A/N: Ok so it's been months and I'm really really really sorry! I went travelling and it's taken me a while to get back into the whole writing thing. So here goes… hopefully it's good enough. Let me know!
CHAPTER 10
Deb Scott lay her head against the steering wheel of her car and cried. She cried for the last 4 years without Nathan, without her granddaughter and for the last 22 years of marriage to Dan. Her failure as a mother and grandmother finally felt real, she couldn't push it to the back of her mind anymore.
Since the night Nathan had called to tell her that her granddaughter had been born, Deb had been determined that she wouldn't fail this child. But now here she was, more than 3 years later. It had taken her all this time to find the courage to walk out on her husband. Deb chuckled slightly at the memory of the look on Dan's face when he came home from work one afternoon to find Deb packing the last of her belongings into her new Porsche. She'd purposely made herself look stunning that day and she felt on top of the world as she tossed him the keys to the house and said he could keep it. She had spent 6 months secretly acquiring an apartment and new job in New York and she couldn't have been happier with her decision. Dan had sneered and yelled and finally begged her not to leave. Yes, Dan Scott had begged; she never thought she'd see the day when she would leave that house and not look back, finally free from Dan's clutches.
Driving to Hartford, Deb was determined to find her son and his family and prove to them once and for all that she could be the mother he needed her to be. She had let him down for long enough, it was time for a new beginning for both of them. As she pulled up to their apartment building, her nerve completely dissipated when she saw a young couple gently lift a sleeping toddler from the backseat of a beat up Honda Civic. She almost cried when she realised that the young couple was Nathan and Haley. It had been 4 years since she last saw him but he'd hardly changed at all. He had filled out a little, his hair was shaved and he looked a lot more tired than when he was a carefree 17 year old but he was still the handsome young man she remembered. Haley had really grown into a lovely young woman. Her hair was darker and shorter and the little weight she had gained gave her curves in all the right places. Deb's heart almost stopped when she caught a glimpse of the little girl that was now in Nathan's arms, her head resting on her father's shoulders.
Deb jumped out of the car and crossed the street calling her son's name. She noticed the alarm in Nathan's eyes when he spotted her, followed by hesitation and then contempt.
"Mom, what are you doing here?" he asked her softly. His tone was resigned. Deb's heart broke when she realised just how far from her grasp her son and granddaughter were. An apology and kind words were not going to win them over.
"I left your father, Nathan. I left him and I wanted to see you. You and my granddaughter." she felt an overwhelming need to feel the baby's soft curls in her hand, to breathe in the scent of her only grandchild and hold both of them in her arms but Nathan backed away from her touch.
"No Mom. Stay away. It's too little, too late."
Deb let out a soft cry as Nathan climbed the stairs away from her. Sophie's head rose, god how beautiful she was, Deb thought as she gave a small wave. Her heart nearly burst open when the toddler smiled and waved back.
Nathan tucked Sophie into bed., kissing her cheek lightly so as not to wake her and brushed her hair from her face. He felt Haley watching him from the doorway and he turned and forced a smile.
"She's still in her car. Go and talk to her." she whispered. Nathan stood and shuffled her out of the room, closing Sophie's bedroom door quietly.
"She can go to hell, Haley. I'm not talking to her." Nathan busied himself clearing the clutter from earlier that day. He pulled off his tie and jacket and hung them on the back of the kitchen chair. Haley watched him for a few minutes before he sighed and stomped out of the apartment, muttering that he was only going to talk to her so Haley would stay off his back.
A sharp rap on the passenger side window startled Deb out of her tear filled trance and she looked up to see Nathan glaring at her. She unlocked the door and he slipped into the seat beside her.
"Why are you here?" he asked simply.
"I told you, I wanted to see you, Nate. I want to make it up to you -"
"Stop! After 4 years, you show up here and expect that I'll play along? Say 'Mommy, it's ok that you turned your back on me, I forgive you'"
"Of course not. I don't expect that. I don't even deserve that." Deb took a deep breath, trying hard not to cry again. "I just want to be here for you. You and your family. I've made so many dreadful mistakes over the years and letting your father control me was one of them."
"So you're going to put this all on Dan?" Nathan scorned. He shook his head and reached for the door handle.
"Nathan, wait! Don't go, please hear me out?" Deb pleaded "Just 5 minutes, please?"
Nathan slumped in his seat and looked at his mother straight in the eye. "Why didn't you ever stand up for me?" Nathan's voice was small and Deb had never felt worse in all her life. She closed her eyes tight and shook her head as if trying to shake away the memories.
