With Ash and his friends safely having outsmarted team rocket once again we join our heros in a completely different location than we - wait, what?
Did... did they change their outfits? Because, they never. EVER. Change their outfits. Were the new outfits picked out by a team of disney stylists?
They were wearing skinny, skinny slacks for ladies. In the colours dark purple, dark maroon and dark lilac. Their boots were tall and laced up and spiky.
And secretly they were wearing dark purple socks with little pouty-lipped monkeys winking and saying "sassy and classy" in a small off-white speech bubble.
Their ridiculously expensive yet torn and frayed scarfs were a different shade of purple than their pants yet matched just enough to give them that bohemian look. They hung loose around their necks.
Under their pants they wore tight, white underwear. It was whiter and tighter than a freshly cleaned polar bear super-glued to another freshly cleaned polar bear.
And no shirts or chest hair.
They also had a secret love of the story My Immortal, because if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr!.
Are.. are those luxuriously condition luscious lochs of loveliness spurting from the scalps of our able bodied heros? Could it possibly be the three most lustily sought after "male" fingers (TEHWHW_) in ameeeerika today?
"Joe! Kevin! Time for another shot of [really funny alcohol]"
It seemed that it very well could be.
"Whaddaya, a gaddamn crazy namby boy? Jim Dale didn't say anything on the list, ya gaddam moron!"
"Yah he diddd Jo! He said "Dumbledore's eyes twinkled over his half-moon spectacles" I heard himm!"
"Shut up ya ding-bong. Lemme see the list a rules."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~EDUCATIONAL BREAK~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So guy(s), this is a Harry Potter drinking game.
We will listen to a Harry Potter audio-book
and drink every time:
call hermione bossy
describe hermione as unattrative
harry feels sorry for self
harry takes out anger on friends
harry gets undue attentino
harry gets ver lucky
a weasley turns bright red
harry thinks/talks about drco unnecessarily
everytime they think snapes bad when hes goood!!!!
everytime the hufflepuffians suck diiiiikcck
neville apologetic for existence
lie
care about school work (WHAT)
unnatural talents
gerbione kusa yj hwvs
hernklbd outa ttb ghabs'
hrtmiobw [piurewqts umop habd'
hermione pyuts ytyup ghanssaad
foreshadowing somethingthat wont happen for 2+ books
say something brirish
diumbledore twinkles
quidditch heroics
mcgonnagal has thin mouth
We can straighten these rules out for you if you have trouble understanding them...
percy pompous
wizard customs
wizards amazed by muggles
scabbers is lazy
intense danger!! noble!!!
are nosy
marauders are frail, dead
assumptions they are wrong!!!
hrmione and ron pee eachother offf
harry is embarassed by wealth
waesley is poor
draco sneers
crazy flashbacks
harry brings up dead parents
voldemort hisses
voldemort is sub human
voldemort is a snake
kids are rebellious
umbridge simpers
dudley is stupid
dudley is likened to a large mammal
ucnle vernon splutters / is purple
snape is greasy
good food on hogwarts tables
harry doesnt feel like eating that food
hermoine goes to library
student mentions teachers on staff table
Hagrid is uncultured (generally)
ron is afraid of spiders
harry's glasses are broken
dudley has friends
harry is skinny
harry has jet black hair
harry looks like his dad
harry does patronus
harry fails patronus
mention of DA curse
harry is whispered about
people break out in whispers
harrrys reputation!!!! slandered
harry nightmares
ron and hermione are exasperated by harry's crazyideas
no one understans harry/harry finds out someone understood him all along
neville is victimized
a creevey is described as small
hair colour is mentioned
draco faintly blushes
draco is pale
draco has double standards
really really gay comebacks and jokes but people act like they're really funny or offensive
a person who is a minority speaks
there si a hilarious accent!!!
hedwig is mad at harry
hedwig nips him
eats his food
peopel have hats
wizards have funny muggle clothes
muggles are scared of wizards being nice
harry is ANGYR
thing are gem coloured
fred and george talk in unidon, are mistaken for eachother, GRIN mischeviously
elves refer o themselves on 3rd person
harry and draco get into a fight but are interrupted!!
harry's hand claps to his forehead
SCAR
harry fumbles with wand
SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN HARRY AND DRACO
utilizes glasses for peering purposes
krum is surly n burly
DUMBLEDORE IS A BIG HOMO e.g. lemon drops!!
voldemort is not quite alive
slytherin girls are bitchy, e.g. ;pansy BITCH
mrs weasley loves harry more than own children
ANGST
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"OK, OK, ya got me this time. Let's all take a shot of that ridiculously funny alcohol."
