I am the worst updater in the world, but thanks so much to those of you who have stuck with me and keep on reading, I appreciate it so much and your reviews keep me coming back to it. This fic has totally veered off it's original course, it was supposed to be a heartbreaking tale of 2 people torn apart by their pasts - if you've heard the song Fast Car by Tracy Chapman, that was more along the lines I was going for, but I'm a sucker for happy endings and I hate to have my characters miserable. There's a few more chapters in me yet, but I thought I'd keep you all updated on how I'm doing. Any ideas for an ending????
Chapter 13
Nathan winced as a dozen squealing children whizzed past him chasing each other through his kitchen and into the backyard. The rain had finally let up so the kids could run free and not totally wreck his home. His head was pretty tender this morning, but Lucas was much worse. They had managed to finish the entire bottle between them and hadn't gone to bed until after 5am. Lucas was sitting beside him now, munching on chips and gulping down as much water as he possibly could and waiting for the Advil to kick in. The doorbell rang and Lucas groaned; it was either more loud children or worse, Peyton and Brooke. It was bad enough facing his mother this morning, she was now running around with Haley distributing food and drinks while talking to the other parents. She had made sure to sit down with him earlier that morning before anyone arrived and hear him out while he explained everything that had happened between he and Rachel. Karen couldn't hide her relief and was supportive of her son's decision.
"Aunt Brooke! Aunt Peyton!" Sophie burst past her Dad and uncle and into the waiting arms of Brooke and Peyton who had just walked into the kitchen, followed by Jake and Jenny, who was hiding shyly behind her father.
"Hey Birthday Girl! Wow, you really know how to throw a shindig girlfriend! Thanks for inviting me!" Brooke hugged Sophie tightly but rose awkwardly when she noticed Lucas staring at her. He and Nathan were sitting at the kitchen table both looking a little worse for wear. Both Brooke and Peyton nodded politely at Lucas in greeting.
"Thanks for coming guys. Jenny, why don't you go outside and play on the bounce house with Sophie and her friends? Uncle Keith is out there barbequing hot dogs. I'm sure if you ask him real nice he'll fix up his special…?" Haley coaxed 8 year old Jenny from behind Jake, the child's eyes lighting up as she made a speedy exit to the backyard. "Where's Logan? I thought he was coming?"
"He got a call for a job up in Boston last night. He had to leave first thing this morning." Brooke informed Haley, grabbing a cookie from the plate she was holding. Everyone grabbed a plateful of food and stood around the kitchen awkwardly.
"This is nice, all of us here together again." Haley took a sip of wine nervously.
"The place looks great Hales." Peyton offered when no one else would respond.
Lucas stood and made his way into the living room, apologising the Haley as he excused himself. She sighed and looked to Nathan who just shrugged and took another swig of his water. Peyton lowered her gaze and stared at her shoes, suddenly finding a scuff mark on her flat black satin pumps extremely fascinating.
"So where's the hell hound?" she asked, still not looking up.
Nathan stood, cursing quietly and shaking his head. "Before you start the bitching Peyton, she's not here. If you must know, Lucas walked out on her last night and he's not feeling so great about it. And before you start with the 'I told you so's', just give him a break. The guy's been through enough." Nathan's glare lingered on Peyton before he stepped out to the backyard to join his uncle at the barbeque followed by Jake.
"Well now I feel shitty." Peyton pouted and sat down in the chair vacated by Nathan. Brooke stayed silent and stood for a few more minutes in the kitchen before excusing herself to use the bathroom.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
She found him sitting on the swing chair on the front porch, his legs so long that he could rest them up on the railing in front of him that stretched the width of the house. A light cough announced her presence and broke him out of his reverie. When Lucas looked up, Brooke was standing a few feet away from him, leaning lazily against the porch rail, watching him carefully.
"Hi." she spoke first, her husky voice sounding strange after so long. It wasn't just her who was aware that these were the first words spoken by them since he moved out of their apartment almost a year ago. So much had changed since then.
"Hi." Lucas didn't know what else he could say.
"For two people who have a hard time shutting up, we sure are quiet today…" Brooke shifted awkwardly where she stood. Her Manolo clad feet were starting to ache - her sensitive feet always screamed in protest whenever she wore high heels, usually she ignored them but these were new shoes and she knew she would hobble back to the hotel tonight in agony if she didn't do something about it now. It took two attempts but she managed to heft herself up into a sitting position on the porch rail, adjusting her dress a little so as not to reveal too much to her ex boyfriend. "Nathan just told us about Rachel. I'm so sorry Lucas. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."
