A/N: I didn't think that this would be, uh, such a massive chapter.
The conclusion of Act 2 will be next chapter and will be pure Hanako. I've decided to shift everything I planned on bringing up in C50 over to Act 3.
Hopefully this answers as many questions as it will raise.
[This is sign language.]
The first segment of this chapter is Rei. The second one is Shizune.
Rei's POV.
Stepping outside of Hisao's room, I take a moment to compose myself.
It's something that I've been trained to do, and I'm good at it. I'm good at pretending that I'm someone I'm not. My tutors, my doctors, my family…even, sometimes, with Hisao…
I tried, I tried…but I couldn't hide it from him, not when I saw his face, not when I remember the pained anguish on Hanako's face, I had to confess, and tell him that it was my fault. I…
I've made a terrible mistake.
I've made terrible mistakes.
My feet take me to the roof of the dormitory, stepping past a "No Girls Allowed" sign attached to the roof exit before bursting into the sunlight.
"…Hah…hah…"
I shut the door and collapse back against it, tears welling up in my eyes.. My metal legs make an unpleasant sound against the ground.
"This isn't fair!" I want to scream. "I'm only fifteen! Why am I being pushed so hard?"
But I can't even scream. People with my condition should not talk forcefully - if we bite our tongue, we'll do more damage.
And anyways - my age is not an excuse, or a justification. It's just…how it is. I can complain, but it won't make anything better. I have to deal with this.
Giving up isn't an option. That's another thing I've been trained to do.
Right now I need to fix as much as I can. I can't - directly - do anything to help Hisao right now, and I'm more than a little hesitant of trying to do anything else, but…
Hisao's happiness is more important than mine. So even if it means that he hates me…that…as much as it hurts…that's an acceptable sacrifice.
Is this what love is? I wonder, somewhere in the corner of my mind. I don't feel this kind of pain whenever I think about Father or Mother…
Perhaps, you don't love them. And they don't love you.
My parents…do not have a good understanding of their daughter, nor do they have the time to try. And, perhaps, do not wish to put in the effort to.
I want to think nice things about them, but that would be a lie.
That's not to say they aren't concerned about my well-being…but…sometimes, I wonder whether they see me as an individual, or just as another data point.
The damage I've done to Hanako and Hisao's relationship…that, that should help him in the long run…and Emi will continue to support him.
And I will try my best to help Hanako. I can't…I can't just leave her, after what I did.
Ultimately - what I've caused, was, I think it was a good thing, but - I don't ever want to do anything like that again. That was wrong.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
I stand up and walk over to the fence overlooking the rest of the school, twining my fingers through the chain links.
Others would see beauty in such a majestic sight. The sun. low in the air, but rising with every passing moment, lazily casting tendrils of sunshine over the rest of the school, the town at the bottom of the hill.
I see loneliness. Or perhaps that is what I feel. Or both, maybe? This early in the morning, there's little activity, though already I can hear the sound of the students warming the air.
Perhaps this school really is a place I can go.
That's one of the reasons my parents funded Hisao's tuition - they want to see if this school is somewhere I might be able to attend, too.
I don't know if I can, though. It seems like a very good school…but I don't know if I'll ever be able to really fit in, here. Though perhaps it's not fair to say this yet - everyone I've talked to here has been in their third year.
All I've managed to do here is create a mess.
I sigh, staring emptily out into the sky. I couldn't join Hisao even if I wanted to. Japan has a pretty strict policy about not skipping grades; otherwise, I'd spend all my free time studying in order to join him.
Hours go by, as I think thoughts like those. I watch the sun move across the blue. Someone opens the door behind me, before abruptly shutting it, muffled voices and footsteps quickly retreating.
I continue to think. It's a calm, familiar ritual with me. Just thinking, putting the world back into order so that I can face it once again as whoever I need to be.
There's a familiar click behind me. I whirl around to see the door open, and a scarred face peek out.
Violet eyes meet mine.
Of all the times-
I wipe my arm across my eyes to hastily remove any traces of tears and, in the most composed voice I can, say "Hello. Is there anything I can do for you?"
Hanako Ikezawa hesitates for some time before pushing the door fully open, approaching me warily. I stare at her, watching her inch closer.
"W-Why…are you…h-here?"
I take a moment to consider my response.
"Where exactly is 'here'?" I ask.
She pauses. Perhaps she hadn't thought her question through properly.
"A-Alone on…the r-rooftop." I wince.
