A/N: It's almost over, insert sad face, but it was inevitable from the start. In any case I'm happy to know you all are along for the ride and for the comments here and there too. Here's a chapter for all of you wonderful readers and I hope you enjoy it! Happy Holidays to all of you as well!
Chapter 32
How hollow, how disconnected must one be to break the heart of a woman they've cared about for a good portion of their life? A question Gray kept repeating to himself as he continued to make his way towards the demon village's huge gates with a few hundred yards left between them. Why can't the clenched feeling in his heart loosen up every time he reaffirmed to himself that he only acted like such a douche bag was so that breaking things off with Erza would be simpler.
That was a lie actually, he knew exactly why it was constricting in on itself.
He acted like a complete asshole to Erza to deny any relationship forming between them, but there was no doubt in his mind that his red headed best friend knew all along. She played along for his sake, going through the motions of what he was laying down with his words and that was why it hurt more than it should have. The requip mage understood what he was doing even before he stopped talking to her and the tears she was shedding were those of understanding the underlying meaning to them although they still broke her heart.
Bonds that are created by the very essence of love; whether romantic, friendship or otherwise can be easily felt piercing the very being in a person. Gray wholeheartedly believed this and could allude the jab at his heart once he was climbing down the temple's side to it, as his bond with Erza ran deeper than many would believe. The ice mage stared down towards his right wrist, a silver necklace wrapped around it with a shield pendent slightly hanging from it and the memory of that night when he was first given it began to echo in his mind.
"Well...I bought you the necklace because...it's a way to express what you mean to me." It was Gray's turn to give Erza a curious look as she began to look everywhere but at him. "To tell you the truth, I t-think of you as my shield; one I can go to for help to defend me against the pains I suffer."
"I'll do my best to stay that way and remember what I told you over there," Gray had pointed to the spot where for the first time saw Erza crying near the riverbank, "you're not alone anymore."
"I said that, but the only thing I did was go back on my words and betray her!" Gray thought angrily as he punched a nearby tree in his anger, leaving an indentation of his fist on it once he moved on. "I was her shield that protected her against the pain she walked with and now I use it just to break up with her."
He hated himself for doing something so underhanded as that and as much as he regretted doing so, he knew that there wasn't much he could do to change what he's done. It was at this moment that his mind decided to add a little more of that memory for him to remember.
"But I must ask, why did you wrap it around your wrist?" Erza asked with a wondering look on her face, most likely wondering why he didn't put it over his neck alongside the sword necklace.
"That's simple, this is the wrist you used to flip me over your shoulder the first time we fought. Plus this will be the side you can lean on and the one that will pick you up when you are down." He replied as she gave a small chuckle at the his oh so suave moment and a part of him felt elated at hearing her laugh."
"How much of a hypocrite am I at this point?" The ice mage wondered to himself, barely realizing that he now stood in the shadow of the massive reinforced gate to the demon village.
"Woah there Gray! Do you want to face plant on our gate that badly, some of the girls here still want to show you what a demon's passion looks like!" One of the guards called down to him jokingly, as the mage looked up to smirk at him in reply.
"Just enjoying the architecture a little and if you guys wouldn't mind, could you open the gate up for me?" Gray replied and was met with an "O.K." gesture from one of the guards before the entrance began to open and the ice mage walked forward casually enough as not to arouse anyone's curiosity.
So far things look as normal as could be since he left, but who knows how long that'll last once he speaks with the last two girls on his mind. He sighed tiredly and tried to locate a suitable area that Cana would've taken residence at for the mean time while they were at the village. If Gray remembered correctly, Levy had said that the brunette had taken a bottle of Devil's Kiss whisky and found a nice shaded tree to relax under. The ice mage was about to head off in search of the more shaded areas of the village until Lulu had appeared before him, looking slightly troubled about something.
"You alright Lulu, you like a bit tense." Gray asked the demoness in her human form, who struggled a bit to form her words correctly until she finally found them.
"Do you know if there's someone experiencing great amounts of sadness, fear or anger?" The raven haired demon asked and Gray slightly flinched at the word sadness, but tried to play it off as best he could.
"Hmmm nope, can't say that I do. Why, is there someone like that around here?" Playing as clueless as possible and it seemed to have worked as Lulu merely shook her head.
"No, there isn't anyone like that here although many of us know that someone's pushing waves of negative emotion on the island." She replied and the ice mage was rather curious to know how the demon girl and quite possibly others know about it.
