Stitches

Once again, I don't own Twilight. That's getting really depressing to write.
If you read my story, PLEASE review! I need feedback. Even if you hate it, review. Pleeeease.

I felt like my throat was on fire. I hadn't breathed in ages, but somehow, the smell got through to me, overriding all my senses. I had tasted her blood, I knew how good it was, the slightest slip in concentration and I would lunge at her. Only my love, so strong, could conquer this. The rest of my family was nearly as consumed by thirst as I was. Jasper's thoughts were no longer coherent, just a need for Bella's blood. Alice had remained reasonably calm, she loved Bella almost as much as I did, and she wasn't breathing. Esme and Emmett were having difficulty too. They were both in control though, thinking about Bella as a person, rather than a meal. Rosalie was in control too. Though, unlike the rest of my family, it wasn't because she loved Bella.
'He should have known this would happen sooner or later. It's hardly surprising.' I would've growled at her, but I had no breath. Carlisle didn't seem affected at all. This made me feel weak.
'Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside,' he commanded. They both moved over to restrain him, Emmett's face uncharacteristically serious. Jasper struggled with them, completely beyond reason. I released my hold on him on crouched over Bella, in case he broke free. They wrestled him outside.

Esme followed them, with a hand over her mouth and nose. Loving and caring as she was, she couldn't stand this side of her nature.
'I'm so sorry, Bella,' she sobbed. Carlisle came over to me.
'Let me by, Edward.' He murmured. I still wasn't thinking clearly. It took me a second before I registered that Carlisle was still breathing and his eyes were a deep gold. He wasn't overcome by thirst like me. He knelt down to examine Bella's arm. She still looked shocked. She managed to compose her face a little.
'Here, Carlisle,' Alice was handing Bella a towel. She looked calm too. I was the only one in the room still struggling not to hurt Bella. Carlisle shook his head at her.
'Too much glass in the wound. He formed a rough tourniquet out of a strip of tablecloth. 'Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?'
'Here, please,' she whispered.
'I'll get your bag,' said Alice as she left the room.
'Let's take her to the table,' suggested Carlisle. I nodded, I had no breath to speak. Picking Bella up was no harder than usual, but nearly impossible. This close, her blood was almost irresistible. Carlisle kept a steady pressure on her arm as we walked.
'How are you doing Bella?' he asked.
'I'm fine,' her voice was steady, but barely so.

Alice was already in the room, with the bag on the table and a light turned on. I put Bella down in a chair, and Carlisle pulled one up next to her. He started picking out bits of glass. I stood over her, not sure what I was protecting her from, but unwilling to leave her.
'Just go Edward,' she sighed.
'I can handle it,' I said through my teeth. But I knew my face would contradict my words.
'You don't have to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air,' she insisted. She winced as Carlisle kept working on her arm. I couldn't leave her. I didn't want to be weak.
'I'll stay.'
'Why are you so masochistic?' she mumbled. I ignored her. Carlisle sighed.
'Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now.'
'Yes,' Bella said eagerly, 'go find Jasper.'
'You might as well do something useful,' Alice added from the corner. I narrowed my eyes. They were all ganging up on me. Giving me a job to make me feel special, like I was a child. But it was better than waiting here, watching Carlisle do what I was unable to, fighting the urge to kill her. I nodded and fled the room.

I slipped outside, then ran, as fast as I could, following Jasper's scent trail. It felt good, but still somehow wrong to breathe. I found him a few miles away; he had distanced himself so he wouldn't be tempted to return. I could smell Emmett and Rosalie somewhere nearby. Giving him some privacy, but still there, just in case.
'Edward,' he thought, 'I'm so sorry. It's, my fault. I'm so weak. I couldn't stop myself. I wasn't myself. I had no control. I'll leave. I'll go to Denali.' I just stood, impassive. He looked up at me, his eyes still black, but filled with guilt.
'It's not your fault,' I sighed. I wanted to blame him, it would be so easy. But Bella wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for me. If I didn't exist, which I shouldn't, she would have spent the night at home, or with her friends. Every day she suffered because of what I was. It couldn't be Jasper' fault.
'Then whose fault is it? Not Bella's. And it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't there.'
'
It's my fault Jasper. She wouldn't have been there if not for me.'
'That's just stupid, Edward. You kno-'Alice entered the clearing. She immediately sat by Jasper.
'No one blames you. It's not your fault.' As always, Alice knew exactly what he was thinking. She put an arm around him.
'Don't try to make me feel better. If I wasn't in the room when she cut herself, the rest of you would have been fine.' He shrugged out of her hold.
'Well, Bella doesn't blame you, and neither does Edward.' She retorted. 'You couldn't help it.' Jasper just sighed and looked at his hands.
'Exactly, I couldn't help it. I'm too weak.'
'Leave.' Thought Alice, 'you need to go back to Bella, they should be done by now. I'll talk him round. We'll go to Denali for a while if we have to. We'll say goodbye later.' I nodded and left, back to Bella.