Clearly that wasn't the case. The more likely alternative was simply that she was trying to figure out if it was okay to say something as cold as that.
I guess I deserved that one, though.
"Because I've made some mistakes." I reply. "And those mistakes have led me here, to contemplate my life. It occurs to me, after some thought, that I have wronged quite a few people, though not intentionally. And the one who deserves the most apology is you, Hanako."
The girl in question shakes her head.
"N-No. Don't…apologize. I…I n-needed to hear that…" She seems to be working up the courage to something important, so I don't say anything.
"Because…b-because…!" Her fists clench at her side as her voice rises - I unconsciously take a step back.
"Y-You…made me see, h-how important Hisao is…a-and I won't let y-you stop me!" There's blazing fire burning in those violet irises of her, the same kind that Hisao tells - told me that he saw in my eyes, and I start to understand why people are sometimes intimidated by me.
"Hanako, I didn't want to stop you-" Stop her from what? Interfering with Hisao? Because, that's, that's a -
"That's a lie!" She replies back heatedly. "Y-You told me-!"
"You're right." I whisper, and she rears back, eyes wide. "And that was a mistake. I know that much now." I look away from her.
"…Isn't it ironic? I lectured you about strength, but yet here you are, standing up to me now."
It makes me feel like an awful person.
Maybe I am.
I turn away from her, looking back to the falling sun so that she can't see the silent tears streaming down my face. "I'll tell you what you probably came here to be. Hanako, you're more than strong enough to pursue Hisao. I was wrong, and you were right. That much I know from the bottom of my heart."
I take a deep breath. "Is that all?"
I can feel her stare on me.
"I…I think you…are a better p-person then you give yourself…c-credit for. We may s-someday be…friends, M-Miyuki." Hanako says slowly. "But…n-not now."
Why does that hurt so much?
"I understand." I say quietly. "Thank you."
Her footsteps fade away.
I fall to my knees and cry.
Shizune's POV.
Once the final bell rings, the school usually clears out right away. This has been a reliable pattern for as long as I can remember.
Today, the corridors are unusually crowded. I presume this to mean 'loud', as well. Given some time, I would investigate this odd phenomena, but there are far more pressing matters weighing on my mind. I tap my partner on the shoulder and she turns to face me.
[Misha, I need you to check something.] I sign. [Remember what we talked about earlier?]
[Um.] Her hands waver for a moment. [This is about Hanako leaving class so abruptly, right?]
I've always been intrigued by her style of sign. It is fundamentally different than mine on very many levels, just like the differences between the two of us. She uses a lot of extraneous flourishes, whereas I use the bare minimum - and sometimes less, but Misha puts up with it nonetheless.
[It is. Miyuki talked to me about what she would be doing, so it's safe to say that the girl may need…some help.]
Misha's probably not the best person for the job, but you make do with what you have. I would be worse than her, though, so I'll give credit where it is due.
[Understood! What will Shicchan be doing?] The conversation pauses for a second as I step around two inconsiderate girls standing in the middle of the walkway.
[Checking on the other injured party. Hisao's losing a friend as well, isn't he?] She gives me a measuring look, before a sort of smirk grows on her face.
[No.] I sign sharply.
She - laughs? - before calming down. [Okay! See you soon, Shicchan! Good luck with Hicchan!]
I can't help but wonder at the double meaning there.
[Thank you. Good luck, Misha.]
Ikezawa's departure in class was more than a little abrupt, but by piecing together what I knew of Miyuki's manipulations and of the timing of the incident I deduced that Hanako left because she worried about Nakai.
This was partially my fault. Early this morning, Miyuki informed me that Hisao was sick, and that I should tell Mutou that Nakai would be absent.
So I went ahead and did it. He gave me one of those looks before nodding. It makes me wonder how much Mutou knows. With Rei Miyuki involved, the lines have blurred. Too many people know different things and I don't know who those people are, or the extents of their knowledge. It makes the careful game of maintaining balance much more difficult.
As if managing Nakai - no, Hisao…alone wasn't already an issue…
I make my way down to the boy's dormitory and step inside. The dormitories are usually pretty abandoned during the school hours - some people return to their rooms for lunch, but not very many. Now, there are a few more people than I'm used to seeing, and altogether too many girls here, too, but they aren't doing anything wrong - yet. I ignore them for now.
I make a mental note to remind the custodial department to check the place out. There are mud tracks all over the place, and traces of dirt and grass. I carefully step over them, not wanting to get my shoes dirty.
