The End
Still don't own Twilight.
Okay, I've
kinda ditched Jacob's POV. He's boring, and I am so Team Edward…
If you want to know Jacob's POV, read my friend Pirate Bee's
story. I f you don't know who she is, she's one of the only two
people reviewing me…Grrrr. This is going to be a long chapter. Bear
with me. AND REVIEW.
That night, Bella's sleep talking was more frantic than usual. She said my name, and that she loved me, but that was normal. It didn't bring the usual smugness though. She tossed and turned too. I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't stand staying. When she finally slipped into a gentle, dreamless sleep, I was relieved. I climbed silently out the window, and ran all the way to my family's house. No doubt Alice already knew what I had planned, and so by now would the rest of the family. I thought up arguments as I ran, trying to distract myself from the disturbing thought that I had run this same way yesterday morning, in a haste to get back to the girl I was now running from. I reached the house all too soon; I wasn't prepared for what I had to do yet.
As soon as I entered, I was besieged
by Alice.
'Edward, don't do it. It will destroy both of you.
You can't Edward. Please. I love her too. I won't let you hurt
her,' she half pleaded, half commanded.
'If I stay, it will
destroy us. This way, it might only destroy me,' I said gently.
Slightly louder, I addressed my family. 'No doubt Alice has already
told you, I'm leaving. My very existence threatens Bella; I won't
hurt her, or put her in danger anymore.'
The rest of the family
was standing in a loose semi-circle near the door.
'We'll come
with you,' Emmett said immediately. Rosalie glared at him frostily.
'Well, I'll come,' he added quickly.
'We'll all come,
Carlisle said gently.
'You don't have to leave,' Esme
thought at me.
'I do. I can't live here, not when the price
could be Bella's life. I have three options. Stay, and put her
life in danger every second we're together. I could change her, but
I won't take away her soul like that. Or I could leave. She won't
be in danger and I… I'll live.'
'You'll destroy her,
she can't live without you,' Alice wailed.
'She's human;
she'll forget and move on.' I said coldly.
'And what about
you?' she asked, 'Will you move on?'
'It doesn't matter
about me. Bella's life is more important.' Alice just glared at
me.
'It's about time we move on anyway, I'm claiming that I
am thirty-three, I look about twenty-five. We all know we can only
stay in one place for so long.' That was Carlisle. I would have
smiled at him for supporting me, but those muscles didn't seem to
work anymore.
'Bella, my daughter, he'll ruin both their
lives.' Esme thought.
'I'm so sorry, Edward,' said
Jasper solemnly, 'this is all my fault.'
'No, Carlisle's
right, we have to leave anyway. I'm not human. I can't pretend
that I am for Bella.' As I spoke those words, I desperately willed
myself to believe them.
'Great. So we're leaving, because of
Edward's stupid obsession with that human girl,' said Rosalie. A
growl rose up in my throat, and I barely restrained myself from
pouncing on her. Alice put her hand on my arm.
'We'll go to
Europe,' said Carlisle, 'We'll start again. My friends over
there told me of a house that would suit our needs.'
'I think…
I need to be….alone… for a while,' Jasper whispered in a
strained voice.
'It's all my fault, it's all my fault.
Stupid, weak…' he was thinking.
'I don't think I'll
be joining you for a while either.' I said, 'I might live alone
for a bit.' I didn't think I could stand living with my family,
not so soon after losing Bella. The idea of spending all day around
Rosalie made me feel slightly nauseated.
'Whatever you need
son,' said Carlisle sympathetically, 'we'll leave tomorrow
morning, you can join us when you're ready.' He was planning what
he would say to the rest of the hospital. Alice was sulking in the
corner. She came up to me again.
'You are so stupid. You think
you are doing the right thing by Bella, but you will destroy her. She
can't live without you.' While everyone was talking, Jasper had
slipped out.
'I'm going to try to convince Jasper to go to
Denali. If you get a chance, tell Bella it wasn't my choice, I'm
sorry I didn't say goodbye, and I love her,' she glared at me and
disappeared out the door.
