first ones I saw…"

"The most obvious explanation is usually the correct one…" She mutters to herself. "These will do, though. Thank you, Ibarazaki."

It's a weird feeling to be called that, but I'm certainly not going to ask her to call me Emi.

She bows slightly before walking off, leaving me feeling even more out-of-place. That must be a gift of hers, to make petty commoners like me feel like we'll never match to her. It's not anything she's saying or doing, I don't think, it's just because of her eyes.

Those eyes on a girl like that, you know that you need to step back and do what she demands.

It's rare that I give up the wheel to anyone, but now I have no choice.

Sandwich-less, I wander aimlessly into the Nurse's room.

He and I are going to have words.


A/N: Somewhere in one of the A/Ns, I said that Rei wouldn't be a major character.

I lied. Sorry. I've recently re-recognized the purpose of the story - it is not to explore the five (six) main girls, but that'll happen as a byproduct - rather, it will explore Hisao in a meaningful way, and present several themes that may change throughout the course of the story.

But things are going to be happening. I brought up at least three significant plot threads to throw into the salad of "unresolved" story plots, and the next chapter will be doing the same.

Something I forgot to mention, but I guess I'll do it belatedly - C1-C40 was the introduction to Tactility.

Yes, this will be one of those types of stories.

At some point - I haven't decided when, or if - sex may appear in this story, both hinted at and explicitly discussed. I think it's something pretty important for certain characters. These references will begin at C48, so you have been warned. Any explicit sex scenes will be uploaded to a different site in order to dodge deletion, but be warned that chapters here on out may contain references to graphic violence, including abuse, rape, or other, mild sexual situations with NO chapter warning to avoid any spoilers.

I mean it. No complaints. I will reiterate this for a few chapters, but not indefinitely - consider yourself warned!

On to lighter things.

Next chapter will be told from Hanako's POV - both the main chapter and the bonus.

These different perspectives won't become a large part of the story, but unless there's immense negative criticism regarding them they will continue to pop up at various times of the story, especially the climax. I hope you've enjoyed my take on Tactility Emi.

Last but not least, I'm planning a musical "main theme" for Tactility. If I follow through, I'll post a link on Chapter 1 and my profile.

Reviews are HIGHLY appreciated. C47's done, so if I feel up to it I'll post it ahead of time.