Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."
A/N: Many thanks to Adrena, her editing and suggestions make this what it is. And to Blynn because she came up with the fabulous chapter title when I was completely stuck.
I hope everyone is ready because this chapter contains a ton of information, and I really count on you all being furious that I didn't give you more come the end. Happy Reading!
Bella's Point of View
A small sliver of sunlight hit my eyes and slowly dragged me back in the general direction of consciousness. I peered out through squinted lids, trying to remember where I was, and what the warm object I was propped against was. I opened one eye wide and looked up. Bronze coloured hair, pale skin. I looked around and wiggled my feet slightly. Not my sheets, plaid sheets, Edward's sheets. I opened both eyes and looked around. Definitely Edward's room and it was definitely Edward beside me.
I pulled myself up in bed as slowly and carefully as possible, so as not to wake him. He looked peaceful and definitely in need of the sleep. I took the opportunity to really appreciate how incredibly attractive he really was. His bronze hair shone in an almost unearthly way in the morning sun and his skin was pale, but not in an unhealthy way, more in a milky, it's winter in Seattle way. Edward would look ridiculous with a tan I decided. There was a small splash of pale freckles across the bridge of his straight nose. You would never notice the freckles if you weren't up close. His eyebrows were set in a natural curve that flowed down over his sloping nose and below that the most delicious mouth known to mankind. The bottom lip was plump and just the tiniest bit pouty, the top lip was curved and they settled together flawlessly. His jaw line was strong; angular, but not square and his cheek bones were high, so that when he smiled his entire face lit up. It was a face made for smiling and I planned on seeing it a whole lot more often. Even his ears were gorgeous. I'd never met someone with gorgeous ears before.
The lines flowed soft, but still masculine down his neck and over his slight, muscular shoulders. He really was perfection, toned but not bulky, both soft and angular, if that was even possible. One thing flowed into another and into another, like a river to the sea. Edward was beautiful. And Edward's mind was a complex place; beautiful and sad. Something was wrong, he was torn over something and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Whatever it was, it was dancing just outside my line of sight and it didn't seem to matter how far I careened my head to see what it was; it was just out of reach. Peeking around that corner and into the depths of his mind was my greatest challenge thus forth. I had a strange, nagging feeling that it was something I had to do, almost as if I was destined to.
I laughed almost silently to myself. Destiny, fate, neither one was something I really believed in, and yet, as I'd watched the last week unfold, really the last twenty-four hours unfold, I realized that they were both things I may have to be willing to accept.
He looked so peaceful that I couldn't bear to wake him. I gathered up my bag of clothes and snuck across the hall to the bathroom to change. I needed to do homework today; there was no way around it. When I was crossing the hall back to his room I heard a hiss.
"Bella," the voice stage whispered. I looked up startled. Alice was standing half out of her doorway. "I just turned the coffee on. Want a cup?" She stepped out and hurried toward the stairs. I nodded and left my bag outside of Edward's door, not wanting to wake him.
Alice was sitting at the table, tiny hands wrapped around a steaming mug, when I got to the kitchen. "I wasn't sure what you took in it" she said, motioning to the cup beside the coffee maker.
"That's alright," I said with a smile, pouring the delicious, dark liquid into my mug and adding a splash of cream.
"Have a seat," Alice returned my smile and took a sip of her coffee. "Was Edward alright last night?"
I took a big gulp of coffee and spluttered. "Hot!" I gasped, swallowing rapidly. "Um…he was okay," I told her uncertainly. "He seemed weird when he came back into the room. All tense."
She sighed dramatically. "Did he say anything?" She swirled her coffee carefully and watched the surface lap against the sides of the cup. She looked extremely uncomfortable.
I blew on my coffee gently and took a tentative sip. I wondered if maybe Alice could shed some light on the odd conversation we'd had the night before. "He said something about me not knowing things about him, and that you and Emmett were jumping to conclusions. But he said he couldn't tell me what it was that I couldn't know."