'I'll miss Bella too,' Emmett had
come up behind me, 'She was a little sister to me.'
'You're
being so stupid Edward. But what can I expect?' sneered Rosalie as
she followed Emmett upstairs. Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder.
'I know you think you're doing the right thing son. It's up
to you,' Esme just hugged me wordlessly, sobbing quietly. Finally,
I stood alone in the empty room. I turned and ran back to Bella, my
heart heavy in my chest.
I sat watching Bella sleep. She was still restless, and light was beginning to spill through the window. Eventually she woke up, looking un-rested, despite her full night's sleep. I was careful to keep my expression smooth and unfeeling as I kissed her forehead and climbed out the window. I back to my now empty home, started up the car and left, without going inside.
I was at the school far too early. I
sat in the car without turning on the music. Finally, she arrived. I
tried not to make my relief show as I opened the door for her.
'How
is your arm?' I asked. Even if I was leaving, I didn't want her
to be hurting.
'Perfect,' she said, but she cringed as I
slammed the door. The rest of the morning she seemed inpatient, but
didn't say anything. Whenever the need to talk to her was too
strong, I would ask about her arm. She always said it didn't hurt,
but she didn't convince me.
When we sat down to lunch, she was
still looking impatient. After a while, I realized she was waiting
for Alice. She watched as members of Alice's French class filed
into the cafeteria. I thought about passing on Alice's message, but
I couldn't bring myself to. I concentrated on slowly dissecting a
granola bar.
'Where's Alice?' she asked.
'She's
with Jasper.' It was the truth, technically.
'Is he
okay?'
'He's gone away for a while.'
'What?
Where?'
'Nowhere in particular.'
'And Alice too,'
this seemed to depress her.
'Yes. She'll be gone for a while.
She was trying to convince him to go to Denali.' This seemed to
distress her even more. I felt the familiar surge of frustration as I
tried to imagine what was going on inside her head.
'Is your
arm bothering you?'
'Who cares about my stupid arm?' she
muttered. I didn't respond, and after a while she put her head down
on the table. That was about our conversation for the day.
Finally, school was over and I
walked her too her truck.
'You'll come over later tonight?'
she asked, her first words since lunchtime. This surprised me.
Usually I came over first thing after school.
'Later?'
'I
have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off.'
'Oh,' I murmured. As if it had done Bella any good to have
yesterday off. I remembered Alice and my stubborn persistence to have
her over for her party. In that moment, I hated Mrs. Newton for
letting Bella have yesterday off. Then I remembered that I wasn't
allowed to blame anyone but me. We had been lucky yesterday hadn't
happened sooner. It was inevitable. Bella was speaking to me.
'So
you'll come over when I'm home though, right?'
'If you
want me to,' I answered, once again working hard to keep my voice
detached.
'I'll always want you.' She replied earnestly.
Usually I would have smiled, or laughed.
'All right then,' I
said as I kissed her forehead, shut the door, and headed back to my
car. It was nearly impossible not to look back.
I pulled in at home. Then I realized I was being stupid. Why had I come here? It was empty. I pulled out of the garage again, and headed to Bella's house. I would spend some time with Charlie.
I let myself into Bella's house.
Charlie was sitting on the couch, watching TV.
'Good afternoon
Chief Swan,' I greeted him politely.
'Edward? What are you
doing here? Bella's working this afternoon, she won't be back
till later.'
'I know. My family is out, so I thought I'd
wait for her here. Is that okay?'
'Yeah, sure, fine.' He
answered, 'have a seat.'
We watched a game. I wasn't sure
which one. I wasn't paying attention. When Charlie asked me which
team I supported, I picked what he wanted me to say out of his head.
Half way through, Charlie got up to get some pizza. He didn't
bother offering me some. Finally, it ended and ESPN SportsCenter came
on. I heard Bella's truck pull up in the driveway. I concentrated
on the TV, trying to make it appear that my attention was solely
there.