"Because I was selfish and self-involved." she admitted. "I won't try to defend any of my actions, Nathan, because I was wrong. I was a bad mother, I knew I was a bad mother but I couldn't find the energy to change."
"You found enough energy for your job." Nathan pointed out, his voice cracking a little.
"I was good at my job. I wasn't good at being a mom. At work, I was a star." she half smiled. "People looked up to me and I felt I could take on anything. It felt good to be admired and respected. But at home it was different. Your father always got the last word and always made sure that you knew who was boss in that house. He never respected me. Maybe you never realised it, Nate, but little by little you drew away from me. From both of us really. I can't say I blame you, Dan and I put you in the middle the entire time, each of us pulling you in a different direction." Deb had fixed her gaze on the dashboard, too afraid so see how Nathan was reacting. "You have no idea how many times I decided to leave and take you with me but I always backed down at the last minute."
"Why?" Deb looked up and met her son's eyes. They had softened a little, his jaw were no longer clenched, the fight in him worn down slightly. "Why did you back down?" he asked.
"To get you away from your father, I would have had to drag you to the other side of the world and it still wouldn't have been far enough." Deb let out a bitter laugh. "How could I have ever taken you away from Tree Hill? You would have hated me more than you already did. So I let you become someone else's son." Deb wiped more tears from her eyes and smiled. "I always envied Karen. Can you believe that? Whenever I saw her she always looked so. . . Together. Like nothing fazed her."
"She's just an ordinary person like anybody else. She has bad days too." Nathan spoke firmly but he was eager for her to go on. He had learned more about his mother in the last 5 minutes than he had in the entire 17 years he lived with her.
"No she's not ordinary. What Dan and I did to her was despicable, but she just picked herself right up and moved on. She created a successful business, raised a lovely son. Even took care of my son despite who your parents were. She's something else." Deb smiled fondly. "I really wish I had the kind of relationship with you that she has with Lucas. If I had been more like Karen Roe. . . I wouldn't have lost you."
Nathan stayed silent, not sure if he could keep punishing her. He shifted uncomfortably in the cramped convertible before finally speaking again.
"You know, as much time as I spent at Karen's, I never wished she was my mother. As much as I got pissed at you, you were my mom. I loved you. I couldn't look at you sometimes but I loved you anyway." Nathan rubbed his face with both hands, he was exhausted. It had been a really long day and all he wanted to do right now was take a long hot shower and crawl along into bed beside Haley and sleep for a week.
"Anything you want me to do, Nathan, I'll do it. Just name it. I want to be a part of your life, I have to put things right." Deb pleaded with him as she took her son's hand in her own.
"Mom, a 10 minute heart to heart isn't going to fix this." Nathan looked at his mother's tear stained face; Deb looked wretched and he hated seeing her like that. "I need some time. You can talk to Haley about seeing Sophie, I won't stop you. But I need time, I can't deal with this right now."
"Thank you." Deb whispered as Nathan pushed himself out of the low car and loped across the street and back into his apartment. Deb pulled a pack of tissues from her purse and cleaned herself up as much as she could. He was letting her see her granddaughter. The relief she felt was immense; she knew this was Nathan's way of letting her back into his life without having to deal with it directly. Nathan was a proud young man and she knew how difficult it was for him to give in. He was more like his mother than he realised.
Still shaking, Deb turned the ignition in the car and drove back to her hotel. She would call Haley tomorrow morning and arrange to meet Sophie as soon as possible. Nervous excitement overwhelmed her as she fantasised about their meeting. Tomorrow she would go and shop for the biggest and best gift she could buy for a 3 year old baby girl. This was the start of her new life; no longer was she Deb Scott - career woman, fundraiser, wife of Dan Scott. Now she was Deb Lee - mother and grandmother.
Peyton threw her purse onto the bedroom floor and collapsed onto the bed, still fully dressed. Jake, pulling off his tie and kicking off his shoes, joined her.
"What a day!" he sighed.
"Mmmm." Peyton grunted at him, too tired to respond.
"Do you really think this break up is permanent? Lucas seemed so. . . Detached."
"Jake." Peyton raised her head to look at her boyfriend of 4 years. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm too tired. Two of my best friends have broken hearts right now. Lucas is a stubborn bastard - he always has been. If he says it's over, it's going to be a while before he changes his mind, but he will. Brooke and Lucas were made for each other. I'm going to sleep. Good night." She let her head fall back to the pillow and closed her eyes. Moments later, she felt Jake pulling off her shoes and unzipping her jean dress.
"Jake, I'm so not in the mood right now!" she swatted his hand away, annoyed.
