OK, first of all I'm going to ask you all to take a look at another story that is out there. "Unraveled Knot" is listed under Twisted Coincidence's profile and is collaboration between her and Between the Buildings. READ IT. It's incredible. The characters have depth like I've never seen before, and they keep you right on the edge of your seat waiting for the solution to the mysteries laid out in the plot. It is so not your typical Edward/Bella story but it is SOOOO worth the read (and the reviews! Writers LOVE reviews!)
Thanks to my awesome beta! I couldn't do it without you... Adrena finds ALL my many mistakes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own White Carpet and Wall Sconces.
Edward's Point of View
I knew I had to talk to my mother. I didn't have a choice. Bella would not feel comfortable in my house or with my family until I did.
And I hated going head to head with my mother. My mother had stood by me every day. Perhaps a bit too overprotective, but Esme meant well and she had done nothing but try to keep me from getting hurt again. I had left Bella sleeping soundly in my bed and padded down to my father's study. I stopped at the door when I heard voices. My father's voice was hushed but firm. My mother's was shrill. I could imagine how they were positioned; Dad in his chair, hands folded in front of him, looking at my mother over his glasses. Mom standing, leaning over the desk, hands flat on the wooden surface. It was how they always were when they fought. And this was definitely a fight.
"Edward has been to hell and back. He can't risk getting hurt again," my mother's voice was raised just above a shrill whisper.
"Do you not hear yourself? He needs to be allowed to live. You want to keep him in a cushy little bubble? You can't do that, Esme?"
"She hurt him. She's already hurt him once. She left!"
"He drove her away from what I hear. Edward admits it himself. It was a misunderstanding. He's trying and he needs you to support him."
I was strangely grateful to my dad at that moment. Although Carlisle and I had never been particularly close, I appreciated him being on our side for this. I had always had that typical middle child syndrome. I wasn't the oldest, and I wasn't the youngest. Emmett got our parents' attention from the beginning because he was athletic and popular. Not that I hadn't been, but Emmett had always done everything first. Alice on the other hand; she was the baby, and the only girl. And what a Daddy's girl she was. My mother began to spend a lot more time with me after the accident, more out of obligation than anything else. I never felt second rate or unloved, but sometimes I did feel a bit invisible. Now, suddenly I was the center of attention and I wasn't sure I liked it.
"…Won't be perfect," I heard my father hiss. "Hell, our relationship is far from perfect, but it doesn't mean I love you any less. I can see it. He loves her, and she feels the same way. I think Edward has put her through enough that if she didn't, she would have hightailed it out of there long before now."
"Carlisle!" My mother punctuated his name with such force that even I was taken aback. "I can't go through that again. I can't watch that again."
"I Esme. It's all about I, me, I. It's always about you. It always has been where Edward was concerned. I don't know why but it's getting a bit ridiculous. You can't go through it again. What about Edward? What about what makes him happy? Frankly I'm over the moon that he's found her. I don't get the impression she's going to flake out on him."
I couldn't take the tension anymore. I knocked softly on the door to the study and stepped in. The room was dark; blinds drawn, and I was right. My father sat in his chair, staring at my mother down over his glasses. My mother was directly in front of him, face fierce. Her head turned and her face softened, by the fierceness was still evident in her eyes.
"Edward," she said softly, straightening up and patting her hair. "What are you doing wandering around?" She smoothed the front of her slacks and crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought you were in bed."
I shrugged. I had been. The day had drained me emotionally. I had skipped out on supper to sleep some more. Bella had left with Alice and Rosalie to get something to eat but she'd been back for hours, curled into my side, sleeping restlessly. It was remarkably late, but I needed to talk to my mother immediately. "I think we need to talk," I told her, closing the door and crossing the room to sit in one of my father's leather chairs. "Maybe Dad should stay too."
I stretched my legs out in front of me and gave my mother a pointed look. She sat down primly on the edge of her chair and gave me a worried, almost scared look. "What do you need to talk about?"
"How about we start with what you two were talking about before I came in." I tried to keep the anger from my voice but I knew it showed in my body language. My fingers ached from how hard I was clenching my fists.
"Edward," my father warned. But Esme waved her hand to quiet him.
"How much did you hear?" She sounded ashamed. My mother wasn't stupid. She may have had her own ideas about things, but it didn't mean she didn't see the things that were staring her in the face.