Alice laughed humourlessly. "Cryptic. Sounds like Edward." Her jaw was clenched much in the same way that Edward clenched his. "Ooh," she groaned, running one hand through her choppy hair and resting her forehead on her finger tips. "I don't know Bella. He's seemed different lately, but I don't want to jump to any conclusions. All I know is that for the first time in almost four years Edward appears to be thinking of someone other than himself."
"Four years? You've kept track?" I couldn't help it. It seemed like a strange thing to say.
"It's not hard. There was a definite turning point," she said quietly. "I don't think any of us will ever forget it."
I raised my eyebrows at her over my coffee cup. I hoped she'd say more. She seemed like a bit of a chatter box, so she'd probably spill. Girls like her weren't good at keeping secrets.
"Not my story to tell," she said, answering my silent thoughts. "I can't betray his trust anymore than I already have," she continued.
"What do you mean?" I folded my hands and settled my chin on top.
"I said something last night and he overheard me. I'm sorry. I mean I'm sorry I upset him, because it probably ruined your night. I broke an agreement we had. I'm sure he's furious." She buried her head in her hands and I saw her shoulders shaking slightly. A small hiccup escaped. She was trying hard to hide it, but it was obvious she was crying.
"I'm sure he'll be fine this morning. It was late, everyone was tired." I reached out and patted her shoulder awkwardly. She shook her head furiously.
"You don't understand," she sobbed. "God, I'm a mess," she stated, sitting up straight and rubbing her watery eyes. "You shouldn't have had to see that. Sorry."
"No, Alice it's okay." I couldn't bear to see her cry. She was so little and sweet. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head again, but looked me straight in the eye. "What exactly is happening between you and Edward?" Her tone was accusatory; she seemed genuinely concerned for her brother.
I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure what exactly I was supposed to say. "I'm not entirely sure," I ventured. She narrowed her eyes, looking impatient. "He said some things last night that made me wonder…" I trailed off, looking past her, thinking about our moment at the harbour. "He sort of mentioned….exclusiveness." I blushed crimson and lowered my eyes to the table. Alice let out a low whistle.
"I knew it," she said quietly, a small smile gracing her delicate features.
"Well, he didn't say it like that exactly," I replied. "He sort of said if I'd sleep with him he wouldn't sleep with anyone else."
Alice cocked one eyebrow skyward and smirked. "He is such a man," she said shaking her head. "Honestly, Bella, that's probably the best you'll get from him for a while." She rubbed her hands together gleefully. "Now I don't want to pry into your business but…" She gave me a sly smile. "Okay I do want to pry into your business," she corrected herself. I laughed. "What did you say?"
I'd never met someone with an intense a gaze as Alice, except for possibly her brother. Her blue eyes bore into me and I was sure she could see my soul. I thought back to the night before. "I'm not sure I answered him," I said truthfully. "I'm sure actions speak louder than words though." I blushed.
"You're not telling me something" she accused.
"I told him my needs were fulfilled?"
She laughed out loud, it was bell like, but still hearty. "Oh frig, are you serious?" She slapped the table top. "That is hilarious. I'm sure he would have liked that response though." I laughed along with her. "You should tell him though," she told me. "He hasn't done the relationship thing in a while. He may be a little rusty. Want a refill?" She put her hand out for my cup and I handed it to her.
"Thanks."
She brought the cups back; one fixed exactly how I liked it and one black. "Stupid hangover," she muttered, taking a big gulp of hers. "Anyway, now it's time for Bella to bear her soul." She clapped her hands together like a small child on Christmas.
"Oh, Alice, I'm not sure."
"Ah, ah, no. You have to tell all. How do you really feel about my brother?" She crossed her arms over her small chest. "Spill."
I sighed. Apparently it was impossible to deny Alice. "I feel like I like him more than I should," I answered truthfully. "Like I know he's Edward Cullen and my self-preservation should be taking over right now but it's not. It feels right, but it shouldn't."
She nodded. "Continue," she said with a sweep of her hand and a sip of her coffee. "Why do you think it shouldn't feel right?"
