Chapter 14
The hotel room was cold and lifeless when Brooke let herself in shortly after 2am. She flicked on the lights and turned up the heater, shivering slightly. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally drained after the night she had just had. Peyton's little 'revelation' to the group had completely floored them and all eyes had turned accusingly to Karen and Keith who had kept the secret to themselves.
"He's my son, Peyton. I got him the help he needed and in return he made me promise not to tell anybody." Karen put down her glass of wine. The jovial mood of the day has passed, replaced by shock and concern. "You know Lucas, he's very proud and the last thing he wanted was for anyone to know how much he had fallen apart."
Brooke slid from the counter she had been sitting on. Her legs weren't as steady as she thought and she grabbed the counter for support, her sudden clumsiness was nothing to do with the alcohol she had consumed. "It's all my fault." She whispered. Jake was the only one to hear her and he grabbed her before she could fall to the floor.
"Brooke, this is not your fault." He looked to the rest of the group who all echoed his words.
"Of course it is!" she yelled. "I destroyed him. I cheated, I didn't keep my promises, I kept putting my job before him and I let him go!" Brooke shook herself free from Jake's grip and moved unsteadily away from the counter, not sure where she actually wanted to go. She looked around the room as if she had never seen it before. Haley stood and tried to pull her into a hug but Brooke pulled out of her grasp too. "You were all so mad at him for our break up when it was me you should have been mad at! Why didn't you yell at me? I was the one who cheated, he was perfect and I fucked it all up. He went to Rachel because I screwed him up!"
"Brooke, we know you made a mistake. We don't blame you for any of this. We don't blame Lucas either." Haley sighed and shook her head. They'd all screwed up and none of them had been there when Lucas really needed them. He hadn't come to them, what kind of friends were they?
Brooke backed away to the counter again and slid to the floor, sobbing. "I loved him so much."
Haley and Peyton sat beside Brooke and tried their best to comfort her, their own guilt overwhelming them.
Nathan was silent, sitting still as stone; he hadn't moved or spoken since Peyton had told them what Lucas had confessed to her. His mother was standing behind him, both her hands on his shoulders, gripping him tightly. How could this have happened and he not know about it? How could he not know his own brother had been so depressed that he had stolen his step father's vicadin and downed the whole bottle with a half bottle of Southern Comfort? Had he been so consumed with his own problems that he was oblivious to everyone else's? Nathan leaned forward and dropped his head into his hands. He felt sick as he envisioned what Lucas must have been thinking of as he took those pills. Was he at that point again now that his marriage was over? Would he try to do it again? Would he be successful? Nathan swallowed hard. He would not allow his thoughts to go there. Deb leaned forward, her arms wrapping around him and it was surprisingly comforting. Nathan couldn't remember the last time his mother had held him, let alone actually make him feel slightly better. "It's going to be ok, sweetheart" she whispered to him. "You can take care of him now that you know everything. He's going to be ok".
"How do you know that?" Nathan whispered back. "What am I supposed to do?"
"You don't need me to tell you that. You're his brother, you know what he needs."
Nathan stood and ran both his hands through his growing hair. "Brooke stand up." He ordered. The three women on the floor looked up at him, all three of them were crying. He would have laughed if it were not for the situation they all found themselves in. They all stood up and looked at him expectantly. "Brooke quit crying. What's done is done, this isn't anybody's fault. This is a shitty situation but we have to move on from it. Lucas is in a bad way and we need to pull him out of it. He doesn't have anywhere to live and he quit his job and school. So first things first, he'll move in here."
"Nathan, I was going to take him home to Tree Hill." Karen interrupted, a little cross.
Nathan turned to Karen and nodded as if thinking about it. "Karen, I think Luke needs all of us around him right now and if he was in Tree Hill that would make it a lot more difficult for us to see him. He has a room here and Jake and the girls are just a few hours away."
Karen and Keith shared a look and it was obvious that Lucas's mother was reluctant to let other people take care of her son, even if it was his own brother. "Ok." She said softly, turning to Keith who put both arms around her.
"Ok." Nathan was all business again. Haley was a little surprised at Nathan's new 'take charge' attitude. He was usually so laid back and happy to let other people take centre stage, but it seemed his new job was boosting his confidence in many areas of his life. Haley hadn't seen him so sure of himself since his days on the basketball court all those years ago. "So Luke is going to live here for awhile so he can get his head together and figure out what he wants to do. I don't want him to feel like we're babysitting him and all of you better take that sad look out of your eyes before you talk to him again. He's still Lucas, we're not going to walk on eggshells around him." Nathan looked at Brooke and Peyton harshly. "And you two are gonna drop the Rachel shit. Peyton, you want your friend back, this is your chance. Brooke, if you love him as much as you say you do, forget the past and just figure out whether you want to be back in his life." He turned to look at his own girlfriend. "And you most of all better stop being so sad. He already has a mother, you've got your own kid to fuss over ok? Just be his best friend. Jake and I will take care of the guy stuff."
Peyton snorted a laugh. "What guy stuff?"
Jake laughed and nodded at Nathan. "Like taking him out, getting him drunk, and playing basketball."
"And that's the miracle cure? Basketball is gonna make everything better?" Peyton shook her head and smirked at her best friend.
"No. But it sure makes everything suck a little less. It got him through High School."