"I got the basic idea," I told her coldly. I turned to my dad and gave him a tight smile, trying to show that I understood that he wasn't on my mother's side. "I won't stop seeing her," I told her. My mother's eyes were devoid of emotion, flat, watching me. "I don't know what you think you're protecting me from, but Dad is right. I can't live in the bubble anymore. None of us dealt with things correctly the first time, and it has fucked,"
"Edward!" Esme gasped.
"Everything up," I continued. "We ignored it and it could have ruined what Bella and I have. I'm not willing to take that risk. I took your advice, I told her everything. She is completely supportive of me." I stared her down, flat green eyes meeting flat green eyes. "I think it's time I got some support from my mother as well."
"I just don't think you're thinking this through," Esme stated, looking to my father for support. He shook his head. "I'm afraid you're rushing into something."
"Before you met Bella, you were fine with me having a girlfriend. Once you met her that opinion started to change. What don't you like about her?"
Esme sighed and reached out to pat my hand. I pulled away. "I'm sure Bella is a lovely girl," Esme started and I grimaced at her tone. "But I'm not sure she's entirely stable enough for you. She seems to have a bit of a flare for the dramatic from what I hear. And with everything in your past, I think you should hold out for someone steady."
Was she kidding? Bella? Dramatic? I thought back over the past weeks I'd spent with Bella. So my mother had a point. Bella could be a bit dramatic; the first night I found her at the harbour, the night she stalked away down the street from Tanya and me, before we'd left for Chicago and I annoyed the pants off of her until she left. She could be a bit dramatic, but it was usually warranted, and it didn't bother me after the fact.
"Alright Mother. First of all, the dramatics are nothing I can't handle. Secondly, I don't care what the hell you think, however I do care what she thinks and right now, she's not comfortable because you are being so god damned cold! Easter dinner is tomorrow afternoon, and I need you to be nice to her. Make her feel welcome. Because this is the woman I love, and you will need to deal with that."
The silence was deafening. I could hear the hum of every electronic in the house whirring in the air around us. And then my mother spoke, so quietly I needed to lean forward to hear her.
"Charlotte's family is coming for dinner. I feel that it is you who is being cold and heartless, Edward Cullen."
Bella's Point of View
I woke late in the evening, or maybe early in the morning, to realize that Edward was just climbing back into bed. I hadn't registered him leaving and I wondered how long he'd been gone. He placed a soft kiss to my forehead and laid down beside me, flat on his back, hands behind his head in a very un-Edward like position. I propped my head up on my elbow and looked at him.
"What's the matter?" I knew the worried, over stressed look on his face far too well. He didn't open his eyes and he didn't turn towards me, but he did answer.
"Charlotte's parents are coming for dinner."
I felt like the bottom of my stomach fell out. Not for me, but for him. For what this meant for him. Ok… so maybe for me too. I'd never felt so much like a replacement as I did now. I flipped over onto my stomach and turned my head in his direction.
"Are you scared?" I wasn't sure what possessed me to say it, and I feared the repercussions as soon as the words left my mouth, but his response surprised me.
"Yes," he admitted quietly. I'd expected him to deny that he feared anything. I figured with that tiny moment of honesty that maybe I should continue.
"What are you scared of?" I propped myself up on my elbow and traced my fingers over his shoulder softly. He made a face, and his eyes popped open to meet mine, glazed but not hard. He blinked twice to focus in on me and sighed.
"I…" he paused and chewed his lip in concentration and I heard his teeth grind together. "I guess I'm afraid of what I'll see. I'm scared of what kind of memories will come crashing back." He pulled one hand from behind his head and grasped my smaller one, stilling the movements of my finger tips. "I'm afraid that I haven't faced all of my demons. I'm ashamed of what I became, and….I don't know. That all sounds pretty pathetic doesn't it?" He laughed humourlessly.
"No," I shook my head, thinking of the best response. "I think that you're right, and this is only the beginning of a really long road, but I think that if Charlotte was a product of her upbringing, then her parents are going to be glad that you're coming to terms and moving on." I leaned close and kissed his temple softly. "It helped a lot once you talked to Alice and Emmett, right?" I smoothed his hair off of his forehead and waited for a response. He nodded awkwardly. "This might be a good thing," I told him, collapsing on my arm, graceless as usual, and snuggling into his side. He took a shaky breath and pulled me tighter to his side.
"Promise me something, Bella," he whispered into my hair.
"Anything," I told him.
"Promise me you won't leave," he pleaded, his voice shaking to the point where I was afraid it was going to break. It broke my heart to hear the tremble, and it broke my heart that he had to ask, but he needed to hear it, and for the very first time I acknowledged what I'd known somewhere inside me all along. So I sucked in a breath, hugged him just a little bit tighter and whispered,
"I'm not going anywhere."