"Thanks. I'm fine, really. Well, not really but I will be." Lucas forced himself to look away from her. Brooke looked incredible as she always did but it had been so long since he seen her at such close proximity that it was jarring to have those brown eyes staring at him so intently, boring into him, searching for something. For what, he didn't know. Her hair was cut shorter and she was wearing a turquoise wrap dress, a colour he adored on her.
"Lucas, I…." she trailed off. "I'm sorry things turned out the way they did for you." Taking a deep breath, she continued. "I didn't want what happened between us to affect you and Peyton. She misses you, you know? She's a stubborn old hag but she's torn without you. It's hurting her just as much as it's hurting you."
"What happened between Peyton and I wasn't caused by you Brooke. I managed to screw that one up all by myself as I have with many things this past year." Lucas looked away quickly so she couldn't see his pained expression. "I miss her too. I have a lot of regrets but I have to live with the consequences of the choices I made. No matter how stupid they were."
"Don't we all…" Brooke gave him a somewhat bittersweet smile that spoke the thousands of words they both so desperately wanted to say to each other. She slid carefully off the rail and flattened out the creases in her dress before turning to go back into the house.
"Brooke?" Lucas called after her and she turned to face him once again. "I'm sorry to you too. You deserved a lot better than me. I'm happy you've found someone." he hoped she couldn't hear the lie in his voice.
Brooke bit her lower lip and nodded, not quite sure if she could speak. Seeing him again, so vulnerable and sad, it took all her strength not to rush to his side, to lay his head in her lap like she used to and runs her fingers through his hair, whispering words of affection and soothing his troubles away. She swallowed hard before answering, hoping her voice wouldn't crack. "Lucas, if you ever need anybody to talk to I hope you know that you can always call me. Anytime. I would like for us to be friends." she looked to him hopefully and was relieved to see a small smile play on his lips.
"It's what I want more than anything." He leaned his head back on the chair as he watched his ex girlfriend go back into the house and smiled a little more cheerfully than he would have done an hour ago. Maybe there was hope for him yet.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
It was a long and exhausting day but finally the last of the over excited and over tired 5 year olds were collected, Sophie and Jenny were fast asleep on the couch in front of the TV and the adults could sit back, relax and enjoy a few glasses of wine.
Haley was thrilled with how the day had turned out. There had been no arguments between any of her friends and Sophie had had a great birthday.
Everyone was still in the kitchen sitting on available chairs and counter tops. Haley made herself comfortable on Nathan's lap and took a long sip of the Australian white wine which was doing the rounds amongst her guests.
"I propose a toast…!" Karen Roe announced and everyone murmured their agreement. "To Sophie, our wonderful birthday girl -"
"Who will maybe one day learn how uncool it is to fall asleep during your own birthday party…" Brooke interrupted and got a few laughs.
"I agree…Haley what are you teaching your daughter?" Karen continued, but wobbled slightly, obviously having had a glass or two too many. "But I also want to propose a toast to Nathan and Haley, my two unofficial babies."
The couple smiled and nodded their appreciation to their friends and family.
"It hasn't been easy for you two but you both have made us incredibly proud." Karen paused and smiled at Deb, who was tearing up slightly as she grabbed her son's hand and gave it a good squeeze. "You guys have beaten the odds and have become a beautiful, successful, wonderful little family. Now all Nathan needs to do is get a ring on that girls finger and we'll all be happy!"
The group let out a loud cheer in agreement and Nathan kissed the back of Haley's neck as everyone drank to Karen's toast. He was the designated driver for the evening and would be driving everyone back to their hotels later.