"We all got each other through High School." Haley said quietly.
"Then it's agreed. We all get him through this." Nathan looked at all his friends who nodded in agreement.
Brooke kicked off her shoes and pulled her dress over her head. Sitting on the edge of the bed in her underwear, she massaged her aching feet. Everything felt a lot heavier than it had yesterday when the only thing she was worried about was making sure she looked hot at the party so that she felt better when she met Lucas's wife for the first time. Now everything had changed again and Brooke didn't know where she fit in. Lucas's marriage was over and he had pretty much admitted that he regretted leaving her. But he was also extremely unhappy right now and Brooke wished more than anything that she knew how to fix it. Not for the first time, she wished she could turn back the clock and try to pinpoint the exact time when things had begun to change between them so that she could scream at her past self 'Stop right there! Don't say what you just said, don't leave at that moment, don't turn away from him!' but it was impossible to find that moment, it had snuck up on them so quietly and so quickly that one day she just woke up and wondered why she didn't feel like that happiest, luckiest girl in the world when she looked at the man sleeping beside her.
Brooke lay back on the bed, not bothering to search for her pyjamas somewhere in her suitcase. She tried to think back, to think of that one point when she knew that Lucas was everything she wanted or needed and was surprised she could remember it easily. It was the moment that she thought of most of after they broke up, the moment that haunted her when she would cry herself to sleep as recently has a month ago. It was amazing how a simple lazy Sunday in bed could change your whole life, change everything you thought you wanted and make you realize that the life you had planned was empty and unimportant unless he was part of it.
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"You know we have to leave this room sometime today, right?" Lucas panted heavily, his hands gripping his girlfriend's hips tightly as she gave one last satisfied moan before crashing down beside him, spent.
"Why leave when we could be doing this all day?" Brooke snuggled closer to him and Lucas raised his arm so she could get comfortable. She nipped his chest playfully and ran her tongue over the bite marks.
"I'm not complaining, believe me. " Lucas closed his eyes, enjoying the sensations everywhere Brooke was touching him. "God I love you."
"You love God?" Brooke raised her eyebrows at him, a smile playing at her lips.
"I love you." Lucas smiled at her. It wasn't the first time he had said to her and she had said it back just as many times but every time he said it he meant it more and more.
"I love you too, baby." Brooke raised her head and kissed him softly. "We should call Nathan and Haley today, see how that beautiful little baby of theirs is doing." It had only been a few weeks since Sophie was born and this was the first weekend that Brooke and Lucas hadn't travelled to Hartford to see her.
"We should. I miss her." Lucas did miss her. They had gone to Hartford every weekend since she was born and he couldn't get enough of his niece. She was perfect, beautiful, and he was completely jealous of Nathan who got to see her every day and be her father.
"You really adore her don't you?" Brooke asked, reading his thoughts as usual. Was he really so easy to read?
"Yeah. I love kids. I've never been around them much but it's always been something I wanted." Lucas looked at Brooke carefully, wondering if he was freaking her out. She smiled back at him, no fear at all in her eyes.
"I never wanted kids. My parents sucked and I always thought that I was too selfish to have kids anyway."
"You're the most unselfish person I know. Do you still feel that way?"
"Actually I don't. When I see the way Haley and Nathan look at Sophie, I think that's how it's supposed to be. That's how you're supposed to feel about your child. And that makes me believe that I would be an ok mother. And you would be an amazing dad so it doesn't worry me anymore."
Lucas was more than a little surprised at the turn in conversation. "When did you realize that?"
"When you held Sophie in the hospital. You caught me watching you. I knew then I would like to have kids, as long as it was with you. Am I freaking you out?"
"No, actually, I've known that I wanted kids with you since I first met you."
"Seriously?" Brooke raised herself and leaned on her elbow to see him better.
"Yeah. Brooke, do you realize that I have been in love you with since I was 9 years old? When we first started dating, I was already thinking of our kids names." Lucas laughed, but still hoped he wasn't terrifying the little brunette in his arms.
"What are they?" Brooke asked in wonder. She couldn't believe she was hearing this, did she have the only man in the world who wasn't afraid of commitment, who wanted marriage, babies, pta meetings, soccer runs and never ending worry? Amazingly, it was only when she started dating Luke that Brooke actually thought that that life could actually make her happy because every day would be spent with him. Lucas looked embarrassed now, as if he had told her too much, but Brooke was thrilled.
"Um... well I always pictured two boys and a girl. James, after Haley, Lee because that's Nathan's middle name and Raven for a girl."
"You're naming our boys after our friends and our daughter after a basketball team?" Brooke pulled a pillow from under Lucas's head and walloped him with it. "Do I get any say in this?"
"Do you have better ones?" Lucas teased, grabbing a pillow of his own.
"As a matter of fact I do. Two girls and a boy. Melody, Matilda and Matthew." Brooke kneeled on the bed, looking down at Lucas, her hands on her hips. "You got a problem with those names, baby?" she asked in a thick New York accent.
Lucas grabbed her and pulled her so she was underneath him so he could tickle her mercilessly. "Yeah I'm not naming my daughter after the girl who raises herself because she has sucky parents."
"And I'm not...." Brooke managed between giggles "naming my daughter.... after.... a freaky...bird."