"I've heard the rumours. He's even told me some of them are true. He's slept with half the female population of the school."
"Not quite," Alice said with a laugh.
"I don't date guys like that. I mean I do my work and I go to class and I stay out of trouble…"
"Sounds dull," Alice commented. "You need Edward. But anyway, if Edward didn't have the reputation he has, would you think twice about dating him?"
I'd never thought about it that way before. If Edward didn't have the reputation that he had, and if I only had the last eight days as indication of the type of person he was, I wouldn't question anything. If I didn't know about his womanizing ways, his conversation with Tanya, for example, would be completely harmless. "No" I told her, sounding surprised even to myself.
She grinned, obviously pleased with herself. "Then why question what feels right? There are a lot of bigger things out there than Edward's promiscuity. There are bigger reasons for why Edward is the way he is and it's something that he had no control over it. I honestly think it was the lack of control, or maybe the need for control that made Edward the way he is, or perhaps, hopefully, was. He was one hundred and ten per cent in control of everything when it was a simple one night stand. He's incredibly good at suppressing his emotions, hiding them. Better than any human should be. Especially a person who's been through what he has. He learned how to do that instead of healing. Kind of like taking an aspirin to relieve the pain so that you can continue on, instead of actually letting yourself rest and heal."
"Alice, what happened to him?" I felt like we were getting closer to everything that was Edward.
"I'm not at liberty to say anything. We had a very strict agreement that no one would mention it. That's Edward's story to tell, but I have a feeling you will find out."
Edward's Point of View
I rolled over to find her side of the bed empty again. Panic coursed through my veins. Where had she gone? Why hadn't she waked me? Was she completely freaked out about my show of emotion the night before? Her bag was gone, but her books were still on my desk. That in itself was pretty confusing. Perhaps she'd just gone to change.
I swung my legs out of bed and headed for the door. I stumbled into the darkened hall way and turned left toward the stairs. It was very quiet, but we had stayed up very late. I wondered if the people, who were unmistakably sleeping in our basement the night before had left. There had been too many cars left for people not to have been asleep somewhere. I peeked out the hall window and noticed that all but Jasper and Rose's cars were gone and sighed in relief. I hated when people were still there when I woke up.
I shuffled down the stairs, rubbing my eyes and trying to wake up. Coffee. I could smell it. I needed some; it was like the promised land. And voices. I rounded the corner into the kitchen to find Alice and Bella engaged in some sort of conversation. It sounded to be about school. I saw Bella flailing her hands and saying something about cats in an apartment, and essays. Fuck, we were supposed to do homework today. Alice laughed and launched into her own story.
"Morning," I croaked, pouring myself a coffee and dropping into a chair beside Bella.
"Hi," she said with a beaming smile. I leaned over and kissed her lightly. "Sleep well?"
I grunted in response, still too tired to form a real sentence, and took a sip of coffee. "Good coffee Al," I said without looking at her. I saw her nod out of the corner of her eye.
"I should go see how Jasper is. I'll talk to you later," she told Bella, avoiding my gaze as much as I was avoiding hers.
"Nice hair," Bella noted, running her fingers through the mess on my head. "Good thing your thinking cap will cover it up today." She grinned.
I snorted. "You did not just say that," I mocked.
"Sounded better in my head," she agreed. "How embarrassing."
"Yeah, I have a ton of work to do actually," I told her, taking another mouthful of coffee and swishing it around my mouth. I felt her fingers walk a path from my hair to my shoulder and down my arm.
"Me too." I thought she sounded sad, and doubting.
"Come here" I said, stretching my arms out and pulling her onto my lap. "I'm sorry. I'm being an asshole." I brushed her hair to the side and kissed her neck. "Must seem to you like I don't want you." I ran my hands over her arms and pressed her closer to me. She nuzzled into the crook between my shoulder and my neck. "I do, you know. I want you so bad" I murmured, tightening my arms around her. She placed a kiss on my throat.