"Can I just say something real quick?" Lucas stood and addressed the room, wobbling slightly himself, a lot more drunk than his mother was. He glanced briefly at Peyton who was sat on the counter top opposite him. "I have been quite a jackass for the better part of a year and I want to apologise to all of you for putting up with me… and to those of you who didn't." he looked pointedly at Peyton who shifted uncomfortably on the cold marble counter top. "By now, you all know that my marriage has failed. Rachel and I have separated, which I'm sure she is much happier about than I am. I tried my best to make her happy, but I failed. So now I propose a toast!" Lucas raised his glass too fast and spilled a little wine to the floor. "To sucky marriages and bitter divorces, to girlfriends who cheat and to guys who let the best thing to ever happen to them to get away. And finally to friends! The one's who stick by you and the one's who don't. You were all right - I was a terrible boyfriend but I was an even worse husband." Lucas giggled a little hysterically. "I think I better go to bed before I make an even worse fool of myself. To the fool who never could talk about how he really felt!" With that, Lucas put down his glass and stumbled out of the room and up the stairs.
His friends looked at each other awkwardly, but Haley stood to go and check on him. Peyton stopped her. "I'll go Haley." she insisted. Haley gave her a dark look but nodded and sat back down as Peyton followed Lucas upstairs where she found him sprawled across the bed in the guest bedroom.
"You're really a showstopper, Scott." she joked lamely, sitting down on the bed beside where he lay.
"Peyton…" Lucas sighed but didn't lift his head from the pillow. "If you've come up here to lecture me or rub it in, please don't. I've heard every insult, every day from my wife. I can't take anymore."
"I wanted to say I'm sorry actually." Peyton stared out the window that faced the backyard. The bounce house had been deflated and was now nothing more than a colourful plastic heap. Garden toys were strewn everywhere, the swing set lightly swinging in the breeze. She looked down at her broken friend, whose confidence had been shattered. Peyton clenched her fists in rage. She would have gave anything at that moment to inflict serious damage on Rachel Gattina. Lucas lifted his head and looked at her curiously.
"I couldn't stand the thought of you throwing your life away with someone who didn't deserve you one bit. I thought that by threatening you with a life without me in it, you would come to your senses. When you didn't and you chose her over me, it hurt me a lot. It took me a long time to realise you were a grown man who needed to make his own mistakes. I realised I couldn't keep trying to protect you. If you hadn't noticed already, I kind of don't like not being the most important girl in yours and Nathan's lives." Peyton chuckled.
"I kept trying to tell you that. .." Lucas interjected.
"Lucas, you know me. When I make up my mind about something or someone, there's no changing it. When I believe I'm right, no one, not even Jake, can convince me otherwise. It's my worst trait. I'm just lucky Jake loves to fight otherwise I would have lost him a long time ago." Peyton swallowed down the lump in her throat. She hated crying, growing up with 3 big brothers taught you that crying go you nothing but a harder kick up the butt.
"Back then Peyton, I was angry and hurt and I said a lot of things…"
"I said worse things!" Peyton yelped. "Oh my god Lucas, I was a bitch!"
"I won't disagree with you there." Lucas smiled. Peyton almost smiled but their was nothing funny about the conversation they were having. This was make or break time for them, she would either get her friend back or lose him forever. She was hoping for the former.
"Lucas, this year has been the hardest of my entire life. I hardly ever get to see Nathan and not having you to turn to was agony. You have no idea how many times I went to dial your number when something good or bad happened to me. I was just too damn stubborn to call you and tell you how sorry I was."
"I'm so sick of all the drama, Peyton. Can we just pretend the last few years didn't happen? Let's go back to freshman year in high school. Nathan and I are going to join the basketball team, you're going to become angst ridden and hormonal. You were so much easier to get along with when you were a teenager."
"I get that a lot." Peyton laughed and rested her hand on Lucas's arm. "I wish it were that easy. Maybe we can try to pick things up again? I'll call you, you call me, maybe we'll hang out, go on a friend date?"
"That would be wonderful." Lucas smiled slightly before letting his head drop back to the pillow. "Peyton?" Lucas's voice was muffled.
"Yes friend?"
"There's something I need to tell you. For the purpose of full disclosure and everything."
"Oh. Ok. Is it bad?" Peyton looked worried for a moment. Drunken confessions were not what she wanted right in the middle of her and Lucas's reconciliation.
"When Brooke and I broke up, I was really screwed up about it."
"I know. I remember." Peyton agreed.
"No I mean I was a lot worse than I ever let on. It felt like my whole world came crashing down, losing Brooke was the worst possible thing I could have imagined. Do you remember when I disappeared for a few weeks right before I introduced you all to Rachel?"
"Um…yeah… we were freaking out because we didn't know where you were. You were in Mexico right?"