'Dad? Edward'
'In here,' called Charlie
'Hi,'
she greeted us. She seemed weak. Probably freaked out as to why I was
watching the TV. I worked hard not to look up at her.
'Hey,
Bella. We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the
table.'
'Okay,' she answered, but she didn't move. I
waited, but still, she didn't move. She was waiting for some form
of response from me. I looked over my shoulder at her.
'I'll
join you in a second,' I promised, making my eyes flicker back to
the TV, as though it held any remote interest for me. She left. I
heard her go into the kitchen, but she didn't eat. Charlie started
to talk to me. I responded, trying to put the appropriate level of
enthusiasm into my voice. She sat still for a long time, then she
flicked through her scrapbook, and headed upstairs. I heard her take
a picture of her room. Then she sneaked back downstairs, probably
trying to surprise us. I humored her. I didn't look up.
She snapped the picture of us, after
hesitating for a while. I looked at her, keeping my expression blank.
'What are you doing, Bella?' Charlie complained. She tried to
smile.
'Oh come on,' she said, moving to sit on the floor in
front of Charlie, 'You know Mum will be calling to ask if I'm
using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her
feelings hurt.'
'Why are you taking pictures of me
though?'
'Because you're so handsome. And because you
brought the camera, you're obligated to be one of the subjects.'
Charlie just mumbled grumpily. She tossed the camera to me, 'Hey,
Edward, take one of me and my dad together.' I caught the camera
and Bella moved to kneel by Charlie. She wasn't smiling.
'You
need to smile Bella.' She tried, and I flashed the camera.
'Let
me take one of you kids.' Charlie suggested, trying, just like his
daughter, to step out of the spotlight. I tossed the camera to him,
and Bella came over to me. I put my hand lightly on her shoulder and
she wrapped her arm, slightly tighter, around my waist. It felt to
formal and structured.
'Smile, Bella,' said Charlie and he
took the picture. I dropped my arm and twisted out of her grip and
sat back down. She sat back down next to Charlie. I had the strange
feeling, that out of the three of us, Charlie was the only one really
watching the TV.
After the show, I stood up.
'I'd
better get home.'
'See ya,' answered Charlie, without
looking up. I left, and Bella followed me. I walked to my car before
she spoke.
'Will you stay?' she didn't sound hopeful.
'Not
tonight.' I didn't give a reason and she didn't ask for one. I
drove back to my empty house, only to run back to Bella and watch her
sleep. I made no contact, just listened to her restless dreams.
The next morning, I left before Bella woke up, ran home, and drove to school. I didn't speak to Bella as she pulled up after me, just walked with her to her class. She seemed distracted, and in English, Mr. Berty asked her a question three times, before I picked the correct answer out of his head and whispered it to her. That was the only time we talked all day. At lunch she gave her camera to Jessica to take pictures of her friends and Jessica returned it, out of film, at the end of lunch. At the end of the day, I walked her to her car silently, and then drove back to my house. I sat in the forest until night fell, and I knew she'd be asleep. I ran to her house to watch her dream, only to leave before she woke up.
Once again, the school day passed
without either of us speaking to each other. I'd decided today was
the day I would leave. When she got in the car, I spoke to her, for
the first time all day.
'Do you mind if I come over today?'
'Of
course not.'
'Now?'
'Sure. I was just going to drop a
letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there.'
I couldn't wait. I had to do this before my courage expired. I
snagged the letter.
'I'll do it. And I'll still beat you
there.' I tried to smile, but she wasn't convinced.
'Okay.'
I drove to the mailbox at top speed,
then to Bella's house. Charlie wasn't home yet, so I parked in
his spot. I waited until I heard the truck pull in, preparing myself
for what I had to do. When she pulled in, I got out of my car to
greet her.
'Come for a walk with me,' I suggested, keeping my
face blank. I took her hand. I pulled her along when she didn't
respond. She looked panicked. I didn't take her far before I
stopped. If I wasn't going to be there to take her back, I didn't
want her to get lost.