A foreboding feeling grows when I realize where they lead me to.
Room 119…
Here. The door is closed, but he should still be inside.
I knock twice, and wait for twenty seconds.
Nothing. I knock twice more, a little harder, and wait again.
When there's no answer, I twist the doorknob and open it, stepping inside.
This is a mess. I wrinkle my nose distastefully as my eyes scan over the mud and dirt, to where Hisao is apparently asleep on the bed.
No, not quite to him…
I crouch down.
Whoever tracked in this mud went under his bed. Did they roll there or something? Yes, that would make sense.
RIn Tezuka strikes me as the most likely subject, judging by how these are clearly footprints, not shoe prints. Hm…
I lean carefully over Hisao, studying his face. There are signs of clear exhaustion, even in his sleep. His complexion is a little paler than usual, too. He's sick, definitely.
I place my hand over his head. He has a fever…It's a good thing my knocking did not wake him. He needs his sleep. I turn my attention away from him towards the sandwiches left carelessly behind on a table.
That's right, Miyuki was holding those when I talked to her this morning. I guess this is where they went to. They haven't been touched, though, and from the looks of things, won't be. I pick one up. Ham and cheese. It'll spoil if I leave this here.
I pick them up. Perhaps I'll come by later on and bring him something to eat. It'll be good to get some food inside him, but for now his sleep is more important.
I sneak out quietly and shut the door behind me.
Something is wrong, I think. The behavior that Miyuki's shown would indicate that she'd be sitting by Hisao's bedside, waiting for him to wake. But he is alone.
Truly unusual. It warrants an investigation. Let's go ahead and make some assumptions, just for now.
What would cause the two to be separated? A fight is the only thing that immediately comes to mind. Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions, but it's the most obvious thing that comes to mind.
Miyuki and I are pretty similar…so where would I go if I had an argument with a friend? A few spots come to mind…but, I think…
I turn around and begin climbing the stairs, dreading what I'll see. On the way up, I find Ikezawa heading down, much to my shock. She glances at me before continuing on her way.
…She looks like she's been crying a little bit, but I wouldn't have been able to tell from her expression. She looked a little angry, actually.
Well…I have a pretty good idea of what happened, I think.
Miyuki miscalculated Ikezawa. As did I.
I step out onto the roof, finding my target. Miyuki snaps her head up and quickly scrambles to her feet, wiping away her tears immediately.
Doesn't stop me from reading her like an open book, though. She's clearly more shaken up than she's letting on.
[Hello there, Miss Miyuki. Odd to find you in such a state.] I sign. [Would you like to talk about it?]
She exhales deeply. [I'd rather not, but it's probably for the best.] A few seconds later and she's composed again, though her eyes are still red. Her sign is a little messier than normal, but still legible.
[Still working on that?] I ask, referring to her sign.
[Indeed. It's quite the unique experience.] She responds. Learning Japanese Sign Language is one of her goals; she wants to be able to talk to as many people as she can. She's also been learning Braille and is fluent in at least three spoken languages, according to her.
It reminds me of Misha, a little. The two seemed to get along well enough. Maybe…hm…
[Well, where should I begin?] Miyuki asks.
[Wherever you feel comfortable. In particular, I'd like to know what happened regarding Ikezawa, and why you and Hisao are fighting.]
She freezes. Got it in one, it seems. Of course, I'm pretty sure I've figured out what happened, but I want to hear it from her.
[I…um.] Her hand movements are clumsy. Another unusual thing. [Hanako, um…well, in the morning I caught her as she was coming up here and basically told her to turn away, because she wasn't strong enough.]
[And was she?]
[I didn't think so. But apparently, she was. She had enough strength to come up here later on and tell me how wrong I was.] Her body language reads distinctly as 'self-deprecating'.
[I see. And do you now agree with her? Is she strong enough to pursue Hisao and 'stay', as you claim?] I sign. She winces.
[After today, I could hardly deny her anything she wants. She has more strength of will then I do.]
This surprises me. I hadn't thought that Hanako could come across like that - I didn't even think she'd put up any kind of fight regarding staying with Hisao, if someone like Miyuki talked to her. These conversations must have been…very interesting.
[I see.] I want to press her, but judging from her current expression I don't think that would be a good idea. [What about Hisao? What happened there?]
[I told him about what I did.] She responds, clearly miserable.