"Do you guys have a sixth sense for these kinds of things?" He made sure that he didn't sound like he was making fun of them or anything, but was confused as to why Lulu looked away rather embarrassedly.
"I'm ashamed to say that we do, we demons can sense when negative emotions spike throughout the island or wherever we may be. Our bodies naturally absorb those emotions to gain power, but we haven't had the notion of using the accumulated power for anything." She explained and the dark haired young man was intrigued to know that piece of information, agreeing with the fact that you learn something new everyday.
"We like to consider ourselves as Earth Land's negative filters as we take it upon ourselves to absorb the negative energy so it is not gathered in anyway for malicious intent. Although the pain we've been gathering from whoever the mysterious person feels very, how should I say, heartbreaking in a way." Lulu sighed quietly, she herself worried about the person expelling the large amount of negative emotion. "I must be off Gray, the chief and a few high council leaders will soon decide on how to deal with the accumulated energy; sorry for taking up your time." The dark haired demon bowed politely before walking away towards the meeting tent.
"No problem.." Gray called back, although he was unsure if she even heard him and yet he couldn't bother to dwell on it any further. "I've got to find Cana..."
The ice mage searched around for the drinker and realized that given the situation of what's been happening, she was most likely in a secluded part of the village enjoying her whisky and that's where he went off to. The village had grown a bit larger now that he was looking around and found it a little harder to find his way compared to the first time he came here, but it wasn't long before he could hear the sounds of cards being shuffled together. Gray was no fool to know who was using cards with the smell of strong whisky in the air and an irritated sigh that followed after.
Rounding the corner of a storage hut, the ice mage was met with the sight of Cana drawing out her tarot cards beneath a shady tree, on top of a small crate with a bothered expression on her face. As for the scent of whisky, that came from the opened bottle next to her although it didn't look like she hadn't even taken a sip yet. He watched from afar a bit longer to see her flip her cards over and growled in irritation once again before reaching for the bottle, only to place it back down and start to gather her cards again. This is when Gray decided to make himself known and watched her for a moment as the brunette eyed him wearily before leaning her back against the trunk of the tree.
"Looks like you're back from wherever you ran off to." Cana said tiredly, giving out a small yawn at the end and placing her cards back into her fuzzy purse.
"Yeah...I had something to deal with back at the temple. Surprised that you care to know where I went actually." Gray placed his hands into his pants pocket, taking on a more relaxed approach although he planned on working their conversation in the same manner as the one he had with Erza.
"You really shouldn't since a lot of people in the guild wouldn't be able to go home without me telling them where their keys went. I look after them just as much as they do for me, sometimes a little more depending on who it is." She replied, scooting over slightly to give him some sitting room but Gray had decided to stand instead. "Besides all I need to know is that you're alright, it's good enough for me so long as you're able to come back home."
"At least you still have confidence in me, not much else you got going for me." He snarkily said and watched her expression for any changes in her mood, yet he couldn't even see a twitch to her eye.
"That's not true, you've got my friendship and isn't that what matters most to you?" Cana's voice was even with a small hint of sarcasm laced thinly in her words, but Gray kept his calm demeanor so is to not fall for whatever she had planned. "You made it very clear about you doing what's best for us years ago or did you forget?"
"No I didn't, at the time it was what I believed to have been the best for us and I think it still does even today." Just like the card mage, the ravenette's reply came as calm as he could get it to be and yet the former had still yet to show any signs of indifference to his words.
"Hindsight is twenty/twenty, so you're partially right and it also means that you're wrong too." She once again deflected the ice mage's words and her laid back attitude didn't seem to be fazed by any of the things he said. "Gray, we can go all day with this. I was the one who taught you how to steer conversations to go your way, remember?"
At that, Gray had nothing to say to her and realized that she was well aware of what he was trying to accomplish in their conversation. It wasn't a lie that Cana taught him how to manipulate a conversation and he should've known better than to try it against the same person who was like a master in this field. Though that didn't mean he wouldn't still try to win, something most people knew he'd like to do.
"You sure did Cana, but you couldn't get Gildarts to listen every time you tried to talk to him." Now he was rolling out the punches on her, but he slightly frowned when the only thing she did was whistle in mock amazement.
"Wow, didn't think you'd start with the low blows so soon ice boy." A small twitch in his eye was all she needed for a sign to now that she already won. "True, I couldn't get the old man to listen to me when I was little, but it's pretty much the same now except this time he doesn't listen when I want him to leave me alone from time to time."