"I want you too," she whispered. Her arms tightened around my shoulders and her fingers tangled in my hair. She kissed my lips fiercely. I moaned into her mouth, I couldn't help it. This was more than a kiss of lust; this was a kiss of need, of understanding. It was desperate and heart wrenching. Dare I say it was a kiss filled with love? We weren't going there yet. I wasn't addressing feelings like that so soon. I knew I liked Bella, I felt like I needed her, I craved her company, and I craved her. She was like heroin, completely and utterly addictive. I was willing to give up who I was to be with her, but was that really something so hard to give up? Had I really been happy being that Edward Cullen?
She shifted her weight and kissed me again, harder. The movement from her body causing a particular part of my anatomy to harden on contact. I moaned again. "I want you now" I whispered, standing and cradling her in my arms.
"Mmm, okay," she agreed, placing hot, wet kisses down my neck and onto my bare shoulder. I shuddered with pleasure. She giggled quietly.
Somehow we made it to the bedroom, her still in my arms, and I kicked the door shut behind us. "God Bella, you are so beautiful," I breathed, practically throwing her on the bed and watching as her chest rose and fell rapidly with her shallow breaths. She pulled her sweater off and threw her bra to the ground. I practically dove at her, squeezing her tits, nipping and kissing around the fleshy mounds.
"Edward," she gasped running her warm fingers down my chest and over the plains of my stomach.
"Hmm," I hummed against her, causing her to thrash below me. I loved the effect I had on her.
"Edward," she mewled, her voice music to my ears. I loved when she said my name. "More," she whimpered. I moved my tongue lazily around her nipple, feeling it pucker in my mouth, my other hand still playing incessantly with her other one.
She was placing frantic kisses anywhere she could reach, my shoulders, my arm, my neck. She bit down on the top of my shoulder and I growled, the sensation of pleasure and pain driving me mad with desire.
"Oh God!" she gasped out. She thrust her hips up, connecting her heat with my thigh, searching for friction. I switched my mouth to the other breast and replaced my mouth with my hand, tweaking and pinching. She growled in frustration and wrapped her long legs around my hips, pulling me to her. I felt my arousal brush her heat and I bucked hard. "Edward," she whimpered, running her nails along my back to get my attention. Her body was trembling beneath me.
"Yes?" I raised my head from her chest and she found my lips with hers.
"I need you," she pleaded, grinding up and tightening the grip her legs had on me. Those three words unglued me. Screw foreplay, I needed her too.
"I need you too," I panted, slipping the button from her jeans open and dragging them down her legs. I could feel how hot she was, I could smell her arousal. Everything about this woman was positively beautiful. I nuzzled the front of her panties and hooked my fingers in them, dragging them down as well and throwing them to the side. She was panting, her hands reaching for me. I kissed her mound once and her hips jerked instinctually. I grinned to myself and touched the top of her slit with the end of my tongue.
"Later," she growled, sitting up and dragging me back to the bed. "I need you in me," she insisted, pushing me onto my back and kneeling over me. Her hand brushed my still covered cock and I stiffened, letting a hiss escape between my teeth. Her thumbs hooked in the waist band of my flannel pants and she made short work of them, tossing them somewhere in a corner. She had a hungry look on her face, her eyes were wide and darkened with desire, her lips slightly parted and she was breathing hard. She leaned forward and kissed the tip softly and I bucked again.
"Later," I managed to growl, mimicking her earlier comment. Her perfect lips curled into a smile and she bit her bottom lip and nodded. She was so fucking sexy I could let go just looking at her. I grasped her hips between my finger tips and pulled her forward, never breaking eye contact and I felt her little fingers grip my shoulders instinctually. She raised herself up and before I knew it she'd engulfed me, a low moan escaping her lips. I gasped, holding onto the edge of the cliff by my fingertips. I wasn't ready yet, she wasn't ready yet. I needed to hold off. I was not some adolescent boy.
