May, 1987
Michael sat on the bench in the hallway, unsuccessfully trying not to think about what Lisa had said. Was it really that obvious? It wasn't fair, they hadn't even done anything. He hoped people wouldn't see them leaving together. Of course, she was telling Roger. But obviously it was because they lived together, no one would think anything else. He looked up at the sound of the door opening.
"Did you find him?" he said as Lindsay walked down the steps toward him, her dress swishing around her long legs.
"Yeah," she said. "He's not too happy with me."
Michael laughed and got up. "I feel kind of bad for him," he said as they walked down the hallway together, though he couldn't help but feel a little smug.
"Yeah…" she said. She laughed. "Maybe he and Lisa will end up together. They can bond over how the Bluth twins went home with each other instead of them."
Michael looked up at her. "Why do you have to say it like that?"
"It was just a joke!"
"Well, I know that!"
"Okay, okay, sorry," she said. "You're really freaked out by this, aren't you?"
"Well, yeah."
"Don't worry. Most people probably don't believe it anyway."
"Yeah, you're right," he said, hoping it was true.
"Of course I am. So let's just forget it happened and move on."
"I'm all for that," he agreed.
They reached the entrance and stepped out in the cool night air. He could faintly hear the music coming from inside, mixing with the sound of the waves behind the hotel. He looked cautiously up at his sister. She really did look beautiful that night with her black dress contrasting with her pale skin and her blonde hair pulled up to reveal the smooth line of her shoulders and neck. He had to accept it, this was getting ridiculous. He couldn't keep telling himself that he wasn't in love with her.
No, he was attracted to her, and he loved her as a sister, but he was not in love with her. But he was definitely attracted to her, he had been since middle school. He'd known she felt the same way about him even longer. He'd spent the last several years trying not to think about it and hoping it would go away. He'd even managed to mostly push the fact that he'd almost kissed her last week when they were dancing from his mind. But he couldn't stay in denial anymore, the whole school knew, for god's sake.
He hated that he felt this way about her. It was disgusting and perverted, and it was yet another example of him trying to be different from his family and failing. Incestuous thoughts seemed to be something of a default in his family, something he'd always been somewhat aware of and embarrassed by. He liked to think that he was different from them. He knew he had his issues, but he wasn't quite as bad as them. But here he was, hopelessly in love with his sister. Jesus Christ, was it genetic?
Still, he couldn't help but be glad that she seemed to feel the same way. It made him feel at least a little less crazy. And if he was being honest with himself, he wouldn't be able to handle it if he felt this strongly about her and she felt nothing in return. And it was flattering that someone as beautiful and popular as her was attracted to him, especially after all the times she'd made fun of him. Of course, the only reason was that she was so insecure. He was just there, he was nicer to her than anyone else in her life, which wasn't exactly a high bar, and she could probably tell that he was attracted to her and it made her feel good about herself. There wasn't anything special about him.
But even as he told himself this he knew there was more to it than that. Her insecurity was certainly part of it, but it was also because he was the only one who had been there for her when she'd needed him. And even before that, there had always been a deep connection between them. Something about them just made sense.
He stopped himself. There was nothing beautiful or romantic about this, it was disgusting. It was good that they were so much closer than they used to be and he was glad that he'd seemed to help her when she was feeling alone, but that was separate. Their attraction to each other just poisoned what they had and turned it into something ugly. He had to try to forget this and move on, there wasn't any other option.