"No I wasn't. I lied because I didn't want anyone to know where I really was."
"Luke, what are you talking about? Mexico is where you met Rachel isn't it?"
"I was in hospital in Tree Hill. I tried to kill myself, Peyton. I went back home and I overdosed."
Peyton gasped and shook her head, her eyes instantly brimming with tears which she fought to hold back. "Oh my god, Luke. Why didn't you tell me? I can't believe you went through that alone." Peyton grasped Lucas's hand and squeezed tightly, laying her head on Lucas's back as he was still stomach down, and cried freely.
"I'm sorry Peyton. I couldn't bear the thought of anyone knowing that I did something so stupid. I wasn't alone though. My mom took care of me, I spent a few weeks in hospital. They told me I had a breakdown and I got help. That's when I met Rachel. She was visiting her sister. Not in Mexico like I told you. I knew she was wrong for me and our relationship was a disaster, but she got me through those dark months, Peyton, and for that I can't hate her."
Peyton hugged him harder, afraid to let her friend go. "I'm so sorry Lucas, I'm so so sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry."
"It's ok Peyton, I'm sorry too." Lucas squeezed Peyton's hand tighter, comforted by the weight of his friend on his back.
"Please don't ever not tell me stuff like that again. Please? No matter how much of a bitch I am, please always tell me if things are that bad." Peyton sobbed.
"I promise." Lucas turned over to face his friend. "I feel like I'm falling again, Peyt. I don't know who I am anymore, I feel like I'm fading to nothing."
"You are not nothing, Lucas!" Peyton grabbed him fiercely. "You are Lucas Scott and you are loved by so many people. We're going to get you back to your old self, Luke, I promise. I'm not going anywhere, ever again. We're your family and you're going to be just fine. You understand me?"
Lucas's response was muffled by the pillow he was holding against his face, trying to hide his own tears. He couldn't believe that he'd been reduced to this, that this is how his life had turned out. Twenty three years old and he was depressed, separated, a dropout and he was alone. Peyton's reassurances didn't comfort him too much.
"Do you hear me Lucas?" Peyton demanded, fuelled by desperation and anger. She pulled the pillow away from her fellow blonde and forced him to look at her. "Don't you dare start that 'woe is me' crap, Lucas Scott. "You are not a failure and you will not be alone in this either."
Lucas flinched at his friends ability to always read his mind. How did she do that?
"Peyton, I've screwed everything up. It's a mess…"
"It can be fixed. You can figure this out, Luke. I promise you it's going to be ok. Jake and I are here for you, as are Nathan and Haley, your mom and Keith. And you know Brooke would do anything for you…"
Lucas winced at the mention of his ex-girlfriends name. All his problems paled in comparison to the pain he felt every time he thought about what he'd lost with Brooke.
"I really miss her…" Lucas whispered without thinking.
"Well duh, that much was obvious when you showed up at my place demanding the dish about her and Logan."
Lucas smiled for the first time and it almost reached his eyes. "Thank you Peyton."
"Thank you for forgiving me Lucas. Let's not do this again, ok? Holding grudges is exhausting, and I swear Jake Jagielsky secretly has his bags packed, just waiting for me to start up bitching again."
Lucas just smiled. He was exhausted and fighting against the sleep he so desperately needed. Peyton noticed for the first time, now that she was really looking at him, the deep black circles under his eyes and the light in them that had dimmed.
"Go to sleep, buddy. We'll talk soon. Just take things easy and have a lie in. I'll bribe Sophie not to wake you in the morning." Peyton pushed herself off the bed and stood and stretched.
"Peyton?" Lucas was starting to doze and Peyton smiled fondly at him. "You know you are important to us, right? To Nathan and I? You're the only one who can kick our asses. Haley and Soph are Nathan's life obviously, but in his mind you're his sister Peyton. You're my sister. You're the only one who truly doesn't take any of our shit and you keep us honest. You know everything about us, you know when we need someone to talk to and when we need our distance. No one knows us the way you do, Peyt. You're always going to be one of the most important people in our lives."
Peyton swallowed the lump in her throat yet again. "Thank you Lucas. Good night, babe."
She left the room and closed the door behind her. Peyton slumped against the wall and breathed a huge sigh of relief. She too was exhausted. Hearing the echoes of laughter downstairs, she pulled herself together. She and her friends had some serious talking to do.