The first thing that hit me when I got back was the smell. I had braced myself for it, but it wasn't something I could prepare for. I stalled outside for a while, preparing myself. Alice came to my side.
'He's wallowing. I'll talk to him later.' She said quietly. We entered through the back door. I could smell straight bleach. The smell hurt my nose, and it was a relief. That wasn't a good sign. Alice raced towards Bella, but I stayed back, not trusting myself and hating myself for it.
'C'mon,' Alice said, 'I'll get you something less macabre to wear.' They disappeared upstairs.
'Are you okay?' thought Carlisle.
'I'm fine,' I answered stiffly. Something about my face kept him from pressing it. I tried not to read his thoughts. Alice and Bella were talking upstairs. Bella was whispering, trying not to be heard. It didn't make a difference.
'Alice.'
'Yes,' Alice sounded curious.
'How bad is it?'
'I'm not sure yet.'
'How's Jasper?'
'He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much of a challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak.'
'It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?'
'Of course.'

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, I held the door open for her without a word. I didn't trust myself to speak. She walked towards me warily. This made me feel uncomfortable. She didn't know how to act around me.
'Take your things!' Alice cried, trying to alleviate the tension She passed Bella the camera, and two packages.
'Lighten up Edward. You're freaking her out,' she thought at me.
'You can thank me later, when you've opened them,' she said aloud. Carlisle and Esme moved over to say goodnight to Bella. All three of them kept stealing glances at me when they thought I wasn't looking. Like I was a bomb about to go off if they said the wrong thing.

We walked to the car in silence, they roses and lanterns completely at odds with the atmosphere. I opened the passenger door, and she got in, thankfully without complaint. She pulled the big, reed ribbon of the radio and kicked it under the chair. I pretended not to notice. I broke the silence by starting up the trucks engine. It sounded even louder than usual in the gloomy silence.
'Say something,' she finally begged. I wanted to hold her, tell her how sorry I was, that it was all my fault. Instead I said,
'What do you want me to say?' I worked hard to keep my voice detached.
'Tell me you forgive me.'
'Forgive you? For what?' What had she done wrong? She was being ridiculous. I flicker of anger broke through my carefully composed mask.
'If I'd been more careful, nothing would've happened.'
'Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut. That hardly deserves the death penalty.'
'It's still my fault.' How on earth was it her fault? If I couldn't blame Jasper, there was no way I was blaming Bella.
'Your fault?' If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could have possibly happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own – without someone throwing you into them – even then what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up – and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the while time he was there. Don't try and take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself.'
'How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?'
'Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with.' I growled.
'I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton. I'd rather die than be with a anyone but you.' Normally her melodrama would have brought a smile to my lips. But I was too mad.
'Don't be melodramatic, please.'
'Well then, don't you be ridiculous.' How was I being ridiculous? She was the one trying to blame herself or getting a paper cut. I didn't answer though. She too, remained silent, until we pulled up in front of her house.

'Will you stay tonight?' she asked. I didn't want to. I wanted to be alone.
'I should go home.'
'For my birthday.' This almost made me smile.
'You can't have it both ways – either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other.'
'Okay. I've decided I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs.' She got out of the car, and reached for the presents. As if she had really wanted them. I frowned.
'You don't have to take those.'
'I want them.'
'No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you.'
'I'll live.' She was mad now. She slammed the door and started to walk away. That wasn't right. I got out to, and was by her side in less than a second.
'Let me carry them, at least.' I said, taking them before she could reply. 'I'll be in your room.' She smiled.
'Thanks.'
'Happy Birthday,' I answered and I leant down to kiss her. As usual, she stood on her tiptoes to try to make it last longer, but I pulled away, smiling, then ran around the back of the house.