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Eventually we fell back into a peaceful slumber. Edward fell asleep first, because I remember dozing off, my head rising and falling with his soft, rhythmical breaths. It seemed all too soon that his mother was tapping at the door. Edward and I padded into the dining room together to see a group of people, easily as groggy as we were hunched over cereal and coffee. I remembered my mother always making gigantic, strange foods for breakfast on holidays but Alice had told me that her mother put all the effort into the late lunch. I poured myself a bowl of Cheerios and sloshed some coffee into a cup before sitting down across from a rather stressed looking Emmett. He kept sending nervous looks towards Rosalie, who was shoveling Shreddies into her mouth at an alarming rate and gulping orange juice like it was her life's essence. It was very strange. Emmett gave me a worried glance and I tried to smile, but I was sure it came out much like a grimace. Rosalie was too close to the edge for her own good.
Alice was sitting beside Rose, picking at whatever she was eating, her free hand never leaving her coffee cup. She lowered her face close to the steaming liquid, wrapped her lips around the edge of the cup and tipped it up, the bottom never fully leaving the table.
"Alice Cullen! What on earth do you think you are doing? Have you lost all of your manners?" Esme nearly shrieked from the doorway and Alice looked up at her, somewhat guiltily, her messy hair making her look even more tired and crazy than she already did.
"Sorry," she mumbled to her cereal and I watched Jasper stifle a chuckle.
"Late night last night?" Edward asked in a fake cheerful voice as he sat down beside me and took a huge bite of toast. Alice just groaned. "That is code for, Alice met some old friends from Chicago for a night she doesn't quite remember," Edward joked as he stirred his coffee and clinked his spoon loudly.
"I swear to fucking God, Edward," Alice threatened in her strangled mumble. The entire table, including Rosalie burst out laughing. Esme shrieked at her about language from the kitchen. Alice muttered something about pitches only dogs could hear, again to her cereal bowl.
"We know where you get it then," Emmett replied, giving her a grin that may have been genuine.
"We're having guests for dinner," Carlisle announced as he settled himself down at the end of the large table, coffee and the news paper in hand. "Alice, you'll want to freshen up a bit." She shot him a dirty look but nodded carefully and leaned into Jasper's shoulder.
I rose from the table with my bowl and cup, and headed for the kitchen, steeling myself for the cold shoulder from Esme. I rinsed the bowl and went to put it in the dishwasher before she finally spoke.
"Good morning Bella," she said kindly and I looked over my shoulder at her, nearly dropping the bowl.
"Good morning, Esme," I replied with a bit of surprise. And then remembering my manners I continued. "Thank you for having me for the weekend. I really appreciate it." I closed the door to the dishwasher and turned to see her leaning on the counter looking at me. "Is there anything you need help with for dinner?"I asked, trying hard to let her see that I meant no harm, wishing I understood why she seemed to dislike me so much.
"Do you know how to fold napkins?" I gave her an odd look. I'd been living on my own for a couple of years, I was quite sure I could fold a square of linen. "Into swans?" She pressed, and recognition dawned on my face I was sure. I slowly shook my head. I had Renee for a mother. I wasn't even sure if she knew what napkins were. "No matter," she replied to my head shake. "Alice will show you.
Alice!" she called in the loud, slightly pitchy voice that seemed to be reserved for hung-over Alice alone. I heard a distinct moan from the dining room and a round of quiet chuckles. "I want you showered and dressed in the next thirty minutes. You and Bella are folding napkins!"
Esme turned and smiled, slightly more genuinely than she had been, in my direction. "Thanks for bringing in your dishes. Go have another cup of coffee. I'll be out in a moment."
I hurried away, trying not to look too relieved, yet excited that the snippet of conversation had gone better than I had expected. Folding napkins with Alice wouldn't be too bad, and it would be quiet.
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Boy was I wrong! Folding napkins was actually really tough, and apparently post shower, Alice was her normal over-active self, who apparently took the presentation of a table very seriously. I began referring to her as the Napkin Nazi in my head. The swans took two napkins each, and tinfoil. Apparently I wasn't the perfectionist that Alice was and I got lectured about the edge of the tinfoil more than once, as well as the length of the neck.
"Bella, for the fourth time," Alice began, as she folded what seemed like her millionth napkin. "The curve of the neck needs to be soft. Have you ever seen a swan with a pointy neck?"
"I'm not sure I've ever seen a swan, to be honest, Alice," I replied. She rolled her eyes.