"I distinctly remember telling you that I hated that nickname." Gray slightly growled out and immediately regretted not giving himself some time to cool down as the brunette gave a small victorious smirk.
"I got under your skin, so that means that I win." The mirth in her voice would've fooled anyone, but Gray focused on her amethyst eyes that twinkled with understanding. "No matter how much you try Gray, you'll never get me the same way you did with Erza."
The ice mage's eyes shot open at the statement and couldn't come up with a way to counter it as his calm exterior was crumbling under her knowing gaze. Aside from Levy, no one else was privy to information of his actions after he left the village and knew that the blunette wouldn't oust him to anyone. He stayed in silence trying to figure out how the card mage knew about his conversation with Erza until he thought back to what she had been doing earlier.
"Through your cards..."
"I was able to foresee the events that would happen between you two, always the same outcome for the seven times I did it." Cana had picked up where he trailed off and did her reading once she noticed Gray leaving the village, after picking up the Devil's Kiss whisky when she got wind of it of course.
"And that's why you didn't drink the whisky?"
"Yes and no." She answered in turn although Gray still remained in the dark. "I picked it up as a souvenir for myself, but didn't want to take a sip until I finished doing my readings. It messes it up if I drink even a little."
"I get that they helped you figure out what happened between her and me, but why was it that you were still using your cards for what I can only guess as after everything went down?" Cana's answer made sense to him, her readings haven't been wrong yet although he couldn't wrap his head as to why she continued doing her readings.
"When I finished with yours, I couldn't lie that it gave me a little more hope that I would be the one you chose, but the cards made sure to dash those hopes." She replied, tapping her fuzzy purse with a rueful smile on her face. "I got curious and did a reading for us, finding out that our relationship would stay as a platonic one for a while."
"Then you understood what I was trying to do before I even showed up." Gray said as more of a statement than a question and had to admit that he was outdone by her abilities this time.
"It wasn't that hard really, you're a pretty good actor so long as the audience doesn't know the plot beforehand." She replied, throwing a card directly at the ice mage who expertly caught it between his middle and index finger.
"I guess I still got you mad if you're willing to attack me already." He looked down at the card and was surprised that it was actually a photo of them four (eleven chronologically wise due to time skip) years ago.
"One of the few pictures you were willing to take, the one I own is one between me and the boy I fell in love with." Cana noticed the bob of Gray's adam's apple and knew he swallowed thickly at her words. "As much as people would say, a person will never forget their first love."
"So why do you want me to see this?"
"Because it shows that I still thought about you even after we broke things off, Gray." The brunette answered and retrieved the photo back from the ice mage's hand. "You've told me how much I've changed, but you don't realize how much you've changed in my eyes."
"Would you mind enlightening me then?" The ice mage still stood next to her, his hands feeling clammy in his pockets and waited for the card mage to continue as she lifted herself from up off the ground.
"For starters you grew colder to people, you place yourself in the line of danger more often than not, you try to come off as an uncaring prick when you're very well the opposite and this list could go on." Cana began and her words had already stunned the young man in front of her which left him speechless so she decided to continue.
"Then there's also you trying to take control of a problem all on your own instead of asking for help, becoming too bull headed to listen for someone else's input and unable to let someone get close enough to see the real Gray that is actually connected to that guild mark on your chest." As she said this, the brunette moved closer and poked at his dark blue guild mark twice before getting their original distance again.
"Well I'm sorry if I couldn't stay as that love struck boy forever, but circumstances pushed me into becoming the Gray you know today." The ice mage retorted and Cana merely harrumphed at his words defiantly.
"Apology accepted, it was partially my fault you became this selfish prick I see standing in front of me." The look of astonishment on Gray's face gave away the fact that Cana had struck a sensitive nerve. "It's true Gray, you are being nothing more than selfish."
"How am I being selfish!? I'm doing everything I can to make sure your lives move along from this!" He wouldn't say it out right, but the ice mage knew very well that Cana was already riling him up and was sprinkling salt on old wounds on purpose.
"Selfish in the fact that you are doing what you think is best, instead of asking any of us what we think!"
"It's because I love you too much to let you all get hurt because of me!"
They were lucky to be in a secluded area of the village for the two Fairy Tailers were causing a scene and their fuming anger allowed the truth to be spilled. It was out in the open for Cana to see that Gray cared too much for their happiness that he wanted to make the harder decisions for them. He on the other hand couldn't care about it anymore, bottling it all up was only angering him and at the same time washing him with a wave of sadness of why he was truly doing this.