I climbed up the tree next to her window, jumped into her room. I heard her greet Charlie. She told him about the party, skipping all the details of the, incident. When he asked her about the bandage, she told him she tripped. I sat in the center of the bed, idly playing with one of the presents. Without her presence, I slipped back into my melancholy mood of before. I didn't deserve Bella; all I did was put her in danger and hurt her. A less selfish creature would have left her alone by now. She entered in her pajamas, smelling of toothpaste.
'Hi,' I said. She took the presents off me and snuggled into my lap.
'Hi, can I open my presents now?'
'Where did all the enthusiasm come from?'
'You made me curious.' She picked up Carlisle and Esme's present. I didn't quite trust her though.
'Allow me,' I said, taking it off her and opening it. I handed her the long rectangular box inside.
'Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?' she grumbled. I ignored her. She opened it and looked at the tickets inside, confused.
'We're going to Jacksonville?' she said excitedly. That was funny; I thought she'd be upset.
'That's the idea.'
'I can't believe it. Renee's going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day.'
'I think I can handle it. If I had any idea you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain.'
'Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!' I chuckled.
'Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize you were capable of being reasonable.' She put the tickets away and reached for my present. I unwrapped it for her.
'What is it?' she asked. I took the CD from her and played it in the CD player. Her lullaby filled the room. She just listened speechless. She started to cry, but wiped away the tears. Why was she crying? I thought she's be happy.
'Does your arm hurt?' I asked, anxious.
'No it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I'd love more. I can't believe it.' She was happy.
'I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here.' I explained.
'You're right.'
'How does your arm feel?'
'Just fine.' She said, but her face betrayed her. She was a horrible liar.
'I'll get you some Tylenol.'
'I don't need anything,' she lied again. I just slid her off my lap and walked towards the door.
'Charlie,' she hissed. As if he would catch me.
'He won't catch me.' I ran quietly to the bathroom and picked up the full glass of water from the counter and the pills from the medicine cabinet. She took them without bothering to argue.
'It's late,' I said. Bella needed to sleep. I picked her up and tucked her into her bed and lay down beside her. She leaned her head against my shoulder.
'Thanks again,' she whispered happily.
'You're welcome.' Her lullaby ended and Esme's favorite song started. She obviously wanted me, and thought that I was good for her. But I wasn't. Quite simply, she was my prey. I was designed to kill her. My being here wasn't helping her; I wasn't any good for her. But I needed her. I couldn't remember how to live without her; I didn't know how I'd cope. So what was good for me, was potentially disastrous for her. But was it right for me to leave her? She would never want to let me go, even if it was what was best for her. She had no sense of self preservation.
'What are you thinking about?' she asked, breaking my reverie. I hesitated, I obviously couldn't tell he the whole truth.
'I was thinking about right and wrong, actually.' She frowned slightly. She didn't like my answer. She changed to subject.
'Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?' she asked.
'Yes,' I answered warily.
'Well, I was thinking, because it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again.'
'You're greedy tonight.'
'Yes, I am – but please don't do anything you don't want to do.' She added. I laughed and then sighed. I had to do things I didn't want to do, if they were what was best for her.
'Heaven forbid I would do anything I don't want to do.' But I kissed her anyway. I started as carefully as usual, and listened to Bella's heart overreact. But then everything became clear. If I was going to follow my previous train of thought, which I had pretty much decided I would, this could be the last time I kissed Bella. My free hand, that wasn't holding Bella's face, twisted into her hair, holding her close to me. Her hands twisted in my hair too, and, for once, I didn't stop her. She held me close, and then I came back to myself, I didn't want to hurt her. I pushed her away gently. She collapsed onto her pillow gasping.
'Sorry,' I panted, 'that was out of line.'
'I don't mind,' she answered quickly. I frowned.
'Try to sleep, Bella,'
'No, I want you to kiss me again.'
'You're overestimating my self-control' I sighed.
'Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?'
'It's a tie.' I grinned, 'Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?'
'Fine.' She agreed and snuggled closer. She pressed her arm to my shoulder. It probably hurt again, and I was as good as ice to her.

Soon, I would have to leave. I wasn't good for her. I would never hurt her again. This would be the last night I spent with her. In a few days, I would tell her I didn't want her anymore, that she was no good for me. Tomorrow, I would start telling the biggest lie of my life.

Hope you liked it, not quite as long as the last one, but still took ages. I'll probably update again next weekend. Mwah.