With Ash and his friends safely having outsmarted team rocket once again we join our heros in a completely different location than we - wait, what?

Did... did they change their outfits? Because, they never. EVER. Change their outfits. Were the new outfits picked out by a team of disney stylists?

They were wearing skinny, skinny slacks for ladies. In the colours dark purple, dark maroon and dark lilac. Their boots were tall and laced up and spiky.

And secretly they were wearing dark purple socks with little pouty-lipped monkeys winking and saying "sassy and classy" in a small off-white speech bubble.

Their ridiculously expensive yet torn and frayed scarfs were a different shade of purple than their pants yet matched just enough to give them that bohemian look. They hung loose around their necks.

Under their pants they wore tight, white underwear. It was whiter and tighter than a freshly cleaned polar bear super-glued to another freshly cleaned polar bear.

And no shirts or chest hair.

They also had a secret love of the story My Immortal, because if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr!.

Are.. are those luxuriously condition luscious lochs of loveliness spurting from the scalps of our able bodied heros? Could it possibly be the three most lustily sought after "male" fingers (TEHWHW_) in ameeeerika today?

"Joe! Kevin! Time for another shot of [really funny alcohol]"

It seemed that it very well could be.

"Whaddaya, a gaddamn crazy namby boy? Jim Dale didn't say anything on the list, ya gaddam moron!"

"Yah he diddd Jo! He said "Dumbledore's eyes twinkled over his half-moon spectacles" I heard himm!"

"Shut up ya ding-bong. Lemme see the list a rules."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EDUCATIONAL BREAK~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So guy(s), this is a Harry Potter drinking game.

We will listen to a Harry Potter audio-book

and drink every time:

call hermione bossy

describe hermione as unattrative

harry feels sorry for self

harry takes out anger on friends

harry gets undue attentino

harry gets ver lucky

a weasley turns bright red

harry thinks/talks about drco unnecessarily

everytime they think snapes bad when hes goood!!!!

everytime the hufflepuffians suck diiiiikcck

neville apologetic for existence

lie

care about school work (WHAT)

unnatural talents

gerbione kusa yj hwvs

hernklbd outa ttb ghabs'

hrtmiobw [piurewqts umop habd'

hermione pyuts ytyup ghanssaad

foreshadowing somethingthat wont happen for 2+ books

say something brirish

diumbledore twinkles

quidditch heroics

mcgonnagal has thin mouth

We can straighten these rules out for you if you have trouble understanding them...

percy pompous

wizard customs

wizards amazed by muggles

scabbers is lazy

intense danger!! noble!!!

are nosy

marauders are frail, dead

assumptions they are wrong!!!

hrmione and ron pee eachother offf

harry is embarassed by wealth

waesley is poor

draco sneers

crazy flashbacks

harry brings up dead parents

voldemort hisses

voldemort is sub human

voldemort is a snake

kids are rebellious

umbridge simpers

dudley is stupid

dudley is likened to a large mammal

ucnle vernon splutters / is purple

snape is greasy

good food on hogwarts tables

harry doesnt feel like eating that food

hermoine goes to library

student mentions teachers on staff table

Hagrid is uncultured (generally)

ron is afraid of spiders

harry's glasses are broken

dudley has friends

harry is skinny

harry has jet black hair

harry looks like his dad

harry does patronus

harry fails patronus

mention of DA curse

harry is whispered about

people break out in whispers

harrrys reputation!!!! slandered

harry nightmares

ron and hermione are exasperated by harry's crazyideas

no one understans harry/harry finds out someone understood him all along

neville is victimized

a creevey is described as small

hair colour is mentioned

draco faintly blushes

draco is pale

draco has double standards

really really gay comebacks and jokes but people act like they're really funny or offensive

a person who is a minority speaks

there si a hilarious accent!!!

hedwig is mad at harry

hedwig nips him

eats his food

peopel have hats

wizards have funny muggle clothes

muggles are scared of wizards being nice

harry is ANGYR

thing are gem coloured

fred and george talk in unidon, are mistaken for eachother, GRIN mischeviously

elves refer o themselves on 3rd person

harry and draco get into a fight but are interrupted!!

harry's hand claps to his forehead

SCAR

harry fumbles with wand

SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN HARRY AND DRACO

utilizes glasses for peering purposes

krum is surly n burly

DUMBLEDORE IS A BIG HOMO e.g. lemon drops!!

voldemort is not quite alive

slytherin girls are bitchy, e.g. ;pansy BITCH

mrs weasley loves harry more than own children

ANGST

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"OK, OK, ya got me this time. Let's all take a shot of that ridiculously funny alcohol."