"Cana, you brought along an emotion that I could never have imagined myself being capable of feeling again; love for another person. Erza showed me that I can protect someone as the person I am against a formidable opponent; one's own sadness. You two are far too important for me to lose and I can't allow either of you to leave my life." Gray truthfully admitted to the card mage, sure he may have said terrible things to Erza but the ice mage knew she had figured out his plan soon after.
He wouldn't expect Cana to agree with what he can now call flawed logic if it was his way of making sure Erza stayed a part of his life, so when she teared up with a smile on her face it completely threw him off. She gave a few short laughs of happiness as the tears continued to stream down her eyes and the ice mage couldn't figure out what was happening right at that moment. It only further confused him when she embraced him tightly, Gray feeling all her strength as she squeezed him with all her might.
"N-Now there's the Gray I fell in love with!" Cana finally said although it wasn't a good enough explanation for Gray who was still trying to wrap his head around the current events. "The headstrong ice mage that cares too much. No matter what obstacle stood in your way, you'd still strive for the best outcome."
"And the same one who's about to break your heart all over again." Gray solemnly whispered as he stood rigid in her arms, but it only served to make Cana hug him tighter. "Compared to so many other people, I can never understand you; I didn't back then and I still can't now."
"Sure, you're breaking my heart now after so long of not feeling in love with someone else but I've got hopes for the future." Her cards had expressed that their relationship would remain platonic for now, but they didn't specifically map out the later future. "It hurts far worse than the fights I've been in, but heartbreak is a part of life. No one is ever going to go through life without heartbreak and the same goes that no one can go living without it..."
"Because it's a sign that you're living your life with emotions." Gray concluded, those were the same words the aging master had told to him once he noticed the sudden change in his behavior. "Looks like Gramps spoke to you too..."
Words couldn't begin to explain how much Gray was beginning to feel like he was doing more damage than good and he was tentative to go any further. Then again, words were nothing more than troublesome as so much could've been prevented in his lifetime if he took the time to listen. Gray gripped his hands into fists as guilt began to settle in for how much he messed up, no those words were too kind for what he did. The ice mage knew he did more than that, he fucked up royally and the conviction he had earlier evaporated into thin air with a single thought of trying to fix everything all over again.
His angered daze was driven away as Cana's gentle hands, one's that Gray hadn't realized of being because of what she can do, held one of his fists between them. She caressed it gingerly until he finally released his grip and the brunette brought his hand up to cup her cheek, leaning into it with a sad smile on her face. All other thoughts within his mind froze then to look at Cana attentively and his heart constricted at the familiarity of the sight before him. One that came from a happy time during his youth, before he found other joys to try and fill the hole left from it once it was ripped away.
"Don't think I don't know what's going through your mind Gray," Cana began as she looked up to his dark eyes with a tenderness that caught the ice mage's next breath in his throat, "I know that there's guilt trying to plant itself in you, but know that there isn't anything you need to be guilty for."
"Of course there is, how could I allow myself to treat Erza so harshly and try the exact same thing with you?" A sad thing about Gray that the brunette had learned about so many years ago was that he was quick to let himself develop a guilty conscious, even if he shouldn't be doing so.
"Just by the fact that you acknowledge your mistakes proves that you don't need to worry about guilt. Yes, your method of handling the situation was not a sound one, but you felt it deep within your heart that letting go was the right decision." This time Cana raised a hand to the ice mage's cheek so that he kept his focus on her.
"If it was so right then why do I feel like a peice of shit, even now when you're trying to comfort me?" The anger in his eyes were reflected off of Cana's and he knew that he directed all of it to himself, in which the card mage wanted him to also let go of.
"It is the same feeling when we broke things off the first time, all of this is the same case but with a different backstory to it all." The talk they were having was not one between Fairy Tail's Drinker and All Around Stripper, but between the real Gray Fullbuster and Cana Alberona. "We should've had this conversation back then, but I guess later's better than never."
"Why did I ever let you go?" Rhetorical of a question that it was, Cana gave a small light hearted scoff as she laid her head against his chest.
"Because we were a pair of stupid kids too scared of facing the future." She soon answered and this time Gray gave a small accepting grunt at that answer.
"But are you really fine with me going through with this?" The ice mage was given a new sense of clarity and now he felt uneasy destroying something that was rebuilt between them just because he "felt" like it was the right thing to do. "There's so much I'm taking away from you again and it doesn't sit right with me in doing so."
"What kind of idiot would be okay with this?" The brunette questioned back as she pinched his arm, eliciting a yelp from the taller ravenette. "But this is your time to grow on an emotional level and so I've got to shut up and accept it."