"Your last name is Swan, I'm sure people have sent you countless pictures of them. Regardless, they are not pointy!"
She finished off the tail of the one she was working on and began the next one. I tried, (and failed) to curve out the neck of mine. Now, any normal person (a.k.a. not Alice) would have realized that I was an utter failure at making swan napkins and told me to leave, but because Alice was not a normal person, she insisted I stay and continue to attempt the stupid linen birds.
"It looks like a chicken," she said to one of my attempts. I grimaced and turned it around in my hands. It didn't look like much, but it certainly did not look like a chicken. In fact a chicken would have been an improvement.
"I give up," I finally said, after what seemed like the thousandth failed attempt. Finally Alice nodded, and finished off the last one.
"We're done anyway, and I think you managed to make two. When we get back to Seattle, Rose and I are showing you how to make these properly." I mentally groaned and hurried off to shower before the company arrived.
Later that afternoon I was sitting in the front room with Alice; I was nursing my first glass of wine, she was downing her third. Edward was sitting in the armchair across from me, swirling the ice cubes around in the bottom of his glass, and kept looking at it, as if thinking that by some sort of miracle the drink would refill. He looked very uncomfortable.
There were voices coming from the kitchen. Guests were starting to arrive and Emmett was playing host and taking coats and what not. Every time the door opened, Edward visibly tensed. I wanted nothing more than to touch him and relax him, and rescue him. Take him away from this horrible angst he was feeling. But I knew I couldn't. Knew I had to sit idly by and watch as he fought the dragons from his past, with nothing but his sword and courage. There was nothing I could do. And I'd never felt more helpless in my life as I did in that moment.
The door opened once more and Emmett's normally booming voice was far more subdued. I heard him say something in a hushed tone and leaned to see more clearly into the foyer. He was hugging a short, plump woman with one arm, while taking the pie she held in the other. He released her, and held his hand out stiffly to a portly man who appeared to be in his mid forties. He shook his hand, still speaking in his very un-Emmett-like hushed voice. Edward sat up straighter, the movements of his hands ceasing, the ice in his glass tinkling with the involuntary shaking of his hand. So these were Charlotte's parents.
Esme greeted the newest guests happily and took the pie from Emmett, before he ate it most likely. "It's wonderful to see you!" she gushed, hugging first the woman and then the man. "Drinks?" I didn't hear the responses, but instead was drawn back to Alice, who was taking Edward's glass from his trembling hand, and reaching for mine as well.
"Refills," she muttered as she walked away, just a tiny bit unsteady. Edward shot me a weary look and I think he tried to smile; it was hard to tell though.
"Bella," he all but croaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Bella," and he shook his head. He rose awkwardly (I'd never seen Edward move anything but gracefully) and crossed the room to sit beside me on the uncomfortable sofa. He reached for my hand and laced his fingers with mine."You're staying, right?"
I laughed a little bit at his question. "Where else would I go?" I asked, running my thumb back and forth over his hand. I wasn't sure what to think of this insecure Edward. I tried to get my head around what had happened, to put myself in his shoes and feel what he was feeling, but I couldn't. He gave me a sharp look and exhaled heavily through his nose. "Of course I'm staying," I reassured him, turning my head to kiss his shoulder. He nodded, and seemed to relax a bit.
Alice returned with our drinks, and took over Edward's place in the stiff backed chair, her leg never ceasing its constant bouncing. I could hear Rosalie chatting someone up in the next room, and Emmett's booming laugh. Jasper joined us quickly after Alice refreshed our drinks and leaned against the back of her chair. They looked like a weird, twenty-first century oil painting. I supposed Edward and I looked quite similar, too stiff, too formal, and too serious for a holiday meal.
Eventually Esme called us all to dinner. Edward held my hand the whole time, looking a whole lot younger than he really was, his eyes wide and sad, his posture stooped with nerves. Esme introduced us to everyone, though I didn't get many names. The stout couple who had come in last were, as I suspected, Charlotte's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Vasquez. Her brother apparently stayed at school for the holiday. Esme introduced me as "Edward's Bella," which I found quite odd, but they greeted me with smiles, albeit laced with sadness.
"Bella helped Alice with the napkins," Esme announced, rather shrilly as usual, to the table.
"Well, hardly," I blushed, looking at my plate and accepting the gravy boat from Jasper on my left. "Alice did most of them."
"Bella made a napkin chicken!" Alice exclaimed a little bit too enthusiastically. I blushed redder, and even Edward laughed. After that the conversation flowed nicely, we discussed our majors, politics, the house Esme is helping to remodel, and of course Carlisle's work at the hospital.