"I wish we could live like Harry and his freinds.s Tey are so cool. they are so smart. They are so quanit. They are so brave. They are so heroic and they are so witty. They have such good fashion sense. They have the best hair products. They always remember to wax. Their lip are always exfoliated and kissable."

"Are.. Are you talknig about Hermoine?"

"..."

"...Nick?"

"Y- Yes? I AM...!"

JIM DALE 'Arry was angry. 'E looked at 'is fwends an sed, "Ay, blimey, mates! I'm so angry! alla toime! I duno whoy!" "Ermynee put up herand an answered snaypes qweschun. Cor blimey.

"THREE SHOTS. RIGHT NOW. GO GO GO"

_________________________________

Harry, Hermione and Ron were gathered around the bar at the Three Broomsticks. Madame Rosmerta's job had been exported to a Chinese worker, so there was a nice new chinese lady waiting on them.

"Three butterbeers for you, my favourite alcoholics" She said with a warm smile.

"Tank yuuu be-ootifur asi-an wuman!" chirped Ron, very eagerly. Harry and Hermione stared at Ron trying to mentally stupefy him. "Rrrronalodo what the f-" "MAIY NaME EeS NOT Ronaldo ees ruuunadudonarudoo!!!! Why so harud fo yuu to undastand????"

"Ron. That is unacceptable behavior. You need to stop this instant or I am going to turn you into a fart. I mean it this time!"

"But- but- I LOVE her!"

"Well RON. I THINK that if anybody should be in love with ANYTHING. RON. It SHOULD be the JOE-BROS ROOOOON. RON." Harry capitalized.

"Ooooooo! I'm in love with them to! I love their smooth hairless chests. As smoooth as a bald man taking a bath in some butter. At the disco.... Excuse me a moment. I have..." Ron scampered in the direction of the castle, remembering to shout "Gung Hay Fat Choi!" at the nice Chinese lady.

Harry sighed. "I wish WE were the Jonas Brothers... Boy wouldn't that be nice."

"But the can't have sex."

"SHUT UP HERMIONE THEY HAVENT FOUND THE RIGHT ONE YET IT WILL HAPPEN AND WHEN IT DOES IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL."

Meanwhile, the chinese lady, having overheard EVERYTHING (EVERYTHING!!!!!!), decided to work a little magic of her own.

"Soooooooooooooo these boys want to switch places do they? They think life is greener on the other side do they?

"Hermione. They are GODS. What don't you understand? Are you straight or something? I'm DISGUSTED."

"Well. HARRY. MAYBE if you could think about them without your PENIS head and with your REAL head for ONE SECOND, you'd understand that are puppets harry! PUPPETS. OF THE MACHINE!!!"

"HERMIONE. YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS."

"NO HARRY. YOU ARE BEING ANGST- I MEAN LUST RIDDEN!"

At the back of the three broomsticks the chinese woman was bent over some fortune cookies and began to sing like a singing thing who was also queen of the clubs...

"A gay boy wished for life full of wizardry. Life of wizardry. Wizardry li-ife. Give it up for Harry. Ooooh Ro-o-on and Her-mi-o-neee! OoOooh! Planet Unicorn Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey."

Satisfied with her work she turned to her slaves.

"Now go my little owl friends!"

Back at Harry and Hermione's table as well as Ron's butterbath (complete with platforms and aves), some fortune cookies dropped from the sky.

At the JB residence, an all kinds of drunk Nick thought he saw some OWLS?!?!\

"brothas, I think I saw some owls!!!"

"Nick SHUT THE FUCK UP there's no such thing as OWLS!! THat's only from harry potter you drunken homeless skunk!! YOU ARE A HOMELESS SKUNK DO YOU HEAR ME? Now eat your fortune cookie I got fro mthese nice Chinese feater midgets with wings."

Then a little Chinese owl cajolingly said, "Go OOOON! EAT IT!"

Then some drum and bass.

They open the cookies and pulled out a fortune...

"Three little gays sit in a room, they drink and wish to have hats and some brooms.

A boy in a butterbath sits and dreams, he wants to be famous and make the girls scream.

A mister and sister are fighting right now, one wishes something the other says POW.

I bring them together I switch them around, I make them go places and turn upside down.

"What the fuck is this."

THEN A TERRIBLE EARTH QUAKE!!!!!

Tune in next time to see if our heros survive.

*HINT* It's a no.