"Glad to see you're being mature about it." Gray joked, but the enthusiasm and mirth had both been subdued by the heavy atmosphere that was around them while in each other's arms.
"You should've known that it wouldn't last forever, like I should've..." Cana had whispered the last bit to herself in sadness seeing as the happiness she had going on in the past few weeks had been short lived. "Just do me one last favor will ya?"
"Sure, name it. It's the least I could do at this point."
"Let me stay in the arms of the boy I fell in love with for a bit longer." The card mage buried her head within his chest as her underlying feelings were becoming overwhelming and allowed herself to finally cry again in his embrace. "Here's something to m-make you feel a little bit better."
"I'm all ears." Gray knew Cana was crying and if he had to be honest with himself, he would be too but he had to be strong with his new perspective thanks to Cana.
"Back then, when I was still a young girl, I was planning to take you to meet my mother." A silence befell them with the exception of Cana's sniffling, for Gray knew how special her deceased mother meant to Cana. "I wanted to tell her that I finally found that special person who was meant for me."
Cana released Gray, but the ice mage placed both his hands on her cheeks and wiped away her tears with his thumbs looking at her with what she could only describe as the tender eyes of a lover. His next action had surprised the card mage as she had not seen it coming from him especially as she thought he wouldn't be able to do it. He kissed the top of her forehead lovingly and gave her a meaningful hug before picking up his coat from up off the floor and stood with an air of determination that had attracted her the first time to him.
"When you can, please tell your mother that I'm sorry I couldn't be that person for you." The ravenette said with the minute tones of regret in his voice as he looked deep within her amethyst eyes. "I've still got one last thing to do, so this is where we go our separate ways for now."
Gray turned his back to leave, only getting one step in before Cana's hand gripped at his wrist tightly and he in turn gave a glance behind him. At first he could see that the brunette seemed tight lipped about something, something she seemed to be struggling to say and was about to ask what was wrong before she ultimately spoke out.
"Gray when you see her again, please look after her with everything you've got." She cryptically said and the ice mage was rather confused, coming to the conclusion that she was talking about Erza.
"What do you mean? We'll see Erza soon enough and I know she'll be able to handle herself just fine without me, especially now for that matter." Gray replied, but Cana shook her head at his words and didn't understand why he was wrong.
"You'll understand in time, so please promise me that you'll do it." Cana knew she was holding back an important secret she discovered from her cards, but the ice mage had too much to deal with as it is so she was set with giving him a cryptic heads up.
"Don't worry about it Cana, I promise I'll do it. You've got my word come Hell or high water." Gray replied waving goodbye one last time before he walked off back to the main area of the village, no doubt in the card mage's mind to find the last person he was planning to see.
As for said mage, she watched the retreating figure of her beloved ice mage walk away from her as the brief ignition of their once failed love petered out and was blown out once again. So it was no surprise to her when a fresh new batch of tears had welled up in her eyes and finally began to stream down once she blinked, using her forgotten crate as a place to sit for the meantime. As she watched the last bit of Gray disappear behind another hut, Cana thought back at his apology towards her mother for his inability to be her destined partner.
"Don't worry Gray, Mom knows how sorry you are from where she's watching over us and I'm sure she still knows that you'll be my special person in time." She thought sadly, picking up the the also forgotten Devil's Kiss whisky and pulling out a shot glass from her fuzzy purse. "Plus she'll still be watching over the little bundle Gray and I brought into this world thanks to your brethren." She mentally added looking down at the dark colored whisky bottle.
Still that was a tale kept secret between a select few, a choice she looks back on and would always think of what her life may have become if she was prepared. Cana shook her head feverently as it was only going to cause another wave of depressing thoughts and sadness to wash over her when she already felt terrible as it is. Her cards have already shown her the near future for them all and she'll keep faith in both her cards and Gray to shape out what lies before them and everyone else they knew. With her thoughts set, the card mage looked back at how far the ice mage had come and felt a new sense of pride swell within her at showing him that he could take a much greater approach to this.
Despite it all, Cana poured the Devil's Kiss into her glass and reclined herself once again in the shade. She took time to appreciate the brew the village demon's had made and soon raised it up into the air in the direction Gray had gone in.
"We've had a rough ride, but I'm truly happy to know that we made the best out of it. We'll both get our happy ending one day, so here's one for that future yet to come." She toasted with her tears still left in her eyes, but her happy smile still plastered on her face before she downed her shot.
