November, 1986

Michael sleepily opened his eyes to the pale morning sunlight filtering in through Lindsay's bedroom window. It took him a second to remember why he was in his sister's bed. He turned his head to look at her. She was still facing away from him. She hadn't moved all night. He tried to convince himself that there was no reason to feel the creeping sense of guilt he felt when he saw her sleeping next to him. They hadn't done anything wrong, she'd been upset and she'd asked him to stay with her, so he had. It wasn't like he could have said no. And he didn't want to, he wanted to be there for her when she needed him and to make her feel less alone. They'd slept in the same bed before on family vacations when there was limited space, this wasn't any different.

And it had been nice, aside from the awkwardness. He'd felt so close to her last night. He wasn't sure if it would last. Lately it had seemed like the closer they got the further she pushed him away the next day. But maybe it would be different this time. He hoped so. He'd only just realized how much she meant to him. He wished it hadn't taken a crisis like this to make him see that.

His eyes traveled from her bare shoulders and back under the lacy white straps of her nightgown to the smooth curve of her hips under the pale yellow bedspread. He knew people with her disorder had distorted body images but it was still hard to understand how she couldn't see what a great body she had. He turned away and looked up at the ceiling. That was probably a weird thing to think, especially in a situation like this. But anyone could see that she had a nice body, he was just noticing it. It wasn't like he felt anything for her. Of course he didn't feel anything for her, she was his sister.

"Hey, who took the cap off my fucking Glisten?!" he heard his father say from across the hall. He felt a stab of panic. What if someone came in and saw him there? He didn't know why anyone would come into Lindsay's room at this time, but the thought of trying to explain why he was in her bed was enough to make him want to leave as soon as possible. He tried to climb out from under the blankets without waking her up, but it was difficult when they were so close together.

"Mmm," she murmured, rolling over to face him. Her eyes were still red and puffy from the night before, but she was smiling shyly at him now. "Good morning," she said, laughing nervously. He laughed, too.

"Good morning," he said. "How are you feeling?"

She smiled. "Better. Thanks again."

"Yeah, sure."

They both looked away from each other. An uncomfortable silence hung between them.

"I'm gonna go now," he said awkwardly.

"Okay," she said, sounding relieved.

He got up and quickly crossed the room. He paused for a second when he reached the door, trying to listen for anyone in the hallway. He couldn't be sure, but he didn't want Lindsay to notice his hesitation, so he prayed no one was there and opened the door. He breathed a quiet sigh of relief when he saw that the hallway was empty, quietly closed Lindsay's door, and hurried to his own room.

It was hard not to feel guilty when he was sneaking around like this, but it was just because it would be hard to explain why he was there without embarrassing Lindsay. And he had to admit it would look weird, even though it wasn't, and the horror of any of them thinking for even a second that something inappropriate was going on between them was reason enough to keep the fact that he'd spent the night with her a secret. Still, it was hard to shake the feeling that he'd done something wrong.