My hands pause.
Why would you do that!?
No, I understand. I think.
[That was probably the better choice.] I admit. [It's not good to hide things from people. They usually find out, and then it's worse.]
[I see.] Miyuki replies. [I just wish that I hadn't needed to try to hide anything in the first place.] She smiles grimly. [As it turns out, I'm not very good at it.]
I personally disagree. She might be opening up now, but when I first met her - that was definitely a different story.
[Well…what did he say?]
[Nothing much. He just told me to leave and he didn't want to see me again. And-] Miyuki cringes.
Whatever she was going to say is lost as she stops, looking terribly alone.
[It's okay.] I respond. [You don't need to say. I think I understand.]
It looks like the rift between them is far greater than I thought it would be. But perhaps I should get Hisao's side first. Hopefully, Misha is collecting Ikezawa's side of the story, so that I can stitch together what really happened and give good advice.
[He'll forgive you, I think. Hisao doesn't seem like the type of person to hold a grudge for long.] I sign, thinking of my own experiences with him. A certain argument comes to mind…
She bites her lip. [I wish I could say that with the same kind of confidence, but…past things have told me that's not the case. He still hates them.]
[Them?] I ask.
[His parents. It was in your file, right?]
I still don't quite understand how she's getting all of this information. There's a distinctly unpleasant sensation of feeling trapped, like a moth caught in a spider's web.
[Yes. Enough was in there to give us the idea that he has some pretty traumatic memories that he's repressing. He's one of the worst cases in the school.]
Miyuki has an odd look on her face. [Not the worst?]
[No.] I frown. It's quite against policy to be discussing other students' confidential information like this…but since Miyuki is so…acquainted with Hisao, I've no doubt that she's already launched investigations into everyone he knows. And if she does transfer here, like she's hinted she might, confidentiality would be rendered useless, anyways.
[Who?]
[Ikezawa.]
Miyuki winces.
[I thought that might be the case. Did you know that Hisao had started opening up to her shortly before his attack? I can't help but wonder how much parallel there is between the two.] She signs.
Hm…let me recall what I know of Ikezawa's case…
[Not that much. We know for a fact that both were bullied for some time, and both lost their parents, though for vastly different reasons. As we both know, Hisao was essentially disowned, and Ikezawa's parents died in her accident. Their home situations were a world apart, though.]
[Model parents?] Miyuki asks.
[Indeed. I do believe that's her primary trauma, though it would be a mistake to discount the others. Besides consistent bullying, there were a series of…incidents…that culminated in two students' deaths.]
Her eyes widen. I've surprised her.
[I've already run standard background checks on everyone here; I don't recall Hanako having a record.]
[She doesn't. It was ruled an accident.] I sign. [I certainly don't think she killed them. I've gone over the case information myself. However, that's not really the problem in regards to her psyche. Based off of her current behavior, I'd say that she still blames herself for that.]
Miyuki ponders this for a moment.
[I see. Thank you, Miss Hakamichi.] Miyuki smiles, a real smile, and it reminds me of how young she is.
[Thank you?]
[For taking my mind off things.] Miyuki sighs, rubbing at her eyes.
[That wasn't what I was trying to do. I should not take credit for something like that.] I admit.
[Regardless of intention, the end result is that it did happen.] Miyuki replies. [So I shall thank you for it.]
Her words bring a small grin to my face. She reminds me much of myself.
[Then I believe I shall accept your thanks. You are welcome.] I incline my head. [I have business to attend to now, though, so I must be on my way.]
Miyuki nods.
[And one last thing.] She smiles again. [Call me Rei.]
This offering is unexpected; it is not every day, after all, you receive the invitation to be on a first-name basis with the daughter and heiress of one of the greatest families in the country.
[If you will call me Shizune.] I respond cautiously. She nods.
[I shall. Farewell, Shizune.]
[Farewell…Rei.] I reply. Then I turn and descend down the stairs.
A/N: I'm hoping that the next chapter doesn't exceed 5,000 words...but it's not looking too promising. Review. :)
Last warning.
At some point - I haven't decided when, or if - sex may appear in this story, both hinted at and explicitly discussed. I think it's something pretty important for certain characters. These references will begin now, so you have been warned. Any explicit sex scenes will be uploaded to a different site in order to dodge deletion, but be warned that chapters here on out may contain references to graphic violence, including abuse, rape, or other, mild sexual situations with NO chapter warning to avoid any spoilers.