'Okay, let's talk,' she said, before I
could start. I took a deep breath. From now on, I couldn't go
back.
'Bella, we're leaving.' She didn't seem as panicked
as I thought she'd be.
'Why now? Another year-'
'Bella,
it's time. How much longer can we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle
can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three right
now. We'd have to start over soon, regardless.' I tried
desperately to convince myself that this was why I was leaving. That
we had to go, I couldn't stay here… Bella looked confused. I
wanted so badly to reach out to her and hold her. Tell her I was so
sorry, I couldn't bear to leave her. I pushed my selfish side down
and stared back at her coldly. You've got to be cruel to be kind I
thought grimly.
'When you say we-'she whispered.
'I
mean my family and myself,' I replied firmly. She shook her head
mechanically, and couldn't speak for a few minutes. Just like me,
unable to comprehend any future without the other in it.
'Okay,
I'll come with you.' She said finally. I wanted so badly to say
yes.
'You can't, Bella. Where we're going…It's not the
right place for you.'
'Where you are is the right place for
me.'
'I'm no good for you, Bella.' It felt a relief to be
finally speaking the truth, though I knew if I were to do this, it
couldn't last.
'Don't be ridiculous,' she practically
begged, 'You're the very best part of my life.'
'My world
is not for you,'
'What happened with Jasper – that was
nothing, Edward, nothing.'
'You're right. It was exactly
what was to be expected.'
'You promised! In Phoenix you
promised that you would stay-'
'As long as that was best for
you.'
'No! This is about my soul isn't it?' she
shouted, 'Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward.
I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you –
It's yours already!' There was no getting around it. I hardened
by resolve as I stared unseeing at the ground.
'Bella, I don't
want you to come with me,' I sad slowly. She paused, seeming to not
be able o comprehend those words, as I couldn't. I expected her to
call me a fraud, and bring up every little act and every time I'd
proved that I couldn't exist without her.
'You…don't…want
me?' she asked.
'No.'
'Well, that changes things.'
She believed me. I tried to feel relived, but I couldn't. It was
all I could do not to fall to the floor and weep. What had I done
wrong? How hadn't I convinced her of my undying devotion to her? I
looked into the trees as I answered.
'Of course I'll always
love you…in a way. But I'm…tired of pretending to be something
I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long
and I'm sorry for that.'
'Don't,' she whispered, 'Don't
do this.'
'You're not good for me Bella.'
'If…that's
what you want.' I nodded, as if it somehow reduced the impact of
the lie if I didn't say it aloud.
'I'd like to ask one
favor though, if that's not too much,' she looked at me, and I
knew she wouldn't argue with anything I said.
'Anything.' I
couldn't keep my voice detached anymore, this was too
important.
'Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you
understand what I'm saying?' she just nodded. My face became
blank again, reassured that she would be safe in my absence.
'I'm
thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of
yourself-for him.'
'I will.' She whispered.
'And I'll
make you a promise in return. I promise this will be the last time
you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through
anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any
interference from me. It will be as if I never existed.' I was
really promising this to myself. I would never hurt Bella again. She
started to shake. I made a massive effort to smile at her.
'Don't
worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time
heals all wounds for your kind.'
'And your memories?'
'Well,'
I paused. Obviously I couldn't let on the agony I was preparing
myself for without her, 'I won't forget. But my kind…we're
very easily distracted. That's everything I suppose. We won't
bother you again.' I took a step back.
'Alice isn't coming
back,' she realized.
'No. They're all gone. I stayed behind
to tell you goodbye.'
'Alice is gone?' she asked, still
disbelieving.
'She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her a
clean break would be better for you.' It was as close to the truth
as I could say.
'Goodbye, Bella.' I said quietly.
'Wait,'
she choked, and tried to stagger forward. I reached for her
automatically. I put her arms by her sides and pressed my lips to her
forehead. She closed her eyes.
'Take care of yourself.' I
whispered. I ran away, and didn't look back.
That's it for now. I'll update again next weekend, if I can.