"I wish we could live like Harry and his freinds.s Tey are so cool. they are so smart. They are so quanit. They are so brave. They are so heroic and they are so witty. They have such good fashion sense. They have the best hair products. They always remember to wax. Their lip are always exfoliated and kissable."
"Are.. Are you talknig about Hermoine?"
"..."
"...Nick?"
"Y- Yes? I AM...!"
JIM DALE 'Arry was angry. 'E looked at 'is fwends an sed, "Ay, blimey, mates! I'm so angry! alla toime! I duno whoy!" "Ermynee put up herand an answered snaypes qweschun. Cor blimey.
"THREE SHOTS. RIGHT NOW. GO GO GO"
_________________________________
Harry, Hermione and Ron were gathered around the bar at the Three Broomsticks. Madame Rosmerta's job had been exported to a Chinese worker, so there was a nice new chinese lady waiting on them.
"Three butterbeers for you, my favourite alcoholics" She said with a warm smile.
"Tank yuuu be-ootifur asi-an wuman!" chirped Ron, very eagerly. Harry and Hermione stared at Ron trying to mentally stupefy him. "Rrrronalodo what the f-" "MAIY NaME EeS NOT Ronaldo ees ruuunadudonarudoo!!!! Why so harud fo yuu to undastand????"
"Ron. That is unacceptable behavior. You need to stop this instant or I am going to turn you into a fart. I mean it this time!"
"But- but- I LOVE her!"
"Well RON. I THINK that if anybody should be in love with ANYTHING. RON. It SHOULD be the JOE-BROS ROOOOON. RON." Harry capitalized.
"Ooooooo! I'm in love with them to! I love their smooth hairless chests. As smoooth as a bald man taking a bath in some butter. At the disco.... Excuse me a moment. I have..." Ron scampered in the direction of the castle, remembering to shout "Gung Hay Fat Choi!" at the nice Chinese lady.
Harry sighed. "I wish WE were the Jonas Brothers... Boy wouldn't that be nice."
"But the can't have sex."
"SHUT UP HERMIONE THEY HAVENT FOUND THE RIGHT ONE YET IT WILL HAPPEN AND WHEN IT DOES IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL."
Meanwhile, the chinese lady, having overheard EVERYTHING (EVERYTHING!!!!!!), decided to work a little magic of her own.
"Soooooooooooooo these boys want to switch places do they? They think life is greener on the other side do they?
"Hermione. They are GODS. What don't you understand? Are you straight or something? I'm DISGUSTED."
"Well. HARRY. MAYBE if you could think about them without your PENIS head and with your REAL head for ONE SECOND, you'd understand that are puppets harry! PUPPETS. OF THE MACHINE!!!"
"HERMIONE. YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS."
"NO HARRY. YOU ARE BEING ANGST- I MEAN LUST RIDDEN!"
At the back of the three broomsticks the chinese woman was bent over some fortune cookies and began to sing like a singing thing who was also queen of the clubs...
"A gay boy wished for life full of wizardry. Life of wizardry. Wizardry li-ife. Give it up for Harry. Ooooh Ro-o-on and Her-mi-o-neee! OoOooh! Planet Unicorn Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey."
Satisfied with her work she turned to her slaves.
"Now go my little owl friends!"
Back at Harry and Hermione's table as well as Ron's butterbath (complete with platforms and aves), some fortune cookies dropped from the sky.
At the JB residence, an all kinds of drunk Nick thought he saw some OWLS?!?!\
"brothas, I think I saw some owls!!!"
"Nick SHUT THE FUCK UP there's no such thing as OWLS!! THat's only from harry potter you drunken homeless skunk!! YOU ARE A HOMELESS SKUNK DO YOU HEAR ME? Now eat your fortune cookie I got fro mthese nice Chinese feater midgets with wings."
Then a little Chinese owl cajolingly said, "Go OOOON! EAT IT!"
Then some drum and bass.
They open the cookies and pulled out a fortune...
"Three little gays sit in a room, they drink and wish to have hats and some brooms.
A boy in a butterbath sits and dreams, he wants to be famous and make the girls scream.
A mister and sister are fighting right now, one wishes something the other says POW.
I bring them together I switch them around, I make them go places and turn upside down.
"What the fuck is this."
THEN A TERRIBLE EARTH QUAKE!!!!!
Tune in next time to see if our heros survive.
*HINT* It's a no.