I was helping clear the dessert dishes before anything really happened. Mrs. Vasquez was helping bring in the plates and she cornered me against the dishwasher. "Bella, right?" Her voice was sweet, kind, and quite curious.
"Yes," I said, extending my hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." I wasn't sure what else to say.
"Edward's Bella?" She was holding the plates and her hand shook a bit. She set the shaking plates on the counter. I blushed at her comment and merely nodded. What was I supposed to say?
"How did you meet?" Her dark eyes assessed me, up and down, meeting my eyes, then resting on my fumbling hands, and back again to my face.
I couldn't very well tell her the real story. It wasn't something you told your boyfriend's dead girlfriend's mother, so I took a deep breath and smiled at her. "We met at a party that Alice threw. My roommate asked me to go with her, but I'm not a big partier. I guess Edward and I have that in common." The answer seemed to satisfy Mrs. Vasquez, though she appeared as though she would have been happier to hear that we'd met at knitting club.
"Has Edward told you that he used to date my daughter?" I saw tears form in her dark eyes.
"He did," I replied quietly. "And I'm so very sorry for your loss."
She nodded somberly. "He took the loss of Charlotte hard," she continued, in her soft voice. "So did the rest of us, as you can imagine. My husband and I…well we haven't been the same since, but that's not the matter at hand." She reached out and touched my shoulder. "Edward deserves to be happy, Bella. I hope you can help him."
Edward's Point of View
Dinner was tense, but the conversation flowed with all of the extra guests there. I had tried to avoid the gazes of Mr. and Mrs. Vasquez all night, but I knew the confrontation was inevitable. They hadn't seen head nor tail of me since I'd left for Seattle. So of course, after dessert was over, the Vasquez's asked me into the front room, and I couldn't very well refuse.
"It's very good to see you again, Edward dear," Mrs. Vasquez told me, leaning in to give me a hug. I returned it a bit awkwardly and shook Mr. Vasquez's hand. The energy in the room was tense and I would have given anything for Bella to be sitting beside me, but I knew I had to do this alone.
"Bella seems like a lovely girl," Mr. Vasquez said gruffly, smoothing his bushy mustache with his chubby fingers. I nodded in agreement.
"You didn't need to stay away so long, Edward," Mrs. Vasquez said softly. "Charlotte wouldn't have wanted you to alienate yourself from your family on her account. Family was always so important to her."
I realized that a month ago, I would not have been able to hear that sentence without cringing or lashing out, and was for once, impressed with the progress I'd made, with Bella's help of course. I regarded the couple sitting near me closely. At one point they had been a unit, inseparable, loving and adoring. Now they seemed distant, even at such a close proximity to each other. As though the glue which had once held so fast and sticky was drying up and they were drifting apart. And I wondered if they took their own advice, because they seemed quite alien to me.
"It's been hard," I told them, folding my hands in front of me and looking directly at them. "For a long time I truly believed that I couldn't feel like that ever again, and that it was my fault, and if anyone knew what I had done, that they would view me as a monster. I couldn't give love, and so I couldn't be loved. But that's not true, and Bella, and my friends and family eventually showed me that. Especially Bella. When I pushed her away, she came back, albeit, confused, angry and scared. When I told her what happened, she loved me more, not less. She supports me, even when I'm intolerable. She understands me, and when she doesn't, she asks. And my brother and sister, and even Jasper and Rosalie, they're my constant support system. I never realized it until just the other day, but they always have been. Even when my family did something that annoyed me, I realize now, they were just trying to help."I took a deep breath and looked at the couple sitting next to me. "I love Charlotte, I always will. But now it is a different kind of love. It is the kind of love where I am completely and utterly thankful that I had the honour of knowing her and loving her and learning from her. I miss her. Of course I miss her, but I've realized that it's time to take the next step on my journey. My journey didn't stop when I was seventeen, it kept going, but I sort of….missed out on part of it. I don't want to miss out on anymore."
Everyone was quiet for a long while after I finished saying my peace. I wasn't entirely sure where the words came from, but I knew them to be entirely true. It was time to continue down the path that had started to be cleared for me. And I knew that the people I loved, and who loved and supported me, would be there every step of the way to carry me when I got tired, to pick me up when I fell, and to urge me on when I wanted to turn around. Bella would be there to hold my hand, to climb the steep hills, and to roll down the other side. I could, in my mind's eye, imagine her, happily lying in the grass, eyes closed, dark curls haphazardly cast around her, the sun lighting up her face. And I smiled.