"Okay?" she asked, her voice husky, her fingers running down my chest. I managed to nod, not trusting my voice. She raised herself up, and let herself fall, over and over again, my thrusts matched hers and she threw her head back in ecstasy. She was magnificent, the stretch of pale skin rising and falling, her long, dark curls falling down her back and over her face. My hands were on her hips, guiding her up and down. Moans and whimpers were falling from her lips; her eyes were closed to the sensations.
"Lean forward," I whispered, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her to me, and sliding so I was slightly propped against the headboard.
"Oh God! Edward!" Her voice was frantic, not loud, but still desperate. "Oh God, yes" she sighed as she continued to bounce against me, enjoying the change of angle and mewling softly as I kissed her face.
I was so close, but I was still clinging to the ledge, waiting for her. "Relax," I whispered in her ear as I thrust slowly and shallowly, trying to bring her to the top without falling off myself. I felt her body slacken in my arms as she began to relax and let me continue. I suckled her nipple and then moved to her neck, kissing her softly as I thrust into her. Her hands caressed my back and neck as she hung her head, trying to absorb it all.
"Oh," she cried out quietly. I felt her walls start to flutter around me as I thrust. "Edward, Edward," she said breathlessly. "I'm so close," she whispered, almost too quiet for me to hear. I thrust harder and earned a moan from both of us. Once more I thrust, feeling everything in me tighten, ready for release. She was whimpering frantically, pressing her forehead to mine, unable to form a coherent thought. I reached down and circled her clit softly, and she whimpered louder, and I felt her clamp down hard. She let out a throaty moan as she grasped me tighter, shaking and shuddering in release. I thrust once more and my body shook as I released, white lights exploding behind my eyelids. My groan of "Bella," echoed in my ears.
My head fell limply to her shoulder as I held her close, reveling in her soft curves against my body. "So much for 'scout's honour,'" she teased lightly, kissing my chest and rolling to the side. I missed her already, even though she was still holding onto my arm. She wrapped her legs around one of mine and snuggled up to my shoulder.
"Homework?" I asked, even though I didn't want to. She groaned (oh how I loved that sound) and nodded.
"I think we'd better," she agreed, stretching and pulling away to collect her clothes.
"Edward?" She looked up from her computer screen to gaze at me across the table. We'd finally made it to the kitchen and had been working diligently for over an hour in almost complete silence. Actually, realistically, Bella had been working and I'd been watching her. I was still in awe of how incredibly beautiful she was. She would watch the screen and chew her lip thoughtfully, her eyes narrowed in concentration. Every so often she would tap her fingers lightly on the keyboard, making a point, or editing whatever it was she was working on. Then she would sit back again, twisting her hair around her fingers, or pushing her glasses back up her nose. Once in a while she would sigh and shake her head and go back and fix something else. "Edward," she said again, louder this time.
I snapped out of my reverie to meet her eyes. "Yeah."
"You haven't turned your page in ten minutes," she said, pointing at the text book in front of me.
"Right," I muttered, looking down at the book. She went back to her essay editing, hair twisting and lip biting. And I went back to fantasizing about how it was my own lip she was biting and my hair she was tugging on.
It was silent in the house except for the odd sigh from Bella, and the soft tap of the keyboard as she re-wrote something. "What's your essay on?" I asked, reaching my foot out and running up her leg.
"Uh-um, how Marxism would affect today's society," she finally managed.
"What's your opinion?" My foot was reaching higher and I was starting to have to sink in my chair.
"Um…I think that it's a bit like communism, not bad in theory, but easily taken out of context. If only the...Uh…Edward," she hissed, moving away and sitting cross legged on top of the chair. "As I was saying," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "If only the theory was used and it wasn't taken completely verbatim then it would be ok. The basic ideas are sound, but when someone takes it too far, that's when we have problems."
"Isn't Marxism what they claim Hitler based his ideas on?"
"Some do, but we all know that Hitler was an extremist," she retorted confidently. God confidence was hot. "Study, Edward." She pointed to my text book and went back to her essay, making a few changes and saving the document.