"I'm not trying to have sex with you, Peyton, I'm trying to get you out of those clothes because you'll be whining tomorrow when your dress is ruined." Jake shook his head. Peyton could be so moody sometimes.
"Oh. Ok. Continue." Peyton loosened her limbs while Jake undressed her.
"You're such a baby, I swear, Peyt. Even Jenny undresses herself now."
"Jenny's six. She's far more mature than me." Peyton yawned and turned over onto her stomach, now only wearing her bra and panties. She opened one eye and smiled at Jake. "Besides, when has undressing me ever been something to complain about?"
"I wish Jenny could have been there today to see you graduate." Jake, now in just his boxers, climbed into bed beside his girlfriend. "I'll have to show her the tape of you tripping. It's hilarious."
Peyton glared at him, but chose to ignore it. "I missed her too. How convenient is it that Nikki booked a vacation to California to coincide with my graduation?"
"That's Nikki all over. She's threatened by you of course. Anyway, we'll do something special when she gets back. Just the three of us."
Peyton smiled and nodded, unable to keep her eyes open any longer. She couldn't wait for Jenny to get back. She had practically adopted the six year old as her own and although Jenny stayed with them every other weekend and school holidays, every visit was a special occasion. She and Jake had moved in together 6 months previously and when all three of them were there together, they were a family and Peyton found she liked it a whole lot more than she thought she would. Snuggling closer to Jake, Peyton smiled when he draped his arm across her lower back and nuzzled her shoulder. She responded by kicking his shin. "Stop it. Shut up and go to sleep."
Across town, Brooke Davis let herself into the apartment that she and Lucas had shared for almost a year and threw her keys onto the kitchen counter. She was exhausted. It was almost 1am and now the crisis at the studio was settled, it was time to settle the crisis at home. Even though all she wanted to do was crawl into bed, she knew she had to fix things with Lucas before the morning. After the huge fight outside the restaurant, Brooke had struggled to fight back the tears as she went back to work. She put everything to the back of her mind as she usually did and focussed on the work she had to do. But now she was home, she couldn't pretend anymore. Lucas was probably asleep by now but she would have to wake him. Hopefully he had cooled off since earlier and would be prepared to talk to her. She went into the spare room where he had stayed after he had found out about her infidelity but was surprised to find the bed empty. Brooke went into her own room but he wasn't there either. A little panicked, Brooke worried that something terrible had happened to him until she checked the closet and saw his clothes were missing. How could he do this? she thought hopelessly. How could he just leave without a word in the middle of the night?
Brooke sat down on her bed and sobbed quietly as she undressed, folding her designer clothes carefully before putting them on top of the small laundry pile. Even Lucas's dirty clothes were gone. The past few months had been pretty rough for the both of them. Brooke's job had become increasingly demanding as had Lucas' studies. He was working hard to get into Law school and she was trying to make a name for herself at work. They weren't spending a lot of time together and when they did, all they would do was fight about not spending enough time together. It had been a lonely time for both of them and one drunken night at a label launch party, she had succumbed to the charms of a 25 year old catwalk model and aspiring actor, Jared Clayton. Brooke still couldn't believe how she could have gone from innocent flirtations to a quick fumble in a cloakroom. Brooke stifled a cry as she remembered the shame she felt afterwards and still felt a month later. She had gone home to find that Lucas had taken a night off studying to wait up for her with a bottle of wine and her favourite Chinese meal, but guilt washed over her and she tearfully confessed her indiscretion to a stunned Lucas. To say he was angry was an understatement: He had yelled, he had cried and he had smashed the bottle of wine against the wall. After several days of torturous silence, Brooke had offered to move out and give Lucas some space but he had panicked and begged her not to leave. He wanted to start over, he didn't want to lose her and he promised that they could make it work. He had made love to her all night and told her that he loved her and forgave her and Brooke had so desperately wanted to be forgiven that she accepted. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him. They made a thousand promises to each other, every one of them broken within a month.
Brooke wasn't foolish enough to think that their relationship would return to what it had been in previous years but she had hoped that maybe they could get through it stronger than ever. Obviously not she thought bitterly. As she climbed into bed, Brooke tried to recall a time when she and Lucas were carefree and happily in love. It had been a long time before either of them were happy. Maybe some time apart would be good for them. Brooke smiled faintly. She was confident that it would all work out. Lucas Scott was the guy for her - she had told him that time and again over the 4 years they had been together. They would be together again, she was sure of it. They needed a break, time to evaluate and cool off. That was the way Lucas worked. It would all be just fine. That was what Brooke told herself as she drifted into a fitful sleep.
