December, 1986
Lindsay flipped through the radio stations as she drove to school. The sky was white with morning clouds.
"Whoa, you're swerving!" Michael said.
"Whoops," she said, looking back up at the road.
"Here, let me do that," Michael said, changing the station.
"Hey, go back to that one," Lindsay said when he passed over Madonna.
"Ugh, really?"
"Yeah, I like that song!"
"Fine." He changed it back.
"It's almost over anyway," she pointed out. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat. "True love…" she sang. Michael groaned. She laughed and sang louder. "You're the one I'm dreaming of… Your heart fits me like a glove. And I'm gonna be, true blue, baby, I love you, I love you…"
"Okay, that's enough," Michael interrupted. She laughed and punched his arm, causing her to swerve again.
"Careful!" he said.
"Oh, damn," she said, righting the car.
"I'll never understand how you got your license."
"Driving is all about confidence," she replied.
"Well, that's reassuring."
The song ended and "Ghost Dancing" by Simple Minds began.
"Much better," Michael said.
"Oh yeah!" she said, turning up the volume. Simple Minds was one of the few bands they agreed upon.
She and Michael had become much closer since Thanksgiving. This was mostly because Lindsay's friendships had all but dissolved in the last few months. She'd been too depressed to socialize since May, and she'd canceled so many plans that her friends just stopped inviting her to things. She hadn't minded at the time since she didn't want to go anyway and it saved her from having to lie about what she was doing every evening while she was in treatment. Everyone at school had probably noticed how thin she'd become, but it still wasn't something she wanted to talk to anyone about. But now that she finally felt up to leaving the house again it was a little lonely. But she was too embarrassed to try to reconnect with her friends after months of barely speaking to them, so she'd been spending all her time with Michael instead. It was a little embarrassing that the only person who wanted to hang out with her was her brother, but she didn't mind it as much as she'd thought she would. She actually preferred him to her friends, with whom she'd always had a rather competitive relationship. It was so much easier to talk to him, and she loved that he genuinely liked spending time with her. She needed someone like that at the moment.
In fact, she was sure the reason her recovery was going so much better was him. Talking to him was the only thing that could distract her when she was obsessing about her weight. And her weight was taking up a much smaller portion of her thoughts now, anyway. Though she would never admit it, she knew the reason was that she was so excited about this change in their relationship. It was strange to feel this way after spending her whole life with him, but something was different between them, something thrilling and confusing that she tried not to think too hard about. She was just glad that she finally felt happy again.
She was still secretly skipping lunch. She'd been doing this since June, sitting in the car reading magazines while Michael thought she was eating with her friends. Lately she'd been forcing herself to eat something occasionally, but most days she didn't. It was hard to motivate herself when no one would know either way. She knew she had to start eating with Michael. It would be much too awkward to try to reconnect with her friends after months of barely speaking to them, and she needed someone to keep her on track. She'd been meaning to do this for a while now, but it was difficult to get up the courage since she wouldn't be able to change her mind afterwards. If she started eating lunch with him regularly he would notice if she started skipping it again. But it would be nice to talk to him in the middle of the day, and she knew she couldn't say she was recovered until she stopped doing this. She wanted so badly for this chapter of her life to be over.
"Michael?" she said.
"Yeah?"
"Can I eat lunch with you today?"
"Uh, yeah, sure," he said, surprised.
"It's just, things have been a little awkward with my friends lately," she explained, feeling a little embarrassed.
"Oh. Sorry about that."
"It's fine, I'm not worried about it," she said quickly. "I just don't want to eat by myself."
"Okay. Well, yeah, that will be fun."
"Thanks," she said, feeling a rush of affection for him. She could tell he really meant it, he was actually excited that she wanted to have lunch with him.
"I love this part," she said, turning the volume up even higher.
"Yeah, me too," he agreed.
"The car pulled up, the girl she jumped in," she sang along and bobbed her head to the music, her green lightning-shaped earrings dangling.
"Oh no, not again," Michael groaned. She laughed and continued.
"She said one last kiss while you look across the land
Move me into overdrive, take me by the hand
The car went broke!
The rebels saw smoke!
And they all went to heaven in a stupid fantasy, go!"
She threw her head back on the last line and laughed.
"Pay attention!" Michael said, though he was laughing, too. Lindsay returned her attention to the road.
"Take me away…" she continued to sing absentmindedly. She saw him smiling at her out of the corner of her eye and felt a fluttering sensation in her chest. Stop it, she told herself.