"Done?" I asked hopefully.
"Ha," she laughed sarcastically. "I have a test in my psyche class on Tuesday. I need to study for that." She pulled out a thick text and plopped it open to the correct page. She settled the lid of her high lighter between her teeth and bounced the end of the marker off the table top as she read, stopping every so often to run the marker over an important piece of text. I had no idea that studying was so arousing. She engrossed herself in the text book for a while, settling her chin in her hand as she read over the highlights. Before I knew it, it was starting to get dark outside. She closed the book and put the cap back on the marker. "I hate to break this party up, but do you think you could run me home soon?"
"You're leaving?" It seemed like she'd just gotten here.
She laughed her beautiful laugh. "You're going to get sick of me soon."
"I don't think so," I retorted. I watched as she zipped the bag back up with her books inside and closed her computer and put it away.
"Okay, but I do need to go home. I have stuff to do there, too." She smiled at me and stood, coming to kiss my cheek lightly. "Want to do lunch tomorrow?"
"Sure," I whispered. "I have a break between eleven-thirty and two."
"I'll call you when I get out of my lecture then. It's supposed to end at noon, but it might be a little earlier."
I nodded in agreement. Lunch would be good. "You need to go huh?" I rose from my seat and took her hand. "Can I miss you while you're gone?"
"I'm counting on it," she laughed, picking up her bags.
I dropped her off, but didn't go in. She said she needed to deal with Jessica. She said she'd see me tomorrow. I couldn't believe how far off noon on Monday seemed.
"Edward!" I was barely in the door when I was accosted by my large older brother. "She's quite the catch man." I tried to re-focus my eyes as Emmett was right in my face.
I couldn't help the sappy smile that stretched over my face. "Yeah, she's pretty great," I agreed.
"Whoa, dude, you okay? Sick? Runnin' a fever? What's wrong with your face?" Emmett was looking at me with a worried look in his eyes. "Is that a fuckin' smile?"
I laughed and punched his arm roughly. "Shut up," I muttered.
"Did she get you to do homework?" He sounded dumbfounded.
"Uh-huh," I nodded. "Well, kind of."
"It's like a new Eduardo. I love it. You're gonna tell me all about it, right? I won't take no for an answer. And I've been hangin' with that Jasper dude of Alice's; he's not half bad you know."
I nodded wordlessly as he pulled me toward the basement.
"Sit your ass down and talk," he said as Jasper ambled into the room. "The girls are reading Cosmo and eating strawberries or something like that, and we're not allowed near them, so you're the next best thing."
Jasper flopped down on the floor and propped his chin in his hands, looking up at me. I was in my normal place on the recliner and Emmett was stretched out the full length of the old, scratchy couch, waiting impatiently.
"You are in so deep, man," Jasper noted with a hint of a grin. I wasn't disagreeing. It was true. I just nodded.
"Shit," Emmett hissed. "How deep is deep? You haven't said the L word yet have you?" Jasper and I both laughed.
"The L word Em? Are we fourteen?"
Emmett shrugged his shoulders.
"No, we haven't," I confirmed. "But I like her, a lot. She makes me feel….comfortable."
Jasper nodded knowingly. "It's a good feeling; like you're connected emotionally or something."
"What are you? A girl? They're reading Cosmo upstairs. Go paint your toe nails." Emmett pointed toward the door. "We do not use the E word here. We are men."
I snorted back a laugh and Jasper shook his head. "He's kind of right. Oh come on Emmett, don't you feel like that with Rosalie?"
Emmett shook with laughter. I rolled my eyes at him.
"It's like I'm in the right place again. Like I was searching for something, only I didn't know what it was until I found her."
"Fantastic," Emmett said sarcastically, but I knew he meant well.
"What happened to you Edward, if you don't mind my asking?" Jasper met my eyes with his briefly.
I took a deep breath. "You know the saying 'it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'?"
Jasper nodded. I felt my eyes fill and I blinked furiously to get my emotions under control. "Its okay man let it out